Girls Just Want to Have Fun

It was already quite late when the Christa finally arrived at Haligonia Spaceport.

Commander Seth Goddard watched as his crew completed the last manoeuvres to bring the Christa up to the main entrance pod. It was a complicated job, threading their way to their assigned berth; Haligonia was a major space station, and over a hundred ships were already nestled up against the huge structure.

"Good job, everyone," Goddard said in quiet satisfaction, as the Christa finally eased into place. It occurred to him that after a little over two years, his crew at last had begun to function as a smooth, reliable team. Almost professional Stardog standard, in fact. A good thing, too, he thought, space has enough surprises without your crew pulling some idiotic stunt every time you let your guard down.

For example, he pondered, take Harlan Band. Two years ago, Harlan would have strutted around the ComPost after pulling off a difficult manoeuvre, to the annoyance of the rest of the crew; now, he accepted Goddard's praise with obvious pleasure, but no bravado. Bova had managed to communicate with the docking staff on Haligonia without once suggesting that they were likely to crash (although Goddard was not sure whether this reflected increased confidence in Harlan's skills or better control of his native pessimism). Rosie, Radu and Suzee had each done their job quietly but efficiently.

"All right, let's go over the duty roster for tomorrow," Goddard announced. "At eight hundred hours, we begin our resupply detail. Rosie, you've listed everything we need?" Rosie nodded in agreement. "The detail should last until twelve hundred hours. Lunch will be at twelve fifteen. At thirteen hundred hours, you'll have some free time; Miss Davenport will take you on a tour of the station. We're due to leave at sixteen hundred. It's twenty-two hundred now, so you'd all better get to bed."

He watched as they headed off towards the bunkroom. I've got to hand it to you, Goddard, he told himself, you've done a terrific job turning five space cases into a half-decent crew. You've taught them the importance of following orders, of using good judgment. You can sleep at night, knowing they're not up to some foolishness.

He went to bed feeling quite pleased with himself.

"I can't believe it!" Suzee stormed, as she paced around the girl's bunkroom. "Here we are, finally at someplace with a little life in it, and what are we supposed to do? Go to bed! Then work all day tomorrow, until Miss Davenport drags us around to all the dreariest ‘educational' sites she can find. And then we leave! We may as well not get off the Christa tomorrow, for all the fun we'll have."

"Well," said Rosie, as she watched Suzee stomp back and forth across the room, "there's not much we can do about it, so we may as well look on the bright side. Maybe Miss Davenport will take us someplace fun." Suzee stopped pacing for a second to glare at Rosie, who faltered. "Or interesting, at least."

Suzee gave a sigh of disgust and flung herself down on her bunk. A second later she sat back up, and looked hard at Rosie.

"Rosie," she began, "you'd really like a chance to explore this place, wouldn't you?"

"Sure," replied Rosie, agreeably, "but the Commander and Miss Davenport won't ...."

"Won't worry about what they don't know about," concluded Suzee. "Get dressed, Rosie, we're going out tonight!"

"What?" asked Rosie, weakly. "The Commander won't let us."

"Of course not, if we're stupid enough to ask him," said Suzee, "but we can get out without him knowing. Didn't you ever sneak out on your parents at home?"

"N-no," said Rosie, blushing an even brighter pink.

"Well, then, it's time you learned how," Suzee told her. "You don't want to remain a goody two-shoes forever, do you? Come on, Rosie, it'll be terrific - it's about time we had a girls' night out."

"We'll get in trouble," moaned Rosie, "Don't do this, Suzee."

"Suit yourself," Suzee said loftily. "I'm going out to have some fun, for a change. Catalina will keep me company, even if you won't." She checked herself in the mirror, then headed for the door.

Rosie hesitated as the door slid shut behind Suzee. Part of her warned that following Suzee could result in serious trouble. Another part told her it would simply lead to a good time, with no real harm done. The Commander and Miss Goddard wouldn't even know about it.

Being Mercurian, she naturally listened to the optimistic voice. Quickly she exchanged her pajamas for a clean pair of coveralls, then trotted out the door after Suzee.

Rosie had to admit that exploring the space station was the most fun she'd had in a long time. Haligonia was huge, bright and noisy, and apparently never closed. She found it strange to be walking through halls filled with bustling travellers, past inviting shop windows, restaurants and theatres, while her friends on board the Christa were sound asleep. Strange, and full of a kind of guilty excitement.

They didn't have any money, of course, but they window-shopped with great enthusiasm. Suzee pretended she was looking for a dress for a very important party, and tried on outfit after outfit, the more expensive the better. Rosie didn't try anything on (she was afraid she'd singe the clothes), but she amused herself by critiquing each dress's suitability for the imaginary party.

"No, I don't think so," she told Suzee, as she emerged from the dressing room wearing a stunning full-length gown in green velvet trimmed with silver, "I think you need something dressier than that. Velvet's a little too ... too casual, don't you think?" Several other shoppers turned their heads in bemusement.

"I don't know, Catalina, what do you think?" Suzee asked the apparently empty space beside her. She paused for a second, then nodded. "She says you're quite right, Rosie, we'll have to look further. Maybe something in Marisian micro-silk, do you think?"

"Absolutely," Rosie replied. "You couldn't go to the party in anything less." The two girls left the store, pretending not to notice the astonished looks on the faces of the clerks and shoppers. They just managed to make it out before collapsing into simultaneous giggling fits.

On and on they wandered. Around each corner there were more stores, displaying more wonderful things. There was a toy shop full of the most amazing robotic animals that fascinated Rosie; next to it was an electronics store that absorbed Suzee. They spent a long time in a cosmetics store, trying on free samples and looking for something that would stay on Rosie's skin without scorching. There was a store full of beautiful cut crystal ornaments, next to a jewelry store where incredibly expensive gems glittered seductively on black velvet cushions. Musicians and entertainers from many parts of the galaxy plied their trade in the broad plazas between the stores. Everything was glamourous and sparkling. They had a wonderful time.

Finally, after nearly three hours, Rosie found herself tiring. "Let's sit down somewhere," she begged Suzee, "I need a rest."

"Yes," agreed Suzee, "and I'm thirsty. There's a cafe over there where we can sit."

"But we don't have any money," Rosie pointed out, puzzled. She figured a water fountain would be their best bet.

"Don't worry, Rosie," Suzee smiled slyly, "I don't think we'll need any money. See those three boys over there?"

"Where?" asked Rosie, looking around.

"DON'T LOOK!" hissed Suzee. "They're over near the potted trees, beside the fountain."

Rosie wondered how she was supposed to see them if she couldn't look at them. "What about them?" she asked.

"All we have to do is sit down, and they'll buy us something ," Suzee explained.

"Why?" asked Rosie, even more puzzled.

"I know the signs," Suzee replied. "They've been watching us for a while now. They want to meet us."

"Then shouldn't we go over and introduce ourselves?" asked Rosie, who was always ready to make new friends.

Suzee closed her eyes and shook her head. "You have so much to learn," she murmured.

She seated herself at a table at the edge of the central shopping concourse. Rosie sat down across from her, mystified. Sure enough, the three young men Suzee had noticed quickly found a table next to them. They spent a few minutes nudging each other and grinning to themselves, before the tallest one finally spoke.

"Um ... been shopping, girls?" he asked.

"Kind of," replied Suzee, apparently indifferent. Rosie opened her mouth to tell them the story about how they had sneaked out the Christa, but weren't really shopping because they had no money, but just then Suzee's foot came in sharp contact with her shin, and she fell silent.

"Not from around here, are you?" the boy continued. "I'm sure I'd remember if I'd seen anyone like you before." He attempted a dazzling smile in Suzee's direction. Possibly among his own people it would have been quite effective, but Rosie felt the show of teeth looked somehow predatory.

"Really?" Suzee murmured. She turned and met his gaze for the briefest of moments. Then she dropped her eyes and turned her head away, as if shy. The corners of her mouth turned up in an enigmatic smile. Rosie wondered if she should be taking notes.

"How long have you ...." began the boy, but he was interrupted by the arrival of a waiter. Of course, the boys insisted on buying the two girls something, and Suzee came out of her abstracted state long enough to order a soda for herself, and a milkshake for Rosie.

At first, Rosie was quite content, sipping her shake and listening to the others talk, but eventually she started to get bored. For one thing, the boys were clearly more interested in Suzee than her. In fact, she had to admit, it would be hard to find evidence that they even realized she was there. This didn't particularly bother her, but their conversation wasn't particularly interesting. The tall boy, who introduced himself as Kasevir Sastic, from the Delgan homeworld, did most of the talking. Rosie thought he kept mentioning his personal possessions, such as his new Space Rod, to an extent that was neither polite nor entertaining. The two other boys were clearly in awe of him, and said little, but gave sycophantic snickers at his every statement.

Having finished her shake, Rosie sat quietly for a few minutes, swinging her legs under her chair. She hoped that Suzee would notice she was bored, and say goodbye to her admirers, but she showed no such inclination. So, after a few more minutes, Rosie slid down off her chair and wandered back out into the shopping concourse.

Window-shopping on her own wasn't as much fun as shopping with Suzee, and she was getting sleepy. She was almost ready to go back to the cafe and drag Suzee back to the Christa, when her eyes lit upon another store; the type of store, she realized, she had been looking for all night. A neon sign in front of it read "Barfield's Fine Pet Emporium"; below, it promised the ideal animal companions, whether you were looking for air breathers, water breathers or chlorine breathers.

Rosie entered the shop, her weariness forgotten. She wandered entranced past tanks of Seruki Firefish and Three-eyed Forgerian Salamanders. Venomous-looking Xakorian Spitting Serpents glared at her from one side of the shop; cuddly Woolly Markusas enticed her from the other. Rapidly, Rosie forgot all about Suzee.

Finally, at the back of the shop she came across an animal she had never seen before. It was a bird of some sort, the most beautiful she had ever seen. Its head (armed with a stout, parrot-like beak), was a brilliant blue, its chest and stomach were scarlet, its wings were green, and its back was gold. Not counting its tail (which, seemed to be a combination of all the other colours), it was about ten inches of rainbowed splendour.

Despite its beauty, it didn't seem to be a happy bird. The storekeeper had chosen not to put it in a cage; instead, it sat on a tree-like perch, but a slender golden chain attached to its left leg kept it from flying away. It crouched at the end of a branch, its eyes closed, and its head sunk down between its shoulders.

Rosie was immediately captivated. It was so beautiful, yet had such a wistful air of sadness about it. She knew she shouldn't disturb it, but found herself reaching out a finger to stroke the shining feathers. "Pretty bird ... Pretty bird," she cooed.

The bird's eyes opened. "You woke me up," it said bitterly, "to tell me that? Do you have any idea how unoriginal that comment is?" It shuffled away from Rosie, down to the other end of the branch, then looked back over its shoulder. "And before you ask, no, I don't want any lousy crackers, thank you. I hate crackers!"

"You can talk!" Rosie finally squeaked, astonished.

"Of course I can talk," the bird replied, sullenly, "I've got a mouth, haven't I?"

"I mean, you can really talk!" Rosie replied; then she frowned. "But ... if you can talk, why are you for sale in a pet store?" It occurred to her that something was wrong here; intelligent creatures shouldn't be bought and sold.

"That's a long story," sighed the bird, hunkering back down. "You wouldn't be interested." Rosie smiled to herself; somehow the bird reminded her of Bova.

"Sure, I would," she replied, encouragingly.

The bird seemed to cheer up slightly at her words. "First," it said, "let me introduce myself. My name is Yarr Kea, citizen of the planet Psittacodea." It hopped back down the branch towards Rosie, then leaned to one side, raised its foot, and held it out towards Rosie. It dawned on her it was trying to shake hands.

"Rosie Ianni, from Mercury," she replied, solemnly holding out a finger. The bird seized it in its tiny talons, and gave it a slight shake.

Once back on both feet, the bird resumed its tale. "As I said, I'm from Psittacodea. It's a wonderful place, but it's somewhat ... provincial. Ever since I was a fledgling, I'd always dreamed of pursuing a higher education. I was always clever in school, if I say so myself, so I worked hard, won a scholarship to an off-world university, and spent four years there."

"Really!" Rosie said, "That's great!"

"Well, it was," replied the bird, "until I graduated. On my way back to Psittacodea, the transport I was on stopped here, and I was foolish enough to get off to look around. Someone grabbed me, and the next thing I know, here I am, chained to a tree, up for sale. And to add insult to injury, I've just been marked down twenty-five percent!"

"That's awful!" Rosie said in horror, "That can't be legal, can it?"

"No," Yarr Kea answered mournfully, "but nobody on this horrible station seems to care. I've squawked for help until I'm hoarse, but no one ever pays any attention. I guess when people see something in a pet store, everyone assumes it's a pet." He shuddered. "I suppose I should be grateful it wasn't a restaurant-owner who grabbed me first, but when I think of my family, not knowing whether I'm alive or dead...." As he leaned against the trunk of the tree, Rosie heard a soft sob.

Rosie's face shone brightly as her indignation grew. It's like something from a storybook from old Earth, she thought; an innocent traveller kidnapped and sold into slavery. Something should be done about it ....

Afterwards, of course, she had to admit that there were many wiser things she could have done. She could have gone to Haligonia Station Security and made a formal report. She could have waited until the next day, then enlisted the help of Commander Goddard and Miss Davenport. But she was glowing with righteous anger - a rare emotion for a Mercurian, but all the more powerful because of that - and she couldn't bear to leave Yarr Kea alone in his miserable condition. So, she chose to follow her heart, not her head.

First, she surreptitiously slipped off a glove. The tiny chain might have been strong enough to hold Yarr Kea, but it parted quickly when exposed to a blast of Mercurian heat. Cautiously she looked around. No one was watching her; the store owner was busy at the front with another customer. Grabbing Yarr Kea, she quickly stuffed him into the pocket of her coveralls, and headed out of the shop.

It almost worked. However, in her haste, she had pushed Yarr Kea into her pocket head first. Since the interior of the pocket was scorching hot and not particularly well ventilated, he quickly found himself more likely to be suffocated than liberated. Making a great effort, he twisted around until he could poke his head out and catch a breath of air, but it was their undoing. The violent wriggling in Rosie's pocket attracted the eye of the store owner.

"Stop! Thief!" he yelled, abandoning his customer in mid-purchase and chasing after Rosie. Rosie froze in horror for a second, then did the only thing that came to mind. She tore off back towards the Christa as quickly as she could.

Unfortunately, she had not really been paying attention to directions as she and Suzee had wandered throughout the station. As she dodged through the crowded shopping concourse, she realized she was hopelessly lost. All she could do was keep running at top speed, hoping to reach the Christa before she was caught, but the odds against her were becoming progressively worse. The petshop owner's cries had attracted the attention of the security force, and soon half a dozen guards were also on her trail.

Things, she realized after twenty minutes or so, were getting desperate. She had eluded capture so far, but her legs were wobbly with fear and exhaustion, and every time she turned a corner, she seemed to run into another guard. In near panic she looked around for a safe hiding place. Finally, she spotted several unused tables from a nearby restaurant that had been stacked against a wall and covered with a tarpaulin. Maybe there, she thought, she could catch her breath and try and figure out how to deal with the awful situation in which she found herself.

Stooping quickly, she lifted the tarpaulin and crawled under. Somehow, the semi-darkness made her feel a little more secure. Maybe if I stay here long enough, they'll stop looking for me, she thought. And maybe I can figure out how to contact Suzee. Surely she'll know what to do.

Footsteps passed by outside and she nervously retreated further into the pile of tables. As she crawled backwards, she hit an unexpected obstruction, and reached out a hand behind her to push it out of the way.

"Ow!" said the obstruction, resentfully. Rosie nearly gave herself away by shrieking in surprise, but she held fast to her Stardog training. She swivelled round until she was eye to eye with the other person under the tables, and received an even bigger shock.

"Suzee!" she cried, "what are you doing here?"

"Rosie!" Suzee gasped, "Oh, I'm so glad it's you! You've got to help me - I'm in real trouble."

"W-what sort of trouble?" whispered Rosie. Even in the gloom of their hiding place, she could see Suzee's face was pale and her eyes looked desperate. She couldn't remember seeing Suzee so rattled; normally, the older girl always exuded confidence (although Rosie had come to suspect that at least part of it was an act).

Suzee lowered her head, and gave a soft sound of despair. "Apparently, Rosie," she moaned, "I've just gotten married!"

Rosie stared at Suzee in astonishment for a moment. Then she started to laugh. "Gosh, Suzee, I thought you would have asked me to be a bridesmaid, at least," she giggled. The whole thing was so ridiculous, it had to be a joke.

Suzee glared at her. "This ... is ... not ... funny!" she whispered. "And it's all your fault!"

"My fault?" Rosie was unable to remember anything she'd done recently that could have led Suzee to matrimony.

"Yes," replied Suzee bitterly, "you broke the first rule of Girl's Night Out. You never, ever, abandon your friends, particularly around strangers."

"I'm sorry," Rosie apologized, wondering why Suzee hadn't mentioned this to her before, if it was so important. "I got bored, that's all."

"Well, it wasn't boring for me! There I am, trying to get rid of those Delgan idiots as politely as possible - you know, ‘it's been great, but my friend has someplace to go, and I've got to go with her' - and I look around, and you're not there! I was stuck!" Suzee glared at Rosie resentfully.

"I'm sorry," Rosie said again, "but I still don't know how you got married." She felt a giggling fit threaten once more, and struggled to repress it. Suzee was clearly not in a laughing mood.

"I was trying to make a graceful getaway," Suzee continued, "but the tall one, Kasevir Sastic, kept saying that since he had bought me something, I should kiss him. Said it was traditional on his planet. It seemed the only way they were going to leave me alone, so I did."

"You did? Eww!" said Rosie, who had not been much taken by the personal charms of Mr. Sastic.

"Just on the cheek," Suzee replied desperately, "I thought, how much trouble can you get into, kissing someone on the cheek? But as soon as I did, he announced that we'd just completed the Delgan marriage ceremony, and he and his two cronies started to drag me off towards his Space Rod. Said it was time I met his folks back home."

"What did you do?" asked Rosie, horrified.

"I tried to get help from the station guards," Suzee said, "but they wouldn't listen. They said that civil arrangements like marriages were left to the laws of the contracting parties, whatever that means. They just stood and watched as those three goons started to pull me away! So I pitched myself into the mind of the dumbest one of them. Had him kick Sastic in the seat of the pants. During the confusion, I managed to get away, but they're looking for me. If they catch me, I'm sunk."

"That's awful, Suzee," said Rosie, solemnly. Then the gales of laughter that she'd been holding back burst forth. "Tell me, what do you want for a wedding present?"

"Some friends who don't laugh at me when I'm in trouble!" Suzee snapped, almost beside herself with frustration. She took a deep breath, trying to regain some emotional control. "I'm sorry, Rosie, but I'm afraid the only thing that can help me now is if you run back to the Christa and wake up Commander Goddard and Miss Davenport. They'll be able to straighten this out. I don't want to get you in trouble, but I can't see any other way."

"Yes, of...." Rosie began, then dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry, Suzee, I can't. The station guards are looking for me, too."

"What?" Suzee looked at her, bewildered. "Why?"

"They think I stole something," Rosie said, in a very small, ashamed voice.

"That's ridiculous, Rosie," Suzee said, "You're about the most honest person I've ever met. You'd never even think of taking something that didn't belong to you."

"W-well," Rosie began slowly, then let it all spill out in a rush, "he didn't really belong to me, and I did take him, but I don't think he belonged to the store owner either, not really, I mean, he had a scholarship and everything, so he shouldn't belong to anyone, and no one else would help him, so I put him in my pocket, but they saw him, and then they started chasing me, so I hid under here, and I'd really like to get help from the Christa, Suzee, but I can't."

"Wait a second," said Suzee, trying her best to follow Rosie's story, "what are you talking about?"

"Him," said Rosie simply, pulling Yarr Kea out of her pocket.

"A bird?" said Suzee, shaking her head, "You stole a stupid bird?"

"I am not a stupid bird," snapped Yarr Kea, "I am a very intelligent bird." He paused to preen for a second. "At least, I didn't marry a Delgan."

"He can talk!" said Suzee, taken aback.

"Of course he can talk," Rosie said, in over-bright tones, "he's got a mouth, doesn't he?"

"Hey," said the bird, "that's my line."

"This is Suzee, Yarr Kea," Rosie said, apologetically.

He hopped over to Suzee, and stuck out a foot to shake. Numbly, she held out a finger.

"Yarr Kea, citizen of Psittacodea," he said, solemnly. "So, you married a Delgan?"

"No!" said Suzee, shaking her head violently, "You can't get married just like that, can you?"

"Well, actually," Yarr Kea answered, "with the Delgan, you can. He bought you something, and you kissed him. To the Delgan, that's a marriage contract."

"But I didn't know!" Suzee wailed. "They can't consider that a real wedding, can they? I mean, I don't want to be married to him - doesn't that count for anything?"

"Maybe," replied Yarr Kea, "maybe not. Delgan - the men, at least - like being married. In fact, they like it a lot. The more wives they have, the richer they are."

"You mean, the richer they are, the more wives they can support?" asked Rosie.

"No," explained Yarr Kea, "in their culture, the men don't support their wives at all. The wives do all the work, and support their husbands. So, the more wives they have, the richer they become. I have a feeling that your new husband isn't likely to let a meal ticket slip away just because you're not crazy about the idea."

"Isn't there something we can do?" asked Rosie, as Suzee buried her face in her hands despairingly.

"I'm not sure...." said Yarr Kea, thoughtfully scratching his head with one foot, "Let me think...."

"Catalina," Suzee bitterly chided, "will you stop laughing like a hyena and think of something? This is serious!"

"Who's she talking to?" asked the bird, puzzled.

"Catalina, her invisible friend," Rosie answered.

"No," Yarr Kea murmured, after a brief moment of reflection, "I don't think pleading insanity would work...."

Rosie was about to try and explain the relationship between Suzee and Catalina, but she never got the chance. Without warning, the tarpaulin was ripped off and the tables pushed aside, revealing their hiding place. Looking up, the three fugitives saw the pet-shop owner, Kasevir Sastic and his two friends, and about two dozen station guards, all scowling down at them.

"Hi there," said Rosie, recovering from her shock after a moment, and giving them her warmest Mercurian smile, "Don't worry, we can explain everything. Really."

"All right," the judge of Haligonia Night Court said to her bailiff, "what's the next case? Tell me it's going to be an easy one - I have a headache, and I'd like to go home early."

"Hard to say, Your Honour," the bailiff replied, scanning the booking report in front of him. "It seems to be two intertwined cases. One for shoplifting...." The judge looked relieved. That should be simple enough. "And one for attempted fraud, breach of contract and assault using mind control."

"What?" asked the judge.

"That's what the complaint says," the bailiff shrugged.

"Very well," the judge replied, wincing slightly, "bring them in."

This was easier said than done. The defendants, she was surprised to see, were two young females. One looked meek enough; she stared silently around the small courtroom, her eyes wide with alarm. The older one, however, was putting up more of a fight. Even after she had been cautioned several times to be quiet, she could be heard muttering "... I don't care what anyone says, I am not married!"

"Who's the prosecutor?" asked the judge. Brisk but fair, that was her plan; with any luck, this would be over quickly, and she would be back in her quarters, enjoying a long hot bath.

"M-me, your honour," a very young man replied. He'd only been working this job for six months, and was still intimidated by the whole thing.

"Very good, Mr. Sessarile," the judge nodded. "Who's the defense attorney?"

There was an awkward pause. The bailiff leaned over and whispered something in her ear.

"What, they haven't taken care of that yet?" the judge whispered back. "Oh, very well." In a louder voice, she addressed the prosecutor. "You're in luck tonight, Mr. Sessarile. Due to our recent staffing crisis, you've no opponent."

"He's lucky?" broke in Suzee, indignantly. "You mean we don't get a lawyer, but they do?" She scowled at the petshop owner and Kasevir Sastic, who smirked back at her.

"Unfortunately, yes," replied the judge. "It's hard to get lawyers willing to work night court on a space station like this. It's not high profile or well paid, and the hours are rotten."

"That's not fair!" Suzee rejoined.

"Maybe not," replied the judge, "but, having seen Mr. Sessarile in action before, I can say you're at no great disadvantage."

"Excuse me, but may it please the court ...." a small voice emanated from a box placed on the evidence table. Yarr Kea was trying to make himself heard.

"Bailiff, call the court to order," instructed the judge.

"Excuse me, but ...." Yarr Kea repeated, louder.

The bailiff raised his voice and drowned the bird out. "Case of Barfield's Pet Emporium against Rosie Ianni, and Kasevir Sastic against Suzee...." He checked his computer screen. "What's your last name, young lady?"

"I don't have one," replied Suzee, with a toss of her head.

"Yes, she does," her erstwhile husband suggested, "She's Mrs. Sastic." He sidled over and tried to put an arm around her waist.

"Not in a million years," replied Suzee, planting her elbow firmly in the pit of his stomach.

"MAY IT PLEASE THE COURT, WILL SOMEONE LET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID BOX?"

"What's that?" the judge turned to the bailiff.

"It's the evidence in one of the cases," replied the bailiff.

"Not what I'd call silent evidence," mused the judge. "Perhaps you should check on it."

The bailiff lifted up the lid of the box containing Yarr Kea. The bird immediately fluttered out, landing in front of the judge.

"My apologies, Your Honour," he began, "but I must protest against allowing these young ladies to go without legal representation when facing such serious charges."

"Well, I'm not thrilled about it either," admitted the judge, recovering from her surprise, "but there's no one available to represent them."

"Yes, there is," replied Yarr Kea, with the slightest trace of smugness, "Me."

The judge stared at Yarr Kea in perplexity for a second. Then she turned to the bailiff.

"Have we ever had a case before," she asked, "where the evidence also acted as defence counsel?"

"Not that I recall," he answered. He thought for a second. "We did have that two-headed Perinasian a few years ago, who could be prosecutor and defence attorney at the same time."

"Yes, I remember," replied the judge, "but it's not quite the same, is it?"

"Your Honour," interjected Mr. Sessarile, whose indignation had finally overpowered his reticence, "I refuse to act against some stupid bird!"

This was too much for Yarr Kea. He flew across and landed on the prosecutor's desk, then stalked up to him and fixed him with a glare from a beady black eye.

"I am not a stupid bird," he rasped, as menacingly as a ten-inch being could. "I am a lawyer!"

"Really?" asked the judge.

"Really?" echoed Suzee and Rosie, together. They looked at each other, with expressions of dawning hope.

"Certainly!" Yarr Kea addressed the judge again. "You can check, if you want. I'm from the graduating class of Dalhousie School of Interplanetary and Intercultural Law."

The bailiff checked his computer. "He's telling the truth, Your Honour. And he has an excellent record. Dean's List ... 3.85 grade-point average ... Laird Scholarship."

"Well, I'll be," said the judge, astonished. "He's got better qualifications than you do, Mr. Sessarile." The prosecutor gave the bird a dark look, as though he wished for an oversized flyswatter. "In any event, since no one else is available, I see no reason why he can't act as counsel for the defence."

"Thank you, Your Honour," replied Yarr Kea, giving a small bow.

"Yarr Kea," Suzee whispered, "do you know what you're doing? Have you ever tried a real case before?"

"No," the bird whispered back, "but don't worry, I've read all about how it's done."

"Great," Suzee replied morosely, "I wonder what the weather's like on Delga." Even Rosie found it hard to be optimistic.

"First case, Barfield's Fine Pet Emporium versus Rosie Ianni" announced the bailiff.

The petshop owner took the stand. He gave a brief explanation of what had happened. Rosie's heart sank. She had to admit he was telling the truth; she had taken Yarr Kea from the store without paying. Yarr Kea listened intently, but didn't say much, only objecting when the petshop owner referred to Rosie as "that pink-faced juvenile delinquent".

Finally the prosecutor felt he had elicited as much testimony as was needed to convict Rosie. "Prosecution rests, Your Honour," he told the judge, feeling pleased with his efforts.

"Have you any questions for the witness, Mr. Kea?" the judge asked.

"Indeed I have, Your Honour," the bird replied. He fluffed up his feathers to look larger and more imposing, then hopped along the witness box rail towards the petshop owner. The owner drew back, feeling somehow intimidated by the tiny creature.

"Mr. Barfield," Yarr Kea began, "you claim my client stole your property, to wit, me. Do you have a sales receipt to prove that I am, indeed, your property?"

"Why, yes, I ...." began the shop owner, then his voice trailed off. He remembered suddenly how he had obtained Yarr Kea. He dropped his eyes. "Actually, no."

"You don't?" hissed Yarr Kea. "Isn't it true that you never purchased or otherwise came into lawful possession of this supposed property? That you simply saw it in the shopping concourse, and went after it with a butterfly net? That when it told you it was a free, intelligent being, and demanded to be released, you ignored it and tied it up in your shop?"

"Well, yes ...." the shop owner said, uncertainly. He looked at the judge imploringly. "Your Honour, it was just some stupid bird, loose in the concourse ...."

"He's not a stupid bird," replied the judge, with a hint of amusement in her voice, though her face was serious. "Did you have any reason to believe that he was actually yours to sell?"

"Look at him, Your Honour," the shop owner pleaded. "He's less than a foot tall!"

"According to the Bazel Interplanetary Convention on Intelligent Life (of which Haligonia is a member)," Yarr Kea interjected, "size of a being has no bearing on whether it can be bought or sold. Intelligent bacteria have a right to freedom. Certainly any law school graduate should have."

The judge thought about this for a moment. Could all law school graduates be considered intelligent life? She studied Mr. Sessarile closely for a moment. "Closing remarks?" she asked, finally.

"The bird was in Mr. Barfield's possession. Ms. Ianni took it without paying for it. It's an open and shut case," said the prosecutor, who had been quietly fuming during Yarr Kea's cross-examination.

"Your Honour, the case hinges on whether I was or was not property," Yarr Kea countered. "If I can be considered property, why not you, or Mr. Sessarile? All my client did was rescue someone being held against their will."

The judge sat in thought for a moment. "I find the defence in this case very convincing," she finally announced. "There is no evidence that the creature in question was legally the property of Barfield's Emporium in the first place. In fact, Mr. Barfield," her voice turned cold, "I am going to make a report of this to the station authorities. What you did could possibly be considered kidnapping. The case against Ms. Ianni is dismissed."

Rosie gave a squeal of delight. "Yarr Kea, you did it, you really did it. I'm free!" She would have hugged him, but was afraid of roasting him in her enthusiasm.

"Order in the court," the bailiff said, in awful tones. "Next case, Kasevir Sastic versus Suzee None." That was what he had entered in his records under "Last name".

The prosecutor arose for a second try. "My first witness is Mr. Sastic."

Sastic sat down nonchalantly in the witness stand. He aimed what he fondly believed was an irresistible grin at the judge, who stared coldly back. The prosecutor, recognizing Sastic's mistake, hurriedly began his questioning.

"Can you describe, in your own words, what happened between you and the defendant?" he began.

"Certainly," Sastic began, sounding aggrieved. "I met this young lady," he indicated Suzee, "earlier this evening, and was immediately struck by her beauty and apparent charm. I proposed to her in the time-honoured way of my people."

"Which was?" prompted Mr. Sessarile.

"I bought her something," replied Sastic, "And she accepted my proposal, again in the way of my people. She kissed me. However, when I asked her to return with me to Delga, she refused, casting dishonour on me, my family, and the whole Delgan people. To top it off, she somehow forced one of my friends to assault me, causing me serious physical harm."

"I had him kick you where your brains are," Suzee muttered.

"But," continued Sastic, "that's nothing compared to the bruising my emotions received." He gazed up at the judge again, trying to look pathetic. "My heart is broken, Your Honour, and only you can fix it, by insisting that she uphold her side of the bargain, and return home with me."

"I should remind you, Your Honour," the prosecutor added, "that under Haligonia Station law, civil contracts abide by the laws of the home world of the contracting parties."

"Yes, I know," sighed the judge. As a female, she had little sympathy for Delgan males, and a lot of sympathy for anyone unfortunate enough to be married to one. But, she thought, the law is the law ....

"Cross-examination?" she asked Yarr Kea.

"Just one minute, Your Honour," he replied. He held a hurried conference with Suzee, then looked up at Sastic.

"One question, Mr. Sastic," he said, "Did you at any time ask my client how old she was?"

"No," replied Sastic, sullenly, "it wouldn't be polite."

"Thank you," replied Yarr Kea, "you may step down now."

"What!" Suzee hissed at him. "That's all you're going to ask him?"

"Don't worry," he whispered back, "it's your turn now." He turned to the judge. "I would like to call my client to the stand."

Suzee sat down in the witness box, looking more uncomfortable than Rosie had ever seen her. Sastic blew her a kiss from the back of the courtroom.

"Suzee," began Yarr Kea, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask a personal question. Are you over the age of nineteen years, two months, five days?"

"What?" she asked, mystified. "No, I'm not nineteen yet. What difference does it make?"

"Quite a lot," he answered. "Your Honour, may I confirm with you that the Delgan age of majority is nineteen years, two months and five days?"

"Just a second," replied the judge, checking her database of interplanetary law. "Yes, you're correct. That means ...."

"That means that my client is not old enough to form a marriage contract on her own," Yarr Kea concluded. "To marry her, Mr. Sastic would have to make his arrangements with her parents or guardians. Suzee, did Mr. Sastic ever speak to your parents or guardians tonight?"

"Well, he couldn't speak to my parents," she replied, "they're not in this dimension. As for guardians, I suppose that would be Commander Goddard and Miss Davenport. No, he didn't speak to either of them." Her eyes sparkled as she realized what Yarr Kea was getting at.

"You see, Your Honour," Yarr Kea explained, "there was never any marriage contract, since my client is underage, and there was no agreement with her guardians. If anyone has broken Delgan law, it would be Mr. Sastic, for trying to marry my client fraudulently. Could you refresh my memory, Your Honour? According to Delgan law, what is a guardian entitled to do to anyone who attempts to marry his protégé without first making proper arrangements?"

"Let's see," murmured the judge, scrolling through her database. She finally found the right passage, and looked up, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "Hmm, that sounds painful, Mr. Sastic ...."

"This Commander Goddard," Yarr Kea asked Suzee, "He's in the military, correct?"

"Yes," Suzee replied, with a malicious glance at Sastic, "He's in the Stardogs. They're incredibly tough - brutal, even." Sastic started to sweat visibly.

"M-Maybe I made a mistake, Your Honour," he mumbled. "I don't think we actually completed the marriage ceremony at all. In fact this whole thing is a mistake. I'd like to drop all charges, if I may."

"Is that all right with you, Ms. Suzee?" the judge raised an eyebrow at her.

"YES!" Suzee almost yelled. "In fact, it's great."

"All right, then," the judge replied, "Case dismissed. You're all free to go."

Rosie, Suzee and Yarr Kea waited until they were outside the courtroom before celebrating. The girls did an impromptu victory dance, while Yarr Kea flew around doing barrel rolls, loops and other complicated manoeuvres. Finally they stopped, gasping for breath, as Yarr Kea landed on Rosie's shoulder.

"I've got to admit," Suzee told Yarr Kea, "you're not a stupid bird, after all."

"You were wonderful," Rosie added, her eyes glowing, "I thought we didn't stand a chance, but you never gave up on us."

"I'm the one who should thank you," replied Yarr Kea, "Not only am I now a free bird, but I won my first two cases. There's just one thing I'm wondering ...." He stopped, as his euphoria seemed to drain away.

"What?" asked Rosie.

"How am I going to get home?" he asked, "I've no money to book a transport or even to call my family. At least in the pet store, they fed me, but now ...." He scratched his head with one foot, looking lost.

"Don't worry, we'll think of something," Rosie reassured him, but she wasn't sure what. She was trying to figure out how to smuggle Yarr Kea on board the Christa and convince the Commander to make an unscheduled stop at Psittacodea, when a voice behind her broke into her thoughts.

"I don't mean to eavesdrop, but I couldn't help overhearing," said the judge. Rosie and Suzee had been her final two cases for the night, and she was on the way home. " And I think I may have a solution ...."

"Rosie," a soft voice said, apparently from a long way away, "it's time to get up now."

"No, it can't be, Thelma," she replied, trying to force her eyes open, and failing. "I just got to sleep. Just give me five more minutes, please."

"I gave you five more minutes five minutes ago," responded Thelma, gently but relentlessly. "Miss Davenport will expect you in the galley for breakfast in twenty minutes."

Rosie pushed herself groggily into a sitting position. She looked over at Suzee, who was sitting up and yawning until Rosie feared she would dislocate her jaw.

"Suzee," she moaned, "what time is it?"

Suzee picked up her watch and tried to read it through swollen eyelids. "Seven oh six," she replied, finally.

"What time did we get to bed?" Rosie asked, in plaintive tones.

"About five thirty," Suzee recalled, wincing.

"There's no way I can get up this morning," Rosie said, flopping back down among her bedclothes. "Tell Miss Davenport I'm sick."

"Hey, if I have to get up, so do you," replied Suzee, unsympathetically. "She'll want to know why you're sick, and then she'll find out all about last night. You don't want that, do you?"

The thought of Miss Davenport and the Commander learning of their adventures sent enough adrenaline through Rosie's system to get her on her feet and headed for the shower. She tried to tell herself that a good scalding soak would make her feel better, but she knew in her heart it was a losing effort.

As they finally trudged towards the galley, Suzee leaned over and whispered to Rosie, "We're going to have to go through with the resupply detail. I can't see any way out of that. But maybe we can get out of the tour this afternoon, and get some sleep instead."

"OK," sighed Rosie, feeling a little better at the thought, "I've seen enough of Haligonia to last me a lifetime."

They did their best to appear normal during breakfast, although Suzee couldn't stop yawning, and twice Rosie, feeling a cool dampness on her chin, realized she was falling asleep into her milk and cereal. She looked around guiltily, but no one seemed to have noticed.

As they gathered up their breakfast dishes, she was convinced they had pulled it off. Then she heard Miss Davenport ask, in an ominously cheerful tone, "By the way, did anyone leave the ship last night?"

Rosie and Suzee exchanged panicked looks.

"Not me," Harlan replied. Someone was about to get in trouble, he realized, and yet his conscience was clean. He couldn't remember that ever happening before. He looked suspiciously at Radu and Bova, who stared back blankly.

"Why would you think anyone left the ship last night?" Suzee asked, trying to sound casual.

"Oh, just some little things," the Commander joined in. "There was a note in the automatic ship's log last night about the airlock being opened twice."

"Probably a computer glitch," Suzee replied, desperately, "we have them all the time."

"And you girls seem terribly tired this morning," Miss Davenport resumed. Behind her, Harlan was now grinning. He had figured out who was in trouble, and, although he had no idea what the girls had done, he knew that they were out of luck once the Commander and Miss Davenport started tag-teaming.

"It's just that ... we didn't sleep very well last night," Rosie explained with downcast eyes.

"And finally," continued the Commander, "this was delivered to the Christa about half an hour ago." He lifted a large object, swathed in wrapping paper, onto the table.

"W-what is it, Commander?" Suzee asked, nervously.

Wordlessly, he removed the paper shrouding the object, revealing a huge bouquet of exotic-looking fresh flowers.

"Why, it's beautiful!" enthused Rosie, momentarily distracted from her dread of discovery. "Where did it come from?"

"There's a card," Miss Davenport said, with a cat-like smile, "Why don't you read it?"

Suzee picked the card out of the bouquet and stood for several seconds, trying to focus her weary eyes. "Oh, noo!" she wailed, finally.

Bewildered, Rosie reached over and took the card out of Suzee's trembling hands. It read:

"To Rosie Ianni and Suzee (ex-Mrs. Sastic),
Thanks for everything last night.
(Signed) Yarr Kea, Attorney-at-law
Newly appointed, Haligonia Station Legal Aid"

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