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TheGay
Bars Of D.C.
Ok look... the truth is I am a 43 year old man. I don't really go to bars anymore. Most of the music sucks, most of the patrons are overflowing with attitude and drama and the drink prices are insane. Besides... like I said, I'M 43 FREAKING YEARS OLD... nobody wants to see my tired old ass trolling around the discos. Furthermore why should I bother dressing up, going out, paying too much to get in to a smelly dump, and then paying too much for watered down drinks just so I can get rejected by some snotty drunken punk when I can sit at home and get rejected on the Internet without any of the hassle? So take the following info and bar critiques with a grain of salt... I'm in the midst of becoming a bitter old queen after all...(hey...don't point and stare...it isn't polite and besides bitch you are gonna be joining the ranks of the bitter old queen brigade a lot sooner than you think).
Seriously... the DC bar scene (particularly the gay bar scene) pretty much bites monkey butt... clubs open and close with such frequency that it's almost pointless to bother listing them here. Far too many of the club regulars (aka "The Fabulous Poodles") would rather spend an evening with a mirror than talk to a real person. The gay folks that frequent the bars here in DC are just an odd bunch that's all I can tell you... why ask why? Personally I'd advise hopping a plane or a train to NYC or even Philly if you really want to have a decent night out at the clubs. But if you're stuck here in the swamplands here's your current (albeit limited) selection of club options (such as they are).
If I have missed any clubs or have made any errors please let me know.
18th & U Duplex Diner
2004 18th Sreet NW/(202)265-7828
Wait a minute... this is a diner.
Diners serve food.
Gays in DC eat???
Who knew?
30 Degrees
1639 R Street NW/(202) 462-6569
30 Degrees is essentially the waiting area for the more popular upstairs bar, Cobalt. You go to 30 Degress and drink until Cobalt heats up then you head up to make your grand entrance. Careful though girls... those stairs can be a real bitch when you are tipsy and wearing high heels...
Annie's Paramount Steakhouse
1609 17th St NW /(202) 232-0395
Annie's is DC's oldest gay establishment and is as busy today as ever. The eatery has been given the unfortunate knickname of "The Glass Coffin" by some of the younger crowd due to the glass enclosed front dining area that is often filled with elderly gay men. Bitches! Don't worry though... the food won't kill you but the 17th Street Attitude might...
Apex
1415 22nd Street NW/(202) 296-0505
Formerly known as Badlands, Apex has been the center of Dupont Circle's gay nightlife since the early 80's when it was arguably the best club in the city. Since then the club's popularity has risen and fallen but they have managed to survive the competition of larger super discos like Tracks (which is no longer in existence) and Velvet Nation (a casualty of the new DC baseball stadium) so they must be doing something right. The club "earned" the moniker of Sadlands to many gay DC barflies probably due to the "stand and stare" crowd with the attitude of "I am far too good/hot/special/perfect to acknowledge your existence" (the kind of people Frank Zappa appropriately referred to as Fabulous Poodles) that often populated the bar. Maybe that had something to do with the name change for the club. These days Apex is open Thursday through Saturday... check their webpage for details and special events. As DC clubs go Apex (or Badlands/Sadlands for us old timers) is still a top choice for a night out. Bring money...lots of it... you'll need it (ain't nothing cheap in DC).
Bachelor's Mill
1104 8th Street SE/(202) 544-1931
Primarily catering to the black gay community, Bachelor's Mill is one of the most popular clubs in the city and is touted by it's customers (most of whom are over 30) as having the best drinks and music in town.
Banana Cafe
500 8th Street SE/(202) 543-5906
I had always been under the assumption that Banana Cafe was just a restaurant but I recently learned that they also have a piano bar and dance floor. I've never been but I have heard the food is good.
Be Bar
1318 9th Street NW/(202) 232-7450
A new entry into the void of DC Gay bars... I don't know anything about the place but check out their website and I'm sure they will tell you how to BE.
1603 17th Street NW/(202) 232-4141
Quick rundown of the current Chaos schedule: Tuesdays: Drag Bingo & Trivia Wednesdays: Ladie's Night Thursday: Salsa Latin Night Friday: GiGi Paris Couture's Fantasy Divas Show Saturday: Xavier Onassis Bloomingdale's Beautiful Divas Show
I've always loved Xavier... go check out the show!
Cobalt
17th and R Streets NW/(202) 232-6969
A couple of years back Cobalt had to shut it's doors indefinitely due to a massive fire that more or less gutted the building. Fortunately the building was saved and after more than a year of repairs and renovations Cobalt opened it's doors again as a much improved club with a larger dance floor occupying the top floor and a lounge (known as 30 Degrees) on the main floor. Despite the more than occasionally weak (and always overpriced) drinks and a lousy ventilation system that leaves the club humid and sticky (hey that sounds like my last date...) Cobalt is very popular with the Dupont/17th Street crowd. Check their website for daily events and specials.
The Crew Club
1321 14th Street NW/(202) 319-1333
Crew Club is where you go to... uhm... hang out. Yea thats the ticket... You see DC doesn't have bath houses anymore... this is the closet you're gonna get. You might have sex... you might not. You might not want to depending on who is in there... good luck with that.
DC Eagle
639 New York Avenue NW/(202) 347-6025
The DC Eagle is another name that has been around DC forever, although it has relocated several times and had several different owners (of varying popularity) over the years. The Eagle is (and always has been ) one of the most popular bars in DC and on the weekend it is usually packed with hot, sweaty, horny and half-naked leather men on the prowl.
Delta Elite
3734 10th Street NE/(202) 529-0626
I've never been to this club but the people I know of who have seem to either love or hate it. All I really know about the place is it is an after hours dance party with a mostly black clientele and this party has been going on for a looooooong time...since 1976 to be exact. Friday nights is Women's night and Saturday night is Men's Night.
DIK Bar
1637 17th Street NW/(202) 328-0100
Formerly known as Windows, DIK Bar sits atop the Dupont Italian Kitchen (hence the moniker DIK). DIK Bar is your basic lounge... if it's dead you can always stop in downstairs for one of DC's better "cheap eats" restaurant...you won't regret it.
The Fireplace
P & 22nd Street NW/(202) 293-1293
The Fireplace (formerly known as P Street Station and also known to some as The Firetrap) has undergone a number of changes over the years but through all of it's incarnations it has remained a popular and busy bar. The Fireplace is pretty much a cruise bar and is usually packed on the weekends. There are music videos but no dance floor. The clientele at The Fireplace is diverse and the bar does not have an admission or cover charge.
Fab Lounge
1805 Connecticut Ave NW/(202)797-1122
They tout themselves as "DC's Premiere Up-Scale Lounge" - I think that means you have to be really fabulous to get in. I'm not fabulous at all so I can't tell you jack about this place. Good luck...
btw - could someone please look up the meaning of the word pretentious?
Freddie's Beach Bar
555 South 23rd Street Crystal City, VA/(703) 685-0555
OK... this joint isn't even technically in DC but it is Metro accessible so I'm putting it in. Now why you would want to take the subway to Crystal City to go gay clubbing is beyond me but good luck with that too...
Fuego
1438 U Street NW/(202) 986-3512
** SATURDAYS ONLY **
Fuego is a latino oriented weekly party held at the otherwise straight venue Cade Vez. I'm always skeptical of straight clubs that throw these weekly gay parties because I find that the staff tends to usually be less than gay friendly but I've heard some good reviews of Fuego so they could be the exception to the rule. Go find out...
The Green Lantern
1335 Green Court NW/202-638-5133
The Green Lantern re-opened in the Fall of 2001 after a 2 year absence, allegedly due to back taxes owed to the District of Columbia. It's not the place it once was though. Gone are the dark corners and darkened windows that once made The Green Lantern the best cruise bar in DC, replaced with bright lights windows that would hide none of the naughty action that once made the bar infamous to locals. Despite the loss of that atmosphere The Green Lantern is still a great cruise bar filled with hot men, especially on Thursday nights when they have their hugely popular Shirtless Men Drink Free special between 10 and 11 o'clock. BTW - I would pay a few of you guys to keep your damned shirts on... geez have some shame if you got manboobs bigger than Pamela Anderson...
Halo
1435 P Street NW/(202)797-9730
Leave it to the dynamic duo of DC with the midas touch (Ed Bailey and John Guggenmos) to be able to create something so cool in such a small space. The men responsible for some of the biggest over the top parties and clubs of the past 15 years in DC have managed to create a comfortable, inviting and very cozy (small) space. This ain't no typical Bailey/Guggenmos scene though... no thumping primal beats drowning out any opportunity at meaningful conversation, no frantically undulating dancers to navigate through without spilling your drinks, and no epileptic seizure inducing light shows to send you into violent convulsions that has people around you wondering whether you are just a really bad dancer or having a seizure (it's sooo hard to tell sometimes you know). And the drinks... not your every day concoctions! Where else in DC can you get a fresh blueberry mojito? This is a lounge not a disco folks. No special theme nights... no tricks (except the ones you pick up)... and no gimmicks... unless you consider good friendly service in a comfortable atmosphere to be a gimmick. If it is it's a damned good one. Be warned though... Halo's little secret is out and on many nights you can expect a sometimes long wait to get in... but with the lack of many decent options in DC my suggestion would be to wait in line. You could do a lot worse trust me.
JR's
1519 17th Street NW/(202) 328-0090
Home (and alleged birthplace) of the now legendary 17th Street Attitude, Jr.'s is one of my least favorite places in DC. It is almost always overcrowded with shallow, average guys who seem to have an over-abundance of attitude and (apparently) mirrors at home that make them look a lot hotter than they actually are. (Where do I get mine by the way?) Apparently my feelings about Jr.'s are the exception however, because JR.'s is always packed. The clientele tends to be younger, preppy and (as mentioned before) full of attitude.
Men's Parties
1618-A 14th Street NW/(301) 404-3404
The ads for this party claim this is a group that "meets frequently for social get togethers" which is just a polite way of saying it's a bunch of horny guys getting together to meet up and get off. Anonymous sex with desperate, drunken, drugged up people in a city with one of the highest STD rates in the country.
Ahhh... big fun.
2122 P Street NW (in the alley)/(202) 223-4917
Omega (formerly known as The Fraternity House...I guess they finally decided which fraternity they are) is situated in the alley behind Apex and has been around for as long as I can remember. Omega was completely remodeled and renamed in 1997. The dance floor that was so packed after-hours in the 80's has been removed and replaced with a center bar and small tables. They have also put in a second pool table, this one on the first floor. The second floor was left as is with it's pool table and a couple of tables in the back room, a video bar and a small, dark little niche where they show porno movies and if you're lucky you can get groped by a total stranger...if you like that sorta thing (know what I mean? nudge nudge wink wink...). The first floor has a comfortable, friendly atmosphere that may be a bit too classy for much of the Dupont club crowd but is a great alternative to the dark, over-crowded and noisy dance and cruise bars in the area and they also have an excellent and very friendly staff.
Phase One
525 8th Street SE/(202) 544-6831
Women drinking. Women dancing. Women kissing! I'd probably find that really hot if I was a straight man or a lesbian -but I'm not.
I wonder if flannel is still a mainstay of the lesbian uniform? Gee... I really need to get out more often...
Remingtons
639 Pennsylvania Avenue SE/(202) 543-3113
Remingtons is Washington DC's only gay country and western bar and has been around for as long as I can remember. I've only been in there once or twice and despite the fact that I am not a big fan of country music I had a great time! Both the the staff and clientele are very friendly. Conveniently located a tear gas cannister's throw from the Marine Barracks (hey it happened a couple of times what do you want from me?). If you like C&W music and dancing or if you're just looking for something different than the super (and not so super) disco this is a great place to go. If you don't wrangle yourself a cowpoke (get it? cowPOKE? huhuhuhuhuhuhuh) maybe you can pick up a horny marine on the way out. Support our troops and all...
Titan (aka Titan's Ramrod)
Titan used to be located over top of the now abandoned Hamburger Mary's franchise in DC (HM is looking for a new franchiser btw if you are interested...) now they are above a restaurant known as Dakota Cowgirl. So you still got hot food downstairs and even hotter men upstairs. Now there's a night out!
