My Online Life...

I started writing poetry as a way to release all feelings and emotions that I kept locked inside for so many years. I have found that writing is the best therapy for me. It really gives me strength to talk about what I went through and put into words all those feelings that I never shared with anyone before about the abuse, the mistakes, the sorrow and the heartache. Through my poetry I hope to encourage and motivate people who have gone through abuse to keep going in life no matter what. I hope to reach out through my writing. I believe that writing not only helps me to heal but also allows me to reach out to others and help them as well in their journey to heal.... As a cancer survivor I have found that life is a precious gift that should never be squandered away or taken for granted.
Always try and remember the four L's, Live, Love, Laugh, Learn. Don't wait to go somewhere you dream about....Find a way. Be spontaneous...Let life surprise and delight you.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Confide in your friend:

When you're tired and worn at the close of the day,
and things just don't seem to be going your way,
when even your patience has come to an end,
try taking time out and confide in a friend.

Perhaps your friend may have walked the same road,
with a troubled heart and a burdensome load,
to find peace and comfort near the end -
when he stopped long enough to confide in a friend.
For then are most welcome, a few words of cheer,
for someone who willingly lends you an ear.
No troubles exist that the Gods cannot mend,
but to get quick relief, just confide in a friend.

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cancer:

You make friends with cancer by heeding its call to consciousness, by letting it change your life.
You slow down. You pay attention.
You stop doing things you don't really
want or need to do.
You prioritize. You pace yourself.
You respect your body.
You spend time with those whose
presence is healing.

You make friends with cancer by noticing the
small miracles that occur daily--
the chorus of bird songs in the morning air,
the intoxicating fragrance of one pink rose,
the melody of raindrops, the heart melting sweetness of your grandchildren's smiles,
the eternality of an ocean wave,
the exquisite beauty of a setting sun, the presence of your beloved--which, before cancer, you may have overlooked or been to "busy" to enjoy or appreciate.

You make friends with cancer by letting love in.
You open you heart. You tell the truth.
You ask for help.You accept the profound generosity of friends. You let whatever
you may have given return itself to you.

You make friends with cancer by allowing it to remind you of what is actually important in life and what is less so, by forging a relationship with it that fosters new insight,
by seeing the uninvited guest as an opportunity for learning and growth.

You make friends with cancer by accepting the myriad gifts and joys which life offers.
You don't waste time complaining about
things you cannot change
or which you wish were different.
You dance when you can, you weep when you must.
You notice what you have instead of what you don't have. You practice thankfulness,
and forgiveness.

You make friends with cancer by not hiding from it or hating it, but by acknowledging it, accepting what it has to teach
you and continuing on your Journey,
one step at a time.
� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cancer is so limited...

It cannot cripple love.

It cannot shatter hope.

It cannot corrode faith.

It cannot eat away peace.

It cannot destroy confidence.

It cannot kill friendship.

It cannot shut out memories.

It cannot silence courage.

It cannot invade the soul.

It cannot reduce eternal life.

It cannot quench the spirit.

It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~

Story #1 I call simplicity.....Or I want to be six again!

To Whom It May Concern:
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult in order to accept the responsibilities of a 6 year old....
The tax base is lower, so I want to be six again. I want to go to Porky Pigs diner in Spartanburg after church and think it's the best place in the world to eat. I want to eat a chili-cheese dog really well done (Heck, I like my hot-dogs almost burnt anyhow) without wondering how many grams of fat, nitrates sodium or cancer causing carcinogens are in it. I want to walk across a frozen puddle and feel it crunch beneath my saddle shoes. I want to dig clay out of the banks of the creek and catch crawdads and catfish, I want to swim naked and be totally oblivious to my state of undress. I want to tie a string to the leg of a "June Bug" and watch that little sucker fly in circles. I want to be amazed at fireflies in a mason jar and believe that the stories that my uncles told me were absolute gospel....(YES, the Green-eyed Monster is married to the Boogie Man and if you aren't a good girl they will get you.) I want my Mom to comfort me when I have a nightmare about being "GOT." I want to think M&M's are better than money, 'cause you can eat em! I want my Mom, Aunts, Uncles Grandmother, siblings and cousins to be strong, happy, healthy and youthful.......
I want to walk to the school bus along a red dirt road in South Carolina and play hopscotch with my friends at recess. I want to go with my family and cut down a Christmas tree on our own land, and pull it home through the snow on a sled and see the warm lights of our house in the distance and feel the comfort of knowing that a cozy fire and a cup of hot chocolate with a peppermint stick would be waiting. I want to make ornaments, & paper chains & strings of popcorn, cranberries & gumdrops. I want to stay up late on Christmas Eve waiting to hear Santa & Rudolph on the roof. And I want to think that a new box of crayons, paper dolls, and a Betsy Wetsy doll were the best things that could ever be invented. And I want to marvel at Dick Tracy's two-way wrist radio (Although my cousin Tim said that NOTHING like that would ever happen..)
I want to hear my Grandmother's sweet clear voice sing "Rock of Ages & Amazing Grace & Nearer My God to Thee." And "Find" the sugar cookies that she always "Hid" on the bottom shelf of the pantry. I want my Aunt Agnes to tell me stories and hear her say "Wake-up my little morning glory." Back then all I needed to feel safe and loved was when someone warmed a blanket by the fire and bundled me up in it on cold winter nights...
I want to make a tent with my sisters on the porch out of a blanket draped over four chairs and listen to the warm rain and smell the earth when it was fresh and pure and sweet and "Global Warming, Pollution & Endangered Species" were not front page issues........I want to spin in circles with my sisters and cousins 'till we can no longer stand up, then lay in the cool grass and see shapes in the clouds. I want to listen to the gentle winds whispering through the Carolina pines. I want to play "hide & go seek, kick the can, mother may I, tag & Red Rover."
I want to ride on the side step of my Uncle Melvin's big black car while I hold on to the door (So what if he was only going 5 MPH...I was FLYIN.')
I want a banana & peanut butter sandwich on squishy white bread....And a 50-50 bar....And I want to dump a bag of salted peanuts into an amber colored bottle of Orange Crush without caring that someone might think I was being "weird."
I long for the days when life was simple. When I thought "Fun with Dick & Jane" was a literary masterpiece...And not a porno flick.
When I knew all my colors, the addition tables and simple nursery rhymes, but it didn't bother me because I didn't know what I didn't know....and I didn't care. When summer meant digging peanuts on my Uncles farm....And the way watermelon tasted when warm from the field....Or peach ice cream from a hand cranked ice cream maker on a sweltering southern night....Summer was the smell of the honeysuckle, lilacs, dogwood and wild roses that grew wild near my country home.
I want to go to Macedonia Grammar School, a two room school house where roughly half the students are related to me. And have recess, music time, snacktime and all the good things that come with being in the first grade. I want to be happy because I didn't know what was supposed to make me upset. I want to think that the world is fair, and everyone in it is honest and good..I want to believe that all things are possible.... And that things really do happen if I wish on the first star, or blew out all my candles or blew the fluff from a dandelion...Before I learned that the light from a star was made a hundred million kazillion years ago and that it may have burned out long ago...(And that it twinkles because of pollution)
And that wishes on candles mean ZIP....And blowing on a dandelion only causes weeds to grow.
I want to think that the only boy in the world that I will ever love is Curtis Cobb (Who gave me my first kiss) Because he loved me, and would forever... He told me so...and it must be true, Right?...*SIGH*...Was love ever really that simple?
Sometime while I was maturing, I learned too much. I learned of nuclear weapons and wars and loved ones going away to war & not returning...and the ones that did return were changed forever. I learned of a world where men left their families to go and fight for our country, and returned only to end up living on the street...begging for their next meal.
I learned of a world where children learned how to kill....And did!
I learned about asteroids that may or may not be on a collision course with earth. I learned about prejudice, starving and abused children, lies, unhappy marriages filled with violence and infidelity..Illnesses such as Aids, Emboli, Flesh Eating Bacteria and Cancer.
I learned about pain and mortality...And I want to be six again...I want to think that everyone including myself will live forever because I don't understand the concept of death...I want simplicity and purity, when we thought that the worst thing in the world was when someone took away you jump rope or being picked last for kickball.
I want to be oblivious to the complexity of life, and be overly excited by the little things again. I want television to be something I watch for fun (Like Rahmar Of the Jungle, Queen for a day & The Lone Ranger) , Not something I use for escape from things I should be doing. I want to live knowing the little things I find exciting will always make me as happy as when I first discovered them. The county fair, cotton candy, red candy apples...Mmmmmm, I can smell them now. I want to go to the movies on a Saturday night with two quarters, pay for the movie, buy a bag of penny candy, a hot-dog, popcorn and a soda and still have a nickel left over.....I want Roy Rogers, Dale Evan's, Gene Autry, John Wayne and Audie Murphy.....I want a hero that will never be involved in a "Sex Scandal" And a Princess that really does live "Happily ever after."..I want to be six again.
I remember not seeing the world as a whole, but rather being aware of things that directly concerned me. I want to be naive enough to think that if I'm happy, so is everyone else. I want to walk along the edge of Rainbow Lake and think only of the grass under my feet, and the possibility of finding the mermaid I'm looking for.
I want to spend my afternoons climbing chinaberry trees and riding my blue bike feeling the warm wind on my face, letting the grown ups worry about time, the dentist, how to survive more days than there is money in the bank, and how to find the strength to get through another day. I want to believe in the power of hugs, smiles, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination...and mankind!
I want to wonder what I'll do when I grow up, and what I'll be, and who I'll be and not worry about what I'll do if this doesn't work out...I want that time back.
I want to use it as now as an escape, so that when my computer crashes, or I have a mountain of work, or two depressed friends, or my kids and grandkids lives are not going well or I've had an awful fight with my "Significant other," or bittersweet memories of times gone by, or second thoughts about so many things.. I can travel back, and build a snowman with my big sisters Elaine & Sandra without thinking about anything except whether the snow sticks together, and what we can possibly use for the snowman's mouth.......I want to go back to that simpler life..........I want to be six again.

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
Childhood Fantasies

There are days when life gets tough,
And I would like to fly away.
To just go back to happier times,
When not a care came my way!

I would spend my time with fairies and sprites,
Oh, there would be elves and gremlins too!
What fun I would have when we played all day,
Just doing the fun things we would do!

They would take me back in time,
When things were much simpler then.
I would love each second of the day,
And each would become my special friend.

The fairies would make me laugh so much,
While making my dreams come true!
And sprites would scatter dandelion puffs,
That would sail toward skies of lovely blue.

Oh, to become a child again,
Living a life so sweet and carefree.
Enjoying smiles from dawn �til dusk,
Fairies, sprites, elves, gremlins and me!

A tiny elf would tell me tales
Of things only they could do.
And gremlins would play pranks on me
Just to give me a laugh or two!
So if you see my eyes glaze over,
And my thoughts begin to stray�
Just know I'm living in memories,
Of one of my childhood's happier days.

They would always come to my rescue,
Whenever I was in need.
Giving me joy and laughter,
Making my life such fun indeed!

I think I�ll close out all my worries,
Just get rid of my sad frown!
Then go to join my childhood friends,
And smile as we scamper around!
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Story # 2. I call "What did you do today":

Flashback to May 1971, Anchorage, Alaska:

My husband came home today and saw me sitting on the couch, with a toddler on my knee, and a baby in my arms & three year old glued to "The Electric Company" on TV.
I was trying to turn the pages of a book with the hand not attached to the infant, while listening for the sound of the stove buzzer, which would indicate that tonight's pork chops were at the stage between "well-done" and "the dog gets tonight's entree."

My husband looked at me sarcastically, and asked, "So, did you do anything today?"

It's a good thing that most of my appendages were otherwise engaged, as I was unable to jump up and beat the living shit out of him. This was probably for the best, as I assume that asking a stupid question is not grounds for murder in this country.

Let me back up a bit, and explain what led me to this point in my life.

I was not always bordering on the brink of insanity. On the contrary, a mere four years ago, I had a good job, steady income, and a vehicle that could NOT seat a professional sports team, and me, comfortably (I now drive a red Rambler station wagon that is roughly the size of a football field). I watched television shows that were not hosted by singing puppets. I went to bed later than nine o'clock at night. I preferred sex to sleeping in. I laughed at those people who drove halfway across the country hauling a tent trailer, screaming kids, a drooling dog, and called it a vacation.

Now I have become one of them.

What happened? The rabbit died.

I have traded in my Fredrick's of Hollywood lingerie for cotton briefs and a firm support nursing bra. Good-bye, Beatles. Hello, Big Bird, Ernie & Burt.
My idea of privacy is getting to use the bathroom without a three--year old banging on the door,(He peeks under the door and say's "Whatcha doing mommy"? I say..."I'm building a rocket," and he says, "Can I see it?") and the baby spinning the toilet paper roll from my lap.

And I finally understand that the term "Stay At Home Mom" does not refer to a parent who no longer works outside the house, but rather to one who never seems to get out the front door. (Mostly because its frozen shut!) So here I sit children in hand, wondering how to answer my beloved husband.

DID I DO ANYTHING TODAY!

Well, I think I did, although not much seems to have gotten
accomplished. I shared breakfast in bed with a handsome young man. Of course, the breakfast consisted of a bowl of Fruit Loops and leftover cookie crumbs found between the sheets. The handsome young man is about thirty-four inches tall and only gets really excited at the sight of Sesame Street, toy dinosaurs and French fries with catsup.

I got to take a relaxing stroll in the woods near our house.
Of course I was on the lookout for bear and moose, and had to stop at our son's insistence to smell each and every weed along the way.

I successfully washed one load of laundry, moved the load that was in the washer into the dryer, and the dryer load into the basket. The load that was in the basket is now spread out on the bed, awaiting my bedtime decision to actually put the clothes away or merely move them to the top of the dresser.
I also managed to get gum out of My two year olds hair using peanut butter, of all things.

I went shopping at Carr's food store on Northern Lights Blvd. with all three kids and had to pay for a food service sized jar of mayonnaise that Johnny JR., he needed to put in the cart...he missed. When I got to the check out stand I realized that I had left the check book in the car. So I had to take the kids to the car (It was snowing...It doesn't snow in California in SPRINGTIME...I want my mother!) And then back to pay for my purchases...All the kids were screaming at this point and one or more smelled like a nuclear waste dump. Oh and there was $12.25 worth of candy, canned goats milk, salami, canned mackerel and shaving cream that Johnny managed to get into the cart without my knowledge.
On the way home, I slid sideways through an icy intersection ... That was a real thriller!

I read two or three classics. Out loud. Of course, Dickens or
Shakespeare cannot take credit for these works, as we have moved on to the works of Seuss and Munsch. I don't think I will be making any trips to the Adult Section of my local library anytime soon. My best friends Kelly and Karen & Karen's little sister Sonda stopped by for a visit, and told me the latest on their boy troubles...I remember when I had "Boy" troubles as well...Sigh! Where did that girl disappear to?

In between, I dusted, wiped, organized and rearranged. Johnny slipped and fell and got a deep cut his across his eyebrow...just four stitches. Desaree' fell on the furnace grill and had waffle like burn marks on her arm and leg. I kissed away the owies and washed away the tears. I scolded, praised, hugged and tested my patience, all before noon.

DID I DO ANYTHING TODAY? Oh You Betcha.

I now understand what people mean when they say that parenthood is the hardest job they will ever have. In my LBD (life before diapers) I was an aspiring dancer & writer, a person that was going to "CHANGE THE WORLD," but I am unable of teaching a strong-willed three-year-old how to use the toilet. I was once able to navigate urban streets while reading a map and looking for a decent radio station, but now I can't get the wheels on my stroller to all go in the same direction. I had two years at San Jose State as a "Sit In" student and written newspaper articles for the San Jose Spartan, and I've won small awards for cooking, but I can't figure out how to get carrot stains out of the carpet. I used to debate with my friends about politics, and the war... but now we discuss the merits of cloth versus disposable. And when did I stop talking in sentences that had more than five words?

So in response to my husband's inquiry, yes, I did do something today. In fact, I am one step closer to one of life's greatest accomplishments.

No, I did not cure cancer or forge World Peace, but I did hold
miracles in my arms. Three, in fact. John, JR. & Desiree' and baby Eric. My children are my great accomplishment, and the opportunity to raise them is my greatest challenge. I don't know if my children will grow up to be great leaders or world-class brain surgeons. Frankly, I don't care, as long as they grow up to be happy and fulfilled.

They are my greatest joys, even though I sometimes cry myself to sleep at night in frustration. The point is, that today I got to watch my children take another step on the great journey of Life, and I even got to point out some of the sites along the way. As challenging as parenthood is, it is also equally rewarding, because we are using all of our wisdom, our talent and skills to help forge a new person. It is this person, these people, who in turn will use their gifts to create our future. So every nursery rhyme I recite, every swing I push, every little hand I hold is Something.

And I did it today.

Oh...And the rabbit died again.....So tell me John...Did YOU do anything today?

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*BEFORE I WAS A MOM

Before I was a Mom, I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.
Before I was a Mom, I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was Mom, I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies.
Before I was a Mom, I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom, I had never been puked on pooped on, spit on, chewed on, peed on, or pinched by tiny fingers.
Before I was a Mom, I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, and my body.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom, I had never known the warmth
the joy the love
the heartache the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much...before I was a Mom.
Dedicated to all the MOMs out there, for without YOU -- none of us would be possible!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The search.......A short story by Ruth Bourdon >^,,^

For Nicole Hensley-Bourdon
With "Forever Love"

"Oh, No!" she gasped as she surveyed the disaster before her. Never in her 29 years of life had she seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived she did not know. She could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction she would find her 10-year-old daughter.

Only the slim hope of finding Nicole kept her from turning and fleeing the scene. She took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across her path. She moved ahead slowly.

"Nickie! Nickie!" she whispered to herself. She tripped and almost fell several times. She heard someone, or something, move amid the rubble. At least she thought she did. Perhaps, she was just hoping she did. She shook her head and felt her gut tighten. She couldn't understand how this could have happened.

There was some light but not enough to see very much.
Something cold and wet brushed against her hand. She jerked it away. In desperation, she took another step then cried out, "Nickie!"

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, she heard her
daughter. "Yes, Mom?" she said, in a voice so weak she could hardly hear.

"It's time to get up and get ready for school," Desaree' sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room.
� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*For Mom

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find yours eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things
we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
far all life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared
and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heavens gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity, and all I've promised you."

Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.
I promise not tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day's the same day,
there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you know you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
and now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For my son Eric:

The oldest, shortest words -- yes and no -- are those which require the most thought.

It's hard to pretend that you love someone if you don't, but it's harder to pretend that you don't love someone if you really do.

Don't be afraid to break someone's heart or have your heart broken because that's how relationships are; they are stepping stones for the main one.

The Gods will never leave you empty. If something is taken away, the Goddesses will replace it with something better. If he asks you to put something down, it is so you can pick up something greater.

Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you. But love hurts the most when the person you love has no idea how you feel.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. Don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts but if it doesn't, be contented it grew in yours.

There is no such thing as ideal man or woman. There is no such thing as ideal love. You just fall in love and nothing seems to matter anymore; everything just turns out perfectly.

Love is when you look back on all your great memories and find out that the one you least expect to fall in love with becomes the man or woman of your dreams.

If you think it's time to let go, just let go, there's no point in looking back at what you have just lost, for the road of life was never meant to be traveled backwards.

Only as high as you reach can you grow ... only as far as you seek can you go ... only as deep as you look can you see ... only as much as you dream can you be.

Once the package of friendship has been opened, it can never be closed. It is a constant book always written, waiting to be read and enjoyed.

When we get hurt, it is one way that the Gods is telling us that not all that is painful is bad or wrong. We get hurt so we never hurt others the way we were hurt.

Don't ask for fulfillment in all your life, but for patience to accept frustration. Don't ask to have your life's load lightened, but for wisdom not to repeat mistakes.

I'm happy to report that since my son's devestating heartbreak, he has since found and married his soulmate. And they are made for each other.>^,,^<
(Update Twins, a boy and a girl are due in April of 2007)

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quoth the PC...Nevermore.......>^,,^<
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System
manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bedsheets, Still I sat there, doing spreadsheets:
Having reached the bottom line, I took a floppy from the drawer.
Typing with a steady hand, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store, Only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed mother! Save my data from before!" One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more, Just, "Abort, Retry,
Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion? Some maniacal intrusion? These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before. Carefully, I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises. The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more. Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more, From "Choose Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
With my fingers pale and trembling Slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored, Praying for some
guarantee Timidly I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before. Ghastly
grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore, Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
I tried to catch the chips off-guard-I pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore. Now in desperation, trying random combinations, Still there came the
incantation, just as senseless as before. Cursor blinking, angrily winking,
blinking nonsense as before. Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?" There I sat,
distraught, exhausted by my own machine accosted Getting up I turned away and paced across my Puter room floor. And then I saw dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night. A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my core. The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone
forevermore. Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
To this day I do not know, The place to which lost data goes.
What demonic nether world is wrought where data will be stored, Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes? But sure as
there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more, You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore, Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
Was Your Flag Flying High
On September Eleven? :

Was your flag soaring high on September Ten?
Or did it not seem so important back then?
You raise it now as you play our nations song.
The question remains: For how long?

Was your patriotism showing on September Nine?
Or had it been hidden away for quite some time?
You proudly profess it now, more than in the past.
The question remains: How long will it last?

Would you stop and help a stranger on September Eight?
Or did you pass him by, not wanting to be late?
You volunteer now no matter what the venue.
The question remains: Will it continue?

Did you support the officer of the law on September Seven?
Or just complain about the violence on the news at eleven?
You now boast on how they are the best in the land.
The question remains: How long will it stand?

Did you appreciate our firefighters on September Six?
Or curse, when slowed by their trucks, put you in a fix?
You now call them heroes and the cream of the crop.
The question remains: When will it stop?

Were you a recurrent blood donor on September Five?
Or just expect it to be there, to keep "you" alive?
Now to give, you stand and cheer for hours in a line.
The question remains: Will there be enough next time?

Did you respect our military on September Four?
Or applaud defense cuts on the congressional floor?
You now salute and honor them like you give a damn.
The question remains: Will it be another Viet Nam?

Did you sacrifice for your neighbors on September Three?
Or did you just think, there's nothing in it for me?
Now you console and comfort them in their sorrow.
The Question remains: Will you be there tomorrow?

Were you praying for world peace on September Two?
Or were there more important things you had to do?
Now you go to church, the synagogue and mass.
The question remains: Will this too, just pass?

It was tragic what happened to our Nation on September Eleven.
We saw a glimpse of hell; for answers we looked up to heaven.
We found the lining behind the cloud
and made some good from that fateful day.
The questions remain: What did we learn and how long will it stay that way?

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon

(I believe that all Gods are one)

I pledge allegiance to the Flag
of the United States of America,
and to the Republic for which it stands:
one Nation under God, indivisible,
With Liberty and Justice for all.

I Pledge Allegiance I Promise to be faithful and true
(Promise my loyalty) to the flag to the emblem that stands for and represents of the United States all 50 states, each of them individual, and individually represented on the flag
of America yet formed into a UNION of one Nation.
and to the Republic And I also pledge my loyalty to the Government that is itself a Republic, a form of government where the PEOPLE are sovereign,
for which it stands, this government also being represented by the Flag to which I promise loyalty.
one Nation under God, These 50 individual states are united as a single Republic under the Divine providence of God, "our most powerful resource" (according to the words of President Eisenhower)
Indivisible, and can not be separated. (This part of the original version of the pledge was written just 50 years after the beginning of the Civil War and demonstrates the unity sought in the years after that divisive period in our history)
with Liberty The people of this Nation being afforded the freedom to pursue "life, liberty, and happiness",
and Justice And each person entitled to be treated justly, fairly, and according to proper law and principle,
for All. And these principles afforded to EVERY AMERICAN, regardless of race, religion, color, creed, or any other criteria. Just as the flag represents 50 individual states that can not be divided or separated, this Nation represents millions of people who can not be separated or divided.

RESPECT is a verb...an action. It is important to always show proper respect for the United States Flag. PROTOCOL defines HOW we demonstrate our respect for the flag. Much of this is spelled out for us in the FLAG CODE. Among these rules and guidelines:

The flag should never be displayed with the union down, except as a signal of dire distress in instances of extreme danger to life or property.
The flag should never touch anything beneath it, such as the ground, the floor, water, or merchandise.
The flag should never be carried flat or horizontally, but always aloft and free.
The flag should never be used as wearing apparel, bedding, or drapery.
The flag should never be fastened, displayed, used, or stored in such a manner as to permit it to be easily torn, soiled, or damaged in any way.
The flag should never be used as a covering for a ceiling.
The flag should never have placed upon it, nor on any part of it, nor attached to it any mark, insignia, letter, word, figure, design, picture, or drawing of any nature.
The flag should never be used as a receptacle for receiving, holding, or carrying, or delivering anything.
The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard. Advertising signs should not be fastened to a staff or halyard from which the flag is flown.
No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform. However, a flag patch may be affixed to the uniform of military personnel, firemen, policemen, and members of patriotic organizations.
The flag represents a living country and is itself considered a LIVING THING. Therefore, the lapel flag pin being a replica, should be worn on the left lapel near the heart.
The flag, when it is in such condition that it is no longer a fitting emblem for display, should be destroyed in a dignified way, preferably by burning.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soul's Whisper:

Often in quiet moments
my soul, it speaks to me
I am filled with deep emotion
that sets my being free
So vivid are the images
of life, that come to me.

So real the tremblings in my soul
reveal how life could be,
If one could but capture
these moments, so divine
How precious would life be
Your soul, with the Gods, entwined!

Stand still when storms are raging,
Stand still when all seems lost,
For the Gods in all their glory knows
When we're tempest tossed.

Though waves may surround crashing,
And cause you to tremble in fear,
Take joy my friend in knowing
That the Goddess is very near.

He knows our every trouble,
And never leaves our side,
For the Goddess love is eternal,
Forever it abides.

So take heart my friend rejoicing,
Whatever State you're in,
The Goddess cares for you
she's as close as any friend.

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
Feelings:

Reluctantly,
I wake up and my feet hit the floor,
Unwillingly,
Just another day to walk out the door,
Angrily,
the alarm clock screams out to start the day,
Routinely,
Just to do it again to pay my own way.

Loudly,
in the silence of the morning, hear the rumble of a train,
Heavenly,
water is hitting the window as it suddenly starts to rain.
Magically,
the wind in perfect rhythm strikes notes on the chimes,
Patiently,
to hear the morning symphony, just stop and take the time.

Distinctly,
the beat of the coffee pot, sizzling and steaming,
Reluctantly,
awakening me, in the middle of some passionate dreaming.
Gracefully,
the wind is still singing, and playing on the chimes,
Peacefully,
could listen to it all day, if I could take the time.

Sleepily,
taking for granted these precious, simple things,
Amazingly,
every morning's symphony, a harmony it does sing.
Powerfully,
my heart sends a beat for my feet to hit the floor,
Surprisingly,
struck by a ray of sun as I pull back the door.

Individually,
a bird in a tree, singing in key of choice,
Gracefully,
happily singing, because it has a voice.
Repeatedly,
now the wind starts back blowing on singing chimes,
Symphonically,
in harmony with the bird, morning symphony time!

Intensely,
the nature of the morning grabbed and pulled my ear,
Mystically,
said "I got a morning song that you awaken to hear."
Energetically,
jumped right up next morning, feet hit the floor,
Gratefully,
opened the door to hear that morning symphony once more.

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~

Possibilities:

When your dreams start to seem so impossible,
when roadblocks are all you can see,
look beyond all the problems that face you
and focus on possibilities.

Don't limit your thoughts to the present
or solutions you have learned from the past.
Remember to keep looking forward -
you may find the answer at last.

It is you who determines your future;
how your journey through tomorrow will be.
To fill all your days with adventure,
dare to see what no one else dares to see.

So never let obstacles stop you
or keep you from doing your part.
Have faith that your dreams are all possible,
if you truly believe in your heart.

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards:
They try to HAVE more things or more money,
in order to DO more of what they want,
so they will BE happier.

The way it actually works is the reverse.
You must first BE who you really are,
then DO what you need to do,
in order to HAVE what you want.

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is a Soul Mate?

If you have found a smile
that is the sweetest one you've known,
If you have heard, within a voice,
the echoes of your own.

If you have felt a touch
that stirs the longings of your heart,
And still can feel that closeness
in the moments you're apart.

If you have filled with wonder
at the way two lives can blend
To weave a perfect pattern
that is seamless, end to end.

If you believe some things in life
are simply meant to be,
Then you have found your soul mate,
your heart's own destiny.

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
** A time comes in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop bitching and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and
learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.

You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love.... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms... just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely...

You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5, or have a size 32 waist again, be a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK.... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want...and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his touch... and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminihes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve... and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy. You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time... FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that the Goddess isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.

And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls. You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever to settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with the Gods & Goddesses by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
"May You Always Feel Loved"

May you find serenity and tranquility
in a world you may not always understand.

May the pain you have known
and the conflict you have experienced
give you the strength to walk through life
facing each new situation with courage and optimism.

Always know that there are those whose love
and understanding will always be there,
even when you feel most alone.

May you discover enough goodness in others
to believe in a world of peace.

May a kind word, a reassuring touch, a warm smile
be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts
as well as receive them.

Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

Teach love to those who know hate, and let
that love embrace you as you go into the world.

May the teaching of those you admire become part of you,
so that you may call upon them.

Remember, those whose lives you have touched
and who have touched yours
are always a part of you,
even if the encounters were less
han you would have wished.

It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its' form.
May you not become too concerned with material matters, but
instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart.
Find time in each day to see the beauty
and love in the world around you.

Realize that each person has limitless abilities,
but each of us is different in our own way.

What you may feel you lack in one regard
may be more than compensated for in another.
What you feel you lack in the present
may become one of your strengths in the future.

May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility.
Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience.

May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself,
and not be dependent on another's judgements of your accomplishments.

May you always feel loved.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Asked the Gods

I asked the Gods for strength,
that I might achieve;
I was made weak,
to humbly obey.

I asked for health,
that I might do greater things;
I was given infirmity,
that I might do better things.

I asked for riches,
that I might be happy;
I was given poverty,
that I might be wise.

I asked for power,
that I might have the praise of men;
I was given weakness,
that I might feel the need of the Gods.

I asked for all things,
that I might enjoy life;
I was given life,
that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I asked for
but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself,
my unspoken prayers were answered.

I am among all women
most richly blessed.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inner peace...

Knowing one's self both the good and the bad
and understanding none of us are perfect
and allowing for and forgiving yourself for shortcomings.

An acceptance of things as they are
and accepting the inability to change another person.
No matter how badly you want to, you don't have that power.

The ability to treat each individual as a equal and a unique person.
Not doing so denigrates the self and the Goddess.

Letting go of being your own worst critic.

The ability to ignore the taunts and barbs of others.
It only shows that which they lack in themselves.

Loving the people in your life fully and wholly.
Without restraints or limits.
Can it be love any other way?

Accepting that some days are going to hurt.
And some days will be hard to find value in,
but it's there if we can open up to it.

Finding beauty and pleasure in the small things.
A flower unexpectedly given or seen.
A walk on the beach or under the trees.
The stars shining at night.
If we can't find pleasure in the small things...
the larger ones will also escape us.

Loving others. It's a sure sign of peace with ourselves.
How can we truly love someone else
if we can't find that which is lovable in ourselves?

~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dreams of Life

I've dreamed many dreams that never came true.
I've seen them vanish at dawn.
But I've realized enough of my dreams, thank the gods and goddess,
To make me want to dream on.
I've prayed many prayers, when no answers came,
Though I waited patient and long.
But answers came to enough of my prayers
To make me keep praying on.
I've trusted many a friend that failed
And left me to weep alone.
But I've found enough of my friends true blue
To make me keep trusting on.
I've sown many seeds that fell by the way
For the birds to feed upon
But I have held enough golden sheaves in my hands
To make me keep sowing on.
I've drained the cup of disappointment and pain
And gone many days without a song.
But I've sipped enough nectar from the roses of life
To make me want to live on.

~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Letting go #1

Letting go doesn't mean I stop caring.
It means that sometimes people have to do it for themselves.

Letting go is not giving in to powerlessness.
It's understanding that complete control is only ever a rhetorical position.

Letting go is learning that listening does not mean waiting to speak.

Letting go is not trying to change another.
The more we seek to change others, the more we are blind to ourselves.

Letting go is staying away from the blame game.
Things happen, people get hurt, people die. It has always been so.

Letting go is not to regret what has happened,
but to think of the part it plays in where I am now,
and the opportunity it presents for guidance.

Letting go is understanding that any experience can eventually be helpful,
though this may often be difficult to understand at the time.

Letting go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being, and make their own way, as you make yours.

Letting go is not to fix, but to be supportive if my support is requested, or if my offer of support is accepted.

Letting go is not to automatically deny or accept, attack or protect, flee or intervene.
Sometimes letting go simply means waiting to see what happens.

Letting go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to be aware of how I might improve my relationship to others.

Letting go is not to criticise and regulate anyone,
but to try to live in a spirit of gentleness.

Letting go is to fear less and love more,
For in fearing more we love less and fear even more.

Letting go is trusting that if I can listen
for more helpful understandings of life and how to live it,
and occasionally learn,
The rest will follow.

~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Let Go #2

To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization that I can't control another.

To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another, I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcome, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and to cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize or regulate anyone, but to try to become whatever dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and to love more.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Mother

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -

If you are going to kill each
other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet!"

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL-
"If you don't straighten up,
I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC-

"Because I said so, that's why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -

"Make sure you wear clean
underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -

"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you
something to cry about."

My mother taught me OSMOSIS-

"Shut your mouth
and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -

"Will you *look* at the
dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -

"You'll sit there until all that
spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER -

"It looks as if a tornado swept
through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor
coming toward you; would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told
you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -

"I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -

"Stop acting
like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -

"There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't wait for some distant day to come, it may be to late before you've even begun. Not everyone will agree with what you decide.
Be true to yourself first and foremost. The only important thing in life is what you do with the time you spend here on earth.

Don't cloud today with things that cannot be undone. You have no more control over yesterday or tomorrow, than you do the raging of your passions. Do not quite these dreams nor quench your desires. For if you do, your journey has ended.

You have only today to begin anew and follow your dreams, for in the end, all we have are our memories. When the twilight comes to us, let there be no excuses, no explanations and no regrets!

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
Believe in your heart that something wonderful is about to happen. Love your life. Believe in your own powers and your own potential, and in your own innate goodness. Wake every morning with the awe of just being alive. discover each day the magnificent, awesome beauty of the world. Explore and embrace life in yourself and in everyone you see each day. Reach within to find your own specialness. Amaze yourself and rouse those around you to the potential of each new day. Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect; this is the essence of your humanity. Let those who love you help you. Trust enough to be able to take. Look with hope to the horizon of today, for this day is all we truly have. Live this day well. Let a little sun in as well as out. Create your own rainbows. Be open to all your possibilities; All possibilities and miracles.
Always believe in miracles.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
Words to live by:

Don't ever be reluctant to show your feelings .... When you're happy, give into it .. When you're not, live with it. Don't be afraid to try and make things better, you might be surprised with the results .... However don't fell compelled to take the weight of the world on your shoulders. Don't feel threatened by the future ... Take one day at a time. Don't feel guilty about the past... What's done is done ...
Learn from any mistakes you might have made. Don't ever feel that you are alone ... There is always somebody there for you to reach out to. Don't forget that you can achieve so many of the things you can imagine ... Its not as hard as it seems. Don't ever stop loving ... Don't ever stop believing ... Don't ever stop dreaming your dreams.

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
#1.) I've learned -- that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

#2.) I've learned -- that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.

#3.) I've learned -- that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

#4.) I've learned -- that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.

#5.) I've learned -- that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.

#6.) I've learned -- that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do but to the best you can do.

#7.) I've learned -- that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.

#8.) I've learned -- that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

#9.) I've learned -- that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.

#10.) I've learned -- that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

#11.) I've learned -- that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.

#12.) I've learned -- that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

#13.) I've learned -- that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

#14.) I've learned -- that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

# 15.) I've learned -- that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

#16.) I've learned -- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

#17.) I've learned -- that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

#18.) I've learned -- that learning to forgive takes practice.

# 19.) I've learned -- that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.

#20.) I've learned -- that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

#21.) I've learned -- that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

#22.) I've learned -- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

#23.) I've learned -- that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

#24.) I've learned -- that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

#25.) I've learned -- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

#26.) I've learned -- that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

#27.) I've learned -- that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.

# 28.) I've learned-that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.

#29.) I've learned -- that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

#30.) I've learned -- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

#31.) I've learned -- that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

#32.) I've learned-that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

#33. I've learned-that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.

#34. ) I've learned -- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

#35.) I've learned -- that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.

#36.) I've learned -- that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

#37.) I've learned -- that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

#38.) I've learned -- that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

#39.) I've learned -- that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.

#40. ) I've learned -- that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.

#41.) I've learned -- that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.

#42.) I've learned -- that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.

#43.) I've learned -- that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

#44.) I've learned -- that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

#45.) I've learned -- that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.

#46.) I've learned -- that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.

#47.) I've learned -- that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

#48.) I've learned -- that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.

#49. ) I've learned -- that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.

#50.) I've learned -- that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

#51.) I've learned - That life is like a roll of toilet paper. T he closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

#52.) I've learned - That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

#53.) I've learned - That money doesn't buy class.

#54.) I've learned - That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

#55.) I've learned - That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

#56. ) I've learned - That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

#57.) I've learned - That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

#58. ) I've learned - That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

#59.) I've learned - That love, not time, heals all wounds.

#60.) I've learned - That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

#61. ) I've learned - That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

#62.) I've learned - That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

#63.) I've learned - That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

#64.) I've learned - That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

#65.) I've learned - That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

#66.) I've learned - That I wish I could have told my Mother that I love her one more time before she passed away.

#67.) I've learned - That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

#68.) I've learned - That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

#69.) I've learned - That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

#70.) I've learned - That when your newly born child holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

#71.) I've learned - That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

#72.) I've learned-That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

#73.) I've learned - That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.
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As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken
probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts
too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with
your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose
someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love
like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the
1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because
WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls; and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
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Abandon the conventional and open your eyes...REALLY open your eyes to see what your soul wants you to see. I am always surprised by the beauty I have missed because I have been locked in my own dark prison. Its never to late to unlock the secrets of yourself. The question remains: are you ready for it?

� Ruth Carter-Bourdon
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For my daughter:

The key to your happiness and contentment lies within you, within your own heart and mind. The way you start each day is very important; you can start off on the right foot or the wrong one. You can wake up with a song of joy and gratitude in your heart for the new day, for being alive, for the very wonder of living, and for being in tune and harmony with the rhythm of all life. You can expect the very best from the coming day and therefore draw it to you. Or you can start the day with a chip on your shoulder, disgruntled and out of rhythm. You are responsible for what today will bring, and knowing it gives you an even greater responsibility than those souls who are not aware of it and therefore know no better. You cannot blame your state of mind on anyone else. It all rests with you.
And so it goes, the seemingly
endless monotony of of anger and pain...
And so be it, Until the moment arrives
when all tears and hate
will be wiped away and time
will have no meaning and
we will once again be on the
same plane of existence and love...
However, in this lifetime,
I am no longer a prisoner of my past�
past regrets, earlier traumas, pain and suffering.
I believe in miracles and a joy-filled future.
Because I am responsible for my own failures,
my own successes and my own happiness.
I do not have controll over my past, only my future.
I alone have gained the courage to let go!
So I let go. Even if it breaks my heart, I let go...
Of everything negative.

Period.

The past cannot be changed, the future is still in our power.
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Let It Go
There's a wheel that some call karma that keeps turning in this life,
Saying "hatred breeds hatred; strife always ends in strife"
But how can the world get better, whence will come that brighter dawn
When the pain that you've been handed, you pass on?

You've got to let it go, let it go
You've got reason to be angry, but try not to let it grow;
When you brood on hate and bitterness till that is all you feel
You will never have the strength to stop the wheel.

When old resentments rise in you from heartbreaks where they hid
And you turn upon the innocent for wrongs another did
When oil upon the water only makes the water burn,
The wheel is trying for another turn.

The anger that defended you may yet your hopes betray
The war is over, cast aside your shield and walk away.
If you free yourself of bitterness, it is yourself you free--
Forgiveness leaves you richer -- you will see.
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.

I refuse to feel guilty because I haven't measured up to someone else's standard of who I should be.
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Grow Up, Already!

Formerly, people got of age, severed their connection to their inner child and grew up. Once people had released their Inner Child, they forgot to stuff it back where it belongs. This explains a lot of things.

With their Inner Child running rampant through their psyches, more and more people fail to grow up. One tell-tale sign is when people start making excuses for their infantile behavior. The favorite excuse du jour seems to be a traumatic childhood event. Hope you and your inner child are singing from the same songsheet, Abort your mind state and kill your inner child.

What nurturing messages are you giving your "Inner Child"?
And what kind of example are you setting for your "Inner child"?
~~~~~~~~~~~>^,,^<~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE END, Het eind, L'extr�mit�, Das Ende, L'estremit�, A extremidade, El extremo
http://www.romlist.com/end/

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