Alcohol-the devil vs. Jesus Christ

Hi My name is Frank, I'm an alcoholic. Not surprisingly we are many. I would like to take this time to share with you the wonderful power of GOD.

Life as an alcoholic

I began drinking at an early age (12), this led me to many problems throughout life. From stealing to ruining loving relationships. I never realized how alcohol controlled my life. I was in and out of jail, went through many relationships and never really understood that alcohol was the "devil" controlling me. Finally, in February 1994 I met this wonderful women, I was 38 at the time. We hit it off real well, fell in love in a matter of weeks, got engaged, and moved in together in 8 months. I thought I had it all, a loving relationship, a family with her and her daughter of 5. We loved each other more than words could ever describe, we couldn't get enough of each other. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for me. Two months into the relationship she had lent me money to help start my own business. Unfortunately, alcohol "the Devil" came into the picture. This led to both of us drinking. Thinking we were having a good time blinded both of us. There are many problems that stemmed from this. Too many to list, but I'll hit on a few. I never had any credit, she allowed me establish credit on her accounts. In the first year we opened a fish store together, she was against it , but through pressure from me she went along. I took control at that point to the extent of running finances and everything else. We were so much in love that she went along with everything I said. To make a long story short, we were in and out of drinking, had many fights and separations, including but not limited to, verbal and physical interactions. This finally led to her leaving me, which shouldn't surprise anyone. I continued to run the store for about a year. Through this period, she was forced through bankruptcy because of me, I continued to drink. She took control of her life, got help quit alcohol and got a great job. During this time frame we were on and off together. Thinking that our lives were inseparable. She stayed sober and put up with my alcoholic behavior. However, through the latter half of our relationship, things progressively got worse. We separated many times, but found our way back together. As crazy as it may seem "love" and "God" was definitely a factor in this. Finally, one day she said she had enough, broke up with me and told me never to come back until I sought help. I could go on forever about the hurt I caused this wonderful girl, but it would take forever. I know that I am very sorry for the things I did to her and pray that she will someday forgive me. This story continues in Let Go and Let God.

I have been very blessed for the Lord has visited me.
Who am I, but a mere sinner unworthy to see.
He came into my heart to awaken me.
Through His love, His care, His trust, His authority.
He showed me the way, to hope and prosperity.
I will shout His grace for the world to see.
Because the Lord has visited me.
-By D.A.

Let Go and Let God

I continued my drinking and thought everything was fine. Until one day after an attempt to commit suicide, I prayed to the Lord for help. Through His love for me once again I was given the chance. We began seeing each other and she helped me accept Jesus Christ as my savior. This truly helped me with my drinking. God gave me the courage to quit this nasty habit. We began going to church twice a week, the abuse stopped as well as the cursing. I thought things were going fine, but because of my alcoholic past things began to happen. The hurt I caused the one I love kept coming back to haunt me. She would question me on drinking and because I'm an alcoholic I became defensive. This would cause us to argue. Thanks be to God, we were able to continue our relationship for about 8 months. However, because of all the pain I caused her, her trust for me was lost. I didn't realize how much I truly hurt her. I then began to take control of my own life or so I thought. I took a job as a fishermen which is a known place for alcohol. She didn't want me to take this job because she knew this. However, I did anyway. It wasn't long before I began sneaking a drink here and there. She questioned me many times, but as an alcoholic we find ways to hide our drinking. This never fooled her though, God protected her and once again we broke up. I began drinking very heavy again but being a child of God this lasted for only about a month. I began to pray and asked God to help me. I didn't want my life alone and as a drunk. Through the grace of God we began to talk again. With the help of my girlfriend and the Lord, I was once again able to rid my body of this nasty disease. I was free, or so I thought. Our relationship continued for about a year after that. Unfortunately, my past behavior continued to haunt me. We slowly faded away from church and prayer. Although I thought things were fine, they really weren't. It wasn't long before I began accusing her of my faults. This forced her to go to counseling and Al-Anon and back to church, which really was God's blessing. She asked me many times to go, but once again I thought I was in control and just brushed this off. Boy was I in for a surprise. She left me again. I backslid again and drank a little. Then one day I showed up late at night drunk at her house. I begged her to allow our relationship to continue. I promised I would go for help. She gave me another chance. However, once again I thought I was in control of my life. I continued to prolong my seeking help. Finally, she just had enough and called our relationship quits. This hurt me really bad which made me fall real hard. I began drinking once again, not caring about life. Alcohol "the devil" once again had control of my life. I partied like crazy until one night I tried to commit suicide again. This I thought would be rock bottom for me but it wasn't. I continued to drink were I would actually hate the taste of alcohol to were it made me sick. Yet, I forced myself to drink. God is so good, so powerful, and once you become his child he will always be there for you. Let me explain this. Throughout my drinking binge, my ex and I continued to make contact. Although she was very cold to me, she would always tell me to go back to God. That maybe with the grace of God a "miracle" could happen. I played with this Idea for quite sometime and being in denial I couldn't accept that this would happen again. God gave me so many chances, I figured I was a lost cause. The amazing part of this story is that God never lets go. I write letters to my ex everyday. Her response is always short and sweet.

"Nice to hear you are feeling a little better. Jesus loves you and he will fight the powers and forces in dark places for you. Just keep believing he can do it and he will in his time. Grow in patience and he will definitely reward you. Make sure you turn everything over to him, especially your sad thoughts, so he will make you feel his peace. Keep turning thoughts, situations over to Him each and every minute. It will be hard but I know you can do it. Take care and I will continue to pray for you. Love Doreen".

Letters like this caused me to pray. I wasn't worthy of God's love or so I thought. Then one night I tried again to see my ex. I went to her house and she wouldn't let me in. I left feeling sorry for myself once again. Sure enough, I went right back to a bar. It was that night my life turned around. I met a Christian, funny to do so in a bar I thought. But, I soon realized that God was speaking out to me through her. We spoke for a long time, she kept telling me how much God loved me. It wasn't long after that, that she said if I truly wanted to quit drinking was to do so now. I had just ordered a fresh drink and said after I finish this one I will quit. Again the devil speaking. But she was persistent and said if you really have it in your heart to quit, God will give you the strength. With those words something touched me. I never did drink that drink. I left the bar and have been sober ever since. Its so amazing that God will go through whatever it takes to show His love for you. Although I have been only sober now for six days (this will grow with the grace of God) I fell Him already taking control. God does things for a reason. I realize that I'm not a bad person, I just need and will continue to need His guidance. God has already made it clear to me that my purpose on this earth is to help others. He did so by putting me in an Al-Anon group online. There I was able to help someone facing an alcoholic father. He further helped me write this web page to show others that with faith and Jesus Christ anything is possible.. God is good, keep the faith, pray and go to AA. With God and AA I can't go wrong!!!! May God bless everyone who reads this web page.

Went back to church regularly twice a week on Wednesday and Sunday, I found hope and peace. God is good! Went to my tenth AA meeting face to face, and my 80th online. 90 days of sobriety, Amen!

Song Title: Awsome God

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