Can we unveil the mystery of fetish?

In a way, all my life I was searching for an answer to this very question. Why is my heart pounding when I see a woman dressed like her? Where does that feeling come from? Am I guilty of something that I don't feel the same arousement when peeking at her naked breasts or bare legs?

A popular theory says that I must have seen a woman in leather when I was a child and therefore something inside of me switched to leather. But why? I have surely seen ladies in rubber coats as much as I saw gloved and booted women, but why did I choose this particular fetish? My fetish is, like most fetishes, strictly limited. "My" leather must be soft and clean, brown or black, tight around knees and fingers. Other men have other limitations to their fetish.

Fetishism starts in childhood, but not in the simple Freud way

When I talked to many men (and some remarkable women) about my preferences, I found out that many of them were hurt in childhood, mostly in very early years. Some of these people didn't know about that until they asked their relatives about that. Now I know that I nearly died when I was born, being choked by my umbilical cord. When I was about two years old I nearly died a second time, suffering from the "sudden baby death syndrome".

The marriage of my parents was spoiled. My mother had a child from another man before I was born, and she had an abortion. My father never forgave her that she had been sleeping with another man. They didn't divorce, so they decided to father a third child, me, to bring together their partnership. But it did not work, because that never works. I was connected with the aborted child and wanted to pass away. It sounds silly, but we know of many cases like this from recent research. Instead of me, my father died when I was 6. So he decided to go, to end the unbearable situation.

Now there I was with an unheard wish to die, to sink away from life. I needed a blade of straw to hold on. Something simple that was so beautiful it could keep me here. Something understandable, not a great philosophical idea or any lavish feeling. This very blade of straw was a pair of leather gloves. I grasped them and was saved. I don't know where they came from. My grandmother had many leather gloves, tight, old-fashioned and beautiful. In a dream, I saw her handing me a box with purple leather gloves. She never did that consciously and I don't think that it could be proven.

Could you believe that a fetish has more than just a sexual meaning?

But my idea about fetishes is: They are not in first place connected to a sexual meaning. They are connected with something much deeper. They are connected with life. Obviously, there is nothing more lively and vital than sexuality. When I see my fetish, I feel sexual energy, and even more. Joy of life, a reason not to pass away. Something that makes me happy, although it is so small and humble.

What about a better word for "fetish"?

The word "fetish" has a negative taste. Karl Marx was angry about the fetishistic character of goods - sometimes forgetting that these goods are in most cases vital. There is a loud noise about "normal" sexuality, where a man loves a woman just because she is a woman and not because she is wearing high heels or leather gloves. But anthropologist Alfred Binet states that "normal sexuality is the result of a very complicated fetishism". "Normal" men have a fetishistic relation to women's breasts, genitals or anything. I like to state that a fetishist's wife has a splendid future. When her breasts or legs lose their sex appeal, she is still able to arouse her husband. Unfortunately, many women cannot deal with my theory. They feel "used" when knowing that I "only" like her leather pants. They can't (or won't) see that I like her in her pants. Fetish is an addition, not a substitute to her sexual attraction.

I do not love leather. I love a woman wearing it. A single glove in a shop or a drawer doesn't stimulate me. I can get some stimulation by the fantasy that a woman is getting into this very glove. I feel similar excitement when I slip into my own gloves, into my leather pants or my boots.

Fetishism as a talent

Fetishists are special people. At the end of a long and often hard way I know: Fetishism is no disease, it is an ability. Fetishists see and feel more than ordinary people. When being amidst a crowd, I know where there is a woman in leather. I am very sensible to details. I am positive and creative and, being a writer and designer, make a living from that. I invite everyone who read until this point to feel positive about you and your - ability. It would make me happy to share my thoughts and feelings, no matter if you share my opinion about the life-character of fetish or not.

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