Coping With Triggers
Coping with Triggers and Floating . . . a recovery issue
by Carol Giambalvo
"Floating" is a word often used in association with "trancing
out," "spacing out," "being triggered," or
"dissociation." Ex-cult members describe it in several ways, including (but not
limited to) feeling disconnected, feeling as though you're watching yourself live your
life, having spells where you experience uncontrollable emotions (usually sadness or
anger) that is not appropriate to what is happening at the moment. It is also described as
having exaggerated physical sensations, having anxiety or mild panic attacks, or having a
fantasy or dream like vision, almost like a dream that invades your waking state. Most
ex-members report that these experiences make them feel as though there is something
drastically wrong with them; they feel as though they may be going crazy. The purpose of
this article is to take the fear out of these experiences and bring about some
understanding that they are not abnormal.
Triggered experiences are common to people who have been through a traumatic
experience or prolonged periods of stress. Life in a cult is stressful and, for some
former members, extremely traumatic. In addition, cults induce altered states of
consciousness in many ways. Some cults produce trance-induced experiences through
meditation, chanting, speaking in tongues, guided visualization, auditing and/or
decreeing. Other cults produce dissociative states when putting members through long,
confrontational ("struggle") sessions. Still others overload the senses through
rhythmic drumming, music, information overload or simply through long, emotionally-laden
sermons or lectures.
Periods of "floating" are usually brought on by a "trigger."
Dr. Margaret T. Singer speaks of the importance of being able to define and label these
varying experiences. To define the word "trigger," she uses the following
examples: "It triggered my memory of . . . "; "it reminds me of . . .
"; "it made me recall or re-experience memories."
What is memory?
It is equally important to understand what a memory is. A lot of people think
that memories are stored in our mind much like a video tape of an event, to be replayed at
some future time. However, memory is actually stored in bits and pieces. Memories are a
reconstruction of times past, recalled in the present and can be influenced by new
experiences and new information received since the time the bits and pieces were stored.
What causes triggers?
Triggers for post-cult memories depend upon what group an individual belonged
to, the philosophy and practices of the group, and individual personal experiences in the
group. For former members of an Eastern guru-based group that used incense in meditation
or rituals, the smell of incense can be a powerful trigger. For former members of a large
group awareness training that uses modern music as people are entering the room and during
exercises, hearing one of those songs on the car radio can be a powerful trigger (please
pull off the road if this happens to you!). Ex-members of Bible-based groups can be
triggered by hearing the word "amen" with the same accent and emphasis that the
leader used, or by singing hymns sung in the group or reading scriptures that were
overemphasized in the group. The loaded language used in groups can also be a trigger.
What is "floating" or "dissociation?"
In cult experience, members dissociate in order to adapt to the stress of cult
life and to protect themselves from the group's contradictory agenda and demand for
subservience.
Dissociation is a normal mental response to anxiety. A momentary anxiety arises
when internal or external cues (triggers) set off a memory, a related idea, or a state of
feeling that has anxiety attached to it. This brief anxiety experience alerts the mind to
split off-- that is the mind stops paying attention to the surrounding reality of the
moment. The person becomes absorbed and immersed in some other mental picture, idea or
emotion. This dissociation occurs unexpectedly and unintentionally and it is this
dissociation that can be experienced as a floating effect.
When triggered into a dissociative state after leaving a cult, it can also
trigger resentment and anger at being restrained while in the group -- having been unable
to get up and leave lectures, the lack of freedom and lack of other normal defense
mechanisms.
When does it happen?
Any non-focused, monotonous, repetitive activity can trigger the old state of
dissociation because one becomes flooded by the repetition. There are times when a trigger
can arise m a normal, everyday environment. Ex-members are most susceptible to triggers
when anxious, lonely, stressed, tired, distracted, ill or uncertain.
How to deal with triggers:
Dr. Singer emphasizes the primary need for education, specifically psycho
education. She advises ex-members to learn about trance states, how they are induced, the
results of trance states and, specifically how your group used them. Also, learn the
vocabulary used to identify and label the normal human processes that describe triggers:
- Dissociation - a sudden, temporary alteration m the normally integrative
functions of consciousness, identity or motor behavior
- Depersonalization - one's sense of one's own identity and reality is temporarily
lost -- "who am l?"
- Derealization - a sense of the reality of the external world is lost--"where
am I?" "Is this real?"
Secondly, learn how to protect yourself. After leaving a highly controlled
environment, you need your own space and personal time. Learning to establish healthy
personal boundaries after a cult experience takes time and patience. You may want to
purchase an answering machine and even monitor your calls. Remember, you don't have to
answer all calls, especially calls from the group.
Ex-members benefit tremendously from ex-member support groups. However, not all
of us are fortunate enough to live in a location where a support group meets. So you need
to establish your own support system. Even one person you can talk to who understands can
be very helpful. Some ex-members have set up a support system over the telephone or the
internet.
For your own protection, resist the urge to rescue people you left behind in the
cult. Remember, they know the guilt buttons to push and all the phobia indoctrination to
use. These could cause triggers for you, even as well prepared as you think you are.
Third, Dr. Singer recommends that you get exit counseling. This is part of the
psycho educational process. This does not have to be a formal exit counseling.
Fourth, Dr. Singer warns ex-members about going to a "normal"
therapist, meaning one not knowledgeable about the effects of a thought reform
environment. Therapists tend to blame it on the ex-member, on their masochism, their
dependency issues, or their parents . . . "blame the victim."
And let's take the negative connotation out of the word "victim." Yes,
we were the victims of a very sophisticated system of thought reform, of deception, of
guilt and fear manipulation. Perhaps we were in a transitional stage where we were looking
for more answers for our life than usual, or were looking for new friends, looking for
spirituality, looking for somewhere to belong. A group took our best qualities and used
them for their own benefit while taking our vulnerabilities and using them to exploit and
manipulate us. The other side of it is that we survived! It took a lot of courage to leave
the group and it takes a lot of courage to get our lives back together.
But, what do I do when I'm m the middle of being triggered?
First, respect your fragile moments. The intensity of the triggered states
decreases as time goes on and as you educate yourself.
Second, learn what helps you most when you are triggered. Some suggestions Dr.
Singer makes are:
- divert your attention elsewhere (exercise, scrub the floor, etc.)
- suppress - you don't have to talk about it or analyze it
- minimize - say to yourself "I'm not going crazy. I'm just a little anxious
right now. It will pass"
It helps to learn a way to bring yourself back to reality quickly by getting
some sensory change. Some recently departed ex-members find it helpful to wear a rubber
band around their wrist and "snap" themselves when they find themselves
dissociating. Others, like myself, use the "pinch" method.
Dissociation is a habit. It has been taught to you well over months or years in
a cult. It's a tough habit to break. It takes patience. If you want it gone yesterday, you
may be experiencing one of the other residuals of being in an intense, high-demand group
where everything had to be done yesterday. Taking time and patience with yourself is a
postcult lesson well worth the learning! |
