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Just after my mother’s death in September of 1998 my older sister found this picture of my mother. We have guessed that she is 6 to 9 months. We were amazed by how much she looked just like that at the time of her death. Because of the chemotherapy she had lost her hair and the pain medicine she had to have had made her green eyes very bright. It is an odd feeling to think how adorable your own mother is. My mother and I had been estranged most of my life and only after my father’s death did we actually develop an amicable relationship. It was amazing that after 35 years of anger and resentment to find such love and respect. When we found this picture, I realized how much I had admired the little girl in her. I can remember as a child wondering why she seemed so frightened. Perhaps it is only as an adult that we can appreciate just how frightening it is to be an adult, it must be especially true to be a young parent. After I moved away from home I used to make trips home “just to be a little girl”. That is one of the things I miss most now. After your parents are gone there is no safe place to be a “little girl”. Maybe because of the difficult relationship this baby had with her mother she never got that safe place to regress. I can’t imagine how frightening it must be to never have a chance to be a child and let someone else be the adult once in a while. I miss the opportunity to be a little girl and I miss this baby girl.
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