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DOGAHOLICS ANONYMOUS
Good Afternoon. I AM a dogaholic.
I would like to welcome all of you to this month's
meeting of "Dogaholics Anonymous"
Some of you are here tonight because a friend
or relative brought you here.
You may be sitting here thinking that you are OK
and that you really don't need any help.
It is not easy to admit that you are a dogaholic,
and it is even harder to bring yourself to a DA meeting
for help. DA is here to assist you.
I have some questions to ask. If you answer YES to
more than three of the following, you have come
to the right place:
Can you say "Bitch" in public without blushing?
Do you drive a station wagon, van or 4x4 when
everyone else drives a real car?
Do you have more than one car? One for you and
one for the dogs?
Do you spend your vacations and holidays going to trials,
dog camps and seminars when everyone else goes on a cruise?
If you do go overseas, is it to Europe in June to attend
the World Show?
Do you discuss things at the dinner table that would make
most doctors leave in disgust?
Do you consider formal wear to be clean jeans and
freshly washed tennis shoes?
Is your interior decorator R.C. Steele?
Was your furniture and carpeting chosen to match your dogs?
Are your end tables really dog crates with tablecloths thrown over them?
Do you know the meaning of AD, AAD, MAD, ADCH, CD, CDX, UD,
HIT, WC, JH, MH, CH, BIS, NA, NJ, AX, TD, TDX and OTCH?
Is your mail primarily dog catalogs, dog magazines and premium lists?
Do you get up before dawn to go to Shows, Training Classes,
Agility Trials, Seminars?
Are you up and praparing hours before you have to leave
for a show [but have trouble getting up for "work"?]
If you do have dresses, do they all have pockets?
Do those pockets often contain freeze dried liver,
Rollover or squeaky toys?
When you meet a new person do you always ask them what
kind of dog they have and pity them if they don't have one?
Do you remember the name of their dog sooner than you
remember their name?
Do you find non-dog people boring?
If you answered YES to one of the above, there is still hope.
If you answered YES to two, you are in serious trouble.
If you answered YES to three or more, you have come to
the right place.
My advice to all of you with three or more YES's is to
sit back and smile, turn to the smiling person next to you,
and know that your life will always be filled with
good friends and good dogs and it will never be boring!
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