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A Les Mis Cabaret!!
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Note to reader: Previous knowledge of the play and songs titles to the revised version of Cabaret is reccomended for full comprehension of this parody. :)
The scene opens with various grisetts trapsing about the stage of the ABC club (Hey, we always knew those boys didn't just talk revolution all the time) in their most scanty skivvies, contorting themselving into provacative positions, taboo to the respectable class. Suddenly, Jean Valjean, dressed to the nines in ridiculous frufru, steps out from behinde a curtaine, a few grisetts hanging off of him, helping to resnap his suspenders. One will notice Fantine, shy and frightened, not to mention quite old, try to follow suit with the rest of the whores' dance, but fail miserably.
Jean Valjean: Bienvenu, stranger, to the Parisian Cabaret! And how are you this evening? Good? I'm glad. Tonight we here at the ABC club are most happy to introduce to you a most-talented young lady from Montreille sur Mere. Yes, you know that little town (he winks). I give you, and don't forget to give her back when you're finished with her, the toast of Paris: Madmoiselle Fantine!!
Fantine steps out shyly, boa wrapped around her tightly, highheels about to fall off, and sits on an overstuffed chaise. She attempts to dance a semi-provacative number, but does not do so well. Jean Valjean ends up sending out a few of his better girls, Eponine and Lulu, both friends of Fantine, to finish the routine for her. Finally it's over and Fantine collects her things to go home....
Meanwhile, many miles away, a middle-aged Cosette, who has inherited the business from the Thenardiers when they died, is busy haggaling over the price of a room with a prospective customer.
Cosette: You say fifty francs, I say one hundred francs, a different of fifty francs, why should that stand in our way? As long as the rooms to let, the fifty that I will get is fifty more than I had yesterday, eh? When you're as old as I what difference does it make? An offer comes, you take. So what?
After a while the young man accepts the room, giving Cosette fifty francs rent.
Back at the ABC club, Fantine is just walking back into her shabby room. When she opens the door she sees a man sitting on her bed. Frightened, she screams, yet the man calmly approaches her and begins to explain who he is. It's none other than Felix, her very first love and father of Cosette!! Always being the forgiving sort, she embraces him and insists that she move in with him, for her rent is due and she has no money whatsoever.
Fantine: Oh please, Fleix, just for old time's sake. It'd be perfectly marvelous, you know!
Not being able to resist her charms despite her age, agrees and has her move in with him that night.
Back at the club, Jean Valjean is dancing up a storm on stage with Lulu and Enjolras (hey, a man has to make a living) singing the memorable, and quite provacative, tune of "Two Ladies" for the audience. We always knew Enjolras was gay.
Meanwhile, at Cosette's Inn, her tenent, the elderly Marius, has just bought her a pineapple for their anniversary. Because of the revolution and money problems, they never got married, yet have remained engaged for over 20 years. The pineapple just couldn't please Cosette more, and she tells Marius that before he leaves to go back to his room.
Now, Javert has been spying on the ABC club for quite some time. He has guessed since the begining that something fishy has been going on in there: free love, prostitution, lust, homosexuality, public displays of nudity, etc. All the things that Paris was made of and that he disapproved of. Knowing he is onto their little illegal fun, he takes a bit of snuff whilst singing with an evil grin "Tomorrow Belongs to Me."
Fantine has been living with Felix for a week now, but is always nervous of waking up and finding that he has left her again. Knowing that Fantine has always been more of a bitter aria type rather than a saloon stripper, Jean Valjean allowes her to croon her heart out that evening at the club. She sings "Maybe this Time," hope in her eyes throughout. Right after her performance she goes home, leaving Jean Valjean and co to finish up the night. After all the customers have left, Valjean gathers up his grisetts to sing "Money" as he counts the night's earnings (over the years he has become quite money-hungry, for a man cannot live on bread alone). They all leave that night whistling that tune.
Back at Cossette's Inn, Marius has finally set a date with Cosette. They'll be married within the month, FINALLY! They both muse on how wonderful it will be to be married at last while writing out invitations to their engagement party. Cossette makes out invitations to her mother and the grizzetts at the club, not forgetting Jean Valjean, too. Marius decides to invite his old friends at the ABC as well as the nice inspector that he has befriended in the past few years. Little does he know that this inspector is none other than Javert trying to discover more about the evildoings inside the ABC club through Marius and his wife-to-be.
At the party, Javert gets quite taken-in by Eponine, dancing drunkenly and singing with her his favorite anthem: "Tomorrow belongs to Me." Soon Javert is out of his stooper and yells across the room to Valjean that he knows what sort of business he runs and to count the hours before his arrest!
Cosette and Marius have now been married two weeks. They have moved to Paris to be close to Cosette's mother, Fantine, for she is always on edge when it comes to Felix. Jean Valjean tries to chear everyone up by performing the number "If you Could See her through My Eyes" with a large garrilla-costumed Enjolras. At the end of the number, a brick is thrown through the window with a note tied around it reading "Your days are numbered." Marius tries to explaine to Cosette that they must go back home before they get cought up in the doings at the club; yet, Cosette asks him "What would you do" if his mother were dating his father who had abandoned her years ago and broke her heart, only to possibly do it again. Fantine comes in later that evening to tell Jean Valjean that Felix wants her to quit because she is getting too old. Valjean's only reply is "I don't care much, go or stay...."
When Fantine returns to Felix's appartment she finds a note saying that he has left her once again. She is heartbroken and rushes back to the club to seek consolation in her daughter. Knwoing that Felix was an asshole, lets down her hair and sings "Cabaret" for the gang, not letting this time hurt her.
That evening, while everone is inside the club, Javert gets his men together and raides the place, killing everyone. Accidentally, a bullet ricaches off a lamp and hits Javert in the chest, killing him as well.
Always having a soft-spot for Fantine, Jean Valjean's ghost decides to haunt Felix on his was home from Paris.
The End
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