My Hope Is Still Alive

The 911 Call

Have you ever thought about "making a change" in your life? I know I have ~ many times. I'm a person who likes to be in control -- multi-task oriented, organizer, perfectionist, obsessive-compulsive -- you know, I am sure, the current cultural, psychological lingo. Change does not come easy. Perhaps you are like me. Something happened, however, on the Wednesday morning after Easter 1999 that "changed my life" forever, and I had nothing to do with it!

It was late on Tuesday, April 6.�� My home-schooled children, -- ages 13, 10, and 5 -- were bedded down for the night. My husband, Ken, had gone to bed too; the house was really quiet. It was a perfect time to get some real work done on a church project.

After working for a while, I began to get extremely tired, so I decided to save my work and go to bed. I stood up from the computer and walked into the kitchen and, all of a sudden, I felt what others have best described as a "gunshot" pain in the back of my head. My head, my neck, and my eyes began to immediately throb with intense pain.

I fumbled for the cabinet door to get some Tylenol, but as I came within reach of the doorknob, the pain in my head became more intense and unbearable with every movement, and I began to see black, flashing halos of light. I did not know that these "flashing halos" were an indicator that I was intermittently being blinded. I found it extremely difficult to keep my eyes open; I knew something horrible was happening, for the pain was excruciating -- unlike anything that I had ever experienced before!� I filled a cup with water and quickly gulped down the Tylenol. I paced back and forth in the kitchen, shaking and moaning and groaning. I honestly did not know what was wrong nor did I know what to do. My family was asleep and I was awake at 4:00 in the morning - the one factor, though, that doctors have since speculated that "probably helped save my life."

We live in a two-story house but somehow God enabled me to stumble up the stairs and into our bedroom. As I opened the door, I called in the darkness to my husband, Ken, to tell him that I was terribly ill and needed to go to the hospital. He quickly sat up, asked me several questions, and then ran downstairs to call 911. I began to panic, wondering what we would do with our children. We live in what I call a little "hollow" in the mountains, and I feared leaving them. I followed him back down the stairs and into the kitchen. There I found him talking on the phone to the 911 dispatcher.

After he hung up the phone, I began to "machine-gun" mumble "wifely" instructions to him. He "husbandly" assured me that "everything was going to be okay" and strongly urged me to go lie down. He made additional phone calls to a neighbor and to our pastor. He then left to go back upstairs to get dressed.

By that time, my chest had begun to hurt and it was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe. I felt weak.� Concerned that I might lose consciousness if I were to lie down, I sat down in a kitchen chair instead. My head throbbed, and my life, it seemed, was flashing before my eyes with every beat of my heart. I began to fret about the children. I stood back up, grasped for something to hold onto, and then carefully made my way over to the cabinet. Opening the doors, I fumbled for three plastic cereal bowls and their lids. I grabbed cereal from the top of the fridge, hastily poured it into the bowls, and then snapped on the lids. I placed spoons by each bowl on the kitchen table.� One for Michael, one for Mark, and one for Meredith.

I can not fully remember all of my thoughts and actions but I can recall that I began to weep as I began to think of how much my children needed their mommy. As the pain intensified, my mind imagined the worst and I feared I would not live to see my precious little ones grow into adulthood. In my anguished and confused state of mind, I think I was attempting to meet one last need ~ perhaps to balance out all the needs I had left unmet.�

My thoughts became more chaotic. I began to be troubled about other things that I had left undone. Taxes were due. �How could Ken school the children if I went into the hospital?�� For the first time in our marriage, we had no health insurance; we had just started a church resource and children's evangelistic ministry. I did not want to be a hindrance to my husband.� We had already experienced setbacks and discouragements. Having had heart disease since I was young, I knew that worrying would cause my blood pressure to rise; I already thought that I was having a stroke. My thoughts strayed to my mother and the years she was bedridden because of a stroke. For eight whole years she was an invalid, unable to control anything in her life. Now, at 44 years of age, I was beginning to lose control of my life and I became very, very scared.

We Desperately Needed A Miracle

While waiting for the ambulance to arrive, I began to cry out to God and to quote Psalm 23 and other scriptures. I panicked when I could not remember more of God's promises. The pain, too,� was agonizing and stripping me of my ability to recall what I felt I desperately needed most - assurance from God's Word that a plan was in place.� Thoughts continued to drift.� � Time seemed to be moving so slowly. So very troubled by the mixture of anxieties and worries, I begged God to help me to think "His thoughts. It was then that the precious Holy Spirit impressed Psalms 18:30 upon my heart, "As for God, His way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him."

I leaned over in the chair at the kitchen table and put my head between my knees and whispered the first part of the verse over and over again, meditating and claiming its profound truth in my heart ... "As for God, His way is perfect:..."

Months before, my pastor had counseled me, "Lydia, you can't see the whole picture. God knows the end from the beginning.�� Though I could not understand what was happening at this moment either, I knew that God was there with me. I knew, too, that eternity was perhaps a "moment" away. The seatbelt had been "buckled" many years ago and true to His Word, God began to give me a "peace that passeth understanding." (Philippians 4:7 )

The ambulance arrived.� No sirens.� No flashing, blue lights.� One paramedic calmly entered my kitchen door and then another followed.� Once they evaluated my symptoms and determined my critical condition, I was strapped to a gurney and wheeled out the door and into the ambulance.� Before we left for the 25 mile trip to the hospital, Ken quickly prayed with me again, kissed my forehead, and promised to meet me as soon as he awakened our oldest son, Michael.� I would not be aware of Ken�s touch or his presence again for three days.

Though I drifted in and out, I could still hear someone talking by radio to the hospital. I knew my situation was grave.� While one EMT worked with me, I could hear in the background someone classify my condition as Priority One to a distant voice.� My blood pressure had risen to 225 over 165; pain was radiating up my arm and into my chest. I was becoming confused and disoriented and began vomiting. The attendant wiped my face and my forehead.� He told me to open my mouth.� He inserted something under my tongue.� I mumbled �what is this?�� He told me �nitroglycerin.� He slipped the third pill under my tongue as we approached the hospital. I struggled once more to stay awake and in "control", but I lost consciousness when the back doors to the ambulance were opened to the night air. I could no longer strive against the will of God. My condition was out of my control and into the hand of God where, beyond my ability to comprehend, it had been all along.

I was unaware that I was having a subarachnoid bleed from a ruptured aneurysm that was located beneath the delicate membrane that encloses the spinal cord and the brain. An aneurysm is a widening in the arterial wall; sometimes this bulging spot, of any size, can rupture with no warning. A CT scan and an angiogram revealed, unknown to me, that I had two congenital (present since birth) aneurysms; the giant one was bleeding profusely, causing intense and dangerous pressure on my brain.�

By late Wednesday morning, I began to slip into a coma and was placed on a ventilator. In order to alleviate the build-up of cranial pressure caused by the bleeding, the neurosurgeon in Hagerstown, Maryland, skillfully performed a procedure called a ventriculostomy in which a hole is drilled into the skull to allow this fatal pressure to escape the brain.� The temporary shunt saved my life, and I soon regained a lucid state of consciousness. I vaguely remember opening my eyes in ICU on Wednesday, seeing Assistant Pastor Blackburn's kind face and feeling the squeeze of his hand.�

Having Compassion and Making a Difference

By Wednesday morning, the news was out. A family took our children into their home and under their protection. Friends came to the emergency room to check on me and to pray with Ken. Some stayed all day with him. An early ladies� prayer meeting was quickly organized. And so on Wednesday evening, as I lay in ICU in critical condition, a group of ladies met to pray before AWANA and the regular prayer service began at our church, Emmanuel Baptist Temple. I was told later that the room was over-flowing with women pouring their hearts out to God in my behalf. God was at work while I was unconscious.

Phone calls were made to family and countless email messages were sent out to churches and friends across the United States and to missionaries across the World. While I was comatose and totally unaware of my perilous state, precious saints of God had begun to pray and to work. A Trust Fund was set up to help finance our medical expenses, and people began to immediately give. I was unable to call out for God's help but others called out for me. There was no question; everyone, including the doctor, was in agreement. A miracle from God was needed. I did not even know it.

Because the aneurysm was located near the brain stem, the decision was made at 11:00 that night to send me by Med-evac to University of Maryland Center's Neurological Intensive Care Unit. No promises were made to my husband; he did not know whether I would survive the helicopter trip to Baltimore or what my recovery would necessitate other than possible surgery. It took the Med-evac team over an hour to get me ready for transport. Ken was told to leave Hagerstown and to drive to Baltimore.

Cradled in God's loving arms, I was finally air-lifted 90 miles away from the farmlands of Hagerstown into the inner city of Baltimore. The statistics were not in my favor. To some, I am sure, the time clock on my earthly life seemed to be ticking away. The neurosurgeon later revealed to my husband that 60 percent of all people who have subarachnoid bleeds from an aneurysm rupture never make it alive to the emergency room. Nearly 24 hours had passed and I was still alive.

I slipped in and out of consciousness during the next day; Ken was awake and had to make critical decisions for my care. The aneurysm had momentarily clotted. My condition was critical but stable. Ken was faced with a myriad of complicated questions that required sobering answers that both of us never wanted to address. Should he sign papers for me to be an organ donor in the event of death? Did he truly want to risk surgery and the possible complications? What life-saving measures should the hospital staff take in the event of my having an incapacitating stroke?

We were young. The answers to these questions never crossed our minds. Though we had buried our newborn daughter, Mallory Hope, in 1988, in our day-to-day activities, we were like so many others, forgetting the "brevity of life" (James 4:14) and the "reality of death." (Hebrews 9:27) The destiny of both of our lives and our scattered dreams seemed to be slipping out of our weak grasp. God was literally showing us that He, indeed, is the one that "upholdeth" � "with His Hand." (Psalm 37:24)

The doctor took Ken into a room and showed him a multitude of images of my brain and detailed to him the extreme risks of brain surgery. Because of the precarious location of the aneurysm, the decision was made to clip this "ticking time bomb" by craniectomy which involved drilling, removing, and disposing part of my skull, pushing aside the durra matter, maneuvering around essential tiny nerves and blood vessels, and performing the microscopic clipping of the aneurysm at the PICA artery at the brain stem. One small gaffe during surgery could bring about paralysis or death. Ken signed the necessary forms. Before the surgery, he and a friend from our church had the opportunity to pray with the neurosurgeon for God's guidance and protection. Would God do a miracle for our family?� Ken pleaded with God to spare me.

The Miracle God Gave

Obviously from reading this story, you know that I survived the rupture and the surgery. Surgery lasted for 13 hours on Friday. The neurosurgeon told my husband everything came together according to a "script." We believe it was "scripted" by the hand of God. God, in His infinite mercy and grace, gave our family and our church the miracle that we asked for. I can not answer "why for me" and "why not for someone else." I can not give my highly skilled surgeon the credit; he wouldn�t take it anyway. I can only give God the glory He deserves for guiding the hands and for performing the miracle that I did not deserve.�

After spending fourteen days in the Neurological Intensive Care Unit (7-8 days of that in physical and occupational therapy) and six more days in the hospital, I came home to my family and friends. The doctors and nurses were celebrating my survival; family and friends were overwhelmed.� Could it be true? No vasospasms. No strokes. No seizures.� I was 25 pounds lighter and extremely weak, but I could walk and talk and feed myself.

Seven days after I came home from the hospital, a crisis developed as headaches increased and� fluid began to accumulate in my brain behind my left ear. I re-entered the University of MD hospital so that the neurosurgeon could install a permanent peritoneal shunt (basically a drain of cerebrospinal fluid from the brain to the peritoneal cavity -- the space between the inside of your skin and the organs in your belly) to relieve the pressure.

But the doctors had warned Ken that this might happen; the blood from the rupture had blocked and damaged the proper drainage of the CSF. We were assured that the drainage of this fluid into the cavity would not be harmful.� A week later I was discharged from the hospital. The fluid� had dissipated and the headaches had ceased. My prognosis was good; my only disabilities were� short-term memory problems and hearing loss due to inner ear nerve damage (and subsequent tinnitus).� With each passing day, I regained my strength. So, slowly we began to rebuild our lives and to learn, as a family, to cope with the negligible disabilities.

Being in the ministry, we have learned that one of the purposes of tribulation is to make Christians more holy - more like Jesus Christ. Character and substance are shaped in adversity. The storms of life always leave us with a list of things to clean up and fix. For Christians, storms are wonderful opportunities, because, when they are rightly faced, they help us see and acknowledge the broken areas in our life and help us turn back to the only One who can make the necessary repairs, the One Who is in control. Certainly this was true for Ken and I. We needed God to expose our broken windows.

Prior to my aneurysm rupture, we had been coping with the failure of a business venture.� We had been so full of faith but yet so dependent upon our ability to make life "work our way" in this endeavor. And so it was beyond our ability in the flesh to comprehend the financial loss and the personal embarrassment; life seemed so unfair and totally out of our control.

I was losing hope and becoming embittered at another ~ a dangerous combination. In despondency and bitterness, I was grasping at loose straws to regain control of the fragmented pieces of our marriage ~ of our lives.� I was falling apart inside and out, and bit by bit, God was exposing my helplessness.

In His infinite wisdom and love, God needed to humble me, bring me to my knees and to utter dependency upon Him - the position I took 22 years before when I laid all of my sin and my guilt at the foot of the cross in acceptance of God's free gift of salvation. Jim Berg writes in his book, Changed Into His Image, "Humility is not only the start of the Christian life; it is the start of everything godly in the Christian life." "Oh To Be Like Thee" is God's plan for every Christian. God was revealing how truly unlike Him I was.

True to His Word, it is the "goodness of God that leads a man (or a woman) to repentance" (Romans 2:4) - to biblical change. As David, the Psalmist, said from his wealth of experiences "It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes." (Psalm 119:71) The aneurysm rupture, surgery, and my miraculous survival literally "woke" me up and made me see how wrong I had been about so many things and how much of my life I needed to yield to God. It is almost humorous to me that it took brain damage for my brain to get in gear with the truth of the Word of God. Brain trauma substantially broadened my spiritual understanding. Forever I desire to be grateful for His infinite wisdom and mercy. Truly it "endureth for ever" (Psalm 118:29).

Facing this life-and-death experience has been one of the hardest trials of our lives, and it did leave us with many uncertainties. 19 months later, I faced a 2nd surgery on the remaining aneurysm. During this surgery in November 2000, an undetected 3rd aneurysm on the optic nerve was visibly noted by my meticulous neurosurgeon. He successfully clipped the 2nd aneurysm, came out of the operating room and broke the news of the 3rd aneurysm to my husband while the other surgeons reattached my skull and closed me up. The decision was made to re-enter my brain again two days later and to clip the unstable remaining aneurysm. I walked out of the hospital a week later after two successful brain surgeries with minimal damage to my optic nerve.� Six weeks later, my neurosurgeon gave me a clean bill of health and said, �we will check you again in five years.�� God is so very good.

Our family now is able to joke that I have enough metal in my head to cause an airport metal detector to shrill. My husband often refers to me as the "bionic" mom because I am filled with screws, wire mesh, tubes, and titanium clips. Bionic or not, I can hug my dear husband and children and feel their warm embrace, I can cook, walk and talk, see, sing praises to God, type on a computer and send out email like crazy to myriads of aneurysm survivors and families, drive our van, pass out tracts and witness and encourage others, and homeschool our two youngest children. I can breathe on my own! God is so merciful. Life's other worries have become so trivial.

It is true that life may seem uncertain and unfair to us at times. We all tend to worry over little things. We just won�t admit it.�� Insignificant worries tear up our nerves and destroy our digestive systems.� Circumstances and people disappoint us.�� We bear offenses and bury bitterness deep within the crevice of our heart. Satan takes advantage of our vulnerabilities, and then leans over and whispers �the lie� into our ear.� We listen and then question God's love and His justice.� However confusing life may seem at times, though, God's faithfulness and His love for us is not uncertain. The Bible says that He loves us with an "everlasting love" (Jeremiah 31:3) and that Jesus Christ is the "same yesterday, today, and forever" (Hebrews 13:8). Why should we fret � if we have faith in God�s promises, we know that God loves us and His love has no end!

Why should we fear?� God does indeed uphold.� Through trials we can find Him true to His Word.� We found Him faithful for we were carried through the deep, dark valleys and through the uncertainties by His sustaining grace. God is not a God controlled by circumstances; He is the God who controls circumstances.� He is in absolute control.� One would think we should have known this already, but I've come to the conclusion that we, like most Christians, "know " this "in theory" but it is truly the "storms of life" that help us "prove" the theory. We are learning to let God be God, to obey and to wait on Him, and to cooperate with His Will.� Now II Corinthians 4:7 leaps out of the pages of the Bible at me,� �But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.�� God is in charge of these earthen vessels. We only fear because we try to take control of the Potter's wheel.��

Where there times that we wanted to run and to hide in despair? Yes, quite frankly -- many, many times.� But it has only been because of the wonderful hope we have in the person and work of Jesus Christ, accepting by faith that "my times [our times - your times] are in thy [God's] hand" (Psalm 31:15) and that His "way is perfect", that we have been able to weather this incredible storm.� And so we would say to you, dear Christian, faint not for God keeps you!� Do not be discouraged during your great fiery trial ~ for God has a plan (Romans 8:28)! It is the trying of our faith that "worketh patience.�� James further states, �But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing." (James 1:3-4) Patience produces experience, and experience produces hope (Romans 5:4). True to God�s blessed Word, it is all adds up in God�s perfect formula!� He is working His plan!

My hope is still alive because �He lives�; I can only give God the glory for the stabilizing �anchor� that He's provided in Jesus Christ.� Too, we are so very grateful for the unwavering demonstration of the law and the love of Christ to us by Pastor Hampton and his wife, our church, our family and our friends. They have unconditionally weathered this raging storm with us and helped us cooperate with the plan of God.

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.�� II Corinthians 12:9

Is Your Hope Alive?

I received many cards and notes during and after my experience. In one of those notes, a sweet lady in our church shared, "you are a miracle to me. Sometimes my faith gets so weak, and I need to see a walking miracle."

Perhaps you are reading this story and you would say, "I need to see a miracle. Where is my hope?" A miracle can be seen, dear friend, in the life of any person, made possible only through the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. This miracle happened to me on March 12, 1977, when I trusted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. When this miracle happened, I became a new person, forever changed by the saving grace and transforming power of Jesus Christ. I have never been the same. I knew in my heart that if I died I would be "absent from the body ... present with the Lord" (II Corinthians 5:8). Dear one, this is the blessed hope (Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, ...."Hebrews 6:19a) and the miracle of the new birth!

Here's how you can experience a life-saving miracle in your life today. There is hope.

ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU ARE A SINNER AND THAT THERE IS A PENALTY FOR YOUR SIN
Romans 3:10 "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:"
Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;"
Romans 6:23a "For the wages of sin is death;"

BELIEVE THAT JESUS CHRIST PAID THAT PENALTY AND THAT GOD OFFERS TO YOU A� GIFT OF ETERNAL LIFE THROUGH JESUS CHRIST
Romans 5:8 "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 6:23b "...but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

To receive that miracle you must first believe God's Word and simply ask God to forgive you of your sins and save you so that you will go to Heaven when you die.

CONFESS YOUR SINS
Romans 10:9, 10, 13 "That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."

Right now, you can experience this miracle I am talking about by bowing your head now and sincerely praying a simple prayer like this: "Lord Jesus, I realize that I am a sinner, which means I deserve to go to Hell. I know I can do nothing to save myself. But believing that Christ died for my sins, I am asking to be forgiven of them and trusting you alone to take me to Heaven when I die. Do a miracle in my life and make me a real Christian. Amen."

If you prayed that prayer and meant it with all of your heart, would you please write or email me and let me know? Our family would want to rejoice with you and to help you in any way that we can. We would also love to put you in contact with a good bible-believing church that can help disciple you in your new life in Christ. May God meet the need of your heart.

~ Lydia Hines
minresctr@aol.com

My Hope Is Still Alive
Ron Hamilton: Majesty Music

Chorus: My hope is still alive, my hope is still alive;
My Savior lives forever, Praise God and so shall I.
Hallelujah, Christ is risen, All power to Him is given,
Christ Jesus lives, my hope is still alive.

"Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both
sure and stedfast�"
Hebrews 6:19