he doesn't like me
i'm too ... soft
feminine grace that grates on his left side a little too rough
my smooth vocal timber offends his militant earlobes and ...
he doesn't like that
he prefers his women more ... earthly
more ... revolutionary
defined not by their silky melandon but by their silent strength and pride
he likes them more stable
more ... in depth
more like ... you
he can't appreciate his heritage when he looks at me
he needs something more pronounced than my vanilla sandstone
something deeper than hazel eyes that stare way past the amistad
he wants chocolate rivers to match his own to take him back home to the motherland .... chestnut locks to remind him of yesterday
and i'm mahogany deficient
ebony i know not
your struggle is one i'm familiar with but i can't seem to feel it like you do
when you were demanding reparations for past sins and denouncing all things pro-america i was head banging in royal oak on the hood of my bestfriend's 1960 nova to the lyrics "Born in the USA, I was ..."
... rolling with the in crowd because my style was slamming and i had an effervescent smile to please while you were rocking whatever paid of jeans were the cleanest and faded not to contract to sharply with that powder t ya moms bought you last week
no jewelry
cuz ... you don't need it
if it ain't chary shells than you don't need it
when you were thug ruffin it with your crew and living and dying by the sword i was rollin with crazy ass italians who were blowing up school buses to protest lunch menus that didn't include .... cheeseburgers
i was into team spirits and weekend house parties that lasted till tuesday
while you weren't into anything that didn't flip a dollar or increase your gpa cuz you didn't have time for anything else and ....
he digs that about you
he's inhaling your grass roots like oxygen
but chocking on my honeysuckle blend like it was toxic to the touch
he kisses you on sundays but fucks me every other day of the week
because he likes the color contrast when we sex
and i need more than that
more than occasional glances of affection given when you ...
my nubian counterpart are nowhere to be seen
more than to be set up as a well thought out fantasy cuz light skin is in
i'm just a novelty
not like you
you who he plans to have at his side
his future wife ... raising his seed because who knows better than his african queen how to raise a black man
not me
i'll teach my children the world ... not just the struggle
because my heritage is rich in diversity
i'll show them paris in june and great grandmas headstone that reads
"here lies a jew"
we'll sail across the nile to egypt and build our own pyramids then travel with the gypsies to euripides and dance naked under the harvest moon with medea
we'll swim in lochs of scotland and ride bareback through fields of heather overlooking the highlands then bagpipe our way across to ireland and sleep in castles on the bluff where i'll explain why the crown faces up when on my finger
its because my heart is in my own hands
not his
but it could be
if he only like me