Tea and Empathy

I saw pale kings and princes too,
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried—"La belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!"

--John Keats, La Belle Dame Sans Merci

Part 4 - Remembrance of Things Past

"Believe me, Commander," Harlan was saying, "if it was just me, I wouldn't even be talking to you. I can look after myself. But when somebody hurts Rosie...."

Goddard rubbed the side of his neck uneasily as he sat in the Team Room, listening to Harlan's story. Every time he though he had this crew figured out, something like this happened. He'd noticed that Radu had seemed unusually withdrawn that morning, but he'd had no warning of any violence about to break out.

"He didn't really mean to hurt me, Commander," Rosie said. "I don't even think he knew it was me."

"That's scarcely the point, is it?" Miss Davenport said gravely. She reached out and gently pulled Rosie's headband down, uncovering a nasty-looking bruise on the side of her head. "He shouldn't have been trying to hurt anyone."

"He wasn't trying to hurt anyone, not really," Rosie protested weakly. "I'm sure he wasn't. He was just ... I don't know...."

"He was trying to strangle me," Harlan argued, "and he could have broken your neck."

"All right! Hold it!" Goddard raised his voice, and the two students fell silent. "I need to hear Radu's side of the story as well. Anyone know where he is?"

"No," Harlan said. Squaring his shoulders, he advised Goddard "But if you plan to go looking for him, I think I should go with you."

"Really, Mr. Band, I do not need any further help in this matter," Goddard said crisply. If Harlan had already driven Radu past his breaking point (a very good possibility), then Goddard didn't want them anywhere near each other.

"You don't know what he was like," Harlan said, shaking his head. "He was out of control. I've never seen him like that before." He looked at Goddard, his jaw set. "Seriously, Commander, I don't think you should talk to him alone."

Goddard sighed with  frustration. After spending nearly three years on board the Christa, it struck him as ridiculous that he should be afraid of one of his own crew. And yet, unpleasant memories from the war reminded him of what an Andromedan, even an unarmed one, could do to a human.

"Maybe I should be accompanied," he said. As Harlan started forward, he raised a hand. "But not by you, Mr. Band. It might just set him off again. If I need backup, I should take someone like ... like Mr. Bova here," He turned to see Bova emerging from one of the jump tubes.

Bova didn't even notice he'd been volunteered for hazardous duty. "Commander," he began breathlessly, "we have a problem."

"I know," Goddard sighed. "Mr. Radu..."

"Radu?" Bova asked, puzzled. "What does Radu have to do with it? No, the Bufonians are back!"

Goddard took a deep breath. Some day, he thought sardonically, I'll have to schedule a daily time slot for crises - ten thirty to eleven, maybe, and they'll have to line up one at a time. "All right," he ordered. "Harlan, get to the ComPost, prepare us for a hyperjump out of here. Rosie, tell Suzee to stand by - where is she, anyway, Engineering? Bova...."

"Before we run, Commander, maybe you should take a look at this," Bova handed him a compupad. "They transmitted it to us just a few minutes ago."

Goddard took the compupad, scanned it rapidly, started to hand it back to Bova, and then hastily took it back for a closer look. "What?" he asked, frowning. "This looks like...."

"Like an interplanetary arrest warrant," Bova filled in for him. "They say they're the police."

"I don't understand," Miss Davenport said, sounding rather shaky at the mention of police. "We haven't done anything wrong."

"It's not for us," Bova said. "The warrant's for Captain Hill. And Tiye."

"Why would they want to arrest them?" Rosie asked, already sounding protective. "If they want to arrest anyone, it should be the pirates who were attacking them."

"Yeah, well, about that...." Bova shifted uneasily. "They claim that was one of their smaller patrol vessels, trying to make an arrest."

Goddard finished his third re-reading of the warrant. It looked genuine enough, but he was still worried. "It's not very clear what the charges are against them. Something about the sale of illegal technology. It could be that Hill accidentally broke some regulation he didn't even know existed," he said. "Even if the Bufonians are the legal authorities in this sector, we don't know if they're trustworthy or not. If they're corrupt, they could easily have trumped this charge up just to get their hands on Hill's cargo. I'm not turning anyone over to them until I know for sure what's going on."

"They sound pretty serious, Commander," Bova said nervously. "I don't think they're going to give up easily."

"I didn't say I was going to refuse their request out of hand," Goddard said. "But I've got to talk to Hill. I'm certainly not handing a fellow STARDOG over to unknown aliens without giving him a chance to explain. Anyone know where he is right now?"

"Last I saw, he was in the landing bay, working on the Lotus," Rosie said. "But Commander - you can't really be thinking of turning them over, are you?"

"If it's a legal warrant, I don't have much choice," Goddard explained. "On the other hand, if this is some sort of extortion attempt, we'll have to try another hyperjump, and hope to lose them that way."

"A hyperjump? Without a navigator?" Harlan said, looking skeptical.

"We'll have to try it anyway," Goddard answered.

"What do you mean, a hyperjump with no navigator?" asked Bova, taken aback. "What's going on? Where's Radu?"

As if in answer to his question, the door slid open and Suzee slowly walked into the room, a troubled expression on her face. "Commander?" she said. "I think something's wrong with Radu."

Goddard ran a hand down his face in frustration. "Yes, we know, Suzee."

"What happened?" Harlan asked, looking at her in alarm. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"No," she said. "But he was acting really strange."

"All right," Goddard said, giving up the struggle to concentrate on one problem at a time. "What happened?"

Suzee looked down at the toe of her boot, wondering if it would have been wiser not to have mentioned the incident. "I was in the Control Room, and he came in. We talked for a while, and he seemed OK, but then he said he had a present for me. And when I took it, he went all strange, yelled at me and grabbed it back. Then he broke it, and threw it away, and went running out of the room."

"Present?" Harlan asked, one eyebrow raised. "What sort of present?"

"A bracelet," she answered. "And it was really pretty, but ... I can't quite figure it out. It's got some sort of mechanism inside." She pulled the mangled bracelet from her pocket and held it out towards the others.

"Well, it's not so hot...." Harlan began, then stopped. The two adults, he noticed, were staring fixedly at the object in Suzee's hands. Miss Davenport had gone white, and was clasping the neck of her uniform nervously. The Commander's face was a funny colour as well, and Harlan thought he could see a vein pulsing in his temple.

"Commander?" Davenport said in a hushed voice, "Isn't that...."

"Yes," he answered grimly, "that's an NCER."

"An NCER?" Rosie asked. "I've never heard of that - what is it?" She reached out to touch the twisted metal in Suzee's hands, but Davenport stopped her.

"It's an experiment," Goddard said. He felt as if someone had punched him right in the pit of his stomach. "An experiment gone wrong."

"It stands for neurocortical electroregulator," Miss Davenport finally explained, after Goddard had fallen silent. "It's a STARDOG device, from the War."

"It's a weapon of some sort?" Harlan asked. Suzee had laid the remains of the bracelet on the table in front of them, and he stared at it in bewilderment. After the way the adults had reacted, no one wanted to touch it.

"It wasn't a weapon, exactly," Miss Davenport said. "But it was part of the military effort against the Spung, for a short while." She looked over at Goddard, as if to see if he wanted to take up the tale, then continued when he clearly didn't. "You see, after the first few battles, we realized that interstellar warfare was taking its toll on our forces. The strain of constantly being in danger, facing death on a daily basis - sometimes hourly - was brutal. Many people cracked under the pressure. Even those that were able to continue were paying a terrible price. Anxiety about their own safety. Guilt about surviving while their friends died. The overwhelming responsibility of having the fate of the Sol system on their shoulders. It wasn't just that we were losing some of our best troops - our psychologists warned us about the potential long-term damage that the survivors might suffer." She stopped, and sighed. "So, one of them came up with a solution. He invented a device that, when attached to the body, emitted a phased electrical current that could alter a person's brain chemistry."

"How?" asked Bova.

"I don't know all the details," Miss Davenport said, "but it suppressed the centers of the brain that were responsible for the negative emotions, such as fear and guilt, and stimulated other parts that produced positive feelings. Someone wearing an NCER would feel confident, happy and unafraid. Able to face the enemy without a tremor, and have a good night's sleep afterwards."

"Neat!" said Rosie. "It sounds like a good idea, then."

"Everyone thought it was, at first," Miss Davenport replied, shaking her head. "A number of front-line units were issued the devices. The reports that came back were encouraging. Symptoms of stress dropped off dramatically. The people who wore them felt energized, confident, ready to take on the whole Spung fleet if need be. We were very hopeful - at least, until the first time troops wearing the devices actually had to face the Spung."

Bova nodded. He'd seen the problem coming. Why, he wondered, hadn't someone involved a few Uranusians in the project? Someone to remind them of the old Uranusian proverb, "In times of danger, fear is a good friend."

"They got slaughtered, didn't they?" he asked.

Goddard nodded bitterly as he took up the tale. "A number of people on my unit were part of the experiment. Some of them - well, they wanted to be brave, to do their best. So before the battle, they made some unauthorized changes to the devices. Stepped up the power on them. By the time they met the enemy, they were fearless - so fearless they tried to take on Killcruisers in their tiny fighters. They literally couldn't recognize danger when they saw it. The Spung picked them off like it was a shooting gallery. You've all heard of the battle of Phoebus; it was one of the worst defeats we had in the war."

"Yeah, I've heard of the Battle of Phoebus," Harlan said. This surprised no one, since Harlan had memorized nearly all the battles of the Spung War. "But I never heard anything about these NCER things."

"After the battle, High Command recognized what a mistake they'd made," Miss Davenport explained. "They immediately recalled all of the devices, told the inventor to destroy the plans, and hoped that everyone would forget about them. That was their second mistake."

"Why?" asked Suzee, staring at the bracelet on the table. Now she knew what it was, the bits of wire and microchips made sense, but she couldn't understand how a device from what was ancient history (to her mind) had ended up masquerading as a piece of jewelry.

Rosie's normally cheerful face was clouded with sadness. "I think I know," she said. "If parts of the brain are artificially stimulated, they begin to lose their natural ability to function. So, if you take away the stimulation, you get a rebound effect. All the negative parts would function at extra strength, and the positive centers would be almost inactive." She winced slightly at the thought. "If you didn't decrease the stimulation gradually, the person's neurochemistry could become completely unbalanced. It would be awful - they'd be in agony, physically and mentally."

Goddard gave a laugh that was completely humourless. "Too bad you weren't there to advise the High Command, Rosie. Their response was to just take the devices away as quickly as they could." He paused, then forced himself to continue. "The people who had been wearing them - well, let's just say it was pretty bad. They were falling apart - all they could think about was somehow getting the devices back. There were near-riots on a lot of ships. A number of people threatened to kill themselves if the devices weren't returned. A few of them did. I saw one person walk into an airlock and open the outer hatch before anyone could stop him." He stopped, the scene uncomfortably vivid in his mind after years of trying to forget it. They'd been good friends, had gone through the Starcademy together....

"It was a very terrible experience, and we hoped that we'd seen the last of these wretched things," Miss Davenport carried on, when it was clear that Goddard wasn't going to say anything else. "Unfortunately, it appears that the plans were not destroyed as they should have been. The UPP made a determined effort to track them down after the War, and cleansed the Sol system of the devices quite effectively, but there were rumours that some were still being made and sold on the fringes of UPP territory. Sometimes openly, sometimes disguised as jewelry. Apparently," she said, looking down at the bracelet, "those rumours were not entirely unfounded."

"I'll give our Bufonian friends credit," Hill said as he ran a test on the circuits in the Lotus's navigational system, "they managed to mess my ship up good and proper. At least, though," he continued, as a shower of sparks indicated that all was not healthy within the system, "it gives us plenty of time for our other work."

"Yes, sir," Tiye agreed, as she pulled out a scorched circuit panel from the side of the Lotus and examined it for damage.

Hill turned his head and stared at her. "You know, you've been awfully quiet today," he said. "Even for you. Cat got your tongue?"

"Sir?" Tiye asked, turning and looking at him blankly.

Hill gave an irritated grunt. "It's an Earth expression. Don't bother pretending you're too dimwitted to figure it out."

She turned back to the Lotus, and started to remove another panel. "Perhaps it's because I've been working very hard today. I told you, emotional scenes are difficult for empaths. I'm tired, that's all, sir."

Hill sat down on an unloaded crate of cargo, and gave her a grin, but there was a spark of malice gleaming in his eyes. "What's really wrong, kid? A little disappointed in your white knight, maybe?"

"Who?" she asked, wearily.

"The Andromedan," Hill continued, smirking. "Come on, don't tell me you weren't just a little disappointed that he gave in just like all the others? After the spirited way he stood up for you?"

"Why should I be disappointed?" she responded. Her eyes were still fixed on the navigational equipment as she swapped circuit panels. "That was what I'd worked for the past four days to achieve, wasn't it?"

"Yes, and you did a very good job," Hill said, her lack of response making him lose interest in teasing her. His voice became serious. "You're one of the best I've ever seen at this business, and I've been at it a long time."

"Thank you, sir," she answered. "By the way, when Radu gets back, I want you to give him a power cell with a good strong charge. The stronger the better."

"Oh, really?" Hill said, the glint of malice back again. "So little Tiye does have a soft spot for our Andromedan, does she? Doesn't want to see him suffer?"

"Does it matter?" she said indifferently, shrugging slightly.

Hill's smile became even more unpleasant. "Well, I don't see why he needs a high-powered one," he said slyly. "They're expensive, you know. I think I'll give him one that's just strong enough to keep him going until I've got control of the ship. Then, who knows?"

Tiye slammed the navigation system cover shut with a crash so loud it made Hill jump. She stood up and looked at him, her face set. "You say I'm good at my job? Then why don't you listen to me?" she demanded. "He's still resisting us. He's fighting harder than anyone I've ever felt. Maybe if you give him a cell with a high enough charge, he'll forget what's happening to him. Otherwise, we might lose him - lose everything we've worked for. Is that worth amusing yourself at his expense?"

Hill shook his head in disgust. "You still have this romantic idea about Andromedans, don't you?" he asked sarcastically. "That they're strong? Let me tell you, they crawled before the Spung during the War, just like this one crawled to us. He's as good as on the auction block to the Spung already. You'll see."

Tiye's shoulders slumped; her outburst seemed to have drained all energy from her. "Whatever you say, sir," she said with a another shrug, her voice almost inaudible. "You know best. I've just given you my advice, that's all."

"Well," he replied, still annoyed, "just because I give you a compliment, don't let it go to your head. This is still my operation, and don't you forget it."

"Really?" a voice asked from behind him. "And what operation are you talking about, exactly?"

Hill turned, to face Commander Goddard and the rest of the crew of the Christa.

"What operation?" Hill asked, recovering quickly. "Why, my trading operation, of course. We were just having a little Captain and crew argument - happens all the time, I'm sure you have them with your people as well, don't you?" He addressed Goddard with the confidential air of one STARDOG to another.

To his alarm, Goddard didn't respond immediately. He stared at Hill hard for a moment, without a trace of the camaraderie that they'd shared for the past four days. Finally, he pulled a twisted piece of silver and black metal from his pocket and held it up. "I was wondering," he said, "if you could tell me anything about this."

Hill shot a quick glance at Tiye, whose eyes were wide and alarmed. "Why...." he began, his voice sounding slightly strangled, "I - I'm not sure...." As he stuttered on, his mind was racing. How had Goddard gotten his hand on the bracelet? Even an Andromedan couldn't have been stupid enough to show it to either of the adults, could he? However it had happened, though, Goddard had clearly recognized the bracelet for what it was. They'd both been in the service - for Hill to claim no knowledge whatsoever would be pointless.

"Ah," he said, peering at it as if he needed a better view. "One of those things, is it? NCER's, I remember they were called. Nasty stuff. I remember them from the War." He glanced at the students behind Goddard, then looked back to the Commander with sympathetic eyes. "Been having a problem with them, have you? That's bad - I've seen them around a lot out here. They can just about incapacitate an entire crew in a week or two." He turned and looked vaguely at the stacks of boxes that had been removed from the Lotus. "Maybe I have some medical supplies on board, but there's not much that'll help...."

"Don't bother," Goddard said. He forced himself to speak slowly and calmly. "I was more interested in finding out if you knew how this thing came on board in the first place."

"Me?" Hill replied, looking shocked. "How would I know?" He looked around. "Maybe," he said, his eyes narrowing, "you should ask your navigator, the Andromedan. His sort tend to have a weakness for things like that, I'm afraid. Except he doesn't seem to be here right now, does he? I wonder why."

Goddard finally lost his temper completely. Before Hill knew it, Goddard had grabbed him by the front of his jacket and pinned him back against the Lotus. "Spare me the lies," he growled through clenched teeth. "I know this crew, and I know there was nothing like this on board before we rescued your worthless neck. This is STARDOG technology, and you're the only other STARDOG within a thousand light years. If any of my crew has been using one of these things, it's because you gave it to him."

"I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about," Hill protested desperately. "I never...."

Goddard, without releasing his hold, turned his head to his crew. "Start opening those cargo containers," he ordered. "We should have done that a long time ago."

"No!" Hill shouted. "That's private property! You have no right to touch them, they're mine....!"

It was too late. Bova had blasted the locking mechanism of one of the crates with a well-aimed electrical charge. The lock sprang open, and the front of the container fell off. Dozens of silver and black bracelets followed it, surrounded by a shower of glowing power cells.

A silence fell over everyone for a moment, then Goddard turned back to Hill. He released his hold on Hill's jacket, and stepped back a pace, as someone would step away from rotting garbage.

"I want you off the Christa in two minutes," he said quietly.

"You can't do that!" Hill argued, still trying to invoke STARDOG brotherhood. "The Lotus isn't fully repaired - we'll die out there!"

"Suzee," Goddard asked, "is the Lotus spaceworthy yet?'

"Yes it is, Commander," she nodded. "It's not ready for a hyperjump, but it's airtight and fully powered."

"Thelma?" he continued, even though she wasn't anywhere in sight.

"Yes, Commander?" she responded from behind him. For a change, this didn't seem to startle him.

"Can the Lotus reach any inhabited planet or space station in the shape she's in?" Goddard asked.

"Why, yes, Commander," she answered cheerfully. "The Piranga system is well within their range. They could easily complete their repairs there."

"Good." He nodded. "You now have one minute and thirty seconds, Captain."

Hill, finally letting his pretense of innocence drop, glared at Goddard, shooting him a look so malevolent that Harlan braced himself for action. But (somewhat to Harlan's disappointment) he didn't move. Finally, a nasty grin crossed his face.

"All right, we're off. It's been fun, my friends. Oh ... perhaps you'd like to find your navigator and tell him we're leaving?"

"Why would we do that?" Rosie asked. Her face was struggling to show anger and contempt, emotions Mercurian features were not created to express well.

"Because, my simple-minded Mercurian," Hill sneered, "we're his only hope now. If he comes with us, we can give him what he needs. If he stays with you ..." he paused, his lips twitching in amusement, " ... well, that's your problem, Goddard. Glad I won't be around to deal with the mess. And it will get messy, believe me. You and I have both seen enough to know that. Much kinder to the boy to let him come with us."

"Forty-five seconds," Goddard answered, as mechanically as Thelma ever could.

"Come along, Tiye," Hill said, picking up one of the unopened crates and shoving it into the open hatch of the Lotus. "These fine upstanding people don't have any more use for us. Best we're on our way."

"Yes, of course, sir," she answered in a near-whisper, as she went to help him move the rest of the cargo. She stopped, though, when Miss Davenport reached out and put a hand on her arm.

"You don't have to go with him," she said quietly. "You can stay with us."

"Why?" Tiye asked, staring at Davenport in bewilderment. "Whatever he has done," she nodded towards Hill, "whatever harm he's caused, I've helped. I'm his assistant, you know."

"Yes, she has a point there," Goddard commented, glaring at Davenport. He had no intention of letting anyone associated with the NCER trade stay on the ship, but Davenport ignored him completely.

"You are very young," Davenport told Tiye gently, "and young people often make mistakes. Mistakes that can be corrected, if they try hard enough. If you wish to stay with us, you can complete your education, and...."

"Don't!" Tiye cried, throwing Davenport's arm off. "Don't even think about it - don't make me think about it." She closed her eyes for a second. "Don't you see, I have no choice?"

"You always have a choice," Miss Davenport answered.

"No," Tiye replied. "I don't." Turning away, she knelt down beside the broken case of bracelets, and began repacking them.

It might not have been accomplished in two minutes, but the Lotus was ready to depart in no more than five. As soon as the landing bay airlock closed, Goddard led the rest of the crew through the jump tubes to the ComPost.

"Are they away yet?" he asked.

"Just leaving the Christa's bay at this moment," Bova answered, checking his station.

"Good," Goddard replied, "now..." but before he could continue, Miss Davenport broke in.

"Commander," she began, in her most officious tones. "I did not want to disagree with you while those people were still on board, but I must strongly protest against your actions. If we allow them to leave with their cargo intact, we will be partly responsible for any further harm they do."

"I couldn't agree with you more," Goddard said, and almost smiled at the shocked look that came over her face.

"You do?" she asked suspiciously, as though expecting he was attempting some sort of joke at her expense.

"Absolutely," he replied. "Rosie, get me the Bufonians."

Rosie's hands flew over the communications console, and the toadlike face of the Bufonian leader appeared on the viewscreen.

"This is Commander Goddard of the Starship Christa," Goddard announced, hoping that the Bufonians hadn't already decided to blow the Christa and the Lotus to smithereens all together. "The people you are looking for are leaving our ship at this moment. You may apprehend them at your discretion."

"Thank you, Christa," the answer came back through the Christa's translators in measured tones; if there was any emotion there, it was filtered out by the translator, but the words were clear enough. "These people have committed serious crimes, which have caused great suffering for many of our people. We are determined to ensure that they will never do so again."

"We weren't aware of their activities until just now," Goddard tried to explain. "Otherwise, we wouldn't have interfered."

"We understand," the Bufonian commander replied. "They have deceived many people. They are very skilled at it." The protuberant eyes blinked slightly. "Colostethus out."

"That's one problem solved," Goddard said, as the transmission ended. "Now, we've got to find Radu."

"He'll be all right, won't he?" Rosie asked, her voice sounding small and quavery. "What did the Captain mean when he said that things would get messy? And that going with them was Radu's only hope?"

"Nothing at all," Goddard said, a little too quickly for Rosie's preferences. "He was just trying to manipulate us one last time. But I want you to get down to MedLab right away. Start accessing medical databases from the War. Look for treatment records for NCER's. They should have been included in the InfoCore." That is, he thought bitterly, if the High Command hasn't tried to eliminate all trace of their mistake by completely erasing the records.

He watched as Rosie practically flung herself down a jumptube in her eagerness to do something to help her friend. "The rest of you, start a search of the ship. Take a standard grid pattern. If you find Radu, though, don't approach him. There's no telling what shape he's in. Just let me know where he is."

"OK," Harlan agreed with a nod, but he looked at Goddard grimly. "Now that Rosie's not here," he said, "give us the real story. What should we expect if we find him?"

Goddard sighed. "I wish I could say for sure," he answered, "but I don't know. These things were only used officially during the early part of the War - we weren't exactly sharing technology with the Andromedans then. If we're lucky, he'll be more resistant than a human, and the effects will be minimal."

Bova looked at the Commander sardonically. "OK, let's assume that we're not lucky," he prodded. "What would be happening to a human right now?"

They waited for what seemed a rather long time before Goddard spoke. "He'll be in a lot of physical pain, if he's reacting like a human, but that's not my biggest concern. The way you describe him acting - sudden, uncontrollable emotional surges - that's a classic symptom. A human could go from explosive rage through hysterical fear to almost catatonic depression in a couple of minutes. I want everyone to assume that he's not rational. So don't go near him, just call me right away."

Goddard watched the others as they headed off on their search pattern. He grimaced slightly at a sharp pain in his gut, one that had made its appearance about the time Suzee had first shown him the bracelet, as he programmed a tube to take him to the far end of the Christa.

Before he'd completed the program, though, Thelma came up behind him. "The Christa has just reset the environmental controls in Level 12, Sector D, Commander," she said, sounding completely inconsequential.

"I'm sorry, Thelma," he said, waving her away. "I don't have time to worry about ship maintenance right now."

Thelma continued undeterred. "She has increased the ambient temperature in that area by 2.5 degrees Celsius. She has reduced the lighting by 100 lumens, and is rerouting power connections." She looked at Goddard, her eyes somehow less vague than they normally were. "She has also sealed all external hatches in that area."

"What? ... Oh, I see," Goddard responded, suddenly visualizing what she was describing. A warm, dark, quiet place - the sort of place a sick, frightened creature would seek out. He hurriedly reprogrammed the jumptubes for Level 12.

I've got to keep going, Radu thought, as he stumbled down what seemed like an endless corridor. I've got to ... what? He stopped, realizing that he could no longer remember exactly where he was going, or what he was trying to do. It was a terrifying sensation, made worse by the fact that one thing he could still remember clearly was Hill's gloating warning. "By this time tomorrow, there won't be very much of you left.... You'll get to feel each brain cell slowly shrivel up and die." That's it, he recalled, with a renewed sense of urgency. I have to get away from the others, while there's still time. I don't want to hurt them without meaning to. And I don't want them to see me like this. I couldn't bear it.

He took a shaky breath and tried to concentrate. The Starlings, he thought. I remember, I was going to try and take a Starling, and leave the Christa. It's the only way. If I stay, I could endanger everyone. I nearly killed Harlan and Rosie. Even worse than that - I almost gave the other bracelet to Suzee. If I leave now, they'll be safe. And the bracelet - it's against UPP law, Hill said. If they find I've been using one, they'll have to court-martial me. Everyone would know. The crew, the people at the Starcademy, my own people - I'll have disgraced everyone I care about.

No, don't think about that now, he told himself. He tried to fight back the emotions that threatened to sweep everything away before them - shame, guilt, a torturing sense of failure. If he surrendered to them now, he'd never be able to continue, but the thoughts kept coming back, circling in his mind like vultures. If only he'd thought to question why Tiye wanted to be his friend so quickly. If only he'd asked himself what the "magic" of the bracelet really was. Why hadn't he realized that his feelings of self-confidence, of control, couldn't possibly have been real? And why did Tiye pick him as her first victim - was it so obvious that he wasn't smart enough to detect her deception? That he'd believe anything anyone would tell him, if they offered him a scrap of acceptance?

The thoughts became so painful that he forced himself into a staggering run, as though he could escape them by flight. At a turn in the corridor he paused to catch his breath and looked around, wondering how he could have gotten so far away from the Starlings' landing bay. As far as he could remember, it was three levels up, and much further down the ship. Hill was right, he thought miserably; my mind is falling to pieces. I can't even find my way around my own home. By this time tomorrow, I'll be ... no, don't think about it now, Radu. You've got to get to the Starlings. You can think about these things later - for as long as you can still think.

Painfully, he turned and started back the way he'd come. However, when he reached the main corridor, he was greeted by what seemed to be a blaze of lights, and the agonizingly high-pitched sound of the Christa's internal machinery. Stung, he flung his arms over his eyes and shrank back into the comforting semi-darkness of the side corridor. I can't get through there, he thought to himself; I'll have to find another way. Even the ship seems to have turned against me. "Please, Christa," he implored out loud, "please, just let me do what I have to do."

There was no response, except that to Radu's fading eyesight the lighting in the side corridor seemed to grow slightly softer, and the noise of machinery lessened along it. He turned and started to follow it once more, although his legs were shaking and he didn't know if he could keep going much longer. With any luck, he told himself, I can get to the Starlings this way. Luck.... He started to laugh painfully at the word. Tiye had been right when she'd said the bracelet would bring him luck; she just hadn't specified if it would be good or bad.

He kept following the corridor, even though what was left of his sense of direction told him it wasn't taking him anywhere near the Starlings. Twice spasms of pain shot through him, strong enough to bring him to his knees, and twice he forced himself to his feet and kept on going. It seemed all his mind could focus on - to keep on going, even though the ultimate goal seemed to be fading from his thoughts.

Finally, he found himself in a storage bay, filled with boxes and shelves of unidentifiable materials the Christa was storing for some yet unspecified need. Slumping against the wall, he looked around hopelessly, struggling not to break down completely and cry like a hatchling. He was almost completely exhausted; to be faced with a dead end now was unbearable. He'd have to retrace his steps again, find another way. I can't do any more, he thought to himself, I just can't; but he forced himself away from the wall, and was preparing to go back, when he heard a noise down the corridor.

Someone's coming! he thought, as panicked as if he'd suddenly encountered a Spung patrol. He looked around frantically for a way out, some way to avoid whoever was out there, but he realized he was trapped. Feeling like a hunted animal, he scrambled back into the shadows - perhaps whoever it was would pass by. Maybe, he hoped, the rest of the crew had already forgotten about him.

Goddard scratched his head, as he tried to decide between two branching corridors. He'd reached Level 12, Section D, but he still wasn't sure he was on the right track. Had he understood Thelma correctly? Maybe she hadn't tried to tell him where Radu was, maybe she was unaware of the crisis facing the crew and been simply giving him her normal ship's status report. He was tempted to go back to the ComPost and start on the grid that he'd ordered for everyone else, but something, some inner intuitive sense, kept him going. Somehow he knew Thelma had spoken to him for a reason.

He looked at the two corridors. If I were in Radu's place, he thought, which one of these would I choose? The left one, I think. The lights are dimmer, and there seems to be less electrical activity along it. It's quiet, and leads further away from everyone. This one, definitely.

The corridor he chose led into the Christa's storage areas, full of side passages, storage bays, compartments full of crates and mysterious pieces of equipment, half hidden in shadow. Not good, he thought with a grimace; too many places for someone to hide. The thought passed uneasily through his mind that he'd forgotten to take along the backup he'd planned. He'd seen Earthers, STARDOGS who'd suddenly been denied their NCER's by High Command, develop nearly super-human strength in their desperation; what an Andromedan would be like under those conditions was not something about which he wanted to speculate.

Get a grip, Goddard, he chided himself. Find Radu first, worry about the rest later.

Moving quietly and efficiently, as he'd been trained, he slipped into storeroom after storeroom, checking each one quickly but thoroughly, then proceeding to the next. The pain in the pit of his stomach seemed to be growing exponentially worse as the minutes ticked away. The longer it took to find Radu, the worse shape he was going to be in.

Eventually he reached one of the smaller storage areas on the starboard side of the vessel. He crept up to the door, and chanced a cautious look inside. Not that it did much good; the lights inside were set so low he could barely make out a jumbled collection of storage bins and projecting shelving. He squinted into the gloom, but could see nothing; as far as he could tell, no one, except maybe Thelma, had been there since their trip had started nearly three years ago.

He was about to leave and move on, when he sensed, more than heard, a small sound from somewhere in the room. Something that wasn't an echo of his own footsteps, or the sound of the Christa's power conduits. An eerie sensation came over him, a sense of not being alone, that someone else was in the room.

Of course, if he'd been advising someone else in those circumstances, he'd have told them that the best thing would be to seal off the room, and go for backup. But he didn't leave. This was one of his crew, his team, in desperate straits. What sort of leader would he be, he chastised himself, if he turned away now?

Turning around, he scanned the room. He couldn't see anything, but if he held his breath, he thought he could hear something in the far corner. Edging forward, one agonizingly slow step at a time, he worked his way towards the corner, where several large crates were stacked against the wall. A few feet away from them, he stopped.

"Radu?" he said, trying to speak as quietly as possible. By now, he realized, Radu would be painfully sensitive to the smallest noise. There was no answer, but he thought he heard a soft sound, as though there had been a slight movement beyond the stacked boxes.

"Radu," he repeated, raising his voice a bit, "it's me. Commander Goddard. Come on out, son - you don't have to be afraid."

There was a long silence, so long he began to wonder if his ears had been playing tricks, and he was talking to an empty room. He was just about to turn away, and proceed with his search, when he heard a voice emanating from the shadowy darkness somewhere behind the crates.

"Please," begged the voice, in a cracked whisper that Goddard could hardly hear, "Please, go away." It paused for a moment. "Please. I - I don't want to hurt anybody else."

Goddard felt a wave of cautious optimism; at least Radu sounded quiet, and somewhat rational. He moved cautiously around the crates, and, peering through the half-light, caught a glimpse of his navigator huddled behind them, scrunched into as small a space as it was possible for a person his size to occupy.

"Radu?" Goddard repeated, and winced as he caught a glimpse of Radu's face staring back at him. His eyes were like black holes, and his hair was wild and draggled. "I know about the bracelet," Goddard said quietly. "I know what you're going through."

A soft sound of despair came from the huddled figure, and it made a convulsive movement, as if trying to shrink away still further, although there was nowhere left for it to go. Goddard stood there, feeling more helpless than he had for many years.

"I - I didn't mean to use it," he heard Radu finally say, his voice lifeless and flat, clearly not expecting understanding, or even belief, but trying to explain anyway. "I ... just thought it was a present. I never had a girl give me a present before." There was a slight choking sound, as if tears had tried to force their way through, but were halted with the utmost effort. "I thought ... I thought she liked me." There was another long pause, then he finally whispered, "Commander, I'm so sorry."

"No, no," Goddard answered, trying to sound soothing and wishing that Davenport was there. "There's nothing to be sorry for. You didn't know. It wasn't your fault."

"Yes, it was!" Radu almost shouted, raising his voice so much that Goddard started nervously. "I should have known that it wasn't true. And I was going to give a bracelet to Suzee." He dropped his face into his hands, trying to hide from his own sense of shame. "I'm as bad as they are - worse, really. At least they didn't try to trap friends."

"But you didn't, Radu," Goddard tried to reason with the distraught youth. "Suzee's safe - thanks to you. If it wasn't for you, we'd never have discovered what they were up to, before it was too late."

Radu shook his head. As much as he wanted to grasp the ray of hope presented by Goddard's words, he couldn't bring himself to believe them. He'd done too much, made too many mistakes, to expect forgiveness, let alone praise. "I tried to hurt Harlan," he continued with his list of misdeeds. "And I did hurt Rosie." He looked up at Goddard in sudden alarm. "Who's looking after Rosie, Commander? Maybe she's badly hurt - there's no one else on board that knows how to look after her. Maybe ... maybe she's....."

"She's fine," Goddard broke in, recognizing the rush of vivid, terrible images that could afflict a mind deprived of NCER stimulation. "You just knocked her down, that's all, Radu. She's fine. If you don't believe me, let's go see her in MedLab. She's there right now, working on ways to make you feel better."

"There isn't any way," Radu said, staring intently at his gloves; one seam had started to unravel, and he pulled listlessly at a loose thread. "They told me. It'll just get worse and worse, until...."

"But they were lying," Goddard replied. His heart was in his throat; he had to make Radu believe him. "That's how they work. They lie about everything." He took a deep breath. "I know you're suffering now, Radu; I've seen it happen to a lot of people. A lot of humans have gone through the same thing you're going through right now. But they got better. The effects don't last forever." Cautiously, he edged closer to the crates. "I'm not going to tell you it'll be easy," he continued, "but it can be done. And I believe in you; I know you can do it, if anyone can." Taking another step forward, he put one hand on the nearest crate, and stretched the other one out. "Please, Radu. Trust us; trust our team. We can help you, if you'll let us." He thought he saw a glimmer of hope in the boy's eyes, and spoke quickly, before it could flicker and die. "Now, come out of there, son and let me take you to Rosie."

To Goddard, everything seemed to stay frozen for an eternity, but in reality it was probably no more than one or two heartbeats. Then he saw Radu start crawling, painfully and stiffly, out of his hiding place. As he emerged, Goddard reached down and helped to pull him to his feet.

"It's all right," he said, putting an arm around the swaying boy. "I'll help you."

Radu squeezed his eyes shut, trying to maintain some last bit of emotional control. "It's just ... you don't know what it's like," he whispered, still lost in his own world of despair.

"You think so?" Goddard murmured, although Radu was clearly too out of it to really hear him. "I wouldn't be too sure."

"So," Radu heard someone say, "how is he this morning?" The voice sounded a long way away.

"Better, I think," another voice answered. The perky tones could only belong to Rosie.

The thought of Rosie jerked Radu awake. Memories came rushing back - the terrible thing he'd done, how worried he'd been about her. At least she sounded as if she was all right.

He opened his eyes and looked around him. Where was he? MedLab, that was it - he was lying on a bed to one side of the main treatment space. Across the room, he could see moving figures. After he'd rubbed his eyes hard, they resolved themselves into Rosie and Commander Goddard.

"I don't like it that he's been asleep this long," the Commander was saying. "Are you sure that's not a bad sign?"

Rosie shrugged slightly. "After you brought him here, he went nearly fifty hours without sleeping at all." Her face was clouded at the memory of watching her friend suffer, while there was so little she could do to help him. "At least he's quiet now."

"Still," the Commander said, "he's been out for nearly two days now. I'd feel better if he woke up now and then."

Radu frowned to himself. He could remember things pretty well up to his interview with Hill and Tiye, and the memory of trying to give the bracelet to Suzee was uncomfortably clear, but after that, things got remarkably fuzzy. He had a feeling he'd prefer them to stay that way. There was a cloudy memory of the Commander helping him back to the MedLab, and brief images of Rosie trying to calm him as he insisted that he had to leave, that he couldn't stay with the crew any longer. He felt himself flushing even at those short bursts of remembrance; apparently, he'd made an awful fuss.

"It's all right," he announced groggily. "I'm OK."

"Radu!" Rosie squealed in delight, then lowered her voice quickly as she saw him wince. "You're awake! That's great!"

"Um, sort of," he agreed, rubbing his eyes again. The room came into even clearer focus. "Wh-what happened?"

"We've been looking after you," Rosie explained, "while the effects of the bracelet wore off. You're feeling better now, aren't you?"

Radu frowned, as he considered the question. He was tired, and his body ached all over, but he wasn't in the pain that had wracked him when the energy cell to the bracelet ran down. His mind was still somewhat foggy, but that was probably in part due to being asleep for two days. Best of all, his mental state seemed to have returned to something approaching normal; he no longer felt those unbearably intense waves of anger, shame and fear that had stretched his emotional control to the limit; instead, he was filled with a sort of empty calm. He felt as though he'd been through a violent storm of some sort, and was now lying becalmed in the wreckage. The problem was, he couldn't tell whether he'd washed up in a safe haven, or was still lost at sea.

"Yes," he said, attempting a reassuring smile for Rosie, "I feel better now."

Rosie beamed back, and sighed contentedly as she started to check the various readouts beside his bed. There had been times during the past four days when she'd almost lost hope herself that Radu could make it back. She'd used whatever information she could glean from the InfoCore, and gladly accepted Bufonian procedures from the departing Colostethus, but nobody had ever treated an Andromedan for NCER exposure before; she was the first, and at some points, she'd felt overwhelmed. Finally, almost in despair, she'd put him in the Healing Chamber, and let the Christa's system graft on to him. The Christa had been able to normalize his chaotic brain chemistry somewhat, but Rosie hadn't dared leave him connected for too long; she didn't want him simply to replace one dependency with another. At some point, she realized, the healing would have to be done by Radu alone.

Commander Goddard approached the bedside, looking strangely uncomfortable. "Feeling better? That's good to hear," he said, without quite looking at Radu. After a pause, he turned to Rosie. "You know, I think Radu would probably feel like something to eat now. Why don't you run down to the Galley and get him something nice from the Food Wheel?"

"Sure, that's a great idea!" Rosie agreed, and turned to leave.

"No, please, don't bother, I'm not hungry," Radu said. He might be feeling a little bit better, but he was far from having an appetite.

"Maybe some nice cold jinpaka juice," Goddard suggested as Rosie hesitated. He practically pushed her towards the door. "I'm sure that'll do him a world of good. Full of all sorts of vitamins and minerals."

"I've been giving him all the supplements he needs...." Rosie protested. The others could see, however, the idea form in her mind; Commander Goddard wants me to leave for a while. "All right," she agreed. "Be back in a few minutes."

"No, Rosie, please don't go," Radu said weakly, but she was already out the door. He was alone with the Commander.

Goddard pulled up a chair beside Radu's bed, and sat down heavily. He stared off into the distance for a moment, then cleared his throat awkwardly and began to speak. "Mr. Radu," he began, his voice sounding gruffly formal, "I'm very sorry...." His voice trailed off into silence.

Radu closed his eyes and swallowed hard. He'd known, of course, this was coming, although he'd hoped maybe it would have waited until he felt a little stronger. He'd broken just about every rule in the Starcademy book; he'd become involved with dangerous illegal technology; he'd even tried to convince another member of the crew to become involved. He'd violently assaulted two of his crewmates. He'd even been guilty of using artificial stimulants while writing a Starcademy test. Harlan had been right about him cheating, he thought unhappily, he just was wrong about the method. Not that it had done him any good; he'd failed miserably even with the NCER.

He waited, anticipating Goddard's next words. I'm sorry, Mr. Radu, but you're clearly not Starcademy material. You've failed in your schoolwork, and in real life. You're never going to make it as a STARDOG; there's no sense in either of us pretending that you could....

I can deal with this, Radu tried to tell himself. I thought that flunking out of the Starcademy would be the worst thing that could happen to me, but it's not, not by a long shot. It's not as bad as ending up a slave to Hill; that would be even worse, in a way, than being captured by the Spung. I'll cope with this; I have to. I'll tell them that I understand, and that I'll still do everything I can to help us get back to the Sol system ... even if I'm not one of them any more.

As he reached this conclusion, it dawned on him that he'd been waiting quite a while for Goddard to finish what he'd begun. Nervously, he opened his eyes and glanced at the Commander, and was surprised to see that he had settled back in his chair as if he'd said everything he'd intended to say.

Radu took a deep breath. He had to hear it now; he was still too emotionally fragile to bear the suspense. "S-sorry about what, Commander?" he asked, wishing that his voice didn't sound so shaky.

For the first time Goddard looked at him directly. His face registered a certain sardonic annoyance; he had hoped that Radu would have understood what he meant without him actually having to say it. No easy way out, he thought to himself ironically.

"Mr. Radu," he began, still using the formal military address, "with regards to the events of the past week ... I must admit to you, and to myself, that I have failed you, and the whole crew, badly. For that, I would like to apologize."

"Failed me?" Radu asked, bewildered. He wondered if he was as well recovered as he thought he was; maybe he was mishearing Goddard's words. "I - I don't understand. You didn't fail, sir; it was me, it was all my fault...."

Goddard shook his head. "It wasn't your fault, Radu; how would you have known what was going on? But I blew it, and badly. I've had dealings with NCER's before - I should have picked up on things. If I'd checked the InfoCore as soon as Hill and Tiye came on board, I would have found out that Hill had been dishonourably discharged from the STARDOGS at the end of the War. I'd have found out that Elantilis, the company he said he works for, was under investigation by UPP authorities for all sorts of illegal activities. Why, even the cargo he admitted carrying - eleutherium - is one of the ingredients for the power crystals." He stood up, and started to pace back and forth. "It was all there in front of me, and I missed it. And why? Because I was so idiotically pleased to see another STARDOG. I was quite content to sit and exchange war stories with him, while his assistant wormed her way into everyone's minds. If you hadn't fought the effects of the NCER so hard, Hill would probably be in charge of the Christa right now."

"No!" Radu protested. "It wasn't your fault - you couldn't have known anything. I should have shown you the bracelet, I should have told you about Tiye...."

"Radu," Goddard said, a small grin forcing its way onto his face, "I don't apologize very often. Not STARDOG policy, you remember, for commanders to apologize to the crew. So don't interrupt me when I'm doing something at which I have so little experience."

"Sorry, sir," Radu said with a faint smile of his own.

"Well, I don't think it was anybody's fault," Rosie said, startling them slightly. She'd returned from the Galley with three icy glasses of jinpaka juice just in time to catch the end of Goddard's apology. "At least, not the fault of anyone still on board."

"That's very understanding, Rosie," Goddard said, his smile growing as he took one of the glasses. With the weight of his apology off his shoulders, he found himself in quite a good mood.

Rosie, however, was not in a good mood; she was attempting a fierce scowl, although few non-Mercurians would have recognized it as one. "What I can't understand," she burst out, "is how could someone who was empathic, who could sense other people's suffering, be so cruel? Look at everything she put Radu through. Look at what she was planning to do to the rest of us. How could she do it?"

Goddard shook his head. "I'm not sure, Rosie. Maybe she senses people's feelings, she just doesn't care about them...."

"No," Radu said, suddenly feeling sick. He remembered Tiye telling him as she gave him the bracelet, "I know my luck has changed ever since I started wearing one". He heard her voice again, bleak and hopeless, whispering, "You don't understand...." when he told her she didn't have to work for Hill if she didn't want to. He looked up at the others. "She wears a bracelet herself. She told me right at the beginning, but I didn't understand what that meant. Hill must have done to her what they were planning to do to me."

"Oh," said Goddard grimly. "Yes, that explains things, doesn't it?"

Rosie looked horrified at the thought. "We should contact the Bufonians right away," she said. "She'll need treatment more than punishment right now...."

She turned, ready to run to the ComPost and send a message immediately, but Goddard put out a hand and stopped her. "Rosie," he said, speaking reluctantly, "they would have searched her and confiscated her bracelet over four days ago. Trust me, they'll have realized what's going on already. After four days, the effects would be," he winced slightly, "quite obvious."

"But...." Rosie protested.

Radu met Goddard's eyes, and saw a shared horror. How long had Tiye been wearing the bracelet? Probably since she'd first met Hill; two years, she'd said. He'd been denied the bracelet's effects after only four days, and it had nearly broken him; what would it be like to be deprived of it after two years? He didn't want to think about it, yet he couldn't stop.

He shivered. Life didn't play fair, he thought; he was so lucky, really. He was surrounded by friends, people he cared about, who supported him even when he made mistakes. Even Elmira - maybe she wasn't with him, but she cared enough to watch over him from afar, to warn him when he was in danger. Tiye had been all alone when she met Hill; everything she'd ever had, ever loved, had been blasted to bits by the Spung. Even if she'd sensed that Hill wasn't quite the innocent trader he pretended to be, the bracelet would have been a hard offer to turn down; the chance to leave her pain and loss behind, even if just for a little while. And when she'd realized what a devil's bargain it was, it would have been too late....

"I'll send the Bufonians my treatment reports, anyway," Rosie said, sounding determinedly cheerful. "And I'm sure, after a while, she'll find it a great relief to be free of those things."

"Maybe," Goddard agreed, but he sounded less than convinced. "If she has the strength to leave them behind. She can't be cured unless she wants to be."

"I'm sure she does," Rosie said. "Why wouldn't she?"

Radu looked away. He wondered; after two years of serving as Hill's assistant, using her powers to entrap others, would Tiye really want to be cured? Or would she prefer to retreat to the bracelet's comforting numbness as soon as the Bufonians released her? She'd know who Hill's contacts were; she could get a new one easily, if she wanted it.

"Anyway," Goddard said, trying to lighten the mood a little, "you'd better get back on your feet soon, Radu. You still owe me that simulation analysis."

"Oh, right," Radu nodded, thinking that it wasn't exactly the best subject with which to cheer him up. He stared down at his gloves for a moment. "Commander ... could you tell me something?" he finally asked.

"Yes, Radu?" Goddard asked.

Radu was silent again for a while. Finally he spoke. "Do you think I'll ever really become a STARDOG?" He tried to make the question sound casual, but he could hear a quaver in his voice, no matter how he tried to suppress it.

Goddard stared at him in astonishment for so long that Radu's heart began to sink. Then he laughed slightly and shook his head. Not a good sign, Radu thought anxiously, but he had to know. There was no sense in ... what was the human expression? ... beating his head against a brick wall. He had to plan his life around what was possible, not just what he wanted it to be.

"I keep forgetting," Goddard said, still shaking his head, "you're still officially students. Radu, you've spent nearly three years in space, in an alien vessel whose operations you have to learn by trial and error, fighting Spung and whatever else the universe decides to throw against us. You've already served longer, and a lot more honourably, than many who call themselves STARDOGS."

"But I really messed up badly this time," Radu found himself arguing. "Not just with Tiye and Captain Hill; I lost all my forces in the simulation. And you said that it would show whether we were STARDOG material."

"Well, it will," Goddard said, "once I get your analysis of the battle. A STARDOG is always able to learn from his mistakes. Actually, you did pretty well. A mistake, of course, to pursue the enemy when your forces were weakened so much, but one that a lot of other commanders have made as well. And considering the effects an NCER has, perhaps you had some excuse for being a little reckless." He paused, and looked somewhat sheepish. "You realize, don't you, that no one was supposed to pass that simulation?"

Radu looked at him as if one of them had lost their minds. "Why," he asked slowly, "would you make us take a test that we couldn't pass?"

"What I'm trying to do as a teacher now," Goddard tried to explain, "isn't collect marks for your Starcademy transcript. That's irrelevant now. I'm just trying to teach you how to survive the next four and a half years home. This evaluation was intended to teach you a hard truth about war; that it doesn't come with guaranteed solutions. I gave you a situation where you started off in a bad position, outnumbered and outgunned. There really wasn't any way you should have been able to win. The best result you should have achieved was a draw."

"But Harlan won," Radu pointed out.

"Harlan?" Goddard looked at him in surprise. "No, Harlan lost - worse than you, if that's any consolation. Thank goodness for that; if he'd won his first simulation, he would have become rather dangerous. He'd have gotten the idea that war is easy. He'll be a little more cautious from now on."

"I don't understand," Radu said, frowning. "You said one of us won; but it wasn't me, and it wasn't Harlan. And Bova and Suzee both lost as well. That means...." He looked up at Rosie, who was industriously inventorying her medical supplies, and didn't seem to want to meet his eyes.

"Yes," Goddard nodded, "our Mercurian won the unwinnable battle. Quite impressive."

"But how?" Radu asked.

Rosie finally stopped counting medicine bottles, and looked over at her patient. "Well," she began, sounding rather apologetic, "I didn't like the idea of having a fight in the first place. So on the first day, I contacted all the other races in the area, and sent out diplomatic missions to try and establish a mutual-assistance pact. When the Spung showed up on the second day, they must have been discouraged when they saw all the worlds arrayed against them, because they never attacked at all."

Radu stared at her for a moment, then flopped back down on his bed and began to laugh. Goddard looked at him in alarm for a moment, but it wasn't the hysterical laughter of NCER deprivation; it was real, honest laughter, bubbling with as much mirth as any Mercurian's.

"You'll be all right," Goddard said, clapping his hand on Radu's shoulder. Then he and Rosie began to laugh as well. It had been so long since they'd been able to.

The darkness of night filled the Christa.

Thelma made her rounds, the faithful Gizbot trundling behind her. Everything checked out normal. ComPost - in order. Classroom - in order. Engineering - in order.

Team Room - not in order. There was a slight noise, a bit of motion barely detectable to her sensors, inside. Raising one mechanical eyebrow, she entered to investigate.

"Oh, hi, Thelma," a voice responded.

"Radu?" she asked. She was not, of course, capable of worrying, but her circuits came very close to emulating that uncomfortable human emotion. She noted the facts with a sense of unease. Radu had been ill; he should be resting, not here, alone, in the dark.

"Are you all right?" she asked gently.

"I'm fine," he answered. "But I've been asleep for two days; I'm not sleepy right now."

"Should you not be back in MedLab?" she suggested.

"I'll go there in a few minutes," he told her. "I just wanted to look at the stars for a while. There's no window in the MedLab." She tilted her head uncertainly. He smiled at her. "Really, I'm fine."

Apparently reassured, she gave him a mechanical smile in return, and wandered back out the door, her rounds awaiting.

Radu turned back to the window. Up in one corner, he knew, near a wispy green nebula, was the Bufonian homeworld. At the other edge, where the thickest part of a star cluster started to trail off into darkness, lay the Parulan system. So far apart, he thought.

He wished he knew the extent of Tiye's abilities. He supposed that, with four days distance between them, there was no way she'd still be able to sense what he was feeling. But it didn't keep him from closing his eyes and concentrating on the emotion. Maybe, he hoped, somewhere out there, a girl he'd never see again would know how much he wanted her to find her way home.

~The End~

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