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Duckgomoo's wonderfullness of The Simpsons
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i bet this is the most complete set of Simpson quotes on the Web
1) Homer: "ooooo look at me i'm making people happy i'm the magical man from happy land in a gumdrop house on lollypop lane''
:::;slams door
::::opens door " by the way i was being sarcastic"
:::slams door
marge:::well duh!
2)Homer: "to alcohol the cause of and solution to all of life's problems"
3)Homer: " I'm not normally a praying man but if our up there please save me Superman"
4)Burns: " Smithers you infernal ninny! Stick your left hoof on that flange.Now, if you can get it through your bug-addled brain, jam the second mephitic clodhopper of your's on the right doo-dad.Now pump those scrawny chiken legs you stuporous funker."
5)Grampa: "Now my story begins in nineteen dickety two. We had to say dickety cause the Kaiser had stolen our word twenty. I chased that rascal to get it back but gave up after dickety six miles'
Martin Prince:"dickety, highly dubious''
Grampa: What are you ackling about fatty,to much pie that's your problem. Now i'd like to digress from my prepared remarks to discuss how I invented the toilet"
Ms. Krabapel: Terlet ha!
Grampa: "Stop your snickering I spent 3 years on that terlet.
6)Homer (to brain): "Uh, oh. It's time you told Marge your secret."
Homer : "Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom."
Marge : "Oh, my gosh!"Brain : "No, the other secret."
Homer : "Marge, I never passed high school."
Marge : "That still doesn't explain why you ate my soap. Wait, maybe it
does."
7)Homer : Dear Lord, the Gods have been good to me and I am thankful. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is.
Marge : Mmm.
Homer : So here's the deal: you freeze everything as it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, please give me no sign. Thy will be done! (eats the food)
8)homer: stealing how could you?? didnt you learn anything from that guy who gives those sermons in church, captin whats his name???? we live in a society of laws why do you think i took in all those police acadamy movies????for fun?? well i didnt hear anyone laughing did you??? except for that guy who makes sound efects. blirp bizz honk honk etc. where was i???oh yeah stay out of my booze
9)Burns: ok simpson here are the signals if i touch the bill of my cap like so it means the signal is a fake however i can take that off by brushing my hands thusthly if i want u to bunt i will touch my belt buckle not once not twice but thrice
Homer: uh oh i dont undastand a word he sayin y cant he just let me bat i wish i was home wit a bag of potato chips mmm potato chips
Burns: got that simpson
Homer: yes sir
10)Homer: " I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called " The Bus that couldn't slow down."
11)Homer : "In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power,
then you get the women."
12)homer: bart i dont want to alarm you but there may be a boogy man or boogy men in the house
13)Homer:Beer! Now there's a temporary solution
14)hutz:That's why you're the judge and I'm the law talking guy...{heard from the side :the lawyer}...right
15)Sure, the calendar says 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring
16)Homer:Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they
bark, they shoot bees at you?
17)Homer:Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
18)Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No!
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful... magical animal.
19)Old man: Take this doll, but beware; it carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Ooo, that's bad.
Old man: But it comes with a free serving of frozen yogurt! which i call frogurt
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The frogurtt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Old man: But it comes with your choice of toppings!
Homer: That's good!
Old man: The toppings contain potassium benzoate...
Homer: (confused look)
Old man: That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?
20) Homer:You don't know what its like, I'm the one out there everyday putting his ass on the line, and I'm not out of order! You're
out of order! The whole freakin' system is out of order! You want the Truth? You want the TRUTH?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Because when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo, that was your best friend's face, you don't know what to do! FORGET IT MARGE! ITS CHINATOWN
21)Homer : (to postal employee) Hello, my name's Mr. Burns. I believe you have a package for me.
Postal Employee : Ok Mr. Burns, what's your first name ?
Homer:(funny voice) "I don't know
22)Homer : Mmmmm... 64 slices of American cheese. 64 (munch munch munch)... 63 (munch munch munch) (cut to much
later) Homer : 2... (munch munch munch) ... 1 (munch munch munch)
Marge : Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer : I think I'm blind
23)Homer : Eow.. pointy.. Ew... Slimy.. Awww... 20 dollars !? I wanted a peanut. Homer's brain : 20 dollars can buy many
peanuts !
Homer : Explain how.
Homer's brain : Money can be exchanged for goods and services !
Homer : Woo hoo!
24)Homer : "Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!"
Bart: i believe you dad
25)Homer wrecks his car and has to explain it to the insurance guy.
Insurance Guy : "O.K, now before I give you the check, I have just one
more question. That place Moe's you were coming back
from, that is a buisness of some sort..."
Homer Brain : "Don't say you were at a bar. BUT what else is open at
night."
Homer : "I was at a pornography store, I was buying pornography."
Homer Brain : "Hehe, I would a never thought of that
26)Agent: "Now when I say `Hello Mr. Thompson' and press down on your foot,
you smile and nod
"Homer: "No problem."
Agent: "Hello Mr. Thompson (and presses Homer's foot)"
[Homer has a blank stare, and then looks at other agent and whispers loudly]
Homer : {{silly voice}}}"I think he's talking to you"
27)Homer :(on way out of office) That dirty dean!! I'll get him
[Homer leaves and Dean's phone rings]
Dean : Hello
Homer : [In ridiculous but hilarious voice] Hello Dean, you are a
stupid head
Dean : Is that you Homer?
[Dean then sees Homer at the pay phone, Homer shrieks and runs away
28)Homer: "The other day I was so desperate for a beer, I
snuck into the football stadium and ate the
dirt under the bleachers
29) Homer:::" Awe being a clown sucks.you get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and admired by the elderly.Who am i clowing? I have no buisness being a clown! I'm the leaving the clowning buisness to all the other clowns in the clowning buisness".
30)Homer " THat tree has been in springfield since the time of our forefathers.Give it back, or we'll bust int heir and take it!
Tow truck guy:::: " Bust in here and take it? you must be stupider then you look
Homer: " Stupider like a fox"
31)Homer : "Bart, have I ever told you the story of Hercules and the Lion?"
Bart : "Is it a Bible story?"
Homer : "Probably. Anyway, once upon a time there was a big mean lion,
and he got a thorn in his paw. All the villagers tried to pull
it out, but none of them were strong enough. So they got
Hercules, and he used his mighty strength and BINGO! Anyway, the
moral is the lion was so happy he gave Hercules the big thing of riches."
"Bart : "How did a lion get rich?"
Homer : "It was the olden days! Anyway..."
32)Marge : "Homer! Move that car at once!"
Homer : "It's okay Marge, I'm only going to buy some beer for those
kids over there."Marge : "Move that car at once!"
Homer : [Steals Marges' police hat and puts it on]
"Ohh, I'm officer Marge la de da de da, what are you gonna do?"
Marge : [Handcuffs Homer] "You have the right to remain silent..."
Homer : "I choose to wave that right WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGAAAHHHAAAAAAAAAAH
{after hibbert scraring bart to make the gags things come off his face}
33)bart: couldnt you have just turned the heat up a little???
dr: oh heavens no....it had to be terror sweat
34)homer:::whats going on here and i want a non-gay answer
milhouse:um we're drunk
homer::::oh good
35) simpson homer simpson he's the greatest guy in history from the town of springfield he's bout to hit a chestnut tree ::::and he does::::
36)marge: homer is this how u imagined marriage
homer: yeah preety much except we drove around in a van solving mysteries
37) Homer: "You couldn't fool you mother on the foolingest day of your life even if you had an electrified fooling machine."
38)Homer: I can't live the button-down life like you.I want it all! The terryifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure I might a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky odors----- ohhh I'll never be the darling of the so called City Fathers who cluck their tongues,stroke their beards, and talk about what's to be done about this Homer Simpson?"
39)Krusty's Cayman Islands holding coprporation representative:::I'm sorry. I can't divulge information about that customer's secret illegal acocunt.Oh, crap, I shouldn't have said he was a customer.Oh, crap, i shouldn't have said it was a secret.Oh, crap, i certainly shouldn't have said it was illegal! Ahhh its too hot today"
40)Homer: " When will you Australians learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment, and things have never been better.The streets are safe.Old people strut confidently through the darkest alleys.And the week and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free, because
as the old saying goes let your children run wild and free"
41)homer: "Here are your messages: you have thirty minutes to move your car, you have ten minutes to move your car,your car has been impounded,your car has been crushed into a cube,you hsve thirty minutes to move your cube"
42)Homer: " Now son you dont wanna drink beer that's for daddy's and kids with fake id's"
number 43 isn't exact wording but close nuff
43) burns: " Oh yes sittng the great leveler.From the mightiest pharoah to the lowliest peasant,who doesnt enjoy a good sit? The only bad part is getting back up
Homer:: "Aha here's a little trick ive been working with, now suppose you wanna get that dip over there"
Burns::Why, you'd have to get up
Homer:::::(kicks table until dip bounces into his hand)
Burns: Sir i am in your debt
Homer: Use it wisely my friend
44)Homer:" your mother seems really upset about something.I'd better go have a talk with her-during the coomercial."
45) Hutz:::I've argued infront of every judge in this state, often as a lawyer"
46)hutz " Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims she forgot she was carrying the delicous bottle of bourbon,brownest of the brown liquors,....so tempting, whats that? you want me to drink you? but I'm in the middle of a trial"
47)Chief Wiggum::: " This is papa bear, put out an APB for a male suspect,driving a ......car of some sort,headed in the direction of you know, that place that sells chili.Suspect is hatless,repeat hatless.
48)Comic book guy::::::::" Yes, finally i would like to return your quote-unwuote ultimate belt"
Salesman::: "I see, do you have a receipt quote-unquote sir?"
Comic book guy:::"no, I do not have a recipt.I won it as a door prize at the Stark Tek convention, although i find their choice of prize highly illogical,as the average trekker has no use for a medium size belt"
salesman:: "who whoa whoa a fat sarcastic star trek fan, you must be a devil with the ladies"
comic book guy::::"hey, i uh de-oh"
salesman:::::::"Gee, i hate to let you down Casonova, but no recipt, no return.'
Bart::: "I'll give you four bucks for it"
comic book guy:::"huaaah very well i must hurry back to my comic book store, where i dispense the insults rather than absorb them.
not exact wording for 49
grimie's funeral
49) lovejoy::: "he was a simple man,who struggled through his....."
homer::::(((drueling and snoring)))) "marge, change the channel"
lenny::: thats our Homer
50)Moe " I might as well come clean with ya. I ain't too good at talkin to women and i really wanted to do ya, so i brought along the Love Tester to help me.As you may ahve guessed it's inhabited by the ghost of my friends dead father.
51)LIsa:::: " are you sure you dont wanan go to a doctor i mean a jaw bridge jsut did close on your head?
homer::nah ill jsut walk it off
52) Homer:: "I've always had an interest in art.Dating back to my schoolgirl days when i used to paint portrait after potrait of Ringo Starr"
Marge::: 'but your describing my childhood''
Homer: "I think i would remember my own childhood Marge"
'
53)Jay sherman :: "I heard i should bring my own water to Srpringfield"
homer:::" we havve our little saying around here if its brown drink it down if its black send it back''
54) Skinner: "children i couldnt help monitoring your conversation, there's no mystery about willy, why he simply disapeared.now let's have no more curiosioty about this bizzare coverup"
55)Mr. Burns: "Smithers, I've designed a plane! I call it the Spruce Moose, and it will carry two hundred passengers from the New York Idlewier airport to the Belgium Congo in seventeen minutes!"
Smithers: "That's quite a nice model sir."
Mr. Burns: "Model?"
(later in the show)
Mr. Burns: "Now, to the plant! We'll take the Spruce Moose! Hop in!"
Smithers: "But sir..."
(Mr. Burns pulls the trigger to a gun)
Mr. Burns: "I said, hop in."
56)Reporter: "Don't you think it's dangerous to send civilians into space?"
Homer: "I'll handle this...the only danger in space is if we land on the terrible Planet of the Apes...wait a minute...Statue of Liberty...THAT WAS OUR PLANET! YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! (starts sobbing wildly
57)Bart: "Hurry up and finish eating!"
Homer: "You're steering fine, boy. Hard to the right!"
Bart: "Oh!"
Homer: "Cat! Deer! Old man!"
Abe: (jumps out of the way) Aah!
Homer: "Jackknifed sugar truck!" (gasps) "Sugar?" (He stops in front of Hans Moleman and a smashed truck of sugar)
Homer: "Don't worry buddy. Here's a quarter: call for help at the nearest phone. I'll keep an eye on things here.
Hans: "If only this sugar were as sweet as you sir." (leaves)
Bart: "Homer, that was downright decent of you."
Homer: "We've hit the jackpot here! White gold, texas tea!...sweetener
58)Marge: "Homer, I really appreciate you making dinner, but this food tastes a little strange."
Lisa: "It hurts my teeth."
Homer: "That's because I've loaded it with sugar!"
(He holds up a bag that says "Farmer Homer's Sweet Sugar")
Homer: "Marge, our ship has come in! I found five hundred pounds of sugar (slyly to Bart) in the forest (towards Marge) that I'm going to sell direcly to the consumer! All for a low, low price of one dollar per pound."
Marge: "But the grocery store sells sugar for thirty-five cents a pound."
Lisa: "And it doesn't have nails and broken glass in it.'
Homer: "Those are prizes! (eats a mouthful) Ooh, a blasting
59)Homer: "And you didn't think I'd make any money. I found a dollar while I was waiting for the bus."
Marge: "While you were out "earning" that dollar, you lost forty dollars by not going to work. The plant called and said if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in Monday."
Homer: "Woo hoo! four-day weekend."
60)Bart pretending to be Fallout Boy: "Look behind you, Radioactive Man. The sun is exploding again.
Marge: "Why are you talking like that?"
Homer: "Yeah, and who are you talking to? Marge, do you have other men in this house? Radioactive men?
61)Homer: "Don't let Krusty's death get you down boy. People die all the time, just like that (snaps). Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.
62)Homer: I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: "cover for me". Number 2: "Oh, good idea boss". Number 3: "It was like that when I got here".
63)Homer: Bart, I need some lucky numbers, fast! How old are you? Uh-huh, and what's your birthday? No kidding. And Lisa's birthday? What? You don't even know your sister's birthday? What kind of brother are you?
64)skinner:" i spent the next 3 years in a POW camp forced to subsist on a thin stew amde of fish,vegetales,prawn,cocunut milk and 4 kinds of rice. I came close to madness trying to find it in the states, but they jsut cant get the spices right."
65)homer: " all you can eat, ha!"
hutz: " Mr. simpson this is the nost blatant case of false advertising since my case against the film The Neverending Story"
homer: so do you think i have a case?
hutz: Now, homer I don't use the word hero very often but you are the greatest hero in american history."
66)Homer : Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! which makes me the woman and i have no interest in that,besides occasionally wearing the underwear,which, as we discussed is simply a comfort thing"
67)Homer:: i"m a white male age 18 to 49 everyone listens to me no matter how dumb my suggestions are"
68) ( cletus ontop of a phone pole)
cletus::::" hey i can call my ma' from up here, hey ma' get off the dang roof"
69)(cletus takes his photo for his driver's license)
" hot damn no more sittin in the dirt at the drive-in
70) Lovejoy " I will now read the special vows which Homer has prepared for this occassion.do you, Marge take Homer in richness and in poorness,-poorness is underlined- in impotence and in potence? in quite solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet-powered monkey-navigated....and it goes on like this"
71)Wiggum : "See ya in court simpson oh and bring that evidence with ya, or i got no case and you'll go scott-free"
72){homer swallows some of wiggum's peppers at the chili cookoff}
Quimby: "this can't be happening"
hibber: by all medical logic steam should be coming out of his ears
krusty: his ears if we're lucky!
73)Marge: i woke up and you weren't there and i was so scared
homer: really you were? but how did you find me?
marge: well, i was sure you'd be on foot cause you always say public transportation is for losers. And, i was sure you'd head west because springfield sloped down that way and then i saw the lighthouse and i remembered how much you love blinking lights,like the one on the waflle iron
homer: or the little guy on the don't walk sign
marge: yeah.....
74) { marge selling ONLY pretzels
Lenny::: uh let's see ill have.......ummmm uhh....
Karl::: hey hurry up i wanna get my pretzel
marge::: thank you
karl:::let's see ill have ummmm ill ahve one of your uhhh
burns::: come on come on....while we're young
75)homer to bart "do you wanna change your name to homer junior?? the kids can call you hoju"
76)clerk"there like kangaroos but there reptiles they is"
marge"we have them in america there called bullfrogs"
clerk" what???? thats a odd name i would have called them chazwazers"
77)man"i just lit a fire downtown and im afraid ill do it again"
wiggum" sure ill just type it up on my invisible typewriter. la de da de de da
fruitcake.
78)homer"when i was downtown i changed your name too"
marge"to what????"
homer"chesty larue"
marge"chesty larue???"
homer" if your not happy with your new name how do you like hootie mcboob"
marge"goodnight homer"
homer" goodnight hootie"
marge" let go off those"
79)'m starving! Mom, can we go Catholic, so we can get communion wafers and booze?"- Bart
80) chief wiggum::and here we have the 2 headed dog born with only ...one head and the dreaded equilax the horse with the head of a rabbit and the body of a rabbit
::::rabbit runs away
lisa:::come here bunny
wigggum:::: no, equilax
81) homer:::: waht's that thing he's hooked up too?
nurse type person:::: it's called a respirator, it breathes for him
homer::::and here i am using my own lungs like a sucker
82)ralph wiggum:::ms hoover i glued my head to my shoulder
83)ralph wiggum:::my cats breath smells like cat food
84) Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
85)ralph wiggum::: me fail english that's unpossible
86) homer::: thats it u people have stood in my way long enough im going to clown college!
bart::: well i dont think any of us expected to hear him say that
84)homer::ooh, a graduate student huh? How come you guys can go to the moon but can't make my shoes smell good?
85)ralp wiggum::::Me fail english that's unpossible
86)Lisa : "... World domination???!!!
"Homer : "Oops! That must be a mistake."
Brain to Homer : "Mental note -- the girl knows too much."
87)Homer : "Whoooa, that's hot. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't get
turned on by that. Well, goodbye!"
88)Homer : "Well, it was a long trip, but we're almost there!"
Marge : "Homer, did you remember to lock the front door of the house?"
Homer : "D'OH!"
Homer : "Well, its been two long trips but we're finally almost there
again!"
Marge : "Homer, when you locked the front door did you remember to lock
the back door?"Homer : "D'OH!, D'OH!"
Lisa : [Gasp] "Oh NO! We left Grampa back at the gas station!"
[Silence]
Lisa : "What about Grampa?" they keep on driving
89)Burns : "We don't have to be adversaries Homer, we both want a fair
Union contract..."
Homer (To Brain) : Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?"
Burns : "...and if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!"
H Brain : "Wait a minute, is he coming onto me?"
Burns : "I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's
the harm?"H Brain : "Oh my God! He is coming onto me!"
Burns : "After all, negotiations make strange bed-fellows,
[Friendly Laugh]H Brain : "Arggh!"
Homer : "Sorry Mr Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor
shenanigans. Sure I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious,
but the answer is no!
90)Homer: "My baloney has a first name, its h-o-m-e-r,
My baloney has a second name, its h-o-m-e-r..."
(((they are trying to get homer to participate in their the leader is good the leader is great chant but he is eating his gruel)))))
91) movementarian lady:::: this man obviously has the strongest mind we've ever come across
movementarian guy:: yes,unless! ((((batman tune)))) dn dnnnnnnnnn leader leader dn dn ddnnn leader dnnnddndnnn
homer:::::: batman!!! i mean leader!
92) profesor john frink :::: unshrink u? well that would require sum sorta re bigulator which is a concept so ridiculous it makes me wanna laugh out loud and chortle,mmmm,hey ahhhh but not at you.oh holiest of gods,with the wrathfullness and the vengeance and the blood reign and they hey,hey,hey it hurts me
93)belle::: are you wearing a shopping bag?
homer:::i have misplaced my pants
94)kent brockman: kent brockman at the action news desk a massive tanker has run aground on the central coastline spilling millions of gallons of oil on baby seal beach
lisa::: oh no!
homer:::it'll be ok honey, there's a lot more oil where that came from
95)homer:::: your right marge, just like the time i could have met Mr.T at at the mall. the entire day i kept saying ohhh ill go a little later,ill go a lil later. and when i got there they told me he jsut left.and when i asked the mall guy if he'll ever come back he said he didnt know.well im never letting something like that happen again! im going into space right now!
96)astronaut guy:::: well homer i guess your the winner by default
homer::de-fault!!! the two greatest words in the english language!
97)homer:what does sequesterd mean?
skinner: if the jury is deadlocked theyre put up into a hotel together so they can't communicate with the outside world
homer: ah...what does deadlocked mean?
skinner:it s when the jury cant decide on a verdict
homer: uhuh....and if?
skinner:a conjunction meaning that or in the event that
homer: so "IF" we dont all vote the same way we'll :DEADLOCKED" and have to be"SEGUSTERD" in the sprinfield palace hotel..
patty::: thats not going to happen homer
jasper:::let's vote my kidneys are failing
homer::::where we'll get.......a free room,free food, free swimming pool,free HBO ohhhhh Free Willy!
skiner:: justice is not a frivulous thing simpson.it has little if anything to do with a disobedient whale.....now lets vote
98) moe taking a lie detector
moe::: ok can we hurry this up i got a hot date tonight
::::lie detector beeps
moe:: a date
::;beeps for a lie again
moe::dinner with friends
::beeps for a lie again
moe::dinner alone
:::beeps for a lieagain
moe:::: alright alright im gonna spend my night oogling the girls in the victoria secrets catalog
:::beeps for a lie again
moe:::sears catalog
moe:::: can i go now? i dont deserve this kinda treatmen
::::beeps for a lie again
99) {nelson sees a very tall man driving a volkswagon beetle and does the familia nelson laugh and the man gets out of the car}
tall guy to nelson:::: do you find something comical about my appearance when im driving an automobile.everybody needs to drive even the very tall. this is the largest auto that i could afford. how would you like it if others laughed at ur misfortune?
:::has nelson pull down his pants
hey everybody look at this, its that boy who laughs at everyone! lets laugh at him
now march, wave to the people! {{{nelson waves}}]blow kisses to the people!{{{he blows kisses}}}
99) {nelson sees a very tall man driving a volkswagon beetle and does the familia nelson laugh and the man gets out of the car}
tall guy to nelson:::: do you find something comical about my appearance when im driving an automobile.everybody needs to drive even the very tall. this is the largest auto that i could afford. how would you like it if others laughed at ur misfortune?
:::has nelson pull down his pants
hey everybody look at this, its that boy who laughs at everyone! lets laugh at him
now march, wave to the people! {{{nelson waves}}]blow kisses to the people!{{{he blows kisses}}}
100) sum lil known kid::::my ding-a-ling my ding-a-ling, i want u to play wit my ding-a-ling
101)homer:someones packin light
lisa:ahh maybe your gettin stronger
homer: well i have been eatin more
102)lisa: dad i want to go to the museum can i take the bus????
homer: i dunno what does your mother say??
lisa: she wasnt really clear on the subject
homer: doh takin the bus is a really big decision
lisa: well if it makes you feel better ill take a limo but that will cost you 200 dollars
homer: 200 bucks...isnt there some other way???
lisa: well if i must i could take the bus
homer: frankly i insist....i know you had your heart set on a limo but sometimes daddys have to say no sweethart
103)ed:i gotta idea chief...lets check burns suit
wiggum: did you have the same dream with the backwards talking girl??
ed: umm ill drive
104)homer: dont worry fellow hippies...we will sing our song of protest....uptown girl
105)homer has a flower in his head)
bart: cant you just pull it out???
hibbert: im a doctor not a florist
homer: well cant you just trim the leaves so i can watch tv???
hibbert: what did i just say???
107)nasa employee: people arent intrested in space launches any more
nasa employee 2: maybe we should tell them our big secret...that all the monkeys we sent into space came back super intelligent
monkey: no i dont think we will tell them that
108)homer: hey maybe i do have the right......whats that stuff???
109) lenny::: so arent u guys gonna ask me about my hat?
homer:::say lenny whats with the hat?
lenny?oh what this thing? i got it at the museum it whats the uh ancient egyptians call a souvenir
110)women sitting next to barney:::: did something crawl down your throat and die?
barney::::it didn't die
111)homer" i dont want to sleep in a bed with a person who doesnt believe me. ill just go downstairs, take out the cot, get some extra.....eh goodnight (climbs into bed)
112) homer:::is it a pool yet?
famer guy::::tis a fine barn she is but tis no pool she is
homer:: doh'eth!
113)Lisa : (gasp) Mom, are those rabbits dead?
Marge : No, no Lisa, they're just...sleeping. Upside down. And inside out.
114)Barney : And I say, England's greatest Prime Minister was Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs : Pitt the Elder!
Barney : Lord Palmerston!
Wade Boggs : Pitt the Elder!
Barney : Okay, you asked for it, Boggs! (punches Wade)
Moe : Yeah, that's showing him, Barney! Pitt the Elder...
Barney : Lord Palmerston! (punches Moe)
115)Bart:Skinner is a nut, he has a rubber butt
Sknner:Young man, I assure you, my posteria is nothing more than flesh, bone, and that metal plate I got in Nam.
116)Homer: Please please i wanna make the team, Clemens did i make the team???/
Roger: U sure did
Homer: whohoo in ur face strawberry
Roger: wait r u Ken Griffey Jr.
Homer: no
Roger: oh sorry i didnt mean to get ur hopes up
117)(while traveling through time)
Hmer: doh i mean hey
Bart: good mornin father hope ur well
Lisa: hi father can we takethe new Lexus to aunt patty and selmas funeral
Homer: nice house well behaved kids luxuary sedan sister inlaws dead whoohoo i hit the jackpot, Marge will u kindlypass me a donut
Marge: donut whats a donut
Homer:ahhhhhhhhh(runs bak in basement)
Marge:oh look its rainin again (donuts fallin from sky)
118)Marge:hey homey im goin to the store u want anything????
Homer:steak
Marge:moneys too tight for steak
Homer: steak
Marge:(((lying)) sure steak
119) homer:::: who wouldnt want this activity center??? it teaches kids while they learn
120)Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
121)lisa: they call her the cat lady. people say shes crazy just becasue she has a few dozen cats but can any1 who loves cats that much reallly be crazy?
{{{{lady runs out of house throwing cats at lisa and yelling wildly))))
122)homer::: good job mojo, now come down and ill give u 1
{{{[mojo shakes head and throws one down at him}}}
homer:::doh! i dont need ur pitty!
{{{after a second he desperately lunges at the donut and gobbles it up off the ground}}}
123) otto:{{{holding a radio above his head}}} hey quiet people the kids r revealing more secrets
homer: oh no i hope they wont reveal that this is a comb over
{{{{bart runs away from uncle moe's family feedbag to get his soul from milhouse}}
124) homer::: but bart what about your spaghetti and mo balls?
homer's brain::::quiet fool they can be ours.....{{{puts spaghetti in mouth}}{ withmouth full} run boy run for your life!!......boy
125)[Bart doing a newcast on a kids news show called kidz newz.]
Bart: Joe Banks, 82 years young, has come to this pond everyday for the past 17 years to feed the ducks. But last month Joe made a discovery: the ducks were gone. Some say the ducks went to Canada, others say Toronto. And some people think Joe used to sit down there near those ducks. But it could be that there's just no room, in this modern world, for an old man and his ducks.
126)bart :::santas little helper....wow i guess i was the only one who really loved him
milhouse:::you got that right remember when he ate my goldfish and u lied 2 me and said i didnt have any goldfish but why did i havve the bowl bart?why did i have the bowl?
127)marge:::: so maybe a part-time job is the answer
bart::::aw mom i couldnt ask you to do that your already taking care of maggie and lisa is such a handful
lisa::she means you should get a job stupid
"me? a job? were they serious? i didnt realize it at the time, but a small part of my job had slipped away forever-----{{{{{ bart's wonder years style narration voiced by daniel stern and accompannied by the first part of the song turn turn turn}}}}}
128)bart:::no way, shes faking!if lisa stays home, i stay home
lisa: if bart stays home im going to school
bart::fine then {confused} ........{ to himself}} wait a second if lisa goes 2 school then i go to school, but then lisa stays home so i stay home,so lisa goes to school
marge: lisa,dont confuse your brother like that
(in case u dont know homer was the one who came close to catching him)
129)man: so did anyone ever catch general sherman
bait man::: well one man came close ...sevent feet tall......with arms like tree trunks.....and his eyes were like steel.....cold and hard.he had a shock of hair,red like the fires of hell.
{{{not exact wording}}}
130)homer:::but marge this is my chance to become a legend
marge::;oh yeah to who
homer:::: those weirdos back in the bait shop
131)homer::: a hundred bucks for a comic book? who drew it michamalangelo?
132)homer::::{pushing shopping cart{{ {{{mean look}}must kill moe....{{{puts both feeet on cart and glides on it}whheee must kill me whhhheeeeeeee must kill moe wheeeeeeeeee
133)homer:::ive figured out an alternative to giving up my beer,basically we become a family of traveling acrobats
134)patty::: my names patty ill be testing u when u do good i use the green pen when u do bad i use the red pen any questions?
otto::: yeah just one, have u always been a chick?i mean i y' know don't want to offend you but you were born a man weren't you?you can tell me im open-minded
patty:::i wont be needing this {{{{{drops green pen}}}
135) after dancing around in his underwear,making waffles,winning a radio contest and watching football homer finds a penny
homer:::could this be the greatest day in my life?
a thought balloon appears and reveals memories of homer marrying marge,and him gleefully running and prancing around a spraying crushed beer truck in a bathing suit
136)quimby::: may the force be with you
lenord nimoy:do you even know who i am?
quimby:::i think i do werent you one of the little rascals?
137)skinner::::hello simpson im riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keysto punish me for talking to a woman on the phone.....she was right to do it
138)homer::: only important executives guys like me could afford a hatt like that wait......a guy like? im a guy like me
139)homer::::oh gil thank god its u, u gotta help us
gil::;oh sure u guyz want a radio in ur car....come on u guyz r young and succesful da da da cha cha cha
sirens r heard coming for homer and marge as they run away
gil::::oh this wasnt supposta happen not to gil not today i could taste that sale i was in the zone!
140)homer:This donut has purple in the middle, purple is a fruit.
141)Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good.
142)Heh, they only come out at night, except when it's day."-Chief Wiggum
143)homer: what instrument do you want???? viamalin?? tubamaba??? oboemaboe???
144) homer: i got you a instrument
lisa: you mean this jug???
do do do do do do
homer:hehehehe
(lisa stops)
homer: lisa never stop in the middle of a hoe down
145) homer: bart if you have to do something click this pen
bart: ill race ya
homer: ok...lisa you play winer
(click click click click click click click click)
[[later on}}}
homer:lis you missed a great race....bart was winnin but then he said this was stupid and i won
146)homer: lisa your my greatest accomplishment and you did it all yourself
147) homer: first i rode the tea cups ......but then i got a little dizzy so i had to sit down....but then i rode them again
148)(homer is in bed with marge....homer answers phone)
homer: becky tompson???? the home coming queen??? yes im still available
149)) Homer: "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triange is equal to the square root of the remaining side."
Some unseen guy at a different part of the bathroom: "That's a right triangle ya idiot!"
Homer: "D'oh!"
150)Reverend Lovejoy: This so-called "new religion" is nothing but a pack of weird rituals and chants, designed to take away the money of fools. Let us say the Lord's Prayer 40 times, but first, let's pass the collection plate!
151)Kent Brockman: ...and the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
152)[Bart's looking for his dog.]
Willy: Yeah, I bought your mutt - and I 'ate 'im! [Bart gasps.] I 'ate 'is little face, I 'ate 'is guts, and I 'ate the way 'e's always barkin'! So I gave 'im to the church.
Bart: Ohhh, I see... you HATE him, so you gave him to the church.
Willy: Aye. I also 'ate the mess he left on me rug. [Bart stares.] Ya heard me!
153)Abe: Welcome home, son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What's wrong with your wife?
Homer: Never mind, you wouldn't understand.
Abe: Flu?
Homer: No.
Abe: Protein deficiency?
Homer: No.
Abe: Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis?
Homer: No.
Abe: Unsatisfying sex life?
Homer: N -- yes. But please, don't you say that word!
Abe: What, seeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeeeex
154)marge: i think we're going to need a bigger place.
homer: no, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
mmarge: won't that warp him?
homer: my cousin Frank did it
maarge: you don't have a cousin Frank
homer: he became Francine in '76Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now
155)Homer: Whoa, careful now. These are dangerous streets for us upper-lower-middle-class types. So avoid eye contact, watch your pocketbook, and suspect everyone.
Snake: Three card monte!
Homer: Woo hoo! Easy money!
156)dr. Nick Riviera singing: the kneebones connected to the... somethin the sumtin connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch. ...Uh oh.
157)nasa employee: we got a reprot of a lisa simpson spotting a ufo
lisa: i didnt see a ufo
nasa employee: thats right ma'm.... you didnt
158)_operator: the fingers you have used to dial are too fat...to obtain a special dialing wand smash the keypad with your palm now
159)homer: those idiots i paid my taxes over a year ago
lisa:dad??
homer: whats a matter lisa did you see a scary picture in your picture book
160)lou: looks like an explosion at the old simpsons place
wiggum: forget it thats 2 blocks away
lou: it looks like beer coming out of the chimminy
wiggum: im preceding on foot call in a code 8
lou: we need pretzels repeat pretzals
161)lionel hutz:::well that guys been mad at me ever since i kinda ran over his dog....well replace the word kinda with repeatedly and the word dog with.......son
162)Hey, Dad, can I have a sip of your beer?
homer::; Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.
163)Okay, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders."
Homer's brain: "I'm a big four-eyed lame-o and I wear the same stupid sweater everyday and....the springfield river!
164)Otto::Standing outside of 'Stoner's Pot Palace', a kitchen store: Man, that is flagrant false advertising!"
165)Comic book guy::::Last night's 'Itchy and Scratchy Show' was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured, I was on the internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world
166) Lisa::could it be true, do all simpons go through a proccess of dumbining
wait thats not how u spell dumbining
wait dumbining isnt even a word {{[in backround homer and bart run into each other with pans on | |||||||