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CROSS ADDICTION
by Claudia W.
I started my recovery process over 20 years ago when I attended my first Al-anon meeting because I had a boy friend who was 17 years younger than me and I knew he had a problem with alcohol and drugs. I decided that it was possible that I could "maybe" be "somewhat" codependent but did not have a clue that I too was an alcoholic. I knew that our relationship was a problem as he had beat me up, battered my son, wrecked my car, smashed my fish tank, and kicked in my front door. I just thought that if he straightened out, everything else would just fall into place in my life and it would be paradise!
One thing that I have learned about myself over the past twenty years is that if I am not drinking and using drugs, I am busy minding everyone else’s business and trying to control their behavior, thoughts, and feelings. My AA sponsor used to tell me that if I did not stop minding other people’s business, I would have none of my own, and that was so true!. My first years in AA were filled with AA,NA, and Al-anon meetings and thank God I had an open minded sponsor who could see that I had multiple addictions happening. Little did we know that as one addiction or obsessive/compulsive behavior was located and dealt with, another would pop up.
At seven years of sobriety I decided to Let Go and Let God and stop smoking because as I became free of alcohol and drugs, I depended more and more on cigarettes and coffee to buffer my feelings. I was up to 2-3 packs a day when I finally surrendered and stopped smoking. I was very happy about not smoking and as I worked the steps around that addiction, started Smoker’s Anonymous meetings and sponsored people and one day at a time I began to really put on weight. I listened to what people said about the first year of stopping smoking and how the metabolism could be affected and that after awhile everything would go back to normal but after two more years and 50 pounds I had to come out of denial and realize that I had substituted food for cigarettes and cigarettes for alcohol and drugs and codependency.
At eleven years of sobriety and four years of not smoking, my world crashed around me when my six year relationship broke up and I had my first childhood sexual abuse memory. I ran to a therapist, Overeaters Anonymous, and Al-anon and was guided to Survivor’s of Incest Anonymous where my sexual abuse issues were validated and I could begin to heal. As I worked my steps in OA and the weight began to drop off I began to find myself obsessing on sexually related behaviors and I began to be attracted to pornography and romantic intrigue. I became a flirt with the men in the fellowship and I found my way to Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous where I have spent the past eight years learning about all of my addictions and behavioral obsessions, one at a time. I have learned that when I took the alcohol & drugs away I became obsessed with the people around me and all my focus was on their thoughts, feelings, and behavior. When I worked the steps in Al-anon and stopped focusing on other people, I smoked more and drank tons of caffeine. When I gave up coffee and cigarettes, I turned to food. I focused on cooking and shopping for food, planning and looking forward to the next meal, the next party, the next holiday. I was obsessed with serving and eating food. When I went to OA, worked my steps and joined Weight Watchers and began to lose weight I turned to sex and romance for my focus. In other words, I crossed over from one addictive compulsive/obsessive behavior to another. As I became sober with sex and love, compulsive spending reared its’ head and in six years I went from being debt free to a double mortgage on my home which would have been totally paid off in the year 2,000. I had to refinance twice to pay off credit card debt. I lived to shop and shopped to live and all my focus was on the next purchase, the next new outfit, expensive dinners out with friends which I could not afford.
Today I am striving to be free of compulsive/obsessive addictions. Some people think I run a tight ship with my recovery but it sure beats where I came from and I do not ever want to go back there. I try to feel my feelings, whatever they may be, and accept them for what they are, not try and change them with a substance or a behavior. I have learned that being in my feelings, good, bad, or indifferent, is what living is really about. Before I learned to sit with my feelings I was merely surviving. Today even if I am feeling extreme emotional pain, I am living life as my Higher Power intended me to live it. I understand now what that saying, "You cannot have a rainbow without the rain" truly means. Joy, serenity, sadness, anger are all feelings that one experiences as he/she lives his/her life and to try and avoid painful feelings is not living in reality.
There are two books which helped me to see my patterns and identify the cross addiction better than any others. They are Patrick Carnes’ book, "Don’t Call it Love," and Charlotte Davis Kasl Ph.D's book, "Women, Sex & Addiction." If you think you may have a problem with cross addiction, please do yourself a favor and check out these books. By now there may even be new ones out on the subject. If you read with an open mind, you may come to find out that you have a hidden addiction or two below the surface of your sobriety!
Tuesday, September 07, 1999
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The Sick Elephants
In the wild when an elephant gets sick and it lies down the elephants bulk
will usually not let it rise again and thus it will die.
However nature is wonderful and the instinct of the well elephants in the herd is to prop up the sick one and lead it to food and water until it either recovers or dies.
There are times when there are more sick elephants then well ones, the instinct of the well ones is to still prop up the sick ones, being outnumbered however; the sick ones start to take the well ones down with them, thus some well ones will also die. Some well ones instinct for survival will override their instinct to help other elephants and they will flee. SO THEY CAN LIVE.
AA works basically the same way- a recovering alcoholic has the instinct to help other alcoholics- but sometimes it is necessary to flee SO WE CAN LIVE!!! This is not abandoning-it is survival so we can be there for another alcoholic who is willing and able to recover.
source & author unknown
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A God Joke
A young man once asked God how long a million years was to him.
God replied, "A million years to me is just like a single second to you."
The young man asked God what a million dollars was to him.
God replied, "A million dollars to me is just like a single penny to you."
Then the young man got his courage up and asked,
"God, could I have oneof your pennies?"
God smiled and replies, "Certainly, just a second.
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