This morning started out much like any other morning. But when I combed my hair, some white powdery stuff fell off my head. I figured it wasn't anything, so I went ahead and showered, shaved, put on my robe, and went to the kitchen for a bite.
When I got downstairs, I found that my wife had already prepared me a little something to eat. There on the table was coffee, a donut, and the day's newspaper.
The headlines, in keeping with the events of the last few weeks, were about anthrax. What a wonderful thing to get out of bed for....
It was then that I realized that my wife was trying to kill me.
There, on the saucer, next to my coffee, was some white powder. Not only that, my donut was covered in it! I knew I should take no chances and determined that I should place the evidence of her treachery in plastic bags to bring to the police.
Of course, I couldn't touch it without risking infection. So I went to the medicine cabinet, where we keep a box of disposable rubber gloves. Alas, they were useless to me, white powder covering them. They would have to be impounded, too. Was she really this diabolical?
As I pondered what to do, I decided that I really needed something in my stomach, so went back to the kitchen to pour myself a bowl of some Great Tiger cereal. The flakes were covered in a fine white dust.
There was no longer any question in my mind. The woman had saturated the house in anthrax.
I decided to step out to the garage for a cigarette and to think things through. But there, where I usually lean against the washing machine, there was more white powder!
I gave up on the smoke and went to the bedroom to get dressed so I could go downtown and file a police report.
I couldn't. There was powder in my SHOES, of all places. I would have to go barefoot, and that wouldn't do.
So I called the police to come to the house. While waiting for them to arrive, I looked for more evidence. I found it.
Under the sink, near the cleaning compounds; in the bathroom with the personal care products; even above the windows and doors white dusty powder could be found.
I decided while waiting that I would be best off to go outside. Since I couldn't put on my shoes, I thought I would work on the pool. When I opened the pool supplies closet, there was evidence of white powder all over the room.
I decided instead to wash the car. Imagine my shock when the wax dried to reveal even more white powder!
I have to admit, she was thorough and she had finally gotten me. I never should have trusted a woman born on May 6 (5/6... 5+6=11).
When at long last the police arrived, they just laughed at me and told me I married her, I would have to deal with it.
So much for any help from the authorities.
-Dave Pawson
PS... I have a real dilemma here: ANTHRAX CURE and ANTIBIOTICS both have 11 letters in them, and we all know what that means.
