DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns all rights to the Star Trek Universe, but not to my imagination,
warped as it may be.  And now for my usual admonishment: be kind, but please send all
comments and criticism (constructive, please) to AnnitaS@aol.com. 

WARNING: NC17!  YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OF AGE TO READ THIS
STORY!  I HAVE NO WAY TO KNOW IF YOU ARE OR AREN'T, SO PLEASE BE
HONEST AND DON'T READ THIS IF YOU'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH!


IT'S ONLY LOVE*
By Neetz


          I see you try to turn away
          I hear the words you want to say
          I feel how much you need to hide
          What's happening inside you tonight

     B'Elanna Torres checked her reflection in the mirror for the fifth time.  She liked the red
shorts and top she wore.  The shorts fit loosely, almost looking like a skirt, and the narrow straps
on the top made the outfit appear a little dressy, a little provocative, but casual at the same time. 
It was comfortable, and the color suited her mixed Hispanic and Klingon temperament perfectly. 
And she had to admit, it looked good on her.
     But would Tom like it?
     As she reached up to smooth her hair, she wondered once more if inviting him here
tonight was a mistake.  Why was she so nervous?  The hard part was over, wasn't it?  She'd told
Tom she loved him.  She'd even had the strength not to back away from that declaration when
he'd given her the chance, when his words had made her heart ache for a moment at the thought
that he didn't feel the same way toward her.  She refused to be a coward again, even if it broke
her heart.  She hadn't backed down, but she'd given him the same opportunity to retreat he'd
given her.  That's when it happened.
     Her fingers touched her lips as she remembered the kiss.  Tom's kiss.  Tom's lips on hers,
tender, yet passionate.  His hand holding hers, then releasing it to touch her face.  At that
moment, she'd forgotten the rest of the world existed.  It was as if they were still floating alone
together in space, only this time, there were no environmental suits to hold them apart.  She'd felt
completely vulnerable and helpless in his arms, and yet, safer and stronger than she'd ever felt
before, for the first time in her life really feeling what it was like to love and be loved in return.
     The little voice of doubt crept back into her mind.  He hadn't said the words.  He hadn't
confessed his feelings to her as she had to him.  But could she really doubt him?  After all the
times she'd pushed him away, still he came back.  He'd made it clear on more than one occasion
that he cared for her.  He was the first to open himself up to the pain of rejection, and she had
rejected him.  Guilt washed over her.  In her fear of being hurt, she'd hurt the one person who had
truly loved her just as she was, for everything she was.  How could she blame him for not uttering
the words, when he had told her in so many other ways how much he cared?

          Come meet my eyes one moment more
          Our eyes are different than before
          This night, so beautiful and strange,
          This night begins to change who we are

     B'Elanna jumped when the doorbell rang.  Despite all her reasoning and her certainty
about her feelings and Tom's, she couldn't help but be nervous.  Taking a deep breath, she called,
"Come in."
     The doors swooshed open framing Tom Paris as he stood in the threshold.  For a moment,
she could read the same tension in his expression as he looked at her.  Then, a smile broke across
his face.  A real, genuine smile that seemed to come from his very soul and transmitted itself
through his expressive eyes.  She felt her own fears start to drain away, and she smiled in return.
     He stepped into the room and slowly closed the distance between them.  When he was
standing only inches from her, he stopped, not touching her, but seeming to drink in her face. 
"You're very beautiful tonight, B'Elanna.  Not that you aren't always beautiful," he smiled
ruefully, then the expression changed once more to one of wonder, "but tonight, there's
something special about you."
     "Maybe I'm not hiding anymore," she replied.
     His hands moved to cup her face, and he gently lowered his lips to hers.  The kiss was
familiar, the same tenderness he'd shown before, but perhaps with less urgency.  There was no
demanding in this kiss, nothing to prove for either of them.  Only love to share.  She let the
feelings wash over her, and she could feel that love like a whisper to her very being.  There was
nothing to be afraid of anymore.
     When Tom finally broke the contact, his face lingered close to hers.  "No more
awkwardness with each other, B'Elanna," he said quietly.  "No more pretending, no more pushing
each other away."
     "No," she agreed.

          Don't turn away, it's only love
          Quietly coming to you
          Whispering through you
          Take my hand, it's only love
          Let it come through you slowly
          Don't be afraid, it's only love

     His hand reached out and trailed along the edge of her hair for a moment, then he heaved
a sigh.  "But I think we have a lot to talk about, don't you?"
     She nodded and allowed him to take her hand and lead her to the sofa.  Just as they were
about to sit, she turned to him.
     "Oh, would you like something to drink?  Tea?  Coffee?"
     "Coffee would be nice," he replied.  As she moved toward the replicator, he seemed
reluctant to let go of her hand.  She gave him a smile in promise of her return and he let his long
body sink onto the cushions of the couch.
     She brought two steaming cups back and set them on the table before them, then carefully
lowered herself onto the sofa beside him.  Almost immediately, he reached out and took her hand
again.

          We touch.  The dark begins to stir
          We can't go back to where we were
          Don't be afraid to make it real
          Don't be afraid to feel tonight

     "Things have changed between us, B'Elanna.  Like it or not, we're different now.  We
aren't apart anymore.  I don't want us to ever be apart again."
     She clasped her free hand over the one that held hers captive.  "Neither do I."  She looked
away for a moment.  "It was so hard for me to admit I loved you.  Now, I can't see why is should
have been."
     "I think..." he began, then hesitated and started again.  "I think we've both learned how to
hide our feelings.  We both know how easy it is to be hurt.  Maybe you were right.  Maybe we
were both cowards."
     "You weren't as much of a coward as I was," she told him.  "You tried so many times to
get close to me, and I always pushed you away."
     "And if you hadn't, I might have been the one who ran away.  It's something I know how
to do really well."
     She shook her head.  "Once, perhaps, but not for a long time now, Tom.  You asked me if
I thought you'd changed, and I told you I did.  In many ways, you have changed.  You took hold
of the cards you were dealt and played them.  When we were stranded here, you made a place for
yourself.  And you started to trust people, to let yourself care about the people on this ship.  You
could never have done that if you hadn't had that courage inside you all along.  So, in a way, I
don't think you've really changed.  I think you just found a place, a family, you could open up to
and show the real Tom Paris for the first time."
     His eyes played over her face and he shook his head in amazement.  "I never thought I'd
ever find someone who could see inside of me and find something worth wanting to love."
     "Neither did I," she admitted.
     Tom squeezed her hand and shifted to face her more directly.  "B'Elanna, I want you to
know.  I haven't exactly been the most virtuous of guys when it comes to women."  He took a
deep breath.  "What I'm trying to say is, it's never mattered to me before like it matters now.  I've
never cared about anyone the way I care about you.  I never want to hurt you.  I'd rather die than
hurt you.  But I never had the courage to tell you how much I love you."
     B'Elanna felt her heart was about to burst from her chest, and she caught her breath as he
continued.
     "I always knew you felt something for me, but I didn't know if you felt what I did.  I tried
to get you to admit it, but at the same time, I didn't want to force you into saying something you
didn't mean."
     "That's why, even after I told you I loved you, you gave me the chance to say I didn't
really mean it?"
     "I had to be sure.  Not just for me.  If you didn't love me, I was prepared to accept it and
do everything I could to keep your friendship.  But the truth is, I couldn't bear it if it really had
been just the fact that we were about to die.  If you had been saying something you thought I
wanted to hear..."
     "No," she said firmly, shaking her head.  "I meant it then and I mean it now.  I love you,
Tom Paris."
     "And I love you, B'Elanna, with all my heart," he replied.

          Don't turn away, it's only love
          Only a touch that frees you.
          Let it release you
          Take the chance, it's only love
          Open your heart and show me
          Don't be afraid, it's only love

     Tom reached out.  B'Elanna moved into his arms, her head against his chest, feeling the
beat of his heart against her face.  His cheek rested on the top of her head.  She'd never felt so
safe in all her life.
     "When I'm holding you like this," Tom whispered, "I'm not afraid of anything."
     B'Elanna smiled at how he seemed to be reading her mind.  Then he chuckled, and she
could feel the vibration of it shake his body.  She pushed away enough to see his face.
     "I was just thinking about the doctor."
     "Oh?" she asked, feigning annoyance.
     "His remark about raging hormones."  He smiled fondly.  "Actually, not much gets past
the doctor anymore.  He's come a long way since we first activated him."
     "Yes, he has," she agreed.  "He's learned about love and loss.  He's made a place for
himself here, too."
     "He's saved my life too many times for me to count.  I owe him.  But I owe him most for
saving your life today.  When you two first beamed into sickbay..."  She felt him shudder.
     "I know," she replied.  "But I'm as good as new now."
     "No after effects?" he asked, and she could read the concern in his expression.
     "None," she assured him.  She pulled away for a moment and reached for one of the cups
on the table.  "Coffee's getting cold."
     He took his cup from her and took a sip.  "You know, the doctor isn't the only one who's
going to notice something has changed between us."
     "Do you think the rest of the crew will notice?" she asked playfully.
     "Oh, I think they're bound to intercept some of those smoldering looks I send your way
when I think they aren't watching."  He began to wind a strand of her hair around his fingertip as
he spoke.  For several long minutes, they simply looked into each other's eyes.  At last, Tom
broke the spell by reaching across her to set his coffee cup back down.  As he did so, his elbow
nudged her breast.  She couldn't pretend the simple inadvertent contact had left her unaffected. 
The look in his eyes told her he had felt the physical reaction and heard the little catch in her
throat.

          Don't close your eyes
          Don't hold it in
          Reach out to me
          Let it all begin

     The warm contentment of just a few moments before was forgotten as she felt her body
react to the need deep inside her.  Her hand seemed to move of its own volition, moving to the
inside of his thigh to begin rubbing up and down.  A soft moan escaped Tom's lips, testifying to
his reaction, as he placed his arm across her shoulders and she snuggled up against him again, this
time, keeping her eyes on his face.
     The starlight from the window behind them reflected in his eyes, flashes of barely
restrained passion mixed with tenderness.  One hand moved into her hair as the other caressed her
cheek, his thumb gently rubbing against her lips.  She turned her head ever so slightly to nuzzle
the warm palm.
     He laughed again, and she pulled away slightly in surprise.  He saw the flash of anger in
her eyes and appeared to find it incredibly intoxicating.  "What's so funny?" she asked.
     He shook his head and answered in a voice deep and heavy with desire.  "Well, it was
either laugh or groan.  I don't remember giving you permission to access my controls this time. 
Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?"  His glance indicated her still moving hand.
     B'Elanna leaned nearer to him and in a sultry voice asked, "What am I doing to you,
Tom?"
     He reached for her hand, guiding it up a few inches and pressed it open against his
distended fly.  "That."
     She smiled as her fingers closed around his steely erection.  "Should I stop?"  With each
slow movement of her hand his breath grew louder, harsher.  "Isn't this what you wanted?  We're
finally here, together.  What is it you're afraid of?  That you won't like it?  Or are you afraid you
will?"
     "I'm not afraid of anything anymore.  I want you, B'Elanna, but I need you to be sure this
is what you want.  Not just tonight, but for all the nights ahead."  He hesitated, but her smile
remained confident.
     "I had to face death before I found the courage to admit I loved you.  Now I have, to
myself and to you, and I want this very much.  I need us to be together, Tom, in every sense of
the word."  She released him and raised both hands to his head, sinking her fingers into his hair
and cupping his scalp.  "Kiss me, Tom."  Stretching up so that her lips were just beneath his, she
added in a seductive whisper, "I dare you."
     The sound that issued from his throat was feral.  His lips swooped down on hers like a
starving man.  So forceful was his kiss that at first her lips were benumbed by it.  Gradually,
however, she was able to separate them.  Then she felt the swift and sure thrust of his tongue. 
Madly, rampantly, rapaciously, it swept her mouth.
     Like her, he buried the fingers of both hands in her hair and held her head in place for the
plundering kiss.  He drew on her hungrily, ravenously, then finally pulled away to catch his breath. 
Even then, his tongue was flicking over her lips, tasting her.  Unappeased, he came back for more. 
And more.  Their bodies pressed against each other, needing the contact.
     B'Elanna reveled in the carnality of his kiss, feeling the heat rise within her, ready to meet
this unexplored side of the man she loved.  She loved every inch of him, the texture of his tongue,
the taste of his mouth, the firmness of his lips, the rough tug of his hands on her hair.  Her senses
wallowed in the pleasure of her own fingers in his hair, in smelling his skin--Tom's skin, Tom's
hair.  Tom's hardness gouging her middle.
     As one, they slid to their knees onto the plush rug in front of the sofa.  Their mouths went
on feeding frenzies over each other's face, indiscriminately moving their lips over cheeks, chins,
eyelids.  Tom's kisses moved up to her forehead, gently touching her ridges before returning to
her eyes.
     When their mouths fused again, he sent his tongue deep, penetrating her mouth and
saturating her with desire.  His hands smoothed over her back, moved to her sides, rubbed the
crescents of her breasts with the heels of them.  Then, exercising no subtlety, he covered her
derriere and pulled her forcefully against him.
     B'Elanna didn't even consider being coy.  Whether it was the hot-blooded Klingon half of
her or the passionate side of her humanity, she wanted this as much as he did.  She allowed him to
push suggestively against her cleft.  She even gloried in the obvious strength of his desire and
ground her middle against it.
     Groaning, he wrapped his arms around her so tightly she could no longer move and
whispered fiercely, "Stop or it'll be all over."
     "Not yet.  Not yet."
     She put enough space between them to peel his uniform top over his head.  Next she
attacked the turtleneck.  When it had been cast aside, her fingertips roved over him in an orgy of
discovery, like a blind person who was seeing for the first time.
     With a hungry whimper she leaned into his chest and pressed her open mouth upon it.  He
cupped her head, but allowed it to move freely from spot to spot.  Her lips found his nipple in a
spiral of rust colored curls.  Shyly at first, then more aggressively, she caressed it with her tongue.
     Swearing in whispered agony, he set her away from him.  "You're still a bit overdressed,
aren't you?"
     "You take them off," she challenged huskily.
     They stared at each other a moment.  B'Elanna held her breath until he took the hem of
her blouse in his hands.  As he removed it over her head, his eyes became fixated on her breasts. 
Tom's chest rose and fell in one quick tortured gasp.  She saw his stomach muscles contract, but
he didn't touch her.  At least not intimately.
     Pressing her shoulders, he guided her down to lie on her back on the rug.  Without
ceremony he placed his hands on the wasteband of her shorts and pushed them down her legs.  He
wasn't quite so detached when it came to removing her panties, as he placed his hands between
the fabric and her skin and slowly slid them down the same path.
     Once they were removed, he slid his hand between her thighs.  They groaned in unison. 
The fingers that probed her were thorough, yet gentle.  Her mind conjured up images of Tom's
beautiful hands, so skillfully playing across the controls of the conn.  It seemed their talent wasn't
limited to instrumentation.  Then, his thumb nimbly separated the folds and found that
supersensitive tissue and her mind left behind all thoughts of anything but what he was doing to
her body.
     He only had to stroke it a few times before her blood began to bubble inside her veins and
she saw lightning sparks in her peripheral vision.
     "Tom!"
     That was all the invitation he needed.  He unfastened his fly and shoved his trousers past
his hips.  B'Elanna boldly assessed him, her breath quickening at the sight, but for only a second
before he mated their bodies.
     She gave one sharp, glad cry.  Tom murmured what could have been either a profanity or
a prayer.  They remained like that for several tense moments.
     Then, bracing himself above her, he withdrew partially and looked down into her face. 
Eyes locked with hers, he slowly penetrated her again.  She felt him deep, so deep within her that
the immensity of his possession swept over, stealing her breath, seizing control of her senses.  His
dark blond hair curled damp on his forehead.  His cerulean blue eyes glowed with reflected
starlight, adding an animalistic attractiveness that contrasted with the earlier gentleness of his
touch.  The muscles of his arms and chest bulged with masculine power.
     She wanted to concentrate on how beautiful he was, but he withdrew and sank into her
again.  He held his breath as one hand circled the stiff nipple with his thumb.  She shuddered.  Her
eyes closed involuntarily.  Her thighs gripped his hips.  He slid his hand between their bodies,
stroking her externally even as he pressed ever deeper inside.
     And her love for him, which had remained unspoken for so long, finally culminated in a
splintering, brilliant climax.
     He let her savor it, experience all of it, even the shimmering afterglow, before he began
moving inside her again.  But B'Elanna surprised herself and Tom by clutching him and raising
her hips to meet his thrusts.
     By the time his crisis seized him, she had reached another.  They clung to each other,
gasping, grasping, dying together.
     No, not dying, B'Elanna's mind whispered.  This was life, her life now.  Being alone had
been a kind of death.  She wasn't alone anymore.

          Don't be afraid, it's only love
          Only a touch that frees you
          Let it release you
          Take the chance, it's only love
          Let it come through you slowly
          Open your heart and show me
          Don't be afraid, it's only love

     Sometime later, B'Elanna opened her eyes to find herself lying in her own bed.  She
vaguely remembered Tom's carrying her there.  She felt his warmth stretched out against her back
as he held her spooned against him.  One arm was wrapped around her waist, the fingers of his
hand entwined with hers.
     B'Elanna sighed in contentment.  There was nothing left to be afraid of.  Nothing at all.
     There was only love.

                           ***Finis***


*"Only Love" is a song from the soon-to-be on Broadway "Scarlet Pimpernel."  It was not
included in the original album which was released a few years ago, but appears on Linda Eder's
album "It's Time."  I fell in love with this song the first time I heard it and wasn't surprised to find
it was from the same people who produced all those wonderful songs on the original album.  I
also knew it would end up as either one of my videos or inspiration for a story.  After
"Revulsion," I decided it had to be the latter, it seemed so perfect for Tom and B'Elanna right at
that moment.  Hope you liked the story.  It is one of my rare forays into NC17 fiction.

     Neetz