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Things Dogs Must Remember

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, couch or any other furniture.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not get sick in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, horse manure, bird droppings, mud, wet grass............

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks or underwear and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose on her bottom.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps, the carpet, the area rugs.....

My head does not belong in the refrigerator or between anyone's legs.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Dad's driver's license and car registration.

Author Unknown to me

August 29,2000

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