The Dating Dilemma
You're sitting in a bar chatting with friends when an attractive gentleman
walks through the door and approaches the bartender to order a drink. Your eyes meet and
he smiles politely. This may be your lucky night after all. You continue to chat with
friends, occasionally flirting with glances and grins at the gentleman who is now seated
at the bar. A friend then decides she needs to leave. You stand up to hug her goodbye when
out of the corner of your eye you notice that the gentleman has got up from the bar and is
walking your way. Your friend, who was standing in front of you, leaves, and there is
nothing blocking your view of the gentleman or his view of you. He stops suddenly, stares
at you for a second, then walks off in a different direction, pretending you don't even
exist. You wonder why he changed his mind and then you remember, your cane, he noticed
your cane. This is not you're lucky night after all.
To you this may seem like just one bad night at the bar, but for many of the 49
million Americans who have a disability this scene is a common occurrence. When a person
has a disability others tend not to see them for who they are, but for what their
disability represents. Some people seem to think that having a disability equals being
incompetent. This raises two issues in today's society; in a relationship where one person
has a disability does more responsibly fall on the able - bodied partner or is
responsibility equal, and is it easier for a person with a disability to date a partner
who does not have a disability or another person with a disability? Opinions on these
issues seem to be equally divided when both persons who have disabilities and persons who
do not have disabilities are asked. Some people who are able - bodied seem to hold the
opinion that if they were to date someone who has a disability that they will be the
caretaker of that person rather than an equal partner. They fear that their needs may take
a backseat to the partner that has a disability. Many people have counteracted this
viewpoint by stating while the able-bodied partner may not have a disability, they
certainly have unique needs that require attention. If their partner has a disability, it
does not mean that that person cannot meet the needs of the other. Some people with
disabilities feel that it is easier to date another person with a disability because there
would be a better understanding of each others needs. They feel that since they share a
common bond of their disabilities they will some how be closer and save themselves the
embarrassment of explaining certain needs. On the other hand, some people feel that dating
another who has a disability would cause certain problems such as what would happen if
they both needed help? No matter what a person with a disability decides to do there is no
doubt that it can be harder with a disability to find a partner because of societal
stigma's. Society has to stop seeing people with disabilities for the "problems"
they have and start to think of them as the healthy sexual beings that they are. In any
relationship it is not what is on a person's outside that counts, but rather the inside
connection they share with another.
