Jacob's Story

I had been trying to get pregnant for about 2 years with the help of my OB, but for some reason I just couldn't conceive.

I finally decided, it was time to give up... Well, 2 months after giving up I discovered that I was pregnant with my little Jakie!!!!! I was sooooooo excited. I called all of my family to give them my good news, but I hadn't expected the responses that they gave.

Half of them asked me if I was crazy and the other half asked if I knew what this was going to do to my body (I have Peri Neural Cysts on my Syatic Nerves) Which is very painful. I told them that I knew exactly what I was doing and would handle it just fine.

Right around my fifth month the baby decided that laying on my Syatic Nerves was very comfortable for him :-( My older son Tony would literally have to walk me from my bedroom to the bathroom. He would wait patiently for me outside the door and walk me back to my room.

When I woke up in the recovery room, I remember my OB telling me to take care of Tony. Jacob had been born with Clubfoot and Tony was taking it very hard.

As they were taking me to my room, we went by the nursery to see my baby... He was adorable, I even asked them to check our hospital bracelets to make sure that he was really mine.

When I got to my room, I could see that Tony was visibly upset. His first words to me were "Mom his feet are really bad" with tears streaming down his face. I told him not to worry, because no matter how bad they looked I would find a way to have them fixed.

Tony had this crazy idea that it was his fault that Jacob had been born with crooked feet. He thought that God was punishing him for being mean to me during my pregnancy and saying things that he hadn't really meant.

I explained to him that no one was to blame and sometimes things happen for reasons that we can't understand.

Finally, the moment I had waited 9 months for, they brought my little guy into me. I just stared at him in awe. Everyone kept saying "look at his feet, they're so crooked" but I wouldn't look, I just wanted to enjoy that moment.

When everyone left I unwrapped his little blanky, and for the first time I saw his feet. My heart was broken into a million pieces, his feet were all twisted and bent inward. I couldn't imagin my sweet little newborn baby ever being able to walk. In the back of my head I could hear all the cruel words that other kids were going to say to him.

I held him so close to me with tears running down my face and begged God to help him. My faith was put to the test, I couldn't understand why God would do this to such an innocent little baby who never asked to be brought into the world just to suffer.

The next morning an Orthopedic Surgeon came into my room to tell me that Jacob would have to be cast that morning. He proceeded to say that we would try this for a while and hopefully the cast would correct Jacob's feet.

Before I knew it, 4 other Doctors came in to start casting Jacob. I thought to myself now he's just a tiny newborn, why on earth would it take so many Drs. to cast him?

They asked me to stay on the bed, because they didn't want Jacob getting more upset than he needed to. This poor kid was screaming bloody murder as they started casting him. I felt terrible, I kept going over to where Jacob lay screaming and putting my hand on his head and they kept telling me to walk away if it was upsetting to me. UPSETTING ME!!!!! OF COURSE IT WAS UPSETTING ME!!!!!!! but I wasn't going over there for me, I was going over there to comfort my baby.

It took them a good 20 minutes to put those tiny little cast on Jacob. When they left the room, I went straight over to my scared little baby and held him close to me.

4 days later we went home, we were told before we left the hospital that the Dr. would have to see Jacob in 3 days. I was told to soak the casts off the night before the appointment.

OK, so i'm thinking you put the baby in the tub and the casts must just disintagrate... Yea right,

it took me almost 2 hours the first time. After a few weeks of doing it, I did manage to get them off in about 20 minutes.

It was at our first cast change that the Dr. said that Jacob would probably be in casts for 3 months.

There went those fun baths and cute cloths and just not being able to smoosh the baby up to me, because of his casts.

3 months went by and I couldn't wait to be rid of those clunky casts, but I never expected to hear what the Dr. had to say...

He got both casts off and then told me that because there had been little to no correction, he would be scheduling Jacob for surgery sometime in April. He said that we had to wait for his little feet to grow so that he would be able to perform the surgery.

I left his office in tears, I cried so hard I had to pull the car over for a while in hopes that I would calm down... I never did calm down.

We had a 7 month wait ahead of us and for the entire 7 months I couldn't get the thought of Jacob's surgery out of my head. I was driving myself crazy with all the "what if's"

I had never even left Jacob with anyone, how could I possibibly hand him over to the surgical nurse and watch her walk away with my baby.

Jacob was scheduled for April 17 th 2000 to have his right foot corrected. We arrived at the hospital at around 6:15 am, surgery was at 7:00 am.

I couldn't even hold Jacob much, because I breastfeed and since he hadn't had anything to eat or drink since midnight he really wanted to nurse.

It was time for me to hand him over to the surgical nurse. I felt like I had just handed this perfect stranger my heart. As they walked away, it took everything I had in me not to run after him and take him back to his safe, comfortable home.

I had to stay strong, I couldn't even let the tears I was holding back come out. I had my 2 older boys with me and couldn't let them see my fear.

Jacob's surgery started late, because the Drs. couldn't find a vein to put the I.V. in, but after 12-18 tries they finally got it.

We had to wait in the main waiting area and time just didn't seem to be going by fast enough. My two boys, Tony and Kenny were at each other the whole time. The bickering was driving me crazy and the hands on clock didn't seem to be moving.

He said that surgery had gone fine exept for the fact that no one could get the I.V. in and that had taken an extra hour. He said that they would call me from recovery and let me know when I could come up.

I couldn't wait, I got on that elevator and ran to the recovery room. I told them who I was and they could see how badly I needed to see my baby so they took me to him.

There he lay, still asleep, but it felt so good just to see him safe and sound. I sat next to him and he would whine periodically and I would rub his head and tell him that Mommy was right there. He'd open his eyes and look at me and go right back to sleep.

When they got him to his room, he was more alert and having pain. The nurse came in and gave him some Tylenol/Codein and that seemed to work just fine.

We went back for weekly/biweekly cast changes and before we knew it, it was time to go in for his second surgery. This time it would be his left foot.

Surgery was set for June 1 st 2000. We showed up at the hospital at 6:15 AM again and surgery was at 7:00 AM.

Once again, I had to hand my baby over to a perfect stranger and off they went. This time Jacob was sleeping so he didn't cry as they walked away.

The only thing that kept me sane was the thought that this was it, after this surgery we are done. I won't ever have to feel this fear again.

We went through the cast changing some more, until July 27 th 2000. Jacob was finally CAST FREE. It felt so good to hold him close to me without having those casts in our way.

On December 30 th 2000 Jacob started walking, it was one of the best days of my life. I still stare at him as he walks around the house like the little man he has grown to be. He amazes me with everything he does.

He walks on the very outside edges of his feet, once again my heart breaks. Jacob will need further surgery to correct his feet. The Dr. wants to wait until Jacob is at least 3 years old, he's 19 months old now.

I feel like i'm right back where I started from, i'm a nervous reck all over again anticipating these up coming surgeries.