MegUSN1FedCop's Second Page

"I'll never know how much it cost

to see my sin upon that cross.

Here I am to worship,

Here I am to bow down,

Here I am to say that You're my God."

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"In Christ alone my hope is found

He is my light, my strength, my song.

My comforter, my all in all,

Here in the love of Christ I stand."

"I'm not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship".

Hi, my name is Meg. I'm 33 years of age. I got baptised at the age of 13 in a So. Baptist Church in Alabama; however, I never lived the lifestyle. In fact, I had very confusing notions of God, religion and christianity. You see, the people who were taking me to church and teaching me about God were the very people who were sexually and emotionally abusing me from the age of six.

I am adopted in the true sense of the word. My birth mother died when I was four years of age and I don't remember my birth father because he was not active in my life. The State of Alabama took me, my brother and sister and removed us from our birth home. We were placed into foster care for a year. When I was five years of age my siblings and I were reunited and placed into our adoptive home. However, instead of getting better, it just got worse. My adoptive parents were very controlling and took the bond between us three children and destroyed it. They pitted us against one another. They started sexually and emotionally abusing us. The State of Alabama neglected in doing their job of protecting us three children who were minors and had no voice in our future.

So, I became very angry. I withdrew into my own little pretend world. I questioned God and I was angry with Him because I felt He took my birth mother from me. I was angry at my birth mother because I felt that she abandoned me by dying. I was so very angry and confused. I became suicidal and depressive. I had violent episodes. The sexual abuse for me stopped at the age of 13 when I went to school and told what was happening in my home. Again, however, the system failed me. Nothing was done about it because my adoptive mom was a teacher at the same school and because we were in a very small town where things like this "just didn't happen to good people".

I left home at the age of 18 when joining the Navy after graduating from high school. I led a very destructive lifestyle. I partied, I was sexually promiscuous, I had rage episodes, I was angry, I was lost and confused. I had no morals. Yet, I always had a basic belief in God, though, I did turn my back on Him at times.

In 1993, I got married to active duty Army service member. My ex husband was the greatest. Though he and I were very different people, he treated me like a queen. He loved me and I totally took advantage of it. My ex husband loved God, but like me, he did not live a Christian lifestyle. I had so many issues from childhood that I was trying to deal with. My ex husband did not support me in getting professional help for these issues. In the end our marriage failed. Right after we got divorced we got back together for about two years. I suffered through a miscarriage and getting out of the Navy on a medical discharge. My ex husband and I moved to Alaska together. We tried to make our relationship work. We even went to church together, though it was a Mormon church because his family was Mormon. Again, the marriage didn't work, but we remained very good friends after going our separate ways for good.

This past November 2003, I had just gotten out of a sexual relationship with a guy I worked with on the Navy base I work on. I really liked the guy and wanted it to go further than what it did. I got really, really sick. Then I got really depressed. I was almost down to the very bottom of my soul. I was tired and I knew I could not keep living my life the way that I had been. I cried and cried and cried. I even contemplated suicide again. Then I began talking to God again as I use to do as a defense mechanism as a little girl. I began really communicating to Him and laying my heart, soul and mind before Him. I began listening to Christian music again. I heard a song by the Newsboys called "It Is You". It really spoke to me. So, in a way that song led me back to God. I began listening to other Christian music and reading my Bible again. I started making committments to God. Some I have been able to keep and some I am still working on. Over the years I had many false starts in seeking God, but this time I have kept my committment to continue seeking Him out. You see, God didn't make all the bad things happen to me. And, He never left me. However, He let the things happen to me and it has led me back to Him. He has used the negativity to be used for His will and purposes. My walk with God is a daily struggle. I have to continually seek Him out, but it has been so worth it. I've met many more fellow Christians now. I am striving more and more to be Christ-like with my life. God has revealed things to me in dreams and through His Word. I have accepted Jesus Christ into my heart, soul and mind. This time it is for real, though, because I feel God working in my life. My lifestyle has changed. Again, it is a daily struggle because it so hard to change your life from the way that you are use to living it. Also, Satan realizes he has lost another soul to God and so he works on me even harder. But, the difference is this time that God has won...just as He will in the end. All of my faith and trust is in God. On Him, I shall wait...Thank You, Jesus!!!

"And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And the door is opened to everyone who knocks." Luke 11:9-10 (NLT)