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Frankie P. Cheesewinkle's House of Diuhpers
If you want to take your place in rock n' roll history, you must visit our beloved sister site Frankie P. Cheesewinkle's House of Rock Star Advice Get moving!
We here at the T. Berry Brazelton/T.J. O' Pootertoot Institute for Better Potty Training would like to accompany you on your journey to better diuhper use. We will provide you with an indispensible collection of tools taken from our wonderful society to enable your child to create it, to float it, and to flush away the problems of modern potty training. Our methods may seem unorthodox or just plain non-pumpkinninny but bear with us, because all good cookies come from logs.
Step 1: Distinctions
At your child's early age, making the difficult distinction between child and adult diapers (i.e. Huggies and Depends) can be quite the challenge, almost as difficult as telling Klopek and Fergwad here apart! Let's give them a little lesson!
Perhaps the hardest distinction to make in the history of time is that special one between the many stellar, chart-busting hits of our idols, metal sensation, hair-raising geniuses, POISON! Listen to them for a week, if you can't tell C.C. Deville (our godfather)'s hot riffs and Bret "Diabetes" Michaels' scintillating lyrics apart in the hot jams, "Unskinny Bop" and "Every Rose Has Its Thorn," then move on to our next section, "The Moffatts and You."
Section 2: Growth (AKA The Moffatts and You)
Step 3: Financing the Diuhper Craze
If you want to know about finances, where do you turn? If you said M.C. Hammer, you'd be darn tootin'! Not only is he well to do, he also starred with our newest teen queen, Melissa Joan "Steals Our" Hart (AKA Clarissa) in the greatest movie of all time, "The Right Connections"!
We got our on the scene correspondant, Poody T (of rap sensation Three Times One Minus One) to interview Hammer on financing diuhpers for the up and coming. . . what did he say? CHARGE IT!
Step 4: Struttin' It (in Diuhpers)
You may want to ask expert T. Berry Brazelton, "What's the perfect accessory for diuhpers?" Well, anyone'll tell ya:
CHEST HAIR!
Step 5: Diet
Step 6: Latino Invasion!!!
Everyone's a-fluff over Ricky Martin and Jennifer "butt too big for OUR diuhpers" Lopez...we here at the TeenIdolMaker 2000 Institute have no part in this passing fancy. We put all our tofutti-based product earnings on GERARDO (Rico Suave himself)! and oh yeah, he likes ADULT diuhpers!
Final Lesson: The Meaning of Life (and How to Reach Us)
Surely by now your child is equipped with the best diuhpers tofutti money can buy! How else can T. Berry Brazleton and his staff of geniuses help improve my life you ask? Unfortunately, all we can do is provide you with links to places that make us happy and of course with a look at Nerd Haircut himself..PAUL SIMON!
please SIGN OUR GUESTBOOK!
If you want to be pictured with T. Berry or any of the teen sensations mentioned here today or C.C. Deville, E-mail us at Cheesewinkle Industries.Diuhper.Leif.Nerd We expect results!
The Best Links Ever!
If you want to learn more about shirtless Leif Garrett, visit your local library or click here A Man in Super Absorbant Pants (AKA A Leif in the Wind)
To ride the wind with Poison, sail on to Poisoning Our Airwaves: A Day in the Life of Rikki Rocket
If you want Mo' Fatt for your money, click on The Official Site of the Moffatts (also an official ring in Dante's Inferno)
Do you want to make more money? Sure we all do...visit Hammer's Guide to Chargin' it Freestyle
If you want to see the best show on TV, learn about it here Mr. Show with Bob and David
To see T. Berry's evil doppelganger who gives crackpot advice Fake Diuhper Stuff