Crow's Nest

Poems

Raven

She is who I am not
She is all I wish that I could be
She can fly while I am stuck in this
cage
She can take wing and see the mountain
tops
She can fly to the stars and beyond
I however am earth bound
I can't leave the grass behind
I am stuck in this place
I belong to the sky like Raven
But I can't seem to be able to get there
I can't reach the stars
Raven is everything I am not
Raven is what I can never be
Raven flies high above the clouds
And floats on the breeze
She belongs to the sky but descends to
earth
She can be a part of both
I have only the earth
I can't be part of the water or the sky
She is who I want to become
~Crow

Jack

Emotions run thick inside you
Some are seen as threats
But in others emotions are too few
Please I beg you to have no regrets
You are teasing with passion
From love to anger to hate
Feeling without reason
Emotions are your fate
You see some as weak
And others as too small
But emotions is what I seek
They are an unignorable call
Some fear to feel passion
But that just isn't you
You fear no emotion
In life they guide you through
So if you ever feel unloved
Just remember this
I think you're an angel sent from above
To bring my soul's first kiss
~Crow

Cowardice

He loves her more than life itself
He would give up the moon the stars for her
But he knows she doesn’t know he breathes
He would find Eden to get her a perfect
rose
He would fly if she asked him to
But he know she doesn’t love him
***
She could walk on the clouds if he just
looked at her
She could count the stars in heaven for him
But she knows he doesn’t know she breathes
She could walk across the Sahara in an
instant
Or swim the seven seas to see his smile
But she knows he doesn’t love her
***
They could live forever for each other
They could count through fire for a touch
But they know the other doesn’t know they
breathe
They could climb the tallest mountains
Make it through any hardships
But they know the other doesn’t love them
***
They are meant to be but never will be
Because they don’t have courage or strength
They are doomed because neither will start
Without a sign from the other
This is their never ending curse
To watch from afar and have unrequited love

~Crow

A Quickly Changing World

Anger and hate run rampant
Across the world today
Prejudice is commonplace
Though why we cannot say
Aggression and war are normal things
In our normal lives
We just learn to live with it
And he who survives, survives
It seems to me we just don’t care
About each other anymore
We aren’t polite, don’t give respect
To those that us forbore
We are so rude and ignorant
So prideful and so vain
We don’t even care about other
We just aren’t the same
~Crow

I Just Don't Know

I don’t know how to greet fate
I just hope for my sanity’s sake
That one day I will understand
I wish that I could lean for all man
What exactly is expected of humans
Is it possible to give fate a hand
Or do I have to just trust in destiny
I don’t know what’s gonna come
Will I end up far away or at home
Will I never have family or friends
Will that be the way to my life’s end
I wish that I could figure all out
And when I die will it be in a crowd
Or will I be alone when the end takes my
soul
I just don’t know
~Crow

Becoming

He walks slumped over, feeling dejected
He bends his head to all those around him
He feels inferior but in reality he’s
inferior to no one
He is a tree standing tall but sees
himself as a sapling
He is a hurricane that thinks it is a
breeze
He is the moon but thinks he is a plain
rock
He is a whole but sees himself as a
fraction
He doesn’t realize what he means to me
He is as smart as Einstein or Gates but he
doesn’t see it
He can be anything but doesn’t know it yet
He has the potential to change his stars
but doesn’t believe
He has passion like an inferno but feels
cold
He has strength to rival all but feels weak
He has grace like a panther but feels more
like an ugly duckling
I wish he’d see what I see
I wish he’d see the beauty and the grace
I wish he’d see his own intelligence
I wish he’s see he’s blessed with gifts
I wish he’d be the person I know he is
One day he’ll become what I know lies
inside him
Someday he’ll believe in himself and
accomplish great things
One day he’ll change his stars
One day he’ll make all his dreams,
realities
He will become
~Crow

Perspectives

The knife swished through the air
But it’s not my fault she asked for it
It sunk into her flesh like butter
I could hear the fly on the wall buzz
The clock ticked endlessly
And her blood trickled over my hands
It was a river of red all over the floor
But its not my fault she wanted it
The knife bit my hand but it was a
delightful pain
I slammed it into her again and again
She screamed shrilly
As I ripped the knife from her body
She crumbled to the floor
It’s not my fault she needed it
The life seeped out of her body to the floor
And lay there in a heap
It all happened in a blurr
And I woke up oblivious
I didn’t do it did I
It’s not my fault I don’t remember
They told me all the rest
Was it really me
Was I covered in blood I don’t remember
It’s not my fault
~Crow

The Big Questions

Why?
Why is it that the world loves to hate?
Why are people in love with pain?
Why is it entertaining to see people hurt?
Is it human nature to want to see others
in pain?
Why?
Why is love always so painful?
Why is happiness so often without joy?
Why is hate and the hurt so often what we
see?
Why are we blind to what stares us in the
face?
Why?
Why can’t we see the freedom we’ve been
given?
Why can’t we understand understanding?
Why is life a constant death?
Why does the world love to hate?
It’s because our hearts are hardened.
It’s because we just can’t seem to trust.
It’s because we can’t live life.
It’s because we are only human.
It’s because we can’t seem to stay happy.
It's because we choose to see what we want
to see.
It's because we believe what we want to
believe.
It's because we are only human.
~Crow

Death

The endless night
The sleep of eternity
That is what you are
You steal those who are loved
Like a thief in the night
You take away the innocent
You hold no regard for position
Power means nothing to you
Neither does caring nor kindness
You care nothing for those you destroy
You just take them away
Away from those who do care
Away from those who love them
But the more I think on you
The more loving you seem
You take away pain
You give the gift of release
You end suffering
You are part of the cycle of life
You are what you must be
You didn’t get to choose your job
You simply do what you were born to
You bring life back to where it
started
But still I can’t seem to accept you
I can’t seem to love you
It seems like all I do is hate you
~Crow

Angel in the Dark

I saw you in the park that night
The night I fell in love
And that's when I finally found
My angel from above
I never put a name to love
Before that destined date
I'd never seen an angel's face
Though now I know twas fate
My angel came to me in the dark
He sought me out of fear
The fear that he would never have
Someone to share his tears
He held me close in the black
And softly sang to me
He sang of love so beautiful
I drifted off to sleep
That’s when I woke to find
My angel he was gone
Was he real or in my mind
But I still hear his song
~Crow

Creatures of the Night

Fiery blasts of burning heat
In the day is much replete
Burning fiercely through my skin
Melting organs deep within
The darkness is my sanctuary
In the daylight I’ll not tarry
Or even venture one small peak
My death isn’t something that I seek
Darkness is a vamp’s best friend
For in the light our lives must end
The darkness is a safety zone
In a crypt all made of stone
I’m safer here than Fort Knox gold
Deep inside my tomb so cold
In a room without a view
I sleep in silence old and new
When day is hidden from my sight
I enjoy the starry night
In daylight life's so very plain
The sun’s cold rays are my bane
My blood in veins will freeze like ice
Daylight has a costly price
Here I am content to stay
In the dark and not the day
My fellow creatures of the night
Like not the ugly rays of light
They are like cold prison bars
That can be opened with light of stars
Indeed we have a glorious time
We feed on people its no crime
It is our nature and so our way
To feed off creatures of the day
The rush of blood so warm and slick
It gives you such a joyous kick
It makes emotions run so high
To hear a shout, a squeak, a cry
When you go in for the kill
Then your prey becomes so still
Next you bend and drink so deep
Then silently away you creep
Lovely blood so wonderfully red
Filling my belly goes straight to my head
Like vintage champagne or wine
That laid for centuries in this tomb of
mine
My brothers and sisters so happily filled
With blood from people of all shapes and
build
Lying down contented, safe from day
We will be here locked away
In a corner the shadows I see
Moving, dancing gracefully
The beautiful shadows lie in wait
To be soon faded is their fate
The daylight destroys all things in time
It's such a horribly brutal crime
Only we the night creatures know
That daylight makes everything go
The day creatures think the sun is great
But death is there eternal fate
The night and shadows never hurt anyone
That’s not so with the unholy sun
The moon and its luminous light
Is to us the most beautiful sight
But we still the shadows prefer
So our victims they will not stir
From whence they stand or sit or lie
To capture without a cry
Our food which is their life
We steal to end all kinds of strife
In their world ugly and bright
We bring to them the endless night
It’s our gift from us to you
We free you from all you must do
So thank us now its only polite
For we give you the dark and glorious night
~Crow

Stories

Chapter 1: Beginnings

They call me the angel of death and they are right. I am. However I am no angel. Just an assassin. Well assassin isn’t really the right word either. I am a warrior but not the conventional one that most people think of. Most people picture a huge Viking or caveman with a club or axe. That’s not me. First of all I am not a man. I am a woman. Thin and lithe, pretty I guess, but nothing out of the ordinary or spectacular. I am not particularly tall or short. I’m average or at least I would be if it wasn’t for my eyes and hair. My hair is long and silver. Weird I know. My eyes change color depending on my mood. Again very weird. Magda said that I am of Elfin decent. I think that might be true. My name is Draven though nobody called me that until Luthien. I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m supposed to start at the beginning so here goes.
I am a foundling an orphan. Magda found me when I was still a baby. She took me home and raised me. Let me explain about Magda. She was a great lady if a little rough around the edges. She was small and round, very matronly. The villagers wanted her to kill me because of my unusual looks but she refused. Foundlings were thought of as bad luck at that time, well they still are seen as bad luck and are usually killed. I was lucky. Anyway…Magda told the villagers that if anything happened to me she would leave. The villagers would have cut their right arms off before they would have allowed her to do that. She was their healer. The only one for a hundred miles. They needed her so they let her have me.
We lived in a huge hollowed out tree. My room was upstairs. I even had a window. Magda had a room downstairs. The stairs were a little much for her. There was a kitchen and area for our table and chairs. It was comfortable in that house even though it was a bit unusual.
Magda didn’t know my birthday so she picked a day. The day she found me. Each year Magda would give me something. I kept seven of the gifts. One year she gave me a crystal. It was a dark, dark blue. Another year she gave me a silver dagger with a red jewel in the hilt. Her last gift to me was a beautiful black cloak. It was way to big when she gave it to me but it fits perfectly now. There were four other gifts. A blanket, which seemed to keep me the perfect temperature, a pair of leather gloves (which like the cloak were too big then but fit now), a pack, which can fit pretty much anything in it, and a mirror. Also I have kept with me a silver chain with a ring on it. Magda found me wearing it. It was the only clue I had to my past.
I’ll skip ahead a few years to when I was about nine. When I was nine, I started school. I learned quickly how to read and write. The villagers never really accepted me though. Not even the children. Not one of the girls would even talk to me. They wouldn’t come near me and still won’t. I always would play with the boys. At least they would come near me. The boys at least talked to me. Sort of. I learned a lot from those boys, especially how to fight. A lot of them didn’t like me. Many of them fought me. I went home beaten and bloodied many times because of them. Fortunately I am a fast healer. Many times I won the fights but there were some that I just couldn’t win. I wasn’t strong enough then. I was nine, what can I say. That was also the year Magda died.
Magda was ancient when she found me and her health deteriorated over the years. I was there when she died. There wasn’t anything I could do. People die. I know that now. I was heartbroken when Magda didn’t wake up that morning. I wept on her for hours before I went to the village to get help. Thomas the farrier and Godfrey the miller buried Magda and took me back to the village with them.
The villagers didn’t know what to do with me so when a slaver went through the village they sold me to him. Godfrey thought I would fetch a good price. The night before he came to inspect me I heard Godfrey discussing my fate with his wife. She said it was what I deserved. She wouldn’t even let me in her house. I had to sleep outside. That was fine. The blanket kept me warm enough. And I used my pack as a pillow. After I heard the conversation I ran into the woods, dyed my hair with berries, and covered myself in mud. Godfrey didn’t say a word about my odd hair color and dirty appearance when the slaver got there and I am grateful for that. Who knows what would have bought me if I had been clean?
I was lucky. I was sold to a man that wasn’t exactly kind but at least he didn’t force me into his bed like so many other slaves were. I’m getting ahead of myself again. I’ll start with the slaver himself. He was ugly as sin and huge. He paid five coppers for me that’s all. I wasn’t even worth a silver to him or the villagers. Pathetic. After he bought me he grabbed me and shoved me in a cage on his wagon. I remember looking back at the village as the wagon drove away and thinking I shouldn’t have been there. I didn’t belong there and never will belong anywhere without hiding who I am. For a long time I was right.
I was locked in the cage for over a week before we reached the city of Delran. When he finally let me out he threw me in some water to wash away the stink of the cage. It was disgusting. I was as neat as I possibly could have been but still the cage wasn’t all that big. After I was somewhat clean again he tied my wrists together and made me walk behind the wagon the rest of the way to his place of business. There I was stripped and tied to a post to wait until he opened his “store”. I don’t know how but I managed to hang onto my pack. I don’t even remember bringing it on the wagon with me but apparently I did because it sat at my feet by the fence post I was tied to. I stood there for a long time. I just got angrier and angrier. There were other people there. All were naked like I was. I really didn’t notice them other than that. There was this one boy who stood tied like I was. His skin was tan. Next to mine his skin looked even darker (my skin is very light).
He stood there proud as a peacock. The fact that he was naked didn’t bother him at all. He looked regal and proud. His eyes danced. It was as if he didn’t care that he was a slave. He was around eleven or twelve, only a few years older than me but he was very tall. His eyes also had a look that said that he had seen more than most people his age. He had hair as black as night. It had a bluish hue to it in the sunlight. While we stood in the courtyard of the building he talked to me.
“What is your name?” He asked me.
“Slaves have no names.” He smiled at me and his eyes told me he understood. He let it drop. At that point I decided I would never speak my name until I was free. Slaves didn’t have names and so I didn’t have a name for over seven years.
A man rode into the courtyard a few minutes later. He was short and looked wiry. He looked kind of like a pig. His name I soon learned was Master Garth, although I never called him that. I refused to address him or anyone else as my master. He bought me for three silvers and two coppers. I tried to explain to him that he was being cheated. I yelled to him that I only cost five coppers to begin with. His response was to backhand me.
That was when I noticed his ring. It was made of gold and had a blood red ruby in the center. I couldn’t help wondering if that was so the blood didn’t show. That was when I realized that I had a gash on my face because of it. For such a small man he was very strong. The boy I had met was taller and broader than Garth. When he hit me I went sprawling on to the ground. Because of the rope I didn’t go that far. I picked myself up with as much dignity as I could. As I was doing so he spoke.
“You will speak only when spoken to by your betters, slave. What is your name?” he asked. His voice was deep and raspy.
“Slaves have no names.” I said arrogantly. “That means that I don’t either. I thought I should tell you that in case you were to stupid to understand.” I knew he was going to hit me again for saying that but he didn’t. That was the only time in the seven years I knew him that he didn’t hit me at the slightest provocation. He did however grab me and pull me over to his horse. My hands were still tied together. He tied me to the saddle. Then he went back over to the slaver and paid him for me. I found out later that he had threatened the man with death if he ever tried to cheat him again. He only paid five coppers for me. When he came back he tossed some clothes at me which I held until I had the chance to put them on when I was untied later. Again somehow I managed to keep my pack with me. I hid it when we reached Garth’s place.
He mounted his horse and we started out of the courtyard. I had to run to keep up. It’s a good thing that I was used to running through the forest and was rather nimble. I had the time for a quick glance back at the boy. He smiled at me as if to say stay strong. I didn’t get the chance to smile at him because Garth yanked the rope just hard enough to make me stumble. I felt totally humiliated as I was lead through the streets but no one even seemed to notice I was there.
We traveled quite a distance like that. It was shear will power that kept me from collapsing when we got to Garth’s home. It was enormous. The place was made of stone. It had a twenty-foot wall around it. There were spears sticking out of the stone all around the top of the wall. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to escape. I knew it was going to take a long time to accomplish and it was going to have to be carefully planned.
Garth untied me and escorted me to a building that looked a lot like a barn. He left me there with some women. They tried to comfort me but I wouldn’t be consoled. I wouldn’t even talk to them. They showed me to a bed that was almost decent. I dressed when I got there and sat down on the bed and slept. It couldn’t have been an hour before I was woken by a beefy woman. She pulled me out of bed by my hair. The first thing I noticed about her other than her size was the fact that she wore an apron that was covered in blood.
“If ye shirk yer duties ye won’t be fed. Do ye understand?” I nodded. I wasn’t about to miss eating. I had had enough of that. I hadn’t eaten in days.
The woman had me follow her to the kitchens. There she put me to work serving Garth and his guests. I wasn’t kept there long because I “accidentally” spilled several trays of food. From there I was sent to clean chambers and light the fires at night and in the morning in the chambers that were in use. After one of the rooms caught on fire I was banished to the stables. I was also given another set of clothes that were appropriate for the stables.
I had seen the stables on the way in to the Dungeon (as I affectionately called it). I hurried there in my “new” clothes. They consisted of a black shirt (big), a pair of black pants, a pair of black leather boots that fit me perfectly even though they were a bit worn, and heavy-duty black gloves made of leather. The clothes suited me and I was glad I had them. They fit with my mood.
From that day forward I worked hard and learned much from the stable hands. I was the only girl among them. They were civil to me for the most part but they weren’t my friends. They had lost the will to fight.
I became the best rider and wrangler among them. I had a connection with the horses. It was almost as if I could understand them. It was like they talked to me; let me know what they needed. I think that it was some of my Elfin blood coming through. The fact that I had this connection with the horses combined with the fact that I’m a girl got me into a lot of scrapes with the boys. They began calling me Scrapper after my first fight with one of them. I won that bout and most of the ones after that. It didn’t take people long to figure out I was a lot stronger than I looked.
Every week Garth would come out to the stables to check everything over to make sure everything was running smoothly. It didn’t matter who messed up I was always punished for it. I think that Garth realized that he couldn’t break my spirit so he got angry and tried anyway. He would take a whip off the wall and have me flogged. I grew strong because of him, although I doubt he would see it as such. I became immune to the pain after a while. It hurt yes, but the trick is not minding that it hurts. He never figured that out though. He was a stupid man.
The years went by and my fighting skills developed. I learned to use swords as well as daggers. Sometimes we were given money. Not much but I saved what I had and eventually bought the things I would need to escape. I also earned money by fighting. Not a lot of fights, just one every month or two. I bet money on myself to win and made money from the bets and from being paid to fight. I lost only once.
The man I fought was about a foot and a half taller than me. He also outweighed me by a hundred pounds. I thought I could take him. I thought he was going to be slow. I was wrong. He was fast, faster than he looked. If I hadn’t underestimated him so drastically I could have won. I was foolish, but I learned a valuable lesson. Don’t underestimate anyone and don’t judge people by their looks.
My chance to escape came when I was seventeen. I had been under Garth’s thumb for nearly eight years. That whole time I had still been keeping my hair colored so no one would know I had Elfin blood. I also cut it short a few days before when I first heard of the uprisings. I knew my chance for escape would come soon and that it would be easier being a boy than a girl. Especially an Elfin girl. Elves were despised in those days. The only good Elf is a dead Elf as the saying goes. With the money I had saved over the years I bought things I would need. I bought a few water skins, an extra set of black clothes, as well as a set of clothes that were regal looking. They were mostly red with silver embroidery. I also bought a sword. It was made of the purist silver. It was lightweight and strong. The man I bought it from sold it to me for cheap. It was like he didn’t see how special it was. I thought about buying a horse but I realized that I could steal any one I wanted from Garth.
It was a dark night. There had been slave uprisings all over Delran. That night the riots came to the Dungeon. In the confusion I made my way into the house and found my way to Garth’s bedroom. It was surprisingly easy to get there. The halls were deserted. I had gathered my things before hand because I knew I was going to need to make a quick escape.
I snuck into his room and walked over to his bed. There was a curtain made of red velvet that hung around the outside of his bed. There were wall hangings everywhere and he had his clothes strewn all about his room. I pulled back the curtain and looked at him. He was snoring when I woke him up. When he saw me standing there he knew I had come to take his life.
I took the dagger out of my boot and plunged it into his heart before he had time to react. It slid in with little resistance. It was so much easier than I had thought it would be. I thought it would be hard to stab him but it wasn’t. It didn’t take much force to drive it home. Pulling it out was odd though. There was a sucking noise as I pulled it out. I stood there with the dagger in my hand watching the blood slide off the blade and drip into the growing pool of blood on his chest. I watched him until the last flicker of life vanished from his eyes. Then I wiped the blade on the bedclothes and put it back in its sheath in my boot.
I pulled my cloak around me and picked up my discarded pack before I headed for the door. That was when I noticed the bag of gold on the table. I had some money left but more wouldn’t hurt. Besides it wasn’t like Garth needed it and I might. I quickly picked it up and slid it into my pack. So I left, but not before I slid the ring off Garth’s finger. That ring was the first thing that Garth used to make me bleed. Now he couldn’t use it anymore (okay so I wasn’t exactly rational at that moment but it proved to be useful in the end). It was my symbol of freedom.
No one saw me go in and no one saw me go out. It had been a clean kill. My first but not my last. I thought I would feel guilty after fulfilling my revenge on Garth but I didn’t. I felt relieved.
I ran down the halls not making a sound. My cloak and clothes were black as the night and kept me well hidden. I was just about outside when I realized I had forgotten to get food to take with me. Don’t get me wrong I know how to hunt rather well but I wanted to travel fast the first few nights.
I wasn’t about to take and chances in my escape. So I made a pit stop at the kitchens on my way out. I grabbed some dried meat, cheese, biscuits that sort of thing. I shoved it all in a bag and slung that over my shoulder and snuck out of the kitchens.
From there I went to the last stall in the stables. It was the biggest one. The horse in that stall was Garth’s personal stallion, Scorch. He was entirely black. Not a spot of color on him. I put on his tack and mounted. Then I road out of the Dungeon without being seen (it turns out that no one was around because the slaves were joined in the riots and the freemen were fighting them back into submission). I had packed a sack of grain in the saddlebag for the horse so I didn’t need to worry about that.

I headed in the opposite direction of the slave revolts. I could tell because it was full dark and I could see the light from the torches but mostly it was the screaming that told me which directions not to go. I rode over a wooden bridge. The torches by the guard towers were still lit but the guards weren’t there. They must have joined the battle. I had made it out of Delran. I rode on the edge of the forest for a full night and a day. I wanted to be close enough to the forest that I could escape there on foot but far enough away that if I was attacked that way that I could ride Scorch quickly and easily. The forest is not an easy place to keep your seat when riding.
I finally had to rest at the end of the day. I brought Scorch into the forest about twenty feet and let him free to graze. I knew he wouldn’t stray very far. I took the saddle and set it near the base of a tree to use as a pillow. There was a stream nearby and I got some fresh water before going back to my makeshift camp. I couldn’t light a fire. I was still wary of attacks from Delran. I pulled my blanket out of my pack as well as some food. I ate and laid down to go to sleep. Normally I am a light sleeper but because I was so tired I slept heavily (I had been awake for nearly almost hours). I was happy for the first instance in a long time.
That night I thought about when I rode through the gates and out of the city of Delran, I remember thinking that I was finally free. I could have a name again. I wish I had known then that it wouldn’t be long before I was forced into slavery of another kind. This slavery would take the shape of an academy for boys. The Academy was a place for boys to learn to fight with fists, swords, and with words. It was there I met Luthien but that story belongs to the next chapter.

About Me

Hi All of you can call me Crow. My real name is well that would be telling now wouldn't it. I'm 20 and decided to post stories and poems that I have written. I'll try to add pictures but I'm not really computer literate. Well guess that's all for now. E-mail me at ravenhd77@yahoo.com and let me know what you think. My AOL IM is hdraven77 and yahoo IM is ravenhd77. Drop me a line. (By the way in case you were wondering I'm a chick.)

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