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Disclaimers: This story contains violence, adult situations, and same sex relationships, which at times are graphic. If this is not suitable for you, please don't read any further.
All characters found in this story are the creation of JD Jenkins and are her property exclusively.
Her
By JD Jenkins
I dreamed of her last night again. As vivid as always, I was left with the idea of her and no image.She stood before me, her face in shadows, obscured from my view. Her hands reached out to me, beckoning me forward. Seeming to float, I moved toward her, long slender fingers gently grabbing my wrists, pulling me forward.
Happily I submitted to her embrace, feeling her naked breasts press against mine, her skin silkily brushing against mine, intoxicating me with the sensations. Still, I couldn’t see her face, the one part of her I really wanted to see. Frustrated, I tried to cup her face with my hands and force it into the light.
Laughing lightly, she resisted, pulling away completely, turning from me. Watching the muscles in her naked back flow as she walked away, I felt entranced. Sexual desire and lust coursed through me, my blood warming and travelling as my need grew.
My head felt light as I again went to her, this time to a bed that appeared in the room. With a sure touch she pushed me down onto the bed, not that I fought her any way. I was dying to see her, dying to see the face on this woman who had tormented my dreams too often, but I was also hungry for her touch.
With confidence born of shared love, she began to stroke my body, her caresses fanning the flame within me. I know I must have been moaning, but I couldn’t hear anything but the sound of my own heartbeat in my ears.
For the thousandth time I let myself sink into her love making, not knowing who she was or where she was. All I knew was that I would spend the rest of my life searching for her.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* I could see in her eyes the pain she was feeling. Brilliant blue became hazy as tears formed and fell. I wanted so badly to reach out to her and comfort her.
Unfortunately, she was sitting two tables away and with a man who, though I could only see his back, seemed very possessive, even though he was the cause of her tears.
Staring at her had become an afternoon obsession for me. I’d never seen her before and I’d never see her again, but for some reason she caught my eye, making me forget my afternoon appointments and any sanity I might have still claimed.
I’ll be the first to admit that women catch my eye all the time, turning my head so often that I was in a state of permanent whiplash. I liked to look, to study their faces and wonder if I could read their personality through a wrinkle here, an arched brow there. Faces told tales that bodies and minds could not. At least that’s what I had always believed. My friend Megan once told me that if I looked at women’s bodies the way I did their faces I stood a chance at being what she called a “lazy-eyed lesbian”. You know, the kind that will be sweet-talking one woman and then casually be checking out all the women around them. Yes, I looked, but I wasn’t looking for sex or a cheap thrill, I was just looking for her.
I know that one day I will see her and I will know by looking at her face that she’s the one I’ve been waiting for. Her face will tell me that she’s supposed to be mine. That we’re supposed to come together to form one being.
I thought I’d found her many times. I’d see a woman across the room, or walking down the street, and I’d find her face fascinating. I would follow her until I worked up the courage to say something witty, usually something to make her laugh.
Needless to say, I’d heard many different kinds of laughter in my 35 years. But none of them were her.
So, I made the decision to stop the heartbreak and live a celibate life of just work and friends, keeping sex out of my life for good. Don’t get me wrong, I like sex and all of that, but I could go without. The act of making love without her was simply an act. Nothing satisfied me in the way that I knew she would. Sitting back, out of the lesbian rat race, I thought I’d give her a chance to come to me. I’d stop looking for her in everything I did. I’d just live. But, I was still preparing my life for her. Saving things that I’d one day want to show her, creating scrapbooks of my life before her.
I know, crazy right? Well, I think so. It’s so crazy that sometimes I annoy myself with my obsession with her. I don’t know what she’ll look like, her age, her hair color, or anything else that would be pertinent to finding her. All I know is that she’ll complete me and that I’ll want to spend forever with her.
I’d done well with not looking for her. Until today that is. This woman across the restaurant was too intriguing. Too tempting to ignore. Her face told me a thousand things, her eyes expressive and her mouth full and tempting. I could feel my body heat rise as I tried to watch her discretely. I had a clear line of vision. People passed between us, but overall, I could unobstrutively see her and her lunch companion.
Now while she looked to be an angel, he was definitely along the asshole category. I was having serious problems with him. Generally, I’m not the man-hating-penis-destroying kind of lesbian. I don’t have a problem with them if they don’t have a problem with me. In fact, I cohabitat with one right now, which was as much of a PC statement as it was a money saving deal. But this man that was with her was just too much. Cocky didn’t cover the amount of stuck up, self-indulgent pride coming from this man. At least that was what I got from behind him. His posture and poise indicated all of this, as did the reaction he was causing her to have.
The I’m-bigger-than-this -life type of shmuck who went through life on the backs of millions of peons before him. I hated him on sight. The fact that he was causing the woman I was watching to frown often and saying things that caused tears to fill her eyes didn’t help his case. I began to envision numerous Lorriena Bobbit type crimes, making a note to find out what kind of punishment she ended up with before I made any rash moves. But that train of thought didn’t last long as I gazed at her.
She wasn’t right for him. As I studied her face, trying to appear as though something was fascinating on the wall behind her, I could see her misery. It wasn’t the kind of misery that grew from a single event, but the kind that had festered over years, forming a mountain of misery within her. Something in me longed to move that mountain for her and to show her that she didn’t have to be miserable. There was something akin to an ache inside of me that longed to show her happiness and life.
Once again my mind betrayed me. I wondered if it could be her that I was looking at. If she were the one that I had been searching for. Doubt filled me as I recalled the women before this moment, those that I thought had been the ones, who had only hurt and disappointed me. How could I know anymore, how could I trust myself? How could I trust my heart not to lead me once again into the arms of the wrong woman?
Even as I sit here and debated this with myself, I feel a longing to go over and speak to the woman. Odd how our brain sometimes takes two paths, each path contradictory to the other. But, that’s neither here nor there I guess.
“If you think that I’ll live like that, you have another thing coming!” She stood up, her hands clenched into fists, her eyes flashing with anger. “I am not your whore!”
This was getting interesting. Very interesting indeed. I watched as she stormed off in the direction of the women’s bathroom. And now my dilemma increases. I could go after her and make myself useful. I envisioned walking in and finding her in tears, taking her into my arms and murmuring soft words of comfort into her ear.
Or, I could sit here as I have been for the last hour and a half and wait for the drama to unfold. But, I had to get up from that table and I had to make the trek to the bathroom. What if it was her? What if this was my only chance? If I missed it, would I get another one?
Putting both hands on the table, I pushed myself up and moved the chair back from the table at the same time. The loud screeching of the chair sliding across the floor seemed exceptionally loud to me, but no one else seemed to notice. Breathing deeply, I mentally flexed, trying to create a clear picture in my mind.
One foot in front of the other, I told myself as I walked to the bathroom, my heart pounding in my chest. One more deep breath and I pushed open the door to the women’s room.
She wasn’t in there. I checked the three stalls, each one of them empty. Turning, I looked into the mirror seeing my reflection staring back at me, the room behind me completely empty.
I had lost her.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* “So, you just sat there for almost two hours watching her and didn’t say anything to her?” Megan’s face registered disbelief and I felt my own face heat up in a blush. I had been telling her of my interesting encounter with the woman at the restaurant.
“What was I supposed to do, walk up and say ‘Hey, I think you’re supposed to be with me’?” Megan was the only friend I had that knew everything about my quest for the one person who would complete me. She teased me often and made disparaging remarks about my sanity frequently, but overall, she was supportive. Each time I had realized in the past that I still hadn’t found her, it was Megan who had put her arms around me and told me not to give up.
“You should have done something. Like, you could have gone up to that man she was with and told him to leave her the fuck alone.” She screwed her face up into what I supposed was her version of fierce. With her small build and elfin face she looked like a very upset monkey. I could help myself. I started to laugh loudly. After holding her face for a few moments, she relaxed her facial muscles and began to laugh herself, a bubbly kind of sound escaping from her mouth, making me laugh harder.
Leaning toward her, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a tight bear hug. “Oh M, you really know how to make me lighten up,” I said through my laughter.
Hiccuping, she pulled back and gave me a brilliant smile. “That’s my job Spooky,” she said, using the nickname she’d given to me after the X-Files premiered on TV. “I’m just glad that you’ve learned to laugh at yourself. You used to be a real pain before that.”
She was right. I had been a pain. Mostly because I was in pain. It had been a difficult road to learn to laugh at myself, but once I had, the world became a different place.
Flopping down on her giant king sized bed, Megan starred up at the ceiling. “So now what?”
I flopped down next to her, putting my head against hers and joining the path of her eyes. Her ceiling had those little glow-in-the-dark stars that they sold for kids. She’d created various patterns with them, forming what she called “Star Art”. For about a week she seriously considered charging money to go into other people’s houses and create these works of art on their ceilings. But, like most of Megan’s ideas, it hadn’t lasted. “When’s Tree coming home?”
Tree was short for Theresa, her girlfriend. They’d been together for almost two years, coming close to that dangerous point in lesbian relationships. I wished them luck, having never surpassed the two year mark myself.
Shrugging, Megan’s face took on a serious look. “I think she’s cheating on me.”
Sitting up, I looked at her in shock. Tree was one of those women who were so loyal that they didn’t even see anyone else. Her vision was on Megan and that was it. “What? Why do you think that?” I had always thought that if anyone in their relationship would stray, it would have been Megan.
Shrugging again, her eyes didn’t leave the ceiling. “I heard her talking the other day with Joanne and when I came around they shut up really quickly and gave me one of THOSE smiles.”
I didn’t need to ask what she meant, I had seen the smile too many times directed at myself. “But you don’t have any proof?”
Finally, Megan turned her head and looked at me, her eyes blazing with hurt. “What proof do I need? She’s been spending free time with Joanne these days instead of with me.” Turning her head back too look up, she finished quietly, “At least that’s what she says.”
I felt as though I were the one being cheated on. My chest began to ache and my head grew cloudy. One of the things that Tree and I had in common was our loyalty. I had never, ever thought her capable of cheating on Megan, or at least causing her that much pain.
We lay there in silence for I don’t know how long. Megan lost in her thoughts, and me in mine. The woman from the restaurant haunted my thoughts, mingling with my sadness for Megan and my disbelief of Tree’s actions.
What was happening to the world where two people couldn’t fall in love without something destroying that love? Why had human nature become so damn dishonest. I told myself that it was all bullshit because people had been cheating on each other and hurting each other since time began. It was a never ending cycle that didn’t show any sign of stopping in the near future. It all made me so sad that tears began escaping my eyes before I could stop them.
What was the point of looking for completion when there was no guarantee that it would last? What happened to faithfulness and to hope and to dreams? What happened to love and the simple desire for one person?
It was with these thoughts in my mind that I got up from Megan’s bed and said my good-byes. Slowly, I walked out her front door and headed toward my car.
“Hey stranger.” Tree’s familiar voice boomed out at me. She was a very large woman, tall and muscular. To look at her you would think that she was a cheater from way back, but in truth she was a complete teddy bear.
I glared at her and started to walk by without saying anything. She grabbed my arm and stopped me. “Hey, I need to talk to you about something, something important.”
I stopped and waited for her to tell me that she was cheating on my best friend and that she wanted me to break the news to her.
“I’ve been planning a surprise two year anniversary party for Megan. Joanne’s been helping me with the arrangements, but I need you to help get Meg to the party without her suspecting.” She stopped talking when she saw the look of surprise on my face. “What, you don’t think it’s a good idea?” She suddenly looked worried. “I thought she’d like it.”
“No…no, it’s a great idea,” I managed to say. “Tree, she thinks your cheating on her.” It just flew out of my mouth before I could stop it.
Blanching, Tree looked as though I’d punched her in the gut. “What?” Her voice soft and filled with pain. Gripping my arm tighter, she seemed to be leaning on me for support as though her knees were too weak to do it.
“She thinks your cheating on her,” I repeated. “Says you’ve been spending more time with Joanne than with her.”
Eyes wide, Tree began to shake her head. “No! No, I was planning this party!” Suddenly she grabbed me by both shoulders. “You’ve got to believe me! I would never, ever hurt her! Oh God!” She looked like she was going to throw up so I backed off quickly.
“I believe you Tree, I believe you.” I tried to reassure her because I did believe her. “But you need to make Megan believe you.”
“Megan!” Tree suddenly stood straight and ran into the house, leaving me outside alone. I could see her and Megan in the living room. Tree looked like she was crying and I saw Megan practically jump into her arms.
Well, maybe the world wasn’t as bad as I thought.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* A knock at my office door interrupted my thoughts. Looking up I saw my secretary, Marie, standing at the doorway, leaning against the doorframe.
“Fox? I wanted to tell you that they asked again about the Astoria account,” her voice was soft. “Is everything okay?”
My work is suffering. I know it and she knows it. She’s worked for me for five years now, longer than any of my girlfriends. She knows my nuances and my habits better than anyone else does.
“I’m okay. Where are the files for the account?” Advertising had a lot of files. I discovered that my first day on the job when I was an apprentice for my mentor and then lover, Annie. That was 11 years ago, and she was long gone, leaving me her legacy at the firm, and her office. My bed hadn’t exactly been empty either, but I tried hard to keep work and play separate.
Coming into my office, Marie stopped in front of my desk and began thumbing through one of the piles on my desk. Finally, pulling out one from the bottom she handed it to me.
“Show off,” I muttered, catching her grin in return. We had a good relationship. She had found out I was a lesbian almost 2 years ago, and since then had taken to adding a bit of flirting to her normal attitude. Having met her six foot three inch tall husband, I of course, didn’t flirt back. But, it gave the office a not altogether unpleasant spin.
Suddenly, she put her hand over mine. I looked first at our hands and then I looked up at her. “Listen, if you need anything, I’m here.” And then she was gone, only the hint of her perfume left in the air.
Very interesting, I thought to myself. I guess I had always thought that I had left a cold presence at work, never really presenting myself as the human being I was in my personal life. Looking out my door, knowing that Marie was sitting outside at her desk, I began to rethink my assessment of myself.
Even with the folder sitting in my hands, a reminder of my responsibility, my thoughts began to drift again.
She haunts me. The woman from the restaurant visits my dreams frequently. I try to forget her, try to shake the feeling of need I get when I think of her. Try to do many things, never succeeding. She gets in the way each time. In my mind, she had become synonymous with the one I’d been looking for all these years. Dangerous, I know, but I can’t control myself. Every waking moment passes with thoughts of her.
I got up from my desk chair and looked through the small window in my office. The day was gray with the Spring sun barely showing through. My window looked out into a small courtyard type area, the rest of the building surrounding it on five sides, leaving only the very top open. By looking up I could see a small patch of sky. On good days, the sun would slip through and shine into my office, but most days I was stuck with just the electric glow of the lights overhead.
Today I noticed the building itself. Built in the 1930s, it was a gray color. Whether it was originally built gray, or whether the industrial waste had turned it gray, I wasn’t sure. But it was gray nonetheless. I thought it fitting to my mood, so I studied it longer, taking in the shape and texture, noticing where chips of brick had come off through time. Tears filled my eyes as I realized that the chips off the building were so like the chips off my heart.
Life had taken a toll that I tried to ignore. But, when I was vulnerable I could feel it. And this woman, just the thought of this woman, made me vulnerable. I was tired. Tired of looking, tired of waiting, just tired.
Sighing, I closed my eyes for the hundredth time and saw her. Her eyes bore into me, as though she could see my soul. She smiled at me, her eyes crinkling at the corner, becoming slits which twinkled in my direction. Her mouth, full and wet, curved up at the ends, almost as though she were deliberately tempting me, opening slightly. I, of course, was tempted, as she seemed to know I would be. Tempted to taste those lips, tempted to explore her mouth with my tongue and teeth, making love to her mouth with all the passion and fire in me.
Fire. That’s what I felt. I opened my eyes in surprise. For days I’d tried to figure out what was so damn compelling about the woman, what it was that had grabbed my attention. It wasn’t how she looked, although I would swear on a stack of The Well of Loneliness that she was the most magnificent creature on this earth. It wasn’t the penetrating eyes, or the luscious mouth. It was the fire she had aroused in me. Not sexual arousal, although that was one of the forms it took, but a fire of need and desire, wanting and lusting, and so much more. All for this woman who hadn’t even looked my way once.
Damn, I needed to get it together. I was loosing my mind, loosing my sanity, loosing my one grasp on life. It was time to talk to David.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Pulling up into the driveway of the three-story house I shared with David, I became nervous. Now, don’t misunderstand, David and I get along very well. However, he hasn’t always been the most supportive of my search for her. He had a tendency to give me sharp doses of reality from time to time, which would really help, but hurt nonetheless. That’s why I wanted to talk to him. He’d set me straight, so-to-speak. He’d tell me I was being stupid and to get my head out of the sand.
I slammed my car door as usual, waiting for the loud barking that would start. Sure enough, Toto, my cocker spaniel came flying at me from behind the azalea bushes David had planted last spring.
“T, are you eating Uncle Davey’s bushes again?” I admonished her in a serious tone that she knew was without sincerity. Jumping up and down by my legs as I walked, she barked continuously, telling me about her day. Toto was a gift I had given to an ex-lover after she and I watched “Lady and the Tramp” and she swooned over the puppies at the end. But, it was a serious of mistakes, the first being naming the poor dog Toto! When we broke up, I kept the dog because she proclaimed that she was allergic and anyway, I liked the dog more than I liked her. That was fine with me, it was a good little dog.
“If I hear you call me Davey one more time, I’m going to go into your closet and replace all your pants with skirts.” A voice floated from an open window on the second floor.
“You and what army?” I shouted back up at him.
“Me and the fag’s hags will do you in!”
“Ha! I’ll convert them all to the grand religion of lesbianism and you’ll never hear from them again!”
“Damn, they aren’t that good looking, I wouldn’t bother,” was his sensible reply. He had a slew of heterosexual women friends who loved to hang all over him. My aunt once told me that a gay man’s a girl’s best friend. The fag hags took that to heart. The security offered by David combined with the fact that he was still male gave him some kind of allure to them. I’d seen it before, but I still didn’t understand and I didn’t really think that I wanted to. And truthfully, they weren’t a very attractive lot.
Opening the door with my key, I dropped my briefcase by the door and braced myself for the next attack. My two teenage cats came at me, each one meowing as loud as possible, moving as quickly as their little feet would allow. Crouching down, I said hello to each of them and gave them each the obligatory pat on the head and scratch under the chin. That done, I was free to find David.
The entire second floor of the house was devoted to David and his hobbies, leaving the third floor to me and mine. I climbed the stairs slowly, feeling the day weigh me down. Finally I reached the second floor landing and found David in the third room. He sat in front of a giant mirror which was attached to a vanity covered in makeup. Drag was a part of David’s life, not a career choice. Facing the mirror, which had lights around it like you would see in the theater, he was puckering as he applied lipstick.
“I thought you weren’t going to do blonde anymore,” I said, referring to the wig he wore on his head.
“I wasn’t,” he sighed. “But Dwayne really likes me as a blonde.” Flipping his hand through the air, he dismissed his own concerns. Dwayne was his newest lover, one of hundreds that stormed through David’s life.
“How is the boy?” I didn’t like Dwayne. Let me rephrase that, I didn’t like the way David acted for Dwayne’s sake. I hated watching David jump through hopes to impress a man who would fuck him and dump him all in one breath.
Ignoring whatever connotation there might have been in my question, David answered, “He’s doing well. We are going to the theater tonight.” Rubbing the lipstick off his mouth, he proceeded to try a different shade.
Sitting down in the overstuffed chair in the corner of the room, I watched him in silence. He finally stopped studying his lips and turned to face me. “You’re sitting. Must mean you need to talk.” Repositioning himself, David crossed his legs and leaned forward. “Go ahead sweets, tell me everything.”
Taking a deep breath, I leaned forward, almost matching his position. “I think I found her.”
I was expecting him to roll his eyes and tell me that I was crazy. The last thing I expected was for tears to fill his eyes. “Are you sure?” He asked breathlessly, his brown eyes taking on what I would describe as a dreamy look.
“Well, I mean, I’m not completely sure, but I think it is. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” I waited till I saw that I had his full attention again.
“Tell me about her.”
I was surprised that he wanted to know. Normally, we both talked about our love life’s in general terms, neither of us going into detail. “She’s all I think about. I dream about her day and night. It's like she’s in the air and I breathe her into me.” I could feel myself slip into some kind of fantasy, seeing her before me, calling to me. The passion and need I felt well up inside of me took my breath, leaving me floating in some kind of strange place between reality and dreams.
David’s face had that dreamy look again. “When you hold her in your arms does it feel like you’ve been there all your life?”
Uh oh, here was the stinker of it all. I hadn’t held her in my arms. I hadn’t even talked to her. I had only seen her once, for an afternoon, and only from a distance. How did I tell him that I saw my past and my future in that one afternoon? “Um, well…you see…that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to about.” He looked at me expectantly. “Well…I mean…you see…” I stuttered, my face flushing as I tried not to make myself look too stupid.
The soft brown eyes that probably made a lot of men and women swoon looked at me with concern. “What is going on?”
Breathing deeply, I closed my eyes. “I haven’t held her David. I don’t even know her name.”
There was silence, which was ominous after my confession. I kept my eyes closed, waiting for him to berate me.
“You know,” he finally began to speak, “when I met Dwayne, I thought he was an annoying prick. His neck was thick like a football player and his arms and legs were stubby.” Slowly I opened my eyes and looked at him in surprise. He had a far away look, starring past me at some memory or thought.
“He talked like a redneck and smelled like a barn.” A small laugh came from David, his lips curving into a smile. “Of course, he was a redneck and he did work in a barn.” I laughed with him at that. “But, that first night I met him, he asked me to dance. I said yes, mainly to piss off Greg, who was being an ass. When Dwayne held me in his arms and we swayed to the music, I lost myself.” He shook his head and then focused his eyes on me, looking at me intently and with passion as he continued. “I felt for the first time that I fit with someone. And it was amazing that someone so different from me could be the one that I fit with.”
To say that I was shocked at what David was saying would be an understatement. In the past, he had always mocked my idea that there was someone out there for everyone. He told me that I was too romantic and needed to face the reality that relationships were work and nothing less. And now, he’d fallen in love. Not just that idealist, puddle deep kind of love, but the real love that takes your breath from you and leaves you dying for more.
“If you think that this woman is her, you need to go after her. You need to pursue her till she agrees to talk to you only so that you leave her alone. You need to dance with her, hold her in your arms and you’ll both feel it. You can’t mistake that feeling.”
I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. The room swayed slightly as his words hit me, biting into my sense of self, taking away my own confidence. If I hadn’t already been sitting, I think I would have fallen. How did David, ever cynical David, understand?
This was mind altering. My world felt unstable. That’s what happens when you think you can count on someone for something, for stability, and then they go and change it all.
When I finally caught my breath, when my heart stopped pounding painfully in my chest, I finally spoke. “David, I don’t know whether to punch you or to hug you,” I said through my clenched teeth.
“Well, don’t hit me honey cause Dwayne is much bigger than you are and not afraid to hit you in my defense,” he mockingly turned his nose up at me. “Baby, don’t be upset. I know, I never thought I’d fall in love either, but it happened. You were right. Take pity on me for foolishly believing that love was a fairy tale.” He batted his eyes at me, his fake eyelashes so long I almost felt a breeze.
Actually, I felt pity for myself. For so many years I’d been telling David that there was such a thing as belonging to one person, to finding one person who would complete you body and soul and he haughtily denied that such a thing existed. And now he had found it and I was still looking. How was that fair? I was the one that had the dreams, I was the one who had the empty feeling inside of me. I was the one who had been looking for so long. David hadn’t even been looking and it had found him. Where was my other half? Where was my missing piece?
Looking up, I saw tears in David’s eyes. Rising to my feet, I put my arms around David’s shoulders and hugged him tightly. “I’m so happy for you,” I whispered into his ear and felt his body shake as he began to sob. Pulling back, I looked at him in surprise. “Davey, what’s wrong?”
He sniffed loudly, tears streaking paths down his finely sculpted cheeks, making his mascara run. “It’s so frightening. To need someone so badly, scares the living bejesus out of me!” Grabbing at a tissue, he patted his eyes, trying not to further smear his makeup. “Sometimes I want to run and hide, I get so scared. But then he says something sweet, or just looks at me a certain way and I feel happiness like I’ve never known before.”
Something was rising in me, a feeling I rarely felt. Jealousy. I was jealous of David. Here he had everything I’d longed for all of my life, and I was still alone. He had the very things I’d dreamed of having, the emotion and the need of love. If I had been just a few years younger, I would have stamped my foot and started a temper tantrum. Don’t think I wasn’t tempted, but the sight of a 35 year old kicking and screaming which on the floor would probably cause laughter more than anything else.
“I’m happy for you David, I really am,” I managed to say even though my stomach was threatening to revolt. Hugging him again, I headed out of the door, leaving him to straighten his makeup and his wig, which was now sitting askew on his head.
“Go after her,” David called out after me. “Don’t let her get away.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* “So, he tells me to go after her.” I finished telling Megan what had happened with David.
“Dwayne??!” She said for the umpteenth time. Megan had met Dwayne once and still couldn’t see the attraction.
“I guess when you fall in love you can’t control who you fall in love with,” I said, slightly annoyed that Megan was concentrating on David rather than me.
“Yeah, but Dwayne??”
“MEGAN!” I yelled. “Listen, can we get passed this David and Dwayne thing!” I must have yelled really loudly because Tree stuck her head into the bedroom.
“Everything okay in here?” She asked casually. She knew better than to assume I was upsetting “her woman” or anything.
“You won’t believe it!” Megan proceeded to tell Tree all about David and Dwayne, leaving me and my mental crisis in the dust.
Sighing, I got up and started to leave.
“Where are you going?” Megan quickly got up and grabbed my arm. “I’m not done with you yet.”
Pouting, I twisted so that she had to let go of my arm. “I’ve been trying to talk to you for the last hour and all you could say was Dwayne.” I added a sniff to my melodrama, hoping to earn sympathy points.
It worked because Megan grabbed my arm again and pulled me into a bear hug. “Oh, my poor little Spooky!” She rocked me back and forth, cooing into my ear like I was some kind of pet dog or something.
Dragging me over to the bed, she shoved me back down, sitting down next to me. “So, how do you go after her if you don’t even know who she is or where to find her?”
Shrugging, I started to really get down. Meg was right, how was I supposed to find her? Maybe if I had a name, I could find her, look her up on the ‘net or something, but as it is, I couldn’t do it. I felt my spirits sinking lower and lower, until I began to wonder what the point was.
“Why don’t you go back to the restaurant you first saw her in?” Tree suggested.
“Huh?” I managed to get out without crying.
“Tree honey, I don’t know…” Megan’s eyebrows furrowed as she thought. “What if she doesn’t come back?”
“Then you could talk to the people who work there, find out if they know anything about her or the guy she was with. Find out whether or not she goes there often.” Kneeling down so that she was eye level with me, Tree looked at me with sincerity on her face. “Listen, if you really want to find her, then you need to go and make the effort. She won’t just land on your doorstep one day. You need to really seek her out.”
“Great idea baby!” Beaming at her girlfriend, Megan’s face lifted into a huge smile. “I’ll go with you if you want.”
“Go with me? To the restaurant? To find her?” I was still playing catch up with my mind. Hunt her down? That’s basically what they were suggesting, that I go and hunt her down.
“Yes! Let’s plan on going tomorrow. All three of us will go around the same time you were there when you saw her and wait for her. If she doesn’t come, then we will start to ask questions. Someone’s bound to have noticed her. We’ll find her Spooky, I promise.” I had to admit, Megan’s enthusiasm was catching. I began to feel better about it, thinking that maybe there was a chance. Maybe I would be able to find her.
As I was walking into my house, the phone was already ringing. When I picked it up it was Megan. Her voice still held that same excited tone.
“I just have one question about all of this.” She sounded serious, so I prepared myself for something deep and complex.
“Okay, shoot.”
“What kind of food do they serve at this restaurant?” She was deadly serious. “I want to know before we leave, just in case I don’t like the food, I’ll bring some graham crackers with me.”
“Megan?”
“Yes?”
“Goodnight.”
Continued in Part Two
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