The Church Of Simon LeBon Of Latter-Day Perverts

Simon's Ten Commandments (a.k.a. Simon vs. JT)

"Um...Hullo, right? Is
this on? Wha---? Not now, Nick...I'm bein' Godlike, wot? Hee hee hee...we can't use this..."

Ten minutes later:

"*AHEM* I am Simon your God who hath
liberated you from the horrid age of polyester
and neck chains, and the slavery of fashion mediocrity...ain't I gorgeous?" *Nick slaps him, Simon leaps on top of him and knocks him flat on his ass...*

***************

(Thirty seconds later)
"That took care of 'im,
right? Enough of this bullsh*t, let's bleedin'
get on wif it...number one:
(WORSHIP OF FALSE GODS)

"Thou shalt not worship John Taylor before
me...okay, okay, I know that he looks fabulous, but what I say goes!!!"

Number two:
(IDOLATRY)

"Thou shalt NOT make yourselves any false idols
of John Taylor...that includes photocopies,
Inkjet images and so forth. You must not
bow or worship John Taylor in any way.
I'm the lead singer, dammit, and...uhm, I mean
I am a jealous God! Not only will I kick your
ass, I'll kick your Momma's, your Poppa's,
and your Grandmother's ass as well!
I will not share merchandising with that
arrogant John prat!!! (burps)

Number three:
(THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN)

You shall not use the name of your God
in vain. Do not scream out my name when
I'm on top of you...it scares Mr. Winky.

Number four:
(OBSERVE THE SABBATH)

Observe every Saturday as "Simonday".
Bring me lots of Russian vodka and
cream-filled Bon Bons. Your God must
maintain his fat ass, er, I mean massive
graciousness...(shut up, Andy!!!) You will
spend Simonday naked, eating bon bons
and drinking Russian vodka in the worship
of the name of yours truly.

Number five:
(HONOR YOUR PARENTS)

Honor your father and mother, but honor
me more.

Number six:
(MURDER)

Thou shalt not murder, unless its for the
love of your God, or its John Taylor.
Here's a picture to help you out...
Look! There he is, now!!!!Get 'im!!! *John runs*

Number seven:
(ADULTERY)

Thou shalt not commit adultery...unless we're on the road! Everyone knows that the
road doesn't count...Yasmin! OWWWW!!!!

Number eight:
(THIEVERY)

Thou shalt not steal...my fans away from
me! Just 'cause I'm old and fat and charge around like a premenstrual hippo on stage is no reason to
steal my fans...JOHN!!!!!!

Number nine:
(FALSEHOOD)

Thou shalt not lie! I'm still hotter than John, ain't?

Bastards.

Number Ten:
(ENVY)

Thou shalt not be envious of your
friends and neighbors---ya hear that,
John, ya twat???!!!! I'll always be king of
the ARENA, an' don't ya be fergitin' it!!!"
(pauses) "John, bring
me one of those pepper cheese subs, and
don't forget the mayo!"

...all the people saw the smoke and lightning
billowing from the mountain, and heard the
thunder and the long frightening trumpet blast; and they stood at a distance, shaking with fear...
"Don't be caught in the same room with God
after he's eaten a pepper cheese sub, or
surely he will kill us!"

LMAO!!!!

"THE WORLD MUST BE SIMONIZED!"
AndromedaBlue, High Priestess
Brought to you by The Church Of Simon Le Bon
Of Latter-Day Perverts

The Church Of Simon LeBon Of Latter-Day Perverts

Simon's Ten Commandments (a.k.a. Simon vs. JT)

Simon's Proverbs

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