The Official Randy Golden No-Frills Perfunctory Web Page!
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The Official Randy Golden No-Frills Perfunctory Web Page!
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SECTION THE FIRST: WHY???
Much to the chagrin of this nation's lawmakers, it's true. Apparently, anyone who subscribes to AOL gets their very own web page, should they desire one, and assuming they have neither the talent nor the resources to design their own from scratch. Hooray for free expression without mandatory proofreading!
Sometimes such pages can be designed competently, with state-of-the-art graphics, worthy "content" (The Artform Formerly Known As Writing), and links to sites that either will 404 within a year, or just should. Too many, however, are a hodgepodge of scattershot design, superficial self-absorption, and negligible entertainment value. If I can avoid at least one of those traps, even for a short time to just one viewer, then my time was only slightly wasted writing this.
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SECTION THE SECOND: "What's a Randy Golden?" The site's raison d'être.
No, I don't write articles about tourist sites in Georgia. That's some other guy. Just keep on Googling, stranger.
I was born in 1972 in Indianapolis. I still live in Indianapolis. I will probably die in Indianapolis. I'm at peace with that decision.
As far as schooling goes...I had a great big paragraph here at one time, but it was kinda dull, and went on at great length about the many dunderheaded reasons why I never finished college. Either of them. Trust me, the previous draft of this section wasn't worth the bandwidth. Just appreciate the omission and move on. Suffice it to say, my education involved neither the backs of shovels nor any rappings on the knuckles.
I have one son, Alex, age thirteen as of this update. I remarried in 2004 to tremendous critical acclaim and the exasperated relief of my friends and relatives who couldn't understand why Anne and I didn't take the plunge years sooner. Simply put: You Had To Be There.
I am currently employed in the insurance industry. This line of work seldom generates any amusing anecdotes that don't require ten minutes of backstory for context, so I rarely brag about it. I've learned to cope with that shortcoming.
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SECTION THE THIRD: My false idols, my worldly treasures, my golden calves.
I think most people call them "hobbies" and "interests". AOL suggests I use this section to proselytize them to you, the Viewers at Home. AOL "suggests" an awful lot. Maybe AOL would just like to write my webpage FOR me. Yeah, it'd like that, wouldn't it? "Hi, my name is Randy! My major hobbies are AIM chats, anything beginning with 'broadband', and helping complete strangers improve their online experience by dumping their affordable ISP! LOL ROFLCOPTER!"
No. No, I don't think we're going to do that here.
I read comics. Lots of comics. Collected since age six. I could spend pages just boring you with this topic. Don't dare me.
Music plays a big part in influencing my mood swings. R.E.M., Matthew Sweet, Bob Mould, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, the Jesus and Mary Chain, They Might Be Giants, Anthrax, Fatboy Slim, Fountains of Wayne, Relient K, are all musical acts I've enjoyed at various points in my life to varying degrees, along with countless others, but that mishmash should give you an idea of my preference for bands that used to be together, bands that used to be good, and bands you think I'm making up.
Books are neat, too. When I once had free time, I seem to remember liking Stephen King, Harlan Ellison, and Peter David once. (Once.)
I was baptized into Christ four years ago. However, that's neither a "hobby" nor an "interest", but it's a major part of my life now, at times overtly and at other times subversively, so I'll need to overhaul this page with the next update to realign these sections and suit myself accordingly.
Feel free to bug me if you must at auriga42@aol.com. E-mail validates my existence, inflates what passes for my "ego" and "self-esteem", and it helps my eyes not blur so much when looking at all that spam. Plus if you get too annoying I can always delete it without reading it and ignore you till you die. For me, it's a win-win situation!
P.S. The banners are not my fault, except the one trying to convince you to join AOL. As of this update I'm looking at a banner offering the all-new all-different AOL 8.0. Maybe that'll change once I'm done editing, but I can't believe they're using me to hawk obsolete product. I've half a mind to switch to MySpace, except I've a full mind to keep eschewing it.
Last update: 9/1/07 6:50 p.m. EDT
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