The Magnificent Madame Mortem's Poetry and Short Stories Page

Poems By The Magnificent Madame Mortem

DRACULA

I heard a faint call
From beyond the mists
I could not resist it
But I dare not stray...
Still my heart seems to be drawn
To that darkness
To that voice
So I follow...

As his gentle cape enfolds me
Pulls me to him
I feel his breath on my throat
The pain is over before it's begun

My eyes opened to the night
His call is strong now
Pulsing through my veins
I follow him into the darkness
And beyond


NIGHT

The birth of The Vampire to the night...

Dark folds of a velvet sky
Fill the void
Make you see the night
With new eyes
Hold your breath a moment...

I can hear your heart
As it weeps
As it breaks
As it dies

Red silk around the throat
Darkness in the eyes of that
Which you cannot hide
As it tears
As it fears
As it gently breaks free

Night that engulfs you
As you wander into a place
Between asleep and awake

BROKEN

Broken pieces fall all around me
As I look half stunned
Half...amazed
I don't even remember doing it,
And yet...there it is, shattered before me

I look at my hands, still clentched in fists,
Bloody from the impact...
I don't even seem to feel it

Pieces of debris, jagged pieces,
Sticking out here and there
I remember the anger...the rage...
Then nothing...a blank

How could I do such a thing,
Destroy something so precious?
But I did
And now...
All the regrets in the world can't undo what I've done

THE CARPATHIAN

In the night, beyond this world
Is the Carpathian
Gently weaving his stories
So we listen
Not knowing to where he will take us
One step farther
One breath deeper
One heartbeat away
To the edge of eternity and back

One glide of his staff
Can move the stars
And reveal the beauty of the darkness all around
Can you hear him?
The Carpathian
He has a tale for you tonight


GHOST IN THE ROOM

It's late and you're alone
You thought you heard something...
A noise that startled you from your sleep-
You fumble in the dark for the light...
"Damn, the electricity is out!"
You hear it again...
"Is someone there?"
No response- you get up-
You feel you way along the wall to the door
Again, a noise-again you call out
"Hello? Is someone there?"
Pitch black- you can't see anything
Something brushes past you in the darkness...
You jump as whispers you can't make out seem to surround you
"God...please...is someone there?"
You slide down the wall to the floor
Cold air feels as if it's crushing you...
You begin to sob...
Through your tears you call one last time...
"Please...is someone there?"
Your eyes begin to focus...you see something...
Closer...closer...closer...
"My God!! What the hell is that?!"
Too late...
Your own screams choke you
As the darkness engulfs you...


THE CREATION

Lightening sparked the life
That never should have begun-
Hate is all it has
Love is all it wants
As the creator turns away...

All that it is
All it will ever be
Pieces of madness stitched together
Stolen from graves
Never to rest in peace

Who is to be feared-
Who truly is The Monster
The Creation or his Master-

Where does life end and death begin
Who should sit in the place of God

THE BLOOD RED MOON

The blood red moon
Entrances my mind
Bringing forth some sinister self
Long forgotten
Long hidden
Forever living just beneath the surface

My pulse quickens
As the autumn breeze blows through me
Reaching deep within my soul
Stirring that animal force
I cannot control
What I become

A howl rips thru the night
The thirst for blood
The hunt
The kill
The blood red moon


PHANTOM

Black of night eyes
Black of night soul
Loosing patience with the world
He climbs from the darkened corners
And pulls the shadows around him like a cloak

Crawling past your windows
Into your dreams
Where he can breath a nightmare into you
He feasts upon your innocence
And tears at your sanity

His madness is intoxicating
His evil enticing
When you wake you will not find him
As he hides from the light
Until darkness falls again
And he ventures forth into the night
And finds you


IT'S THAT TIME OF THE YEAR

Spooky spooks are in the air
Wolves and bats are everywhere
Witches on brooms fly with glee
And scary movies are on T.V.

Eating breakfast, best be wary
For in your bowl is Frankenberry
Trick or treaters at my door
May just hear a monsters roar

A ghosts delight, a goblins dream
It's finally here...it's Halloween!!!

SEE YOU THERE!

Halloween is coming
You can feel it in the air
Trick or treaters in the dark
May give you quite a scare

Shrieks and screams delight you
Jack 'O Lanterns light the trail
To Madame Mortems Movie Night
It's not for the faint or frail

So get the candycorn ready
Your candy apples, too
For on that night, some Horrorhosts
May pop in to say BOO!!!

See You There
Best Beware
Creepy Creeps are waiting
To give a real good scare!!!

JUST LAST NIGHT

Just last night
As I lay down
I heard an unfamiliar sound

When I sat up
While in my bed
I looked and saw a human head

A human head
Just lying there
On the floor right by my chair

The strangest thing
I had no fear
Just wondered what had brought it here

"Why have you come,
Oh head?" I said
"While I lay here upon my bed

It didn't move
It just layed there
On the floor right by my chair

I kicked it then
Across the floor
And watched it roll right out the door

I picked it up
And threw it hard
It landed in my neighbors yard

And there it sits
Right by a tree
That human head that stares at me

Now, that head
Well, it's my friend
There is no more 'cause that's the end

ISADORA

I thought I felt someone brush past me
Someone familiar
Someone I hear in dark dreams

I turned expecting to see her
But found no one
Only a ghost of the past

At night I can hear her whisper
Calling to me in the darkness
Calling to me from beyond

I strain my eyes to see her
But she alludes me
Taunting me from her grave
Showing me in visions what could have been
And what will never be

Her madness swirls in my head like a mist
Making it hard to resist
Making me long to join her
She will come tonight
And claim what's hers

MESMERIZING

Steady
Pounding
Engulfing everything in its path
And you have no desire to escape it
Penetrating the very heart of you
You surrender
As it carries you away
Hypnotized

He appears
From out of nowhere
Blind-sides you
Enticing
Exciting
Oblivious to what you feel
He continues
You hear only him
His every motion sending you further
Steady
Pounding

Lights change color
Screams ring out across the room
You wouldn't stop it
Even if you could

Sweat glistens
He sees you
Or does he
Your heart races
While the beat continues
Steady
Pounding
Mesmerizing


BOO TIME
A big, black spider
Whispered in my ear
Told me that
The time is here

Time for ghosts
And scary cats
Witches brew
And Vampire bats

Pumpkin carving
special sweets
Dancing Skeletons
On haunted streets

Time for ghouls
And goblins, too
Time for monsters
Saying "BOO!!"

Best be ready
They'll be at your door
Give them candy
Or they'll be sore

So grab your costume
And a bag for treats
It will soon be filled
With your favorite eats

It's lots of fun
So have no fear
It's Halloween
The best time of year

IN THE MANSION
INSPIRED BY THE HAUNTED MANSION at Disneyland Park
2004


WHAT WAS THAT?
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
DID YOU FEEL THAT?
DID YOU SEE THAT?
WHAT WAS IT?
IT MUST BE YOUR IMAGINATION

A COLD CHILL THAT RUNS OVER YOU
A WHISPER THAT CALLS YOUR NAME
YOU SEE SOMETHING MOVE OUT OF THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE
IT MUST BE YOUR IMAGINATION

SOMEONE KNOCKS ON THE DOOR, BUT NO ONE IS THERE
MUST HAVE BEEN THE WIND
THE LIGHTS FLICKER ON AND OFF
MUST BE A POWER SURGE
THAT COLD SPOT IN THE CORNER
MUST BE A DRAFT
IT MUST BE YOUR IMAGINATION

YOU TELL YOURSELF IT'S ALL OK
YOU TELL YOURSELF IT CAN'T BE
YOU TELL YOURSELF THERE'S NO SUCH THING
IT MUST BE YOUR IMAGINATION

WHAT WAS THAT?
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
DID YOU FEEL THAT?
DID YOU SEE THAT?
WHAT WAS IT?
IT MUST BE YOUR IMAGINATION

Short Stories By The Magnificent Madame Mortem

ANOMALY by Madame Mortem

Ever been in a room and sworn you were not alone? Ever hear a sound
behind you, only to turn and find nothing? I'm sure most of us at one
time probably have, but what if you weren't alone, what if you turned
and found there was....something....there? That is what this story is
all about. These are true accounts of my family's "experiences" in an
old house on Long Island over 25 years ago.

Between the years of 1970 and 1974, my father, mother, sister and I
rented a two story house in the small town of Riverhead, which is out
toward the end of Long Island,NY, just a few miles from the Hamptons.
The house sat in a part of Riverhead called "Polish Town" on a large
piece of property, which also include the owners home and several
greenhouses. It was, and still is, a beautiful house with four
bedrooms, two baths, an attic, a basement, formal dinning room, and
formal entry. Just right for our small family of four.


Only a few months before we moved in, the former tenant, the owners
father, had passed away in the house. Many of his and his deceased
wife's belongings were still all over the house. One of our tasks as
the new tenants was to put these belongings away . Some made their way
to the attic, others went to the "Blue Room", a small bedroom on the
second floor so called because the bedspread and shear, floor length
drapes were blue and when the sun shone through the shear drapes, the
whole room turned blue. It was the creepiest room in the whole house
and even as a small child of four I hated going in there. It was when
we began putting some of the former inhabitants possesions away that
our touble began.

THE COAT RACK
In the entry way to the house was a large coat rack mounted to one
wall. On the rack were ties, belts, and jackets that belonged to the
deceased tenants. My father decided that the best place for these
things was up in the attic, but someone had other ideas
One day, not long after we had moved in, my dad collected all the
clothes and things off the coat rack and took them up to the attic.
Later that day, my dad passed by the coat rack and found that all of
the items had been returned to the rack. Puzzled, and thinking my
may have replaced the clothing to the rack, he again took all the
belts, ties, etc, back up to the attic, only to find them the very next
right back on the coat rack. Dad confronted my mother, thinking it was
her, but she said it wasn't her doing it. More than a little spooked,
Dad put the things for a third time into the attic, this time they
stayed put.

KITCHEN CHAIRS AND CLOCKS
There were plenty of reasons not to get much sleep at our house, one
of which were the nightly sounds from our kitchen. Every night, without
fail, we heard the scapes, clunks, and bangs of our kitchen chairs
moving across the kitchen floor. I would lay in bed at night and
listen to them slide across the lineoleum. I would hear my dog, who was
tied up nightly in the entryway, growl and bark at the kitchen door,
which was only a few feet from where she was. In the morning, there
would be no evidence that anything had moved, everything was excactly
where it was the night before.
One early morning, my mother did find one thing that had changed
during the night. Every clock in the house, wether electric, wind up,
or battery operated, had stopped at 7:10. Wether it happened at 7:10pm
or 7:10am we never knew, nor did we ever learn what signifigance 7:10
had.

THE OLD COUPLE
The deceased former tenants seemed to have never left the old house
and made at least two appearances that I have heard of, once to my mom,
and once to my dad.
My mother's encounter with what we called "The Old Couple" happened
one afternoon as she opened the front door to go get the mail. There,
when she opened the door, were an old man and an old woman, only
visible from about the torso up. Terrofied, my mom said to them, "Oh,
excuse me," which she tells me was the first thing that popped into
her head, and quickly shut the door.
My father's encounter with "The Old Couple" happened one day as my
grandmother, Irene, was visiting. Grandma had heard of some of our
"problems" with the house and came over, Bible in hand, to try to rid
the house of its "guests". Grandma went upstairs, where the bedrooms
were, while dad waited downstairs in the livingroom. Dad could hear my
grandmother talking upstairs, what he didn't expect was to hear a
strange male voice answering her. While the upstairs "conversation"
was going on, "The Old Couple" suddenly appeared in the livingroom.
They began to slowly move from one side of the room to the other,
passing by my little desk and knocking some of my drawings to the
floor. My father watched, stunned, as they continued staight through
one wall of the living room. Dad ran to the window on the same wall
and watched "The Old Couple" continue down the driveway and vanish.

MY PARENT'S BEDROOM
My parents had an occasional visitor to their bedroom at night, a
black "cloud" that would appear above their bed, hover for a few
minutes, then disappear. Again, just another reason not to get too
much sleep.

CHASED
My family weren't the only ones to have encounters with our strange
house guests, so did some family friends, the Davis', Pricilla and her
parents, Mr. and Mrs. Davis. This encounter happened while we were
packing to move from the house in 1974. Pricilla and her parents had
come by to help with some of the packing, when Pricilla's mother, Mrs.
Davis, who had heard some of our tales, decided to go upstairs to, as
she put it, "See for herself". My family has concluded that whatever
was upstairs was more malevolent than the "beings" downstairs, and when
Mrs. Davis reached the top of the stairs, those waiting downstairs
heard her scream and saw her come running down the stairs, there was
something chasing her! A grayish, somewhat human looking form was
right on her heels! My mother, Mr. and Mrs. Davis, and Pricilla all
ran out the front door in fright. Whatever it was, it didn't follow
them outside. The Davis family never went in that house again.

THE MAN
This is the part I have trouble writting down. This is the part of
the tales that concerns me and my nightly visitor, "The Man".
For three and a half years, I would wake, screaming to my parents in
the next bedroom, "The man, the man!" Every night he came to my room
and stood by my bed. I would cover my head with the blankets and scream
for my parents. Every night.
My mother was the only other person to ever see "The Man". It was
around 8pm and mom was returning home from her ceramics class. As she
pulled up the driveway towards the house, she saw something that still
frightens her to this day. Above the backdoor to the house, on the
overhang that covered the back stoop, she saw a crouching man, watching
her. She parked and turned off the car and sat there motionless. She
stared at him, while he stared at her, when suddenly, he vanished. Mom
slowly collected herself and ran from the car into the house. She
never saw "The Man" again, but I did.

THE FINAL NIGHT
My family endured three and a half years of moving furniture, strange
apparitions, and bumps in the night. One night, though, enough was
enough.
It was late. My sister and I were already tucked into bed. My
parents had just gone to bed as well, when, above their bed, the black
"cloud" appeared once more. At the very moment the "cloud" appeared,
I began to scream, "The man, the man!" My parents looked at each other
and dad declared, "That's it! We're outta here!" Mom and dad jumped
out of bed, threw on some clothes, then ran to my room where I was
still screaming. They then scooped up my sister and me, blankets and
all in their arms and ran down the stairs and to the car.
I remember that night, being carried by my father down the stairs
with my yellow cat blankie and pink 'jammies with the feet. I remember
showing up at my grandparents house, a few miles away, in the middle of
the night. I remember falling asleep on my grandfather's sofa bed and
while I watched my mother sob hysterically. I remember it was one of
the last times I was in that house.

AND NOW??
The house is still there, new tenants and all. The green houses are
open for business and it is still a beautiful house.
I still dream about that house; haunting, frightening dreams. My
father doesn't like to talk about the things that happened there much.
Maybe there's more I don't know. My sister remembers precious little,
as she and I were only four and five the night we left. Mom and I
often wonder, as we did on a recent trip back to Riverhead, are "they"
still in there? "The Old Couple" .... "The Man"... And we wonder...
has there ever been, or will there ever be, another family that flees
in the night.



WINE AND SPIRITS by Madame Mortem

Up the street, about a block or two from my house, is a local bar
and grill. Not too much of a place, in fact, it you drive thru the
downtown area of Upland, CA you may miss it. We'll just call it "The
Alehouse" for the story's sake. I wouldn't even have ever gone there
if my sister Jenn hadn't been the manager/bartender there for a period
of time (about 3 years or so). It's because my sister worked at "The
Alehouse" that I know some of what I know.
From what I have been told, the story of "The Alehouse" has been going
on from long before Jenn ever worked there. Old employees and long ago
customers sometimes drop in to have a drink or two and being the bartender
Jenn is the one they tell their strange tales to. If Jenn hadn't seen
and heard some strange things herself, she might never have believed their
tales. But she has, so she knows what they know..."The Alehouse" is
haunted.

DOWNSTAIRS
Most of the "activity" in "The Alehouse" seems to be down in the basement
in what was called the liquor closet. When you open the door to this small
room, you will find a staircase that leads up to the ceiling, then stops.
This staircase apparently once lead to a now sealed off room. Here on this
staircase to nowhere is often seen the figure of a man, just sitting there
on the stairs. Many times my sister was startled by the door to the liquor
closet door slamming shut on its own, or the doorknob rattling as if
someone were trying to get out of the closet. I have heard another employee
talk about the door being locked one minute, then unlocked the next. Jenn
took me down there one Halloween night to show me the liquor closet, but
the "presence" in the basement was so strong,and the air heavy like a muggy
Florida summer day, I was too afraid to go near the door to the closet.
I never went back down there.

THE LADIES ROOM
Back upstairs, the women's bathroom is another site of frequent "activity".
The "Ghost" seems to enjoy turning off the lights on unsuspecting females. I
have been in the ladies room many times and I can tell you, you get the
strangest feeling of being "watched" in there. I try to get in and as quickly
as possible or even try to avoid using the ladies room all together. I have
even gone so far as to try to speak to the "ghost" before going into the
restroom and asking it to please leave me be.

GETTING ATTENTION
The "ghost" seems to like getting attention. It's favorite act...making noise.
Dishes fly off shelves and shatter, pots and pans clang and bang in the kitchen,
display bottles move on their own behind the bar. One day, the gas to "The
Alehouse" was being turned back on after some remodeling, but before service
could be restored to the establishment, a strange fire began on the stove. The
pilot was out, there was no gas to the stove, and yet a fire consumed the range
top.

WHO COULD IT BE?
Many of the sightings have been of a short, stocky man. Other times, a glowing
figure has been seen moving through the bar area, dining area, or back hallway.
Who could this "visitor" be? Well, no one seems to know for sure. There are
rumors of a murder happening long, long ago in the back parts of "The Alehouse".
Perhaps a stabbing, no one really knows.
Another theory is it may be the "ghost" of a celebrity comedian whose brother
once owned the bar. I won't say the comedian's name, but I will say he was short,
stocky, wore a trench coat and beret, and shouted alot. "The Alehouse" once bore
his last name and rumour has it he would on occasion try out new material at "The
Alehouse". He passed several years ago in a tragic car accident.

FOR SALE
Jenn no longer works at "The Alehouse", in fact, no one does. Once again the bar
is for sale. I pass the dark windows in my truck, straining to see inside.
I wonder if you have to disclose a place if haunted when you sell it. I wonder
who the "ghost" is, a murder victim, a dead comedian, or someone else...or
something else. I stare into the darkness and wonder.



STAGGERED by Madame Mortem

As she dropped the gun and staggered backwards, a cold and empty
silence filled the room. She knew when she had pulled the trigger
it was either him or her. A year of fear and abuse shattered by a
tiny piece of metal. She stood there stunned for a moment and just
watched as he bled, not quite sure if he was alive or dead, but
hoping for the later.
"Please, God, let it be over," she whispered.
She had tried to leave him time and time again, patiently plotting
her escape, but he always found her and things were then worse than
they were before. Sooner or later he would have killed her, so she
to shoot, she thought to herself, she just had to.
The gun was always kept in the livingroom, under the coffee table.
He took it out on a regular basis to intimidate her. She knew it was
loaded, it was always loaded. In all her wildest dreams she never
thought it would be her pulling the trigger instead of him.
She reached down and picked up the gun again, when he suddenly
moved. She fired again without thinking twice.
"Why won't you die?" she screamed, "Why won't you die?"
Her tears and makeup kept her from seeing clearly. Was he breathing?
Was he moving? Comfused and scared, she fired again and again until
the only sound was the clicking of an empty gun.
"Die, you bastard, DIE!!"
She had never quite figured out how she ended up with this guy in
the first place, but as she watched the blood flow from his motionless
body, she figured it really didn't matter anymore. She held her breath
and just stood there for what seemed like hours, waiting for him to get
up and come after her like some monster in a book, but he didn't.
"Please, God," she whispered, "let it be over."
Her heart beat so hard she thought it would explode. She felt sick,
relieved, and scared all at once. He didn't move. He just lay there and
bled.
It was the distant sound of the sirens that woke her from her trance.
She dropped the gun again, turned, and headed for the apartment door.
Finally, someone was coming to help her. She noticed all the neighbors
outside, some staring, others crying. Many had known all about the abuse
and looked the other way, others had called the police time and again,
but he always got out, always came back, always promised to never hurt
her again, always lied.
"This was the only way out," she told herself. "I had to do this."
She slipped back into her trance again as someone wrapped her in a
blanket. She watched as they brought out his body in a bag. The bag
didn't move. The monster was finally gone.
Sitting in the back of the police car, she just kept telling herself,
"It's over. It's finally over."

THE END


THE END

Short Stories By The Magnificent Madame Mortem

THE MAGNIFICENT MADAME MORTEM by Madame Mortem

Lightening cracks the sky as you travel up the old road just outside of
town. As you round the bend you see the deserted carnival your friends told
you about. No one’s been there in years, but you pull up and park your car
anyway. The night air whips through you as you get out and approach the
front gate, swinging loosely in the wind. The sign on the gate reads
“CONDEMNED! DO NOT ENTER!”, but it doesn’t stop you, you have to go see
if the stories are true. Old rides surround you and creak against the
incoming
storm, which blows tumbleweeds and dust in your path. Lightening illuminates
the sky again, revealing what you came to find; an old fortune tellers tent.
Could she really still be here? The tattered old poster on the front of the
tent says “THE MAGNIFICENT MADAME MORTEM, FORTUNE TELLER
EXTRODINARE!! LIMITED ENGAGEMENT.”
Dare you enter? Dare you? You dare.
Once inside the musty tent you find the gypsy woman asleep in her
chair. On the table in front of her is a crystal ball and an ancient set of
tarot cards. Asleep on a perch next to her is a large raven. Suddenly the
raven wakens to your presence.
“Wake up! Wake up, ya’ old battle-ax!” Quoths the raven. “We got a
sucker...er, I mean a customer!”
Madame Mortem, startled from her sleep, drops the copy of “HOW TO
WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE” that had been resting on her chest.
She adjusts her bifocals on her nose and gives you the once over.
“Velcome! Velcome, Darlink! I am the Magnificent Madame Mortem,

fortune teller extrodinare! This is my accomplice...uhh, I mean assistant,
Quoths, the raven.”
The raven bows in response to the introduction.
“Do not be afraid,” says the old woman. “Come, sit down.”
Slowly, cautiously, you take a seat in the chair across the table from
Madame Mortem. She’s a strange looking character with long, wild hair. She
is wearing too much makeup and smells of whiskey and cheap perfume. Her
clothes are fitting for an old gypsy; old lace scarves and shawls. One scarf
is tied haphazardly around her head and wrinkled hands stick out from
fingerless lace gloves.
“You have come to learn da’ future, no?” she asks.
You nod, still too stunned by her existence to speak.
“You’d be better off getting a fortune cookie at the place up the
street,
if ya’ ask me!” Quoths the raven.
“Shut up, you old buzzard, or I will have fried raven for dinner instead
of fried chicken!” shouts Madame Mortem as she throws her book at the
raven, but misses and hits the side of the tent.
“I’d like to see ya’ try it!” Quoths the raven. “Come on, I’ll peck
yer
eyes out!”
“Vye you little...” Madame Mortem reaches for the raven, but begins to
cough violently and sinks back into her chair.
“That’s what I thought, ya’ antique has-been!” Quoths the raven.
You watch this strange duo in disbelief. Was this really such a good
idea? Just how unbalanced are these two?
“Forgive us, Darlink,” sighs the Madame, “Vee forget our manners. Let
me see vot da’ spirits say about you.”
Madame Mortem gazes into her crystal ball as Quoths the raven yawns
in boredom.
“We haven’t got all day!” Quoths the raven. “Get on with it!”
The fortune teller glances out of the corner of her eye at the raven,
giving him a grunt of disapproval, and then returns her gaze to her misty
crystal ball.
“Ahhh, Darlink, I see.... marriage, yes, marriage. Have you ever been
married, Darlink?”
You shake you head in answer to the Madams question.
“Vell, I, Madame Mortem, have been married three times; all of dem ver
vonderful men,” she says, her voice trailing off in a moment of
recollection.
“Da’ first vun, Edgar, he vas a nice man, very nice. Da’ second, Allen,
vell,
he died too young. Tragedy.”
“Wait a minute, wait a minute,” interrupts the raven, “Let me get this
straight. Your first husband was Edgar?”
“Yes,” responds the old woman.
“And your second husband, he was Allen?” continued the raven.
“Yes,” again responded the gypsy, keeping her sights on the crystal ball
in front of her.
“I think I’m walking into a trap here,” Quoths the raven, “but I’ll ask
anyway. Was you third husband Poe?”
“Extremely!” shouts Madame Mortem.
“Ok... I’m only gonna ask this because it’s in my contract,” Quoths the
raven, “but here goes... How Poe was he?”
“I’m glad you asked!” she says excitedly. “He was so Poe, he couldn’t
even pay attention!”
A rim-shot sounds from beneath the table and you realize you’re not in
Kansas anymore, maybe not even the same planet as these two. The raven
just shakes his head and hangs it low.
“I forgot to tell you, Madame,” Quoths the raven, “but King Tut called
while you were sleepin’.”
“Did he?” says the Madame, peering over her bifocals at her crystal
ball.
“Yeah, he said he wants his jokes back!” Quoths the raven.
Finally you break your silence, “Look, maybe I should come back later...”
“Hush, Darlink,” says the Madame, cutting you off. “Da’ spirits
speak.
Look! Look here! Do you see?”
You look deeply into the crystal ball. “Uhhh...she What Madame
Mortem?”
“No...no...da’ vision is gone now. Da’ spirits have left us,” she
says, then
sticks out her hand, “Dat vill be five dollars, Darlink.”
You pull out your wallet.
“That’s it, kid!” Quoths the raven. “You laugh, you cry, you kiss five
bucks goodbye!”
As you walk back to your car, you hear a distant wolf howl. The
moon shines bright in a now clear sky, making it easy to avoid the muddy
puddles on the ground, and you think maybe the raven was right. Maybe you
should have just gotten a fortune cookie up the street. It probably would
have been cheaper, but not as memorable.


THE END


THE RETURN OF THE MAGNIFICENT MADAME MORTEM by Madame Mortem

I couldn’t sleep, but then, who could on a stormy night like this?
Thoughts of that strange old woman bombarded my brain until I
could no longer stand it. I had to go see her....find out what she
knew...get her out of my system.
"Come and see me, Darlink!" was all she said to me as I passed
her on my daily jog. She handed me something...her card, that damn
card. What was she doing outside of that old run-down carnival, for
that matter, what was I doing there. My run didn’t usually take me
that way, but I felt like a change that day and I guess you get what
you ask for.
I stared again at the business card she gave me. "The Magnificent
Madame Mortem, Fortune Teller Extrodinare." It felt as if it would
burn a hole in my hand. So I jumped in my car and headed towards
the old carnival just outside of town.
By the time I got there my head was spinning with questions.
What could she tell me? What would she know? My curiosity pulled
me out of the car. Not noticing the rain, I ran headlong into the
abandoned carnival.
It didn’t take me long until I found her, or should I say, she found
me.
"Darlink! Dis vay! Quickly, out of da rain!" she yelled, holding
her tent door open for me.
I was soaked by then and shelter from the rain seemed a good
thing. Had I known better I would have refused her invitation. Had I
only known.
"Greetings, Darlink. I am da Magnificent Madame Mortem and dis
is my .... associate, Quoths da Raven."
I turned to see a very large raven sitting in a LAZ E BOY recliner,
smoking a cigarette and reading a copy of the Wall Street Journal.
He didn’t look up from his reading or even acknowledge the old
womans introduction.
The gypsy cleared her throat and spoke again, louder this time
as she obviously wanted the birds full attention.
" I SAID, DIS IS QUOTHS DA RAVEN!!"
"I hear ya, I hear ya!" the raven snapped back, tossing his
newspaper aside. Then he looked at me, kinda gave me the once
over.
"Kid, you don’t know what you’re in for!" Quoths the Raven.
"Shut your beak or I will have a new feather duster!" the Madame
told him pulling out a chair and motioning to me.
"Please, sit and I vill contact da spirits for you."
"Well," I thought to myself, "might as well, I’m already here."
I tried to ignore the empty Mad Dog 20/20 bottle on the floor next
to me as I sat down.
The Madame affixed her glasses on her nose and gazed intently
into the crystal ball in front of her.
"Da spirits speak! Day tell me....you have a boyfriend, yes?"
I nodded in reply. The bird had moved to the back of my chair
and hovered over me.
"Ahhh... I vonce vas young like you..."
"Hear she goes again," Quoths the Raven, "Warning, bad jokes
ahead folks!"
The old hag just glared at him and continued.
"Darlink, I have had many, many boyfriends in my life. Some ver
vonderful, some ver not. Like dat volfman....he vas such a beast!"
The raven interrupted, "Someone please put me out of my misery
before she goes any farther!"
"Silence, stupid old crow! I must continue!" Madame Mortem
said, waving her hand in the air to quiet the raven. " Now dat
Dracula, a nice boy but he could be such a pain in da neck."
I looked at the raven, speechless as he moved to the arm of my
chair.
"I warned you, kid," Quoths the Raven, "don’t say I didn’t warn
you."
The old woman went on, "And dat mummy, vell, dat vould never
have vorked out...."
I had to ask..."Why, Madame?"
"He vas all wrapped up vith another voman!"
"Know anyone who needs a slightly used raven? I work cheap,"
the raven whispered to me behind his wing.
"And of course vonce I dated da Invisible Man, but vee had to
break up..." her voice trailed off.
"I guess that’s my cue," Quoths the Raven, "Why did you break
up?"
"I just couldn’t see him anymore!"
The rim shot that followed made me jump.
"That’s it, I’m outa here!" squaked the raven, "Kid, you comin’?"
I looked at the fortune teller then at the raven then back at the
fortune teller.
"Wait up," I called to the raven, "I’m right behind you!"
"Ingrates!!" was the last thing we heard as we headed out the
door and back to my car.
"What a freak show, huh? So....you got any pasta at your place?"
the raven asked as I opened the car door for him.
"Ummm...yeah. Loads."
"Kid, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship!" Quoths
the Raven.
And at that, we drove away into the storm.

THE END?

Step Right Up, Horror Fans!

Horror Host Underground
Disney's Haunted Mansion
Count Gore De Vol's Creature Feature, The Weekly Web Program

Download AOL Instant Messenger