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More from the desk of Dotti Primrose...
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How do I get my family off my back about smoking?
Dear Dotti: I’m getting sick and tired of my family nagging me about my smoking. It’s my life and I enjoy smoking so what’s it to them? It’s a free country! It’s my pursuit of happiness! If I want to smoke at work, why not? If I want to smoke while I’m eating at a restaurant, I should be allowed to, it’s as simple as that. How do I get these cigarette Nazis off my case? — Puffing Pop in Quincy
Dear Puffing: Your wife and kids care about you and want to see you live longer, though based on your obnoxious behavior, I can’t see why. Here’s a suggestion: Why not try to cut down to just two packs a day?
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My wife has me on a diet that’s making me miserable!
Dear Dotti: My wife has me on this diet and it’s terrible. I can only eat a rice cake and water in the morning. Then she gives me a carrot and some celery with a tall glass of water for lunch. For supper, I am permitted to have a potato, some lettuce and an ice cube. I can’t take it. If I’m meant to be fat, I can accept that. I’m comfortable with my weight. How do I get my wife to back off? — Two-Ton Tony in Tucson
Dear Two-Ton: I’m very lucky —I’ve always had the metabolism where I can eat anything I want and never gain a pound. I’m the envy of all those around me so I’ve never really done the “diet” thing. But it has always struck me as odd that a person is forced to give up everything he loves so he can live longer and be miserable. You may live longer on a diet, but you probably won’t have any fun. The choice is yours.
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My kid needs to go into video game rehab!
Dear Dotti: My son is constantly playing video games. As soon as he comes home, he plugs in and he's gone for hours. How can I get him to stop playing so much? -- Gameboy's Mom in Houston
Dear Gameboy's Mom: Last time I checked, all video games came with an "On/Off" switch. Use it.
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My copycat kid sister is driving me insane!
Dear Dotti: My 9-year-old sister is driving me insane. She's constantly trying to be me, sound like me and act like me. I'm a teenager, and ever since I turned 13, she's wanted nothing more than to be 13 or older than me. Plus, the little brat tries to squeeze her oversized stomach into my clothes and my mom, grandma and aunt let her. Please give me some advice on how to get rid of my sister's "wanna-be-me" syndrome! -- Sliding Off The Edge in Sacramento
Dear Sliding: You should be flattered your sister thinks you're worth copying. But why she wants to imitate a bratty teenager like you is beyond me. Go ahead and take a long walk off a short pier -- then you won't have to worry about her anymore.
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Charlie Brown is giving me deja vu!
Dear Dotti: I don't know what it is lately, but every time I read the comics in the newspaper, I get the weirdest feeling of deja vu, especially when I read Peanuts. What is wrong with me? -- Comic Man in Providence
Dear Comic Man: Nothing is wrong with you, other than the fact that you're clueless. You're reading old comics. When Charles Schultz died, they started running repeats, blockhead.
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I've got cold feet about commitment!
Dear Dotti: I'm 25 and in a very solid, loving relationship. But every time my girl brings up the idea of marriage, I get very anxious and nervous. We seem to be perfect for each other, but I'm just not ready. Now my boss has asked me to relocate to another state for work. My girl says she's willing to move, but I told her I couldn't ask her to make that kind of commitment before I know how I feel. I'm thinking of giving it three months, then deciding if I'll send for her or not. What do you think? -- Standoffish in Stamford
Dear Standoffish: Hit the road, Jack. Make sure it's a one-way ticket. Let "your girl" find someone who isn't a self-absorbed baby-man.
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My family won't come to my witchy-wedding!
Dear Dotti: I'm getting married in a couple of weeks and my husband and I are planning a ceremony in Wiccan tradition. It will take place on October 31, at midnight, in a forest glen in a circle of candles. My family says they're convinced we're going to be summoning Satan and sacrificing animals. I think they're just saying that to get out of buying us a present, what do you think? -- Wiccan Wife-to-Be in Salem
Dear Wiccan: If your family doesn't want to attend your little freak show/wedding then forget them. I hope you and your new warlock are very happy together. Just try not to fall off the broomstick as you fly off on your honeymoon.
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My husband doesn't know how to use a shopping list!
Dear Dotti: My husband is driving me up the wall. Whenever I send him out to the store he comes home with the wrong thing. I sent him out for taco sauce, and he came back with salsa. I send him out for root beer and he comes back with birch beer. I tell him to get barbecue sauce and he buys steak sauce. What can I do to get him to buy the right things? -- At Wit's End in Belmar
Dear Wit's End: I know it's always easier to have someone else do something and complain about it, but you know what? Unless the supermarket has taken out some sort of restraining order against you, get off your lazy butt and do it yourself.
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Please help me find old boyfriend
Dear Dotti: I've been a widow for four years now. I've been thinking a lot about a boyfriend I had 47 years ago. Dotti, can you use your mystical powers to see if he is alive? Can you see if he's married or a widower in your crystal ball, and if I will see him ever? -- Dreamer in Canada
Dear Dreamer: Wake up, you old biddy! I operate on common sense and sound judgment, not that mystical mumbo-jumbo and crystal balls. The Sabak sisters are working that side of the street -- drop them a line .
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Mom and Dad treat me like a prisoner
Dear Dotti: I've finally had it with my parents! Just because I failed a bunch of tests, they've imprisoned me! I'm locked in my home, unable to see friends, go out, play video games or watch TV! They're even trying to brainwash me by reading my textbooks out loud! I'm ready to run away from home! This is no way to treat a child! -- Captive Kiddie in Austin
Dear Captive: It's called "being grounded," you spoiled brat. Stop whining, study your books and maybe Mom and Dad will reduce your sentence for good behavior.
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