Myriah Rasha~Ayla Wyndsong

My Chosen Name

"They call the Wynd Myriah, and the Wynd shall carry my songs."

Myriah Rasha~Ayla Wyndsong, a chosen name....Like a breath of fresh air, that carries a tune to your heart, I come into your life.

Why did you look here? To discover more of this woman. A woman of heart...a woman of deep soul. This is not some made up bunk to give you a laugh. This is not a role playing profile, of which I have many.

This is me. Raw, with edges. A woman with a cut to the quick manner when I hold nothing back.

Can you survive the jagged edges? Can you move past the broken glass and broken heart?

Can you feel the "Wynd" touch upon your soul? Are you so sure you even want to? Does it chill you to the bone or does it lift your spirits?

What should this name spoken of me say to you? Honor. Loyalty. Trustworthiness. Stablity. Compassion. Friendship. Love. These things I hold dear. These things I give of as well. These things I respect.

Soul mate, Companion, True Heart Friend, and yet a Black Knight, call me what you will......But know that when you do, I shall be there.

Say what you will of me, to these virtues, I am true.

"I am like a very rare book......I have been appraised, collected, and oft times forgotten about.....I sit upon the shelf unread, until someone dares to crack the cover....then I am a tale waiting to be told......One has but to dream of taking the book from the shelf, dusting off the cover and reading between the lines. Sometimes, the read will be scary, but there is always a happy ending, right?"

A Bit About My Childhood and Teen Years

I was born in Hialeah, Florida on April 21, 1963, (yes, that would make me 43 years old...Updated info) and yes, I "STILL" role play! *Smiles a bit* I lived with my family there, consisting of mother, father and two younger sisters, until I was nearly ten years old. At that age, my father got a bug up his butt to move from the hustle and bustle of Miami, to some podunk Southern town in Georgia. How many of you are old enough to remember the television show "Hee Haw"? It was like that there...."Cobbtown, Georgia, population 32, SALUTE!"

There was one gas station, one general store on the corner, one Baptist church, and one Methodist church. We even had to ride the school bus for an hour just to get bussed over to school. Anyway, despite it being a little podunk town, I learned all my best life lessons there in the six months that we lived there. I learned fast what life on a farm was like, and have a few wild tales of that time (you will have to ask me of them *smiles*) I learned the value of hard work and the rewards heaped because of it. I learned how to slow down, and appreciate all that was really around me. I learned to become one with the Earth. I learned what "Southern Hospitality" really means.

However, unfortunately, I also learned of Racism. Now I came from a very integrated school system in Miami, with the Cuban population influx increasing every day, and the melting pot that Miami is....I, with my tow-headed blonde hair and blue eyes, was the minority there. It was quite the shock to my young mind, to be transported back in time to the 1700's. Not literally of course, but this was 1972-73, and I was riding to school on a bus that made the "children of color", as they called them, still ride in the back of the bus and sit in the back of the classroom. We had separate playgrounds and separate water fountains. This was just too much for a ten year old to handle....I did the best possible thing I could at the time....I rebelled. Yes, ma'am! I sat in the back of the bus....I tried to sit in the back of the class....and heavens forbid, I did not care which fountain I drank out of, and passed flowers through the chain link fence separating our playgrounds. I was constantly being taken to the office for "Associating myself with the *other* children". Humph! "Other children", as if they were alien children or something....they were no different from me, save for the fact that the summer sun did not leave them sunburned like it did me. *Smiles*

Yes, I learned a lot there for a ten year old....Well, I also learned of tolerance and acceptance there....and of feeling welcomed for being that kind of person. Some of my best memories of that time, were after the church services at the Baptist church. My sister and I were the only white children to attend services there. And the air rang out with all of us singing our Hallelujahs and Amens! This was the kind of church where they got up and danced in the aisle if the Spirit moved them to do so. The rest of the "moral majority" attended the Methodist church. To this day, I still think them hypocrites. You see, they would send their children to schools that tolerated such injustices, they would treat these children's parents as simple "farm slaves" paying them, of course, less money then the other workers were earning. In 1972! But the reason I call them hypocrites, is because all week long, they would live this way, even pulling their children off the sidewalk and into their yards should a black man happen to walk by their house. And yet, on Sundays, after the two churches let out, they would come together at the Baptist church. And all these fine upstanding white people would take in these gentle Southern Baptist's traditional home cooking. The "Mama's" of the church would have a full spread at the picnic tables out back, for the whole town, homeless, anyone that wandered up on a Sunday---Fried chicken, collard greens, mashed sweet potatoes, watermelon, corn on the cob, corn bread, chicken and dumplin's, lima bean succotash, tons and tons of desserts, the works. And here they would all come, like there were no differences between them...and technically there weren't, except to them, and only on Sundays. Hypocrites.

So, I lived that way for six months, and I learned how to slow down my speech as well. Folks there could not understand this "City Slicker" from Miami, and I had just as hard a time learning the slow Southern draw that took me great patience to listen to people. Two more things I learned, Patience and Listening. I learned a lot for a ten year old.

So, because of differences my father had with a business partner, we had to give away all of our belongings, save for one toy each, and load a station wagon with what was left, and moved again. My father had many "differences" with people....by the time I was six years old, I had already been moved 11 times. Although we had come to Georgia with a loaded down U-Haul truck, when we left, we left with bedding, kitchen gear, toiletry belongings, some books, scrap books and the dog. The box with my mother's scrapbooks from high school fell off of the top of the car somewhere between Tennessee and Texas I think. And the dog got tossed out in the snow banks of Colorado for passing gas. *laughs* We did get the dog back however. And we were headed to Eureka, California.

By the time we got to California though, the job my father was headed to was already filled, so we started backtracking again. We ended up in Farmington, New Mexico, during an increase in the height of the oil field industry. My sisters and I looked around. Looked at the brown trees, the brown houses, the brown mesas, no mass body of water in sight, no thick green foliage…..and then back to our parents… "You mean we are actually going to *live* here?" *groans* Do you know what happens to a rebel when you move them to a place they don’t want to be? Multiply that with puberty. I did not like school at all during my Junior High and High School days. However, I did keep up a 3.5 to 4.0 average, and the Drama classes were my saving grace. I participated in a program that allowed High School students to attend half day college classes. I took classes in Theatrical Arts, Journalism and Business Management, and went to college for two years after High School on a Drama Scholarship earned through the Thespian Society.

To make a long story short, we did not much like it there, and I threatened my mother nearly everyday with "When I turn 18, I am going to move out and do whatever I want!" Well, I did...I moved right into a rinky-dink apartment with my first husband, and two months later into his parent’s house with him. Yippie Skip! Graduated in May, married in November, living in his parent’s house by February. We ended up getting businesses together. I owned and operated a concession stands and snow cone trucks business for about two and a half years, and had part ownership in a stuffed potato restaurant in a mall. Worked 17 and 18 hour days, seven days a week. It was no fun….but to be honest with you there is a hell of a lot of money to be made in snowcones!

My Adulthood

Well, that marriage did not last very long, and I went off to become what any divorcing rebel would become...A band groupie! I got married in 1981 and separated in 1984. The next four years, were the best years of my life....Would be nice if I could remember some of them. *smiles sheepishly*

Well, I left out all the "horrors" of my childhood. Though I really should not have….as they have shaped the person that I am now. My father was physically, emotionally and sexually abusive, and I lived in fear for 14 years from the time I was three until I was seventeen. My parents got divorced just before my 17th birthday, and I started really coming out of my "shell" then. I am not really going to get into all that, if you really want to know….need to know…you will ask me. I am an open book and will tell anyone what they wish to hear….and most times, what they do not. I won’t make excuses and such about my past….it happened….I dealt with it….I survived it. Now it’s more important to me to help others survive. There were many lovers during this whole stage of my life, but it was with one blow, literally, that my whole outlook on this love business started to change. So, the reason I mention this now, is because in 1987, I found myself dating a bi-sexual, overpowering, steroid pumping, weight jerking fool of a man who decided that my face was better suited as his personal punching bag. I ended up in the hospital one night and after 18 stitches to my face, decided to go home. I was home for a month or so, and he called me every day begging me to come "home" to him. And I did. Fool for "love" that I was. But I mention all this because it got me where I am now. Through him, I entered the world of working in the Nuclear Power plant industry. And while living in Georgia again, I came home from working the night shift one night, to discover him and some girl naked in my bed. I yanked her sleeping butt out of the bed and threw her outside with her clothes. She was anorexic and was easy to lift. What he saw in her, was beyond me, but who gives a blooming rip now.

Interesting point here…..I was living and working not 30 miles from where I had lived as a child in Cobbtown…Now I was working out of Vidalia, yessir’ee Bob, Sweet Onion Capital of the World, their claim to fame…. "SALUTE!"…..that fact again comes to play later on in my life as well, oddly enough.

And so, after that incident, I came home again, home meaning New Mexico, at the time where my mom, sisters and grandmother still lived. And from there was scheduled as a contractor to come out to California, to work at the plant here…..Diablo Canyon. Appropriate. I worked six days a week, twelve hours a day, ten of which were spent sweating it out in a jumpsuit and respirator, while cleaning up hazardous waste. It was in this wonderful environment, that I met the man that was to be my second husband. Life was good, we were "D-I-N-K’s", Double Income, No Kids. We made lots of money, we spent lots of money. Twelve years and two children later, we are still paying on that past. So, the kids are growing up, and we have been growing apart. Courtship and new love blinds you. Heed my words on this. We were happy for a long a while…but if we had "really" sat down and discussed things….we would have…I think…realized how incompatible we were. But we didn’t, and blind faith in love got us "married with children". However, a social butterfly living the night life does not bode well with a homebody up at the crack of dawn partner, just a couple of our differences, but very strong ones.

So now, I come to where I am currently……I have moved out, and in with a friend and companion. The papers have been filed, the proceedings started, supposedly divorced on April 1st of 2001, but I have yet to see the actual papers and then I shall be on my way to freedom and financial bliss...…Yeah, right. I am no spring chicken and did not fall off the truck yesterday. I know it will be very hard….but I have a great support network of family and friends….for which I am very, no ….**VERY**…. grateful! I recently came back from a month long excursion where I went to Texas to visit my family and while there, was also able to travel back East to meet and visit with many online friends. Guess where one of the places was that I visited…..*laughs*….you got it…. "Cobbtown, Georgia….Population 57, SALUTE!" Something keeps drawing me back there, and I am not sure what it is. Since the Baptist childhood I grew up with has long left me, I now consider myself Pagan and a practitioner of the Wiccan crafts. Perhaps it’s the spirit that lived in the 150 year old house that I grew up in. The house was haunted, I am sure of it….there was even a watermark of a body outlined on the ceiling in my bedroom. I think the spirit calls me to come "Home". I have been led to that area three times now in my lifetime…how often does that happen? Those believing of the Wiccan ways are "Ever mindful of the Law of Three"….which says that what you put forth, will come back to you threefold. I am racking my brain trying to recall what I did there that would have me return there three times!

So, now that you know a bit of my past, let me tell you of now: "I have what I call dishwater blond hair….a lovely color….Not! It is oft times, more often than not, shaved to nearly bald, with lightning bolts on the sides as well as a "rattail". I am not the perky titted, empty-headed college bombshell that runs about town in a convertible. This is "Real Life".....I am slightly overweight. I am getting divorced. I drive a mini-van. I wear sensible shoes (when I bother to wear them at all). This is about Me, matronly embodiment of "mother", woman of 38 years...two children by C-sections. Not proud of my body mind you, but as yet, not disgusted with such either." *Smiles a bit* Even have dared to take up bellydancing, and perform in restaurants, parties, and at SCA events and Renaissance Faires! But I have great eyes! Bluish-grey with gold highlights. They truly are windows to my soul. One of the best things that anyone ever said to me was, "Your eyes are so expressive that I know my own heart in them." Isn’t that a nice thing to say? Oh yes, and I have a great sense of humor! *Giggles* You gotta’ after the life I have led. I now live with a friend/companion, and we are all very happy, and learning to deal with the whole blended family sort of thing, her and her two children, me and mine. Have a great relationship with the children's father, so that makes life a lot easier and bearable. So, that’s me in a nutshell…..but of course….you have to throw in the whole tree as well!

I am a medieval re-enactor with the Society for Creative Anachronism and renaissance faires. I have been actively involved with these groups for 30 years. I do fencing and sword fights along with staged combats, as my persona is a 16th century pirate known as “Captain Rasha~Ayla Calliphree”. I was granted my Captain’s hat just last October. Through the SCA and ren faires, I have also started learning middle Eastern drumming and belly dancing of all things! All throughout my dating years and marriages…I have tried to hide that white "goo"…(*giggles and plays my wav* "Don’t touch my goo!") and now I have people telling me, "You are Woman, you are Goddess, you are beautiful. Pretend you are a butterfly and show yourself, be free."…..I would rather pretend that I am "fat free"! *laughs* Anyway….below, you can find a link to my guild website for Rasha~Ayla Calliphree and the Gypsy Pyrates, and there is a picture of me in my pirate garb there as well.

So, my "other life" is that of the fantasy world. Live action role playing, Dungeons and Dragons, medieval reenactments, online role playing and such. I want to have a bumper sticker made (you should see how many are on my van already!) that states, "My other garb is covered in muck, sweat and blood…and I prefer to wear those!" *Smiles a bit* My newest bumper sticker says "Sorry I missed church this week, I was busy practicing Witchcraft and becoming a Lesbian!" *Giggles* I like that one. I go to about six to ten main events (Beltane, Wars, Crownings) a year. I make dreamcatchers, my own paper, Pysanky eggs, lampwork beads and jewelry that I sell sometimes. I am also into letterboxing and postal letterboxing. And I am known as the "Irish Cream Queen" in many bardic circles and at the Queen’s court, for my famous homemade Irish Cream that I take to these events by the gallons. We call it "The G-Creme" *Gaaaaaarins* Taught the Queen how to drink some right out of the bottle, and smoked cigars with the Earl.

I am a Lesbian-Hippie-Angel-Treehuggin’ Pagan-Knight-Writer of Poetry with a heart of gold and a spirit that is finally, after 42 years, getting ready to be free, and live life the way "I" want to live it. Wanna start a commune with me? *giggles*

Below, you will as well, find a link to my writer’s website and posting board. I hope you will go and enjoy reading the poems there, and if you feel so incline, post with the other writers as well, and tell people of the site. Poetry of the heart, mind and soul, given wings with which to fly. This site is a place for me to post my personal poetry as well as showcase that of others. A safehaven for expression welcoming others of like mind with open arms, heart and wings.

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(Current update: (August, 2001)I have seen the finalization of my divorce, on April 16th of this year....and on May 1st of this year, I "legally" changed my name to Myriah Rasha~Ayla Wyndsong, through the court system. I have been living with my love interest since November, and we have become very close. Her children, along with my own, have become a blended family. We are constantly working out the details of living "Out" and are greatly enjoying each other's company. Life is very good. *Smiles* Good on you!)

*******New Update*******

At the beginning of this year, (2002), my partner and I filed our Declaration of Domestic Partnership. On June 22nd, we were married on the beach surrounded by family and friends, with our four children participating in the ceremony. I went from feeling like a polyamorous bi-sexual to being a monogamous Lesbian! I would not exactly say that "coming out" has been a struggle.....it hasn't. It has been a relief and exciting. It's had its ups and down, like everything in life....but this has been a wonderful ride! My wife and I encourage anyone wishing information on Domestic Partnership, same sex weddings, or raising a family with same sex parents to contact us! Email: SameSexCouple@GypsyPyrates.com

*******New Update******* May 2005
Another Update: Well, we are coming up on our third wedding anniversary! Like all couples, we have had our struggles, and with four kids in our household (ages 10, 12, 15, and 17) its been quite the ride! But we manage and have actually been told our household is more normal than "Normal" households that do not have same sex parents. I "think" that is a good thing! At any rate, we all enjoy our life together in sunny California and continue to share it with 2 dogs, 5 cats, 2 pet rats, and a pond full of goldfish training to be Koi! :)

*******New Update******* Sept. 2005
Ahh, cruel fate life throws at you at times. Just when you think you've got things going right and good, life tests you again. Started having some troubles in our household. Myself and my wife, along with the kids started going to counseling to try to deal with "issues". Seems we have "irreconcilable differences". This woman, my wife, was truly my "soul mate".....The One, and really made my world turn so to speak. But troubles for us, caused her to choose a different path in life and not walk the same one with me any longer. She also recently lost her mother and that was very hard on her and on our damaged relationship. Some things, you survive because you have to....you grow, you learn. But they SUCK! I would have stayed married to her forever, at the expense of my own sanity I suppose, as I love her very dearly. But sometimes you have to save your soul, and instead mend a broken heart. This is one of those times in my life. But, life goes on, and this too shall pass! So, California has not yet implemented all the marriage rights of heterosexual couples for Domestic Partners, but they damn sure try to get you to jump through all the hoops of divorce! We had to file for the Dissolution of our Domestic Partnership, go through the separation of our property and such...and if we had children together, like had adopted or had children while married to one another, we would have had to go through alimony and child support issues too. Where is the equality in that?? Can't be married, but you have to get a divorce! That is the government for you.....stupid thing is, they would make more money from legally married same sex couples than from divorced same sex couples...they should at least see the wisdom in that, you would think. But then again, our government is not noted for being "wise"!

Anyway, I am on my own again, living with my two children, a dog, a puppy, a cat and still a pond full of koi and goldfish training to be koi, and "starting over". So now I have a new home, or a new place to live I should say...but it doesn't feel like home without her here with me. I suppose I will get over that feeling, I have before. Been married three times now...before I thought, "Well, third times the charm!" Now I think, "Well, three strikes and you're out!" *Smiles* I do not intend to do this again. Sure, I suppose I will go out, enjoy life, have a good time, form friendships and relationships and such....but get married again? I just don't think so! Yes, I suffer a bitter, broken heart I suppose....but I also know that you can only get burnt so many times in life before you learn to quit playing with fire! I reckon that I did so three times says something about me bringing pain upon myself....*Smiles* But I will tell you this....this time, the ride was DEFINATELY worth it! And I can honestly say that Shannon, my wife....or I suppose I should say, ex-wife now, will hold a part of me that no one will ever have, and a part that I will treasure in "All Ways, Always". I suppose I should tell her...."Thanks for the ride". *Smiles*

So, where to from here? Well, "The Cap'n" sets sail to new horizons and adventures. New friendships play an important role in my life right now and help me to stay grounded and sane! Thank my Guardian Angels for that--someone is looking out for me! So I am setting up a new house and new life and doing things that I enjoy...and doing them until 4:00 in the morning again! *Smirks* But that is a whole other story....and one that I will not post here! *Laughs* Enjoy life!

*******New Update******* April 21, 2006
(Today is my Birthday! I am 43 now.)
I am beginning to wonder what hell I live in at times and where are my damn Guardian Angels!?! *Smiles a bit* Well, there have been QUITE the changes since I last updated this page….so let me tell a bit about what has been going on.
First of all, I shall start with my health…..a few months before my “past-wife-experience” and I started having troubles within our marriage and relationship, I started having “stomach troubles”. To put it simply and without such graphic details, basically food went in, and within 5 minutes food came out! *laughs* I can laugh about it now, because I am feeling much better, and LOOKING much better, but the stress and anxiety, anger and sadness caused me to have a very stressed out digestive system. Between April of 2005 and December 2005, I went from 177 lbs. down to 150 lbs and from a size 16 to a size 12. From December 2005 to date, I went down in weight again from 150 to 142, a size 12 to a size 10. I was not dieting, was not exercising, was not doing anything to lose this weight other than having a lot of pain and stressed bowels. I wouldn’t recommend this diet plan! However, I can’t complain too much about the results! *Smiles* Anyway, I went through about six months of testing with the doctor’s trying to figure out why I was losing so much weight without an apparent cause. My body was not holding any nourishment in because my system had no time to process my food.The doctors kept telling me that nothing was showing up on tests, nothing was wrong. I kept insisting that there was. “Maybe you have a tapeworm.” “Maybe you have Giardia lamblia.” “Maybe you have too much iron…..maybe you don’t have enough iron.” “Maybe you don’t have enough fiber.” “Maybe you have too much fiber.” Yeah, right…is that possible?? At any rate, six months of agonizing pain and disruption in my life and several invasive tests to discover that I had diverticulitis. I had told my doctor to check for this in the first place! *laughs* Words of wisdom, “Trust your gut.” If your instinct tells you something, insist to your doctors to have them test for that first! I probably could have avoided a lot of what I went through to figure this out. So I was treated with antibiotics and Flagyl, an anti-fungal, which I should have been given right at the beginning….and lo and behold, things started getting better and were feeling better also. Imagine that! If you ever have this kind of stomach troubles, ASK for this combo of medications first! It really helped!

Now then, to put a broader picture on this scene….not only did I have the stress of my divorce, I also had to find a place and move out from the house that I had spent the last five years in. At the same time, my boss was also moving from one home to another and I had the added stress of helping them move, while still trying to maintain my sanity at work because we were going through the EPA registration process on our product. Yeah, let’s jump through government hoops now, that won’t add any stress to your life! During this time I was also trying to get my mom situated with moving out here from New Mexico. I was helping her at this end to file all the government related paperwork, and jumping through their hoops some more in able to get her government housing. UGH! The housing stuff went on for almost a year!

Now, a ray of sunshine came into my life then as I was going through all of this madness and I started dating a delightful, playful and beautiful woman. She was a balm to my tormented spirit, eased my mind and made my heart sing again. But woe is me to be a stable Taurus with my heart so easily viewed upon my sleeve! She came with her own set of baggage that at times seemed heavier than my own. Because of medical conditions I helped her to file for Social Security disability and Medi-Cal. You would think I would have learned my lesson with the other two rounds of government paperwork, but you know, third times a charm….or a strike…what did we decide? *Smirks* Guess by now I figure I am a pro at jumping through hoops!

So, over a couple of months, I started to fall in love….again! *Smiles* And stomach troubles seemed to go away for awhile….who would have thought it? Love is a curious thing. But by December we started having our own set of troubles and resentments built up on both sides. I felt that the relationship was not being taken seriously and was not feeling “loved” like I feel I should be. Once again, I started to try to salvage things. However, the more I tried to be closer and help the situation, the more she pulled away from such things. I was ready to go to counseling and had to wait for her to come around to that conclusion also. I am such a sucker for being in love, and for loving someone…..that after nearly 8 months of being together, I would have walked that matrimonial path once again, even though I swore off of such things! I was willing to deal with all the medical stuff, all the emotional stuff, all the procrastinating stuff to keep being with this woman. I am still trying to work things out with her to remain friends and keep her close to my heart, which now has another hole in it. Brokenhearted is not a nice feeling to go through and get through. Again, I find myself hurting and trying to maintain my sanity, and dealing with more stress. So, she wants to be “just friends” and I love her dearly, so I expect that we will be, but it’s a hard pill to swallow to be where I am at now and its not what I was wanting.

However, now I am dealing with more stuff than I want to be once again. Two days before Christmas, my car got hit by a drunk driver that tried to “hit and run”. She was caught and it took about a month and a half of me not having a car and dealing with insurance paperwork to get my car fixed and on the road again, and even so it’s as a “Salvaged Vehicle” because they totaled it out. So, here is another batch of stupid government paperwork to go through with the DMV. Let’s just say it’s been a BAD couple of months! My ex-father in law, my ex-wife’s father just passed away. He had been living at a nursing home for a couple of years now because he had a stroke….he just recently had another and did not make it out of this one. I am trying to help her as I can to be able to get through this time. I used to take my Pomeranian up to see him and continued to do this even at the end. I still feel as though I am a part of her family and they have said as such also, so his passing really hit home with me as well. The same week, I found out that my sister has some medical problems that she is dealing with now and she is having a hard time going through things, as is my mom, which of course affects me as well. Then yesterday, I found out that my ex-husband’s father, again, one of my father-in-laws, is in the hospital with an invasive cancer. He has been told to put his affairs in order.

It seems that I am dealing with death and destruction all around me right now…..but I keep reminding myself that I DO have Guardian Angels, and I know in my heart that I am watched over. In December I became someone else’s Angel, and hero, and that is a nice feeling, though of course I did not think I was doing all that much at the time. A man ran off the road in his car and rolled it about three or four times. When I arrived at the scene and checked things out, I discovered that everyone already there had made phone calls to 911, had looked over the accident scene and were all milling about. No one had bothered to get down near the squashed car and “talk” to the man. So I did. I held his hand and told him that he would be alright, despite my disbelief that he would be….I thought he was already a dead man. I comforted him until I heard the ambulance and fire engines arriving. His groans were the only indication that I had that he was still of this world. When the fire fighters and paramedics started dealing with getting him out of the car and into the ambulance I told what I knew and departed the scene. I was told that the tow truck company would haul away his vehicle and pick up all the strewn belongings. When I drove by the next day, I saw a lot of his stuff still there. I had never gotten the man’s name, so when I stopped to pick things up to get back to his family, I didn’t even know if I would be able to. But in gathering the belongings, I found a number for his wife on a grocery store receipt and called. She thanked me for calling and we made arrangements to get things back to them. She told me he had survived and thanked me for telling her what I knew and for what I had done to help. I had seen this man’s blood everywhere, and saw his body crushed beneath his car with about three inches of space he was sandwiched in between. I really did not expect him to live. And yet, a couple of days later he and his wife showed up at my door with a huge bouquet of flowers and a note for me about being an Angel. He actually walked up to my door on his own two feet, I couldn’t believe my eyes! I am just telling this story now, to let others see the tenacity of the human spirit, and what we can all survive and get through. There has to be someone watching over me, eh? A Christmas tree with an Angel on it even fell on my head at Christmas to try to knock some sense into me, that's a whole other story though! *Smiles* You'll have to ask.

Anyway, I am trying to keep my spirits up and situate my home life again…trying to relax more and leave other people’s stresses to them! I have started going out and meeting people again and have made several new friends who share like interests. I have decided that with my new found body and weight loss, that I should do some exercising to maintain such and get more toned, so I am looking forward to working out and am trying to eat better, although most people think I survive on 3 hours of sleep a night, Mountain Dew, potato chips, chocolate milk and cookies…..(Secretly I do!)….I do actually get SOME sleep and SOME nourishment! Especially when other people put me to bed and feed me! *Grins* Any takers? *Laughs hard*

Things are looking up, although sadness still permeates my life at times, I try not to dwell on it….and isn’t that what counseling is for anyway? *Smiles a bit* I look forward to the changes I am making in my life at this time, and I look forward to what is happening regarding the company I am working for, three years of working with them and a bright future is likely to come from it, despite the fact that I am living hand to mouth at the moment, life is good, and worth living it…..So I intend to LIVE IT! We each make our own heaven and hell. Enjoy yours or change it, but LIVE IT! :)

Rasha

And by the way, yes....I still live with lots of pets...I have two Pomeranians that I have bred and they had three puppies, one of which has already been sold, two others to sell, although I am seriously considering keeping one, she is a rare silver color! I also have my cat still and now a kitten, that I got for my ex-girlfriend... he is family here though and she can't bear to separate him. She used to call me "Noah" and my bed the "The Ark" because when I go to bed (this time at 6:30 in the morning!) all the animals finally drag themselves to The Ark and get in with me. *Smiles* Except for that pond full of fish, of course!
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(4-21-06 Side note: My poetry website had a server breakdown a while back ago and most everything was lost there. I do still have back up of my poetry, however I just haven’t got it in me to get it back up onto the site yet, and don’t know if I ever will.)

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May 4,2006

Life truly takes us on interestings paths! I am in a better mindframe today than I have been in a long, long while! I have gained the friendships of a few new friends that have done MUCH to save my spirit and that is something I greatly value and treasure. I was easily spiraling downward into depression and sadness over what my life had become. These friends have done more for me than they can possibly know.

I have come to make a discovery of myself, during this time, that I was not aware of before....I do like and enjoy doing things on my own...however, I do not like "being alone". This was interesting knowledge to acquire this late in life, but I guess that explains the longevity of my serious relationships.....good or bad. Taurus, thy middle name is Stability! This is something that I need to figure out how to protect of myself....but then again, being "with someone" is not exactly a bad thing. *Smiles*

On that note, I "am" interested in someone, but not sure what will come of it. *Smiles a bit* As I said before, life takes us on some interesting paths. I feel like a giddy school boy around her and unsure what to do about that. Push too hard for what I want, and don't get what I want because I pushed.....play it cool, and be the fool, because something wonderful.....someone wonderful....might slip away for my lack of action. Ahh, anxiety sets in, eh?

So, now I stand at a crossroads and cannot decide where to go from here.....for now, I am just sitting down, right in the middle of the road! Maybe this person will find me here as I start humming the tune "Que sera, sera, whatever will be will be. The future's not ours to see....Que sera, sera". *Smiles* Will see what happens, will keep you posted! They call the Wynd Myriah, and the Wynd shall carry my Song. Good on you! Rasha

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