Jack and the Beanstalk

Once upon a time, in the land of Bish Bam Boom, there lived a boy named Jack, who lived with his mother in a little shack.  Now, Jack and his mother had a cow.  One day Jack's mother said, "Jackson, my boy, take this here-now cow to the market and don't come back without some real loot".

On the way to the market, Jack chanced to meet a stranger with blue suede shoes and Be-bop trousers.  "Hi, there", said the stranger.  "Where are you going with this here-now cow?

"I'm going to the market to sell her for some real loot", said Jack.  "Don't you know that the cost of living has gone up to $10.80 a fifth?"

"How would you like to trade her for some magic beans?" asked the stranger.

"Are they jumping beans?" asked Jack.

"They're the jumpin'est", said the stranger.

So Jack traded the cow for the magic beans.  When he got home he told his mother what had transpired.  She said, "Jackson, my boy, I see you're a boy with an open mind....you've got holes in your head!  You were born stupid and you've been losing ground ever since!"  So saying, she cast the beans out the window.It was that night that Jack retired with an empty stomach and a lumpy skull.  The next morning when he got up and looked out the window, Jack hollered, "Mama, Mama!  It comes from outer space!"  He ran out into the garden and commenced to climb the huge beanstalk which had sprung up overnight.  when he got to the top he saw a beautiful castle.  He went up to the door, he knocked, nobody answered, so he entered.  Inside the castle was a giant sitting at a table with a goose before him.

"Good morning," said Jack.

"Eef, aaf, off, ooom," said the giant.

"Mooo, ffo, faa, fee," said Jack.

"What's that?" said the giant.

"That's eef, aaf, off, ooom spelled backwards," said Jack.  "While we're here talking, why don't we latch onto this here-now chicken?"

"That," said the giant, "is the goose that lays the golden egg".  And before Jack could say another word, the goose laid a golden egg right before his very eyes.

"Wow," said Jack, "this is Fort Knox in feathers."  And so saying, he grabbed the goose and headed for the door with the giant in hot pursuit.  He ran out the door, down the beanstalk, took the axe, chopped down the beanstalk and the giant toppled to his death.

After that, the goose laid up a storm.  Jack and his mother were living it up, that is, until tax time came and then they had just enough money left to buy themselves a milk cow.

The moral of the story is, "IF YOU GOT A COW THAT DON'T GIVE MILK, SELL HIM".  

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