Of my daughters, Kim & Betsy
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Of my daughters, Kim & Betsy
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My Cherished Memories
Elizabeth (Betsy) (12/26/61 - 8/31/85) had a smile that lit up the room whenever she entered. What a delight she was. She could brighten the gloomiest of days with that smile. She seemed to be the child that the most happened to (smoke inhalation, spinal fusion and sadly ultimately killed by a drunk driver) but except for the last there was always a smile. She loved life, worked so hard to become a nurse, and was in her first year of her career. She liked geriatrics - she loved the older patients. She was the peacemaker of the family, bringing together her sister & brothers, and she was my best friend as well as my daughter. I miss you so, my smiling child.
Kim (7/22/59-7/12/99)was my first born golden child. She was mommy's helper to her twin sister and brother (Betsy & Eric) and seemed always to be older than her years. Her love of animals was unbelievable to behold. A wounded bird in a lined shoebox, a kitten found and nursed back to health, and puppies that seemed to appear from nowhere at our door. I remember the trips she and I would take--Florida vacations, NYC at Christmas, or just sitting at the table chatting. She stepped out of my life for a while to go her own way -- but we found each other again and I thank God everyday for that. Kim's greatest gift to herself and to me was my only grandchild, Christopher. I see her in him. I miss you so, Kim, my golden child. I will watch over him.
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Cherished Moments
Special moments - so many and they sustain me now.
With Betsy, it was finding out after her brothers birth that there was another baby, my Betsy. What a delightful surprise. Looking at her beautiful face as she slept. Watching her grow into a lovely young woman. Laying on the floor at the hospital after her spinal fusion to talk with her in her circular bed when she was face down on it (quite a sight). Laughing, always laughing -- at something funny or nothing at all. Her graduation dinner with the doily on her head & swizel sticks as hair picks, her & me getting stuck in the muck helping unload our boat (laughing or course)as neither could move, seeing the look in her eyes when we gave her her first car, the pride when she became a nurse..memories that will have to last my lifetime.
With Kim, it was holding my firstborn in my arms. She was so beautiful. How she loved to play with the boys and have snow fights, forts, and of course animals. How serious she could be over something she deeply believed in, but also how she could get the giggles that were contagious -- they could last for hours until our faces hurt. The privilege of being there for the birth of my grandson -- although earlier we had been warned by the nurses to be quiet -- our laughter was disturbing other mothers-to-be. What a trooper she was in both her living and in her dying. We called her Princess. She always was. Memories that must sustain me a lifetime once again.
You see, I want them both back, happy and well.
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How I Cope
How do I cope? Better still, do I cope? The loss of both my daughters has left a hole in my heart...with Betsy it was starting to scar over but yet prone to reopen at times. With Kim, the hole is still open and it hurts so bad..but I know this too will scar over to reopen at times. How do you cope? A question asked often. My answer: Do I have a choice? I still have 2 sons that want their Mom around, a grandson who I will never let out of my life again, and my beloved husband, Sam, who I know could not cope without me. But life will never be the same...the family all together, our special times.
I find support through a close connection with God. This was a very long time coming but gratefully I have it now. Also, the wonderful giving people at WWAngels, GROWW, and Compassionate Friends...we have all walked the same path and understand each other like no others could. And last, my daughters, Betsy & Kim, give me support through a gentle wind, a beautiful sunset, a butterfly gracefully landing nearby....their beauty lives on through the beauty in the world as we know it.
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