Welcome to Humour Central, and PirateJohn's Humour List -                                   

Check out the Phun Links page for Frequently Asked Questions 'bout 'ol John, jokes, more jokes, travel tales, motorcycling links, and more phun stuff.

A Pirate in his natural environment - tour of Alcatraz, 1996

The Humour List is a collection of jokes, gags, puns, and other witty (and modest <grin>) stuff that is emailed somewhat irregularly to victims (oops... I mean 'subscribers') Monday thru Friday.

• If you would like to subscribe to the Humour List (why not? it's FREE!!!) simply click on the link below:

Click to subscribe to the HumourList

(once you become a One List member you will have access to an archive of jokes that have been used on the HumourList, beginning on about May 1st, 1999)

• Phun links!!  Some of 'ol John's travel tales, Frequently Asked Questions, jokes, more jokes, motorcycling info, and music info.  Enjoy!!

• Let me know what you think about my page. Or just drop a line and shoot the breeze.  Or subscribe, even, if you have a problem with the automated link at OneList.  Send mail by clicking PirateJohn@aol.com.

• Do you want to submit a joke??  Because of the volume of mail that I receive I'd appreciate it if you would send joke submissions to me at Warp12Sys@aol.com.  Thanks!!

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WARNING! Most of the jokes that go out are as politically correct as can be, and I go to great lengths to avoid genuinely offending anyone, but by requesting a subscription to the Humour List you understand that  there is a risk that the content might possibly offend you. Please don't subscribe if you are a prude, Puritan, a member of the Moral Majority, or if you are offended by some humourous sexual content. After all, the idea here is to have fun, not to pick on anyone.  Well, almost anyone -- ultra conservative politicians and stupid criminals (same category IMHO) are fair game. Please be aware that the volume of mail that you will receive is about 2-3 pieces per day during bizness days.

This list covers jokes about relationships (read: 'contented bachelors and blonde wimmen'), and the finer things in life: motorcycling, good Irish beer, travel, Righteous Southern (USA) culture, and music.  Sometimes I even find the time to pick on Oz and England, though we all know in our hearts that those two places can never be as much fun as Ireland, Florida, or Arkansas... <wicked grin>  And every so often you may even receive a tale or two of 'ol John's travels, although these are meant to be humourous, rather than just another boring travel tale... or at least that's the idea...
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The origin of the name PirateJohn:  

If you've ever done the marital thang , and if it didn't work out, then you know that the Departing Spousal Unit will always try to 'zing' you with one last verbal barb on the way out the door.  In 'ol John's case Departing Spousal Unit #2, a/k/a the Rhondamonster, (not to be confused with Ex-spousal Unit #1), barked that 'Your problem is <pause for this one pholks...> you are trying too hard to live the Jimmy Buffett lifestyle'. At which point several mutual phriends of ours were heard to say 'Soooooooo...???'

The ArrestMeRed K-bike and ol' John outside Jimmy Buffett's place, New Orleans, early 1998.

Buffett, one of the patron saints of Southern US music, does a popular song called 'A Pirate Looks at Forty'.  This 'ol Pirate figured that, at age (then) almost 40, there were worse fates than to constantly seek sun, sand, and fun adventures.  Thus PirateJohn was born.

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Can we say 'Uzi'?!!? The Robomantis and one of John's new pals in the Mexican desert, returning from Mazatlan, early 1998.

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A Pirate Looks At Forty

Jimmy Buffett , 1974

Mother, mother ocean, I have heard you call

Wanted to sail upon your waters since I was three feet tall

You've seen it all, you've seen it all ...

Watched the men who rode you switch from sails to steam

And in your belly you hold the treasures few have ever seen

Most of 'em dream, most of 'em dream ...

Yes I am a pirate, two hundred years too late

The cannons don't thunder, there's nothin' to plunder

I'm an over-forty victim of fate

Arriving too late, arriving too late ...

I've done a bit of smugglin', I've run my share of grass

I made enough money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast

Never meant to last, never meant to last

And I have been drunk now for over two weeks

I passed out and I rallied and I sprung a few leaks

But I got stop wishin', got to go fishin'

Down to rock bottom again

Just a few friends, just a few friends

(instrumental)

I go for younger women, lived with several awhile

Though I ran 'em away, they'd come back one day

Still could manage to smile

Just takes a while, just takes a while

Mother, mother ocean, after all the years I've found

My occupational hazard being my occupation's just not around

I feel like I've drowned, gonna head uptown