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The Jerome Howard Notebook
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as assisted by Dan Fiorella
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by Jerome Howard
WWN, 11/22/2004
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by Jerome Howard
WWN, 02/07/2005
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Grizzly job accidents are on the rise and it’s all because of wild Hip-Hop fashions! With fans of Hip-Hop and Rap music entering the job market in rising numbers, statistics show an increase in reports of workers getting caught in machinery, cooking appliances and suction devices.
“Kids, with their big, baggy pants, oversized shirts and untied shoelaces are accidents just waiting to happen," reports Dennis Bidone, of the Department of Worker Safety.
Ben Jonsen, 61, a union shop steward at Flange Industries, says, “I lost two workers last week when their do-rags got tangled up in our iron presses. It wasn’t pretty.”
Companies are imposing stricter dress codes on factory workers but workers are protesting such moves. “It’s the man getting in our face,” states Will (Ice Berg) Remont, 23, a sorter at a beverage bottling company. “They don’t like us stylin’ and chillin’, so they be trying to shut us down.” His boss, David Neeven, 58, disagrees, “We just want them to tuck in their shirts or something.”
On-the-job accidents are having an effect on corporate budgets. “We’re bleeding money on these kids,” reports Alburt Simmens, the Chief Financial Officer at Flange Industries. “Medical expenses, lost hours, decreased production are starting to hurt. These kids losing limbs are costing us an arm and a leg.”
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In a new twist on “Red Wine,” Chinese vineyards have announced plans to enter the world market with their own brands of wine. Experts predict dire consequences for the French wine industry.
Noted wine connoisseur Raffe Jasphaur, says, "If China starts making wine, it's over for the French. There are a billion people there. That's two billion feet stomping grapes. No way can France compete with that!" Vast quantities of wine reaching the market would cause prices to fall, which could cause the wine market to crash.
“The streets will run red with Pinot noir before we allow these ‘Chinese bootleg wines’ to ruin our livihoods,” says Gasper Lafluer, head of the French Grape Growers Society.
If prices fall many wineries may be forced to destroy inventory to decrease supply and maintain prices.
China, the largest nation on earth, has vast regions of land similar in climate to the best wine growing vineyards in the world. The Chinese have imported grape vines from several nations, including France. They have also smuggled in bottles of the finest wines to “reverse engineer” the beverage, allowing them to grow and ferment wine the equal of any in the world.
Experts have sampled wines from China and pronounced them "quite good" but note that after drinking it, an hour later they were thirsty again.
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More pages from the notebook:
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