"Picking Up The Pieces" © January 2001 Nancy F. Thysell. "Emergency!" and its characters © Mark VII Productions. All rights reserved. No infringement on any copyrights or trademarks is intended or should be inferred. This is a work of fiction, and any similarity to actual persons or events is purely coincidental.

TITLE: Picking Up The Pieces-Part 1

A sequel to The Experiment

AUTHOR: Nancy, the Nifty Lady (Niftylady51@aol.com)

RATING: (?)

COMMENTS/NOTES: This is a sequel story about the aftermath of abduction and the use of drugs to manipulate people found in the story "The Experiment." Content may be upsetting to some folks. Nothing too explicit. Please read The Experiment first for story details.

Picking Up The Pieces-Part 1

The days following the funeral of his "wife" and daughter were harder on John Gage than he had thought possible. Despite the fact that the fire department reinstated him, he was disappointed when he was assigned to a different engine company until he could be recertified as a paramedic again. But at least he had his job back and he loved being a fireman. He had to keep reminding himself that this situation was temporary until he passed the exam. Then, hopefully, he and Roy would be partners again. In the meantime, he had camped out in Roy's guestroom while he looked for a new place to live.

The next shock came when he was notified a few weeks later that as Shannon's husband, he was entitled to inherit her estate, which being Dr. Taroboli's granddaughter was sizeable. Most of the money had been held in a trust fund, which she was to receive on her twenty-fifth birthday. Provisions in the fund stated that if she married, on the event of her death, the monies would transfer to her spouse and children. The amount of the inheritance stunned the young paramedic. There was sufficient money for Johnny to buy his own home. After considerable searching, he found a small ranch near the San Gabriel Mountains where he could keep horses with enough land to give him privacy.

Next with Roy and JoAnne's help, he bought new furniture for his new home. He didn't want to bring any of his old furnishing from the cabin-too many memories tied to them. Roy and the rest of A-Shift had helped him pack up the rest of his personal things from the cabin before the funeral and stored them in Roy's garage. Being at Roy's home with his wife JoAnne and their kids, Christopher and Jennifer, made Johnny acutely aware of how much he had lost when Shannon and Raven died.

The New Year rolled around and Johnny was finally feeling some normalcy coming back into his life. He easily passed the recertification exam and would begin working as a paramedic again at Station 51 on the following Wednesday. He was really looking forward to returning to be with his friends.

Monday evening came early as the sun set while Johnny was relaxing on this patio nursing a bottle of beer. He mindlessly twirled the wedding band on his ring finger. He wasn't sure why but he hadn't been able to take it off yet. He was beginning to feel a bit melancholy when the doorbell rang. Curious as to who would be calling this late, he set his beer down on the table and walked into the house. Looking through the peephole, he smiled as he saw his best friend, Roy waiting restlessly on the porch in the fading light. He flipped on the porch light and opened the door.

"Roy! What brings you here?" he asked with a smile. Roy held up a six-pack of beer and a pizza box.

"Dinner?" he wondered. Johnny laughed.

"Come on in, partner," he said as he opened the door to admit his friend. Roy carried the pizza into the kitchen as Johnny relieved him of the beer.

"Chet and Marco are on their way," Roy mentioned as he set the box on the table.

"They are? What's the occasion?"

"We thought we'd help you break in the house, watch a little TV or play cards and catch up on things."

"Oh you did? Thanks for warning me!" Johnny laughed as the doorbell rang again. He opened the door to his coworkers. Marco carried another six-pack of beer and Chet had an armful of chips and dip.

"Hey man! Is this where the party is?" Chet exclaimed mischievously as he pushed passed his friend. "I need a bowl for this."

"Kitchen. Cabinet next to the sink," Johnny directed. "Marco, my friend, you think you can find the fridge?"

Marco grinned as he followed Chet into the kitchen. Roy had opened the pizza box and was helping himself to a slice. Johnny leaned against the doorjamb with an amused smile on his lips as he watched his friends bump into one another.

"How about a game of poker?" Roy proposed. The four friends were in agreement and soon were engrossed in a friendly game that ran into the wee hours of the morning.

Roy leaned back in his chair and yawned.

"Well, guys. I think my wife is gonna divorce me if I don't get home soon," he announced.

"Well that's what you get for being married," Chet sniped. "If you were single like the rest of us, you wouldn't be running home now!"

"Now Chet, don't give Roy a hard time about being married," Johnny cautioned. "After all, he's not going home to an empty bed either."

The guys all chuckled at Johnny's comment but the thought of an empty bed hit him hard. He had really grown accustomed to sleeping beside Shannon and now he realized just how much he missed her. He glanced at his left hand. If the others noticed his sudden melancholy, no one mentioned it.

"Come on guys. We need to let Johnny get some sleep too. After all, he's going back to work at a real fire station come Wednesday," Marco pointed out. Johnny half-chuckled in response. He was looking forward to being back at Station 51. The four friends worked quickly to clean up the mess and by 2:30 Johnny was closing the door on their departure.

Johnny leaned against the door after he locked it and glanced toward the stairs. Did he really want to go to bed? Despite it being a new bed, it still reminded him that he was alone and that Shannon was gone. Was he ever going to get past that feeling? He sighed and pushed himself away from the door and lowered himself into his recliner. He clicked the TV on with his remote and found a movie to watch. With the footrest raised and no other lights on, he fell asleep sometime before the movie ended.

# # # # # # #

Wednesday morning came and Johnny was more than eager to return to Station 51. He arrived in plenty of time to dress for the shift much to his coworker's surprise as they hurried to ready the "Welcome Back Johnny" banner in the day room. Johnny smiled with due embarrassment at the fuss they made over him. It was finally hitting him that he was back, bit by bit he was picking up the pieces of his life.

It felt good to be back within the halls of Rampart when he and Roy made a supply run. He had a chance to joke with Dixie and Dr. Early a moment. Even Dr. Morton advised him that the nurses were all abuzz that he had returned. He smiled at the implication but when he didn't inquire after any of the young women Roy thought that odd.

They were in the squad preparing to head back to the station, when Roy asked, "I thought you'd be more interested in meeting some of the new nurses."

Johnny leaned back in his seat and turned slightly in Roy's direction. "I guess I'm not ready."

"Anything you want to talk about?" Roy put the squad in gear and pulled away from the ER entrance.

"I'm not sure," Johnny said vaguely. He twirled his ring and looked over at Roy. "Do you think it's possible for me to be just falling love with Shannon now?"

Roy raised an eyebrow at his friend. "Now?"

"That sounds weird doesn't it?" Johnny sighed and looked out the window and watched the passing scenery.

"I'm not sure. It's not like you've told me a whole lot about your relationship with Shannon. Did you ever love her?"

Johnny closed his eyes. He could see Shannon walking the perimeter of the compound with him. Her long black hair bouncing as she walked. Her dark eyes penetrating his, trying to break down the wall he had built. But he wouldn't let her in, no matter how her eyes pleaded.

"Johnny?" Roy asked when his partner didn't respond. Johnny opened his eyes.

"What? Oh. I'm sorry. I guess I was daydreaming. What did you ask me?"

"I asked you if you ever loved her."

Johnny sighed. "I did in a way. Probably not like you love JoAnne but maybe more like how I love Jennifer. Does that make sense?"

"I don't know. Maybe you need to tell me more."

"Roy, I don't know how to really explain it. The first part of my captivity, Shannon was there with the others. I considered her one of my enemies. Then all of sudden, she was sharing my bed and taking care of me and we were equally imprisoned. And then we learn that she was pregnant! Pregnant with my baby! Man. I was so angry that I could hardly see straight. I still have no idea how many times we were intimate but..." Johnny felt the color rise in his cheeks. "...But it must have been numerous."

Roy glanced over at this partner and friend. He didn't know what to say. Johnny caught his friend's look.

"Roy, you've known me long enough to know that I would never have...I'd never have sex with anyone that didn't want to. I felt like I raped her. Hell, I felt like I was raped!" he exclaimed exasperated.

Roy was quiet a moment. "I'm sorry Johnny. I didn't know."

"I know you didn't. I've just been having trouble coming to terms with it, you know. And lately, lately I can't take this damn ring off! Each time I try to it's like saying Shannon didn't exist. That Raven never was born! And I just can't do it!" Johnny's voice rose in timber with his rising emotions.

"Easy Junior. Easy. It's okay." Roy soothed calmly. Embarrassed, Johnny turned to look out the window.

"I just didn't think it would be this hard to get over it," he choked back emotionally.

"Have you thought of seeing the department shrink?" Roy asked gently. He heard Johnny take in a ragged breath and release it slowly.

"Yeah. I've thought about it."

"You going to do it?"

Johnny scrubbed his face with his hand. "I don't know. Maybe."

Roy signaled in front of the station and began backing the squad into the bay. When he parked the vehicle, he reached over and stopped Johnny from exiting the cab. "Do me a favor?"

Johnny just looked at him.

"Think hard about it. You may need him to get through this. But remember I'm here if you ever need to talk...about anything. Okay?"

"Okay. Thanks Roy," Johnny said and opened the side door. He had no doubts about the sincerity of Roy's offer. In all the years he had known Roy that was the one thing he knew for sure, he could count on him through thick or thin. But this...well, he wasn't sure himself. He walked behind the engine and went into the locker room. Stopping in front of his locker he opened it and pulled an envelope from the shelf. Sitting on the bench, Johnny pulled out the snapshots. One was of Shannon a month before Raven was born. He had found his camera and there were still a few shots left on the roll. It had been such a gorgeous day. She had put up quite a protest because she said she was too fat with the baby. But the Gage charm had finally won and she posed for him. Now he wished he had taken more. The second picture was a Polaroid of Raven. It had been taken in the nursery, right after they brought her up. She was crying then. Her little mouth was scrunched up in a cry, her eyes mere slits beneath her black hair. It was definitely not a flattering picture of his baby girl. But the third picture, was a Polaroid of Johnny as he held Raven in his arms. He hadn't even been aware that the nurse had taken it. He found it later among all the paperwork the hospital forwarded to him. He felt an aching in his heart as he viewed the photos and had to brush an errant tear from his face as he heard the locker room door open. Quickly he replaced the pictures into the envelope and shut the door.

"What ya do'n Gage?" Chet sniped. "First day back and goofing off already?" the stocky fireman teased.

"Shut up Chet," Johnny snarled as he moved to get past his coworker.

"Oh, snappy come back!" the other man taunted. He watched Johnny exit and thought to himself how good it was to have his "pigeon" back.

Johnny entered the day room and made for the coffeepot. Roy was seated on the sofa reading the paper with Henry, the station mascot's head in his lap. He absently rubbed the dog's belly as he read. Marco and Mike were playing Gin Rummy at the table.

"What's for lunch today, Marco?" Johnny wondered aloud. The Hispanic fireman beamed.

"Enchiladas with refried beans, Spanish rice and a Guacamole salad."

"Sounds great. When do we eat?" Johnny asked as he sat at the table with his coffee since Marco didn't seem inclined to be cooking.

"Hungry?" Mike asked.

"Aren't I always?" Johnny chuckled.

"Yeah. I guess you are," Mike conceded.

"Gin!" Marco declared to an astonished engineer.

"Gin? How? When? Oh, I give up!" Stoker said in disgust and threw in his cards. Marco swept the cards together, restoring the deck.

"Wanna play Johnny?"

John shook his head. "Not now. What about lunch?"

"Patience! My mother is making it and will be here with it just before noon," he laughed. "I wanted your welcome back lunch to be special so I talked my mother into fixing it," he explained.

"It sounds great. I can't wait!" Johnny admitted happily. But in moments the klaxons sounded and the station was sent out on a two-alarm fire that tied them up until well past two.

# # # # # # # # # # # #

The weary crew returned to the station to find Marco's mother waiting patiently to serve up her sumptuous meal. They gratefully took their places at the table and allowed the diminutive woman serve their lunch. Everyone was enjoying the meal in relative silence. Johnny reached for the bowl of rice for seconds.

"Hey Gage!" Chet called. Johnny looked over at his nemesis.

"What Chet?" he asked suspiciously. Chet shoveled a fork full of food into his mouth, chewed rapidly and swallowed, pointing at Johnny's hand.

"How long you gonna wear that?" he finally asked. Johnny looked up from his plate where he had just spooned more rice.

"What?" he asked blankly.

"The ring? How long you gonna wear that? I mean, you weren't really married to begin with so why are you still wearing it?"

"Chet!" Roy hissed in a warning tone. Chet turned innocent eyes on the senior paramedic. The rest of the crew was suddenly quiet waiting on Johnny's response as he lowered his plate to the table. He looked down at the ring.

"Excuse me," he finally said quietly, getting to his feet and quickly leaving the room. Roy got to his feet to follow Johnny out.

"Smooth move, Chester B.," he hissed before he left. Marco threw his napkin at his coworker.

"What's wrong with you, Chet?" Marco scolded.

"What? What did I do?" Chet asked, confused.

"Did it ever occur to you that he's still grieving over Shannon and the baby, ya twit?" Hank said tersely. Chet's face fell.

"Uh...no. It didn't. I just figured since it wasn't a real marriage that there isn't any reason for him to wear that ring that's all. I didn't mean to hurt his feelings," he said contritely.

"You never do, Chet," Hank sighed. He hoped Roy could soothe Johnny's hurt feelings.

Roy found Johnny in the parking lot, staring off into space.

"Hey," he said quietly so Johnny would know he was there. Johnny turned and looked at his partner. The pain was still evident in his face.

"He's right, you know. I don't deserve to wear this ring," he told his friend as he pulled off the gold band.

"Johnny, don't."

"Why? I wasn't really a husband and I didn't get to be a father. I failed them!" Johnny said emotionally. He drew back his hand to throw the ring away but Roy caught his wrist.

"That's not the answer, Johnny. Don't throw it away. Right now that's your only link to what happened between you and Shannon. I don't think you're ready to do this."

Johnny relaxed his arm and Roy released it. "How am I going to handle this, Roy? I'm so confused. I finally realize that I love her and now I can't tell her!" Tears glistened in Johnny's eyes.

Roy placed his hand on Johnny's shoulder. "That's not true, Johnny. You can tell her. You can always talk to her. Haven't you told me how your Grandfather has come to you in your dreams? And he tells you things and the two of you talk?"

Johnny nodded and Roy continued.

"Well, if you can talk to your Grandfather, I believe you can talk to Shannon and she'll hear you."

The younger paramedic wiped his hand across his face. "Thanks Roy. I'll do that."

"And don't let Chet get to you," Roy advised and Johnny laughed a little.

"He always knows how to push my buttons," he admitted.

"Well, he installed most of them!" Roy joked and that brought out Johnny's infamous grin.

"True. How very true." He gave his friend a grateful look, replaced the ring on his finger and together they walked back into the station. He wasn't ready to let go of Shannon just yet. He decided he'd wear the ring until he was.

# # # # # # #

In the early evening, Dr. Brackett and Dixie stopped by the station and asked to meet with the firemen. Soon they were all assembled in the day room.

"Gentlemen. Make yourselves comfortable," Kel directed. Dixie had settled down on the sofa next to Henry and was giving him a vigorous ear rub, which he seemed to the enjoying thoroughly. Johnny and Roy joined her. The rest of the crew brought chairs and formed a semicircle around the doctor.

"What's up, doc," Hank asked lightly. The Bugs Bunny line elicited a chuckle or two from the group.

"I'm glad you asked Hank. I've been in contact with a number of doctors about Johnny's recent ordeal. And judging from what they've told me, we have to consider it our ordeal as well."

"What do you mean?" Roy asked putting a voice to all their uncertainty.

"Not to belittle what John went through, my colleagues feel that as Johnny's friends that we also experienced a lot of stress relating to his disappearance and subsequent recovery. They would like for us to go through, for lack of a better word, a debriefing."

"You mean like the department does when we've had a critical fire with loss of life? That sort of thing?" Mike asked.

"Exactly Mike. While this event didn't happen over a short period of time such as a fire, we were all invested emotionally in its outcome. They have suggested that each of us would benefit from this."

"What about me Dr. Brackett?" Johnny wondered.

"Well, Johnny. Your experience is definitely different. I would like to suggest that you work with a psychiatrist either through the department or a private doctor. I think your issues will need one-on-one counseling. But all of us could attend a group session or two."

"When would we have to do this?" Hank posed.

"I'd like to set it up as soon as possible," Kel admitted. He looked at the group. Each man seemed ill at ease over this suggestion but gradually they each agreed to the session. Dr. Brackett promised to let them each know when and where. Shortly after that, he and Dixie took their leave.

"Hey guys. I'm sorry I'm putting you through all of this," Johnny apologized.

"Look pal. You have nothing to be sorry about. Brackett's right. We all need to sit down and work through our feelings on this." Hank looked at each of his men. "Our lives may depend on it."

The men just nodded their understanding. Crisis incidents could cloud one's judgment in a different circumstance and they needed that trust confirmed.

# # # # # # #

The fire broke out around one in the morning. Station 51, Station 36, and Truck 110 were called to respond. By the time the crew reached the address in the industrial section of town, the building was showing heavy smoke. Captain Thomas of Station 36 was the Incident Commander and directed Engine 51 to their posts and sent Roy and Johnny on a sweep of the building for victims along with Paramedics Burt Jennings and Danny Eddo from his station. The four firefighters entered the building and divided the area between them. Johnny and Roy headed for the second floor. The heat from the flames was oppressive and the thick smoke dropped visibility to near zero. The men carefully swept the rooms and marked their searches. They were nearing the end of their air supplies when the captain recalled the teams. Roy yelled to Johnny across the way, got his attention and signaled to his partner. Johnny acknowledged the signal and started to follow Roy out. Suddenly there was a groan and both men recognized the sound. They sprinted for the stairwell but not fast enough. The roof caved in trapping the paramedics beneath a pile of burning embers!

Outside every man on the scene heard the collapse. Hank Stanley felt his heart stop for a second before he could recover enough to radio his men. There was no response. He yelled to Thomas that he couldn't raise DeSoto and Gage. Jennings and Eddo responded that the stairway was blocked with debris. Orders were given to vent the roof. Precious minutes were slipping by.

Johnny felt the blackness envelop him and he couldn't figure out where he was. Gradually the darkness gave way to an open field and he saw his Grandfather standing before him.

"Grandfather? Is that you?" he asked his voice muffled by his mask, uncertain. He was aware of being dressed in his turnouts and the weight of his SCBA. His grandfather smiled.

"Yes John. What are you doing here?" his grandfather asked simply.

"I...I...I'm not sure," he stammered.

"Take off your mask Grandson so I might see your face," the old man directed. Obediently, Johnny removed his helmet and pulled off his face mask. His grandfather smiled broadly.

"Yes. That's better. Why are you here?" he repeated.

Johnny shook his head, uncertain.

"No. You know why. Tell me," he encouraged.

"I was married Grandfather. We had a baby girl. They both died before I could tell them that I loved them."

"You mean Shannon and Raven?"

Johnny was startled by his knowledge. "Yes Grandfather."

"They are both beautiful."

"You've seen them?"

"Naturally. I was there to guide them over. Shannon is a lovely woman. Much sadness in her short life. Raven is a joy and a delight. She has your eyes."

Johnny searched the area around his grandfather but the edges were blurry. "Are they here now? Can I see them?" he asked hopefully. But his Grandfather shook his head and began to turn.

"No, my son. Not now." His image began to fade.

"No! Wait!" Johnny yelled but his grandfather was gone and he was brought harshly back to the world, struggling against the hands that tried to hold him.

"Johnny! Calm down!" Jennings ordered tersely.

"No! Wait! Don't go!" Johnny yelled at the vanishing vision. His eyes were open but he really wasn't seeing.

"Cap! Help me hold him down so I can get his IV in him," Jennings requested. Hank knelt to the ground by his injured paramedic and held his arms, gently but firmly.

"Take it easy, pal. We've got ya!" he reassured the dark haired young man. The gash coupled with the burn on Johnny's face worried him. He wondered how Johnny's mask had come off. He knew Johnny had a penchant for losing his helmet but losing his face mask that had the Captain puzzled. He looked over as Eddo had Roy packaged and ready to transport. Roy hadn't regained consciousness and besides a concussion, he had suffered a broken arm along with multiple contusions. Johnny on the other hand had been semiconscious, mumbling and combative. As Jennings readied the IV Johnny's eyes suddenly cleared. He saw the needle that was approaching his arm.

"NO!" he screamed and with amazing strength pulled himself out of the hands of his coworkers and got to his feet. He staggered unsteadily in front of the men that he didn't recognize. The scene wavered before him. Hank and Danny slowly inched closer to Johnny.

"Take it easy Pal," his captain tried to tell him gently.

"Leave me alone! Don't do this to me!" he begged, his word filled with anguish.

"Johnny," Hank said calmly. "We aren't going to hurt you. The doctor wants Danny to establish an IV. Okay Pal?"

Johnny turned around in confusion, trying to understand where he was. Other firefighters were staring at him and he felt space closing in on him. He bolted and ran away from his tormentors.

"Johnny! Mike! Stop Johnny!" Hank yelled out as the young man began to run down the darkened street. Stoker took off after his coworker, unsure what was happening but understood that Johnny was injured and acting irrationally.

Considering his injuries, Johnny was surprisingly quick but Mike's long legs helped him to gain on the errant paramedic.

"Johnny! Stop!" Mike called breathlessly as he was within arms' reach of his coworker. Johnny skidded to a stop and Mike nearly barreled into him. He placed his hand on Johnny's shoulder and in the blink of an eye, Gage whirled with a mean left hook, catching Mike's right cheek and knocking the lanky engineer on his butt. Then Johnny turned and kept running. He navigated the safety barriers that the police had set up to prevent the curious from getting too close to the fire. Since the hour was late, traffic on the main street was minimal. However, as Johnny emerged from the barriers, he encountered a shiny white Cadillac. The driver, spying Johnny at the last moment, slammed on his brakes, stopping before striking the young firefighter. Johnny unfortunately could not stop as quickly and he struck the grille of the late model car, bouncing to the pavement and hitting his head hard. He groaned as he saw stars and then slipped into darkness.

# # # # # # #

Mike was seconds behind Johnny and winced as he saw him run into the stopped car. He ran to Johnny's side and knelt down as the driver emerged from the car. The tall black man was extremely upset.

"I was stopped! Honest! Is he okay?" he began to ramble excitedly. One of the police officers at the scene jogged over to find out what happened. Mike looked up and saw that it was Scotty.

"Scotty!"

"Hey, Mike. What happened here?" The officer squatted beside the engineer as he cradled Johnny's head.

"Johnny was injured in the fire. He must be disoriented because he took off. He ran into this guy's car and he must have hit his head when he fell!" Mike responded quickly. Scotty patted Mike on the shoulder.

"I'll call it in. You stay with Johnny." He looked over at the distraught driver. "Sir? If you'd take a seat on the curb, I'll be with you as soon as I can."

"I stopped. Really. I didn't mean to hurt him."

"We know. Try to stay calm. I'll be right back." With that Scotty jogged back behind the barriers to the command area. Jennings and Captain Stanley, both wondering where Mike and Johnny had wound up, met him. Getting a brief explanation from Scotty, they hurried to the street. Danny moved Mike out of the way and began taking a fresh set of vitals on Gage. Mercifully, Johnny stayed unconscious and they were able to establish the IVs and administer the ordered meds before transporting him to the hospital. Mike's cheek was swelling and bruised from where Johnny had struck him and Hank decided that they'd run by the ER on their way back to the station and have it checked out.

# # # # # # #

The ER was a hotbed of activity when Johnny was wheeled through the automatic doors. The ER night nurse, Sally Turner, directed Jennings to move him into Treatment Two. Doctors Kel Brackett and Joe Early followed close behind.

The doctors worked feverishly on the injured firefighter. While his injuries weren't severe, they were concerned about his earlier combativeness. The burns on his face were treated; the gash sutured, and X-rays taken. Johnny had suffered a moderate concussion and bruised ribs from his run-in with the car. He was admitted to the hospital overnight for observation. Brackett assigned him to the same room as Roy. The older paramedic had regained consciousness on the way in from the fire scene. Now with his arm set, he was sleeping under a heavy dose of pain medication. JoAnne had been notified and was on her way in even though she had been told that Roy was okay. She had to see him with her own eyes.

Dawn was breaking and JoAnne had dozed off in the chair beside Roy's bed. The room was quiet for a hospital room. Fortunately, this time, neither man required machines to help him heal. The night nurse was making her final rounds of the shift and entered the room quietly. JoAnne awakened at her entrance.

"Good morning, Mrs. DeSoto," she whispered warmly. JoAnne awoke and rubbed at her eyes. She had met the night nurse when she had arrived earlier that morning.

"Morning, Celeste," she responded. The nurse moved to her husband and began to take his vitals. Roy stirred slightly as the BP cuff tightened. He opened his eyes to slits as she slipped the thermometer into his mouth.

"Good morning, Mr. DeSoto," she whispered cheerily. "How are we feeling this morning?"

"Mi 'ed 'urts," he mumbled around the glass stick. He closed his eyes but she shook his shoulder gently.

"Don't go back to sleep, now. You need to answer a few questions for me, okay?" She removed the thermometer and recorded the information. Roy responded correctly to the prescribed questions and the nurse smiled.

"Very good. Looks like Dr. Brackett will send you home today," she said in a quiet but bright voice. Roy rolled his eyes. His head was pounding. He looked over at his tired wife and felt bad because he knew that she'd been there for hours.

"You okay, sweetheart?" he asked her. She smiled wearily and nodded.

"If you are, I am," she told him and reached over and took his left hand in hers. Celeste had moved over to Johnny's bed and placed the BP cuff on his arm. Suddenly, Johnny let loose with a terrifying scream causing the others in the room to start at the noise. Roy was out of his bed and to his partner's side before Celeste could even begin to respond.

"Johnny! It's Roy. You need to wake up now! Johnny!" Roy ordered gently but firmly as he held his good hand to Johnny's shoulder. Johnny seemed to relax under the sound of Roy's voice but he didn't awaken.

"Do I need to get the doctor?" she asked the paramedic. She knew the two men were friends and partners and figured Roy knew what Johnny needed.

"Maybe you'd better. I'll try to get him to wake up," Roy told her. Celeste left the room and Roy tried again to get Johnny to awaken but his partner didn't stir.

# # # # # # #

"Grandfather!" Johnny called out to the disappearing figure. His grandfather turned slowly and stood looking back at him. The wind blew through his hair, whipping it around his face.

"Not now my son," he said quietly and started to turn away.

"But Grandfather! I need to find Shannon. I need to tell her things. I want to see her and Raven!" he cried out, pleading. His Grandfather stopped and turned again toward his grandson.

"First you must let go, my son," he advised softly and the vision blurred until Johnny could no longer distinguish any details.

"Grandfather!" he yelled again but this time his friend, Roy was there to meet him. Johnny opened his eyes and stared into the concerned, pale blue eyes of his best friend. "Roy?" he croaked. "Are you okay?"

Roy chuckled. "Yes Junior. I'm okay. I broke my arm and got a concussion but I'm okay. How are you doing?"

"I don't know. I don't remember anything after we went in the building. What happened?" he admitted. He gingerly felt his face, touching the bandage over the gash, feeling the tenderness of the burns. Roy explained the circumstances of the collapse.

"Wow," Johnny whistled at the thought. He took in a sharp breath and acknowledged his injured ribs with a scowl, assuming that these injuries came from being trapped as well.

Dr. Early entered the room and was pleased to find things under control and in a calm state. He was grateful that Roy had been there to help out his partner. He informed them that Dr. Brackett would be by to seem them when he made rounds and that most likely he would discharge the two paramedics that afternoon, provided there was someone to look after them. JoAnne quickly promised that she would take care of both men despite Johnny's protest that he could look after himself.

# # # # # # #

A little past nine, the rest of A-Shift filed into the hospital room to check on their injured coworkers. Both Johnny's and Roy's jaws dropped at the sight of Mike's shiner.

"What happened to you?" they asked in unison. Mike turned beet red and stared at his shoes. Hank slapped a hand on Mike's shoulder.

"Well, Johnny. You gave Mike that shiner trying to run away from 36s' paramedics!" the Captain informed the dark haired young man.

Now Johnny's jaw dropped again. "What? I did that? Oh, man! I'm sorry Mike."

"Don't worry about, Johnny. You were a little out of it," Mike dismissed the injury quietly.

"A little!" Chet huffed. "Man, Gage. If I didn't know you, I would have sworn you were on drugs or something!"

Johnny felt a chill traverse his spine at the implication of being "on drugs." For a moment he felt as though he were in the cabin waiting on Shorty to inject the needle. He broke out in a cold sweat, totally unaware of what was being said around him.

He was brought out of his reverie when Dr. Brackett entered the room. He greeted the assembly warmly.

"Gentlemen. I'm glad you're all here. I've arranged for all of us to meet with Dr. Randall Shields at eleven to begin our debriefing. We'll be meeting in the conference room on the second floor. You've just saved me a lot of phone calls," he chuckled lightly. "Now, I need to shoo all of you out of here so I can examine my patients. Just be back here at eleven."

"Okay, doc. Come on guys. Let's go so the doc can do his job," Stanley directed his men. No one noticed how Johnny stiffened at the use of the term "doc" except that he was still rigid when Brackett began his exam. He wasn't sure why Johnny would be so tense.

"Are you all right, Johnny," he asked as he checked out the paramedic. Johnny nodded stiffly.

"Yeah, Dr. Brackett. I'm sore that's for sure," he finally admitted.

"Well, next time remember that old adage...look both ways before you cross," he said with a twitch in his smile. Johnny gave him a confused look.

"What?"

Brackett continued his exam. "I said next time to look both ways before you go running into traffic."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, puzzled.

"Last night, when you ran into that car."

"When I did what?!" Johnny was floored. He couldn't remember any of what had happened after going into the fire.

Roy and JoAnne were listening intently to their exchange. Roy hadn't been aware of what had happened to his partner as he had already been transported to the hospital. Brackett took a few minutes and filled the two paramedics on what he knew about the events following their rescues leaving both men more than a bit stunned. As he finished, he rose from the chair he had taken and looked at them both.

"I'll send a couple of orderlies a little before eleven to bring you down to the conference room." He held up a hand before either man could protest. "And yes, you will be escorted to the meeting in wheelchairs. No buts!" Brackett told them firmly as he made his way to the door.

"JoAnne. It was good to see you again. You can plan on taking these guys home around four this afternoon. You two, I'll see you shortly," Kel said and then he was gone. Luckily they wouldn't have long to wait. JoAnne decided that they were in good hands and she had some things to do before bringing two injured firemen to her house. She decided not to attend the debriefing session. Roy would decide later if she should attend. She kissed Roy goodbye with a tender and lingering kiss, blew one to Johnny and took her leave.

Johnny sighed and leaned back into his bed.

"Man. I can't believe I did that. I don't remember any of it." He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. Suddenly he sat up, his eyes wide-open and almost scaring Roy.

"Johnny?" he asked cautiously.

"My grandfather! Roy! I talked to my Grandfather!"

"What did he say?"

Johnny turned bewildered eyes to his partner. "I don't remember."

# # # # # # #

The men of Station 51's A-Shift along with Dr. Brackett, Dr. Early and Dixie McCall were waiting in the conference room when Johnny and Roy were wheeled into the room. Everyone tried to appear nonchalant as they waited for Dr. Randall Shields to arrive and begin their debriefing. A few minutes past the hour, he breezed into the room.

"I apologize for being late," he announced as he took his seat at the head of the informal circle of chairs. "Is everyone here?"

"Everyone except for the private investigator and Roy's wife and children," Brackett informed the doctor.

"Is there a reason that they should be here?"

"I don't know. Roy's kids think of Johnny as their uncle. His disappearance affected them as well," Kel explained.

Dr. Shields made a note of that. "Well, we see later about them. For this first meeting, I like to keep things informal."

"First meeting?" Hank asked. "How many will we be having?"

The doctor smiled. "I'm not sure..."

"Hank," the captain supplied. The doctor nodded his thanks and continued.

"I'm not sure, Hank. There's no prescribed timetable. We just have to see how things progress. It also may be that some of you will need more sessions than others. While this is a group session, it doesn't necessarily mean all of you will need to be here every time. But we won't concern ourselves with that now. For the time being, we're going to get comfortable talking in the group and try sharing a bit. Okay?"

The group nodded their approval and the session began. He had each member introduce himself to the doctor. After each member of the group had shared a piece of background with the doctor he asked if anyone wanted to share any feelings they had about Johnny's abduction. There was an awkward silence. Finally Hank cleared his throat.

"Well, I for one was really angry...at Johnny," he admitted slowly. Johnny raised a surprised eyebrow. "I thought that he had run off and abandoned his friends and coworkers. And I was hurt that he would do that to me. Now I feel guilty for ever doubting that Johnny would do something like that."

"I think all of us at the station with the exception of Roy felt some anger," Mike added. "Mostly because we could see how much Roy was hurting."

"Yeah. We're all really close but not like Johnny and Roy," Marco explained. "It was months before Roy seemed back to his old self. And think that was after we hired the detective."

"Now guys..." Roy tried to interrupt.

"No, Roy. Don't discount their feelings or observations. This what we want to get out into the open and discuss. So, Hank what did you do with your anger?"

Hank sighed. "I'm afraid I took it out on my men. I think I was pretty unbearable to work for a while."

Johnny listened quietly as he heard his superior talk about the hurt, disappointment, and anger his disappearance had caused. He found he had mixed emotions to hearing this. It reaffirmed his belief that they had looked for him when he disappeared and hadn't given up. It surprised him at how deeply they felt about him and for that he was strangely touched.

# # # # # # #

The group was quiet when they met one week later on their next off shift day. Again they had assembled in the informal circle in the conference room. After reviewing the information that had been shared the previous week, Dr. Shields opened the floor to the group. There was an uneasiness in the room, as no one seemed ready to speak. Dr. Shields surveyed the room hoping to make eye contact with someone. Finally, Mike Stoker lifted his head slightly and their eyes locked briefly. He gave him an encouraging nod and Mike cleared his throat. Mike could feel the rush of blood to his cheeks as his friends looked toward him. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees and looked around awkwardly. He knew they were expecting him to speak. Him! The quiet one! It was almost laughable.

"Well, I...I guess," he stammered.

"Go ahead. Mike take your time," Dr. Shields urged kindly. Mike cleared his throat again, nervously.

"I guess I remember what it was like after Cap told us Johnny had resigned. I know I felt really disappointed that Johnny would leave like that. I mean, we've been coworkers for a long time at Station 51...I thought he was better than that." He glanced over to see if what he was saying was upsetting Johnny.

"For weeks we all watch Roy suffering over Johnny's disappearance. At first I knew we were all upset. Then it turned to disbelief and anger. Then I think we all started trying to put it behind us. So we went on with our lives. I know Roy didn't but we felt there wasn't anything else for us to do and that was until Dr. Brackett discovered that doctor in Palm Springs. Roy was inspiring as he convinced us that it meant Johnny was in trouble and needed us. We got our hopes up and like the Calvary we ran to Palm Springs. It was disappointing to return home without knowing anything more than we did when we left."

"I think I was madder then than when Johnny first disappeared," Chet interjected. "Like someone was jerking us around."

"I know I felt let down when we left the clinic. I was so sure we were going to get the answers we needed, " Roy added.

Dr. Shields let the group talk about their feelings about the trip to Palm Springs for a while. Johnny quietly took in all the remarks, listening as his friends talked about the way they came together to look for him, how disappointed they were at not locating him and then resolving to hire Barnaby Jones to help them out. He was touched at all the effort they made on his behalf. He felt a touch of guilt when he recalled how angry he had been when he had felt abandoned and lost.

Before they knew it the hour was up. Dr. Shields dismissed them formally and took his leave but the group remained.

"So, what's everybody doing tonight," Hank asked casually.

"I have date," Chet announced and everyone stared at him. "What? Gage isn't the only one who can get a girl to go out with them!"

"No, it's not that Chet," Marco assured him. "We're just surprised you didn't say anything earlier."

Chet looked at his feet. "Well, I just asked her out a little while ago," he admitted.

"So who is she?" Johnny pushed as color crept into Chet's cheeks.

"Uh...she works in radiology," he confessed. "I met her after that fire where you and Roy were hurt."

"I see. Well, that's great. Have a good time," Johnny said. Chet looked a little surprised at his friend. He thought that he'd get a lot of teasing from the station Romeo.

"Uh, thanks, Johnny."

"Well, Junior, we'd better get a move on if we're going to get you home," Roy interjected as he and JoAnne rose.

"Home?" Hank asked. He knew that Johnny had been staying with Roy and JoAnne while they both had been recuperating.

Johnny smiled. "Yeah. They're going to let me go home to the ranch. I finally overstayed my welcome," he said with a chuckle.

"Well, that's great Pal," Hank remarked.

"Yeah. I'm looking forward to some quiet time alone," Johnny revealed.

"If you need to talk to anyone, call me," Mike offered. Johnny smiled at the quiet engineer. It wasn't often that Mike spoke but when he did, they listened.

"Thanks, Mike. I'll do that."

Dixie walked over and gave Johnny a gentle hug since his ribs were still tender.

"Take care, Johnny. When do you return to work?" she asked.

"Day after tomorrow," he responded happily. Dr. Brackett overheard his remark and stepped over to Dixie's side.

"Just remember to be careful and don't go hurting yourself again. Besides, Roy won't be back to the station for several more weeks," Kel reminded Johnny.

"I know. I know. Sometimes, I wish I could work with Roy at headquarters instead of being stuck with Brice!" Johnny chuckled again.

"Well, Pal. As far as I know, Brice isn't temping for Roy."

Johnny looked at his captain with curiosity. "No? Then who's it gonna be?"

"His name is Jeff Moran."

"Hey! That's the kid who took Johnny's place when..." Marco started to say before his voice faltered.

"It's okay, Marco. Roy told me all about Jeff. Is he any good?"

Roy chuckled now. "Not as bad as you were when we first teamed up," Roy teased and got the glare he expected from his partner.

Gradually the group dispersed and went their separate ways. Roy and JoAnne drove Johnny out to the ranch. Johnny's Land Rover was parked in the yard next to the new shiny black pickup truck he had bought with his inheritance.

"Hey! How'd my Rover get here?" he asked as Roy guided his car to a stop.

"I think Chet and Marco ferried it here from the station," Roy guessed.

"I'll have to thank them for that. You guys wanna come in?" he asked as he opened the passenger's side door.

"We'll help you get your things in but we can't stay long," JoAnne spoke up. "The kids will be home by 3:30 and I don't want them coming home to an empty house. But you are coming over for dinner tonight, aren't you? Jen wanted you to have a going home dinner."

Johnny laughed at the thought of Roy's young daughter and all her plans for his social activities. "Okay. I promised to be there at six."

While Johnny and Roy took his luggage upstairs, JoAnne unloaded the groceries they had brought with them so Johnny would have a few staples in the fridge. Johnny took them on a tour of the place to show them some of the improvements he had made since moving in. Soon, it was time for the DeSoto's to leave and Johnny walked them their car.

"I'll see ya later," Johnny called as he waved good bye and watched the car disappear down the drive. Johnny's smile faded with the car and he turned and slowly walked back to the house.

"I need to see about getting some horses now," he thought as he looked toward the barn. Yeah, having a couple of horses would keep him busy. Too busy to think.

# # # # # # #

Returning to A-Shift came none too soon for Johnny. He eagerly drove to work that morning, more than ready to get to work. Marco introduced Johnny to his temporary partner, Jeff Moran when he arrived to change clothes. They quickly established a comfortable working relationship and Johnny informed his junior partner that he would drive. That was okay with Jeff, as he had become accustomed to being the navigator. The only part of Johnny's routine he dreaded was the nights and the fact that he wasn't sleeping well. A fact that he was finally going to have to deal with on his next private session with Dr. Shields.

Unable to sleep, Johnny quietly rose and pulled on his turnouts in readiness in case the tones sounded and made his way to the day room. Not really hungry, he perused the refrigerator in idle boredom. He pulled out a carton of milk and poured himself a glass. A search of the cupboards revealed an open box of cookies. He took the cookies and his milk and sat down at the table. He was thinking heavily about the various things he had learned during their sessions with Dr. Shields and didn't hear Mike enter the room.

"Hey Johnny," Mike said quietly, bringing Johnny out of his reverie.

"Oh! Hey Mike. What are you doing up?"

"I wasn't really asleep when I heard you get up. Thought I might see if you wanted to talk a bit."

Johnny shook his head. "Nah, not really."

"Well, do you mind if I do?" Mike asked as he took a seat next to John at the table. Johnny was surprised that Mike wanted to talk.

"Sure Mike. Talk away."

Mike chuckled lightly at that remark. "Yeah. I know. I'm the quiet one. The one that doesn't say much but I felt I really needed to share some things with you."

"What is it Mike?" Johnny asked his curiosity peaked.

"I haven't mentioned this to anyone before and I'd rather it not leave this room, if you don't mind."

"I won't say a word to anyone. What is it Mike?"

The lanky engineer stared at his fingers as if he'd never seen them before and swallowed hard.

"You want something to drink?" Johnny asked out of concern for his friend. Mike shook his head.

"No. I'm all right. I just didn't think this would be so hard to talk about," he admitted softly. Johnny leaned forward as he didn't want to miss a word of what Mike was going to share.

"Not too many folks know I was married before."

"Before? You mean..."

"Yeah, I'm on my second marriage."

"What happened?"

"Well, it goes back to my childhood. I lived in a neighborhood with a lot of kids. Most of them were about my age. And most of them were boys. There was this one girl. Marla was her name who was a real tomboy. She was a rough and tough as any guy." Mike smiled as he recalled the dishwater blonde with a pageboy haircut. "She was fearless. Always trying to outdo the guys. She always seemed to show up with a new bruise or a cut whenever we got together to play. It almost became a sport with us to see if we could outdo her antics. I wound up with more bruised knees, stubbed toes, scraped elbows and chins than I could count. My mother was about to ground me from playing with such ruffians." Mike chuckled at the memory causing Johnny to chuckle with him. But he was really wondering where this was leading.

"Well, as with all childhoods, we all got older and we all attended the same high school. Marla was a year behind me in school so there was a whole year between elementary and high school. I remember seeing her at a school assembly the first of September. It was so good to see her. I waved at her from across the auditorium. But she didn't see me so I ran up the aisle and around to the aisle where she was standing. I was so excited to see her that I threw my arms around her and swept her off her feet, twirling her around. It wasn't until I set her down that I realized that I had hurt her. Man! Did I feel bad! She seemed happy to see me though. We sat in the back of the auditorium and talked the whole assembly."

Johnny felt he understood where Mike was going with his story of his childhood sweetheart but he didn't say anything. He decided he'd just let Mike ramble if it made him feel better.

"Marla was a pretty girl but she didn't date much. At the time, I couldn't understand that. I knew guys that were constantly talking about her and I knew some of them had tried asking her out but she rarely did. The one thing I couldn't help but notice was that she still seemed to have an awful lot of bruises. But I couldn't get her to talk about it."

"Was she abused?" Johnny asked. Mike nodded.

"I really didn't find out until my senior year when she came to school with a broken arm. When we finally had a chance to talk, she finally admitted that her father did it and that he beat her regularly. Had all her life." Mike strained to hold back the emotions that threatened to break through his calm facade.

"Man. That must have been rough," Johnny noted. Again Mike nodded and took a moment before he continued.

"So we started trying to figure out a way to get Marla away from her father. We didn't know what to do or who to talk to. It's not like today. Back then, things like that weren't discussed." Mike leaned back in the hard wooden chair and sighed.

"I asked Marla to the Senior Prom. That was our first and only real date. Her father was livid when I came to pick her up. She was so scared but I think that was the first time she'd ever defied him. She wore a dress she had found at a second hand store and altered in Home EC. class. She looked so lovely. I felt really bad that she had to live in such a terrible situation. She missed the entire next week of school because her father beat her so bad she couldn't see out her left eye."

Mike took a controlling deep breath. Even after all these years, the anger and the rage was still there.

"Mike? Why are you telling me this?" Johnny finally asked after several minutes of silence.

"Because I wanted you to know that I understand."

"What? What do you think you understand?"

"When Marla came back to school, it was a Friday. We only had a month left of the school year. I was eighteen and Marla was seventeen. I don't know if you knew that I lived near Sacramento at the time but that Friday night, we borrowed my Mother's car and drove over to Reno, Nevada and got married. It was the only way that we knew we could get Marla away from her father. Then we drove straight back to my folk's house."

Mike shook his head at that memory. "Man! We're my folks upset! But after we explained what was going on, they accepted our marriage."

"Go on."

"Well, I graduated that June and before long, I was accepted into the fire service and began at the academy. Marla was trying to adjust to living in a home without fear. Her father came unglued when he found out we were married and we had to get a restraining order to keep him from seeing Marla. It was a real mess. Later I learned that the reason he beat Marla was that he blamed her for her mother dying. Seems Marla was the spitting image of his dead wife and it tore him up. So he took his anger out on her by beating her. And the older she got...well, the more she looked like her mother, he decided that she could take her mother's place in his bed as well."

Mike shifted uncomfortably in his chair at these memories.

"I'm sorry Mike." Johnny realized that Mike was correlating Marla with Shannon.

"After I graduated from the academy, I was assigned to a station in Sacramento. Marla and I got a small, one-bedroom apartment close enough to the station so I could walk to work. Marla enrolled in the high school nearby. So that first year things went pretty well except..."

"Except what?" Johnny wondered.

"Well, aside from living in the same apartment, Marla and I really didn't have a marriage. She didn't especially like being married and when she graduated from high school, she was just restless. I mean we cared about each other but we weren't in love with each other and before long it was obvious to both of us that we were both very unhappy. We got an uncontested divorce and Marla moved out on her own."

"So what happened next?" Johnny supposed there was more to the story.

"Well, we lost touch with each other. It was gradual. She'd call me to talk from time to time. We stayed friends even though the marriage was a mistake. But I was dating this girl Susan by then and I supposed that Marla was getting out too.

"Then about two years later, our station responded on a call. Of course we didn't have paramedics...heck that wasn't even a word then. But the police had requested us for backup. The call was in a rather seedy part of town and often they'd respond an engine company to these incidents in case it escalated into a fire. More often than not, arson was the cause and the perpetrator was rarely caught."

Mike leaned over the table, and rested his forearms on it. "This time it was a woman down. A hooker that was beaten up by her pimp and given an overdose. She was DOA."

"Sounds grizzly," Johnny commented. He and Roy had had their share of that type of a call over the years.

"It was. I was just a hose jockey then. They allowed us just mill around the scene. My buddy Corky and I were curious. We'd never been on a call like this. The cops were waiting on the coroner. One of the cops we knew asked if we'd ever scene a corpse before. Of course, we hadn't, so he offered to let us take a peek." Mike shut his eyes to the memory.

"Uh...Mike you don't..."

"Yes, Johnny. I do," he said simply. He drew in a deep breath. "I guess you know what I'm going to say anyway."

"It was Marla?"

Mike nodded. "Yeah. I didn't recognize her at first glance. But then I noticed a medallion she was wearing around her neck. I had given it to her as a graduation gift. Needless to say, it didn't take long for me to lose my lunch."

"I'm sorry Mike."

"No. I didn't tell you this to have you pity me. I wanted you to know I understand how you feel about Shannon."

"How's that?" Johnny asked suspiciously.

"After we found Marla like that, I felt so guilty. I figured if we hadn't divorced, she would still be alive. Or if I had kept in touch, she would have never turned out the way she did. It took a long time and a lot of good friends for me to realize that I couldn't have saved Marla by myself. Her self-esteem was so low. I was just too young to realize it at the time. I did love her, Johnny. She was like the little sister I never had. I wasn't ever 'in' love with her. We never even consummated our marriage." Mike seemed a bit embarrassed at that revelation. "And that was because, I really thought of her as a sister. Not a lover. Not a wife. And maybe that was a mistake. Maybe if we had, she might have felt wanted and desired. I thought I was being noble." Mike half laughed.

"What?"

"Me. Being noble."

"No. I think you tried to do what you thought was right," the paramedic pointed out.

Mike shook his head.

"But I was wrong and she wound up dead...way too young. Johnny, there are times I still see her lying in that alley and I feel so guilty!"

Johnny reached out to put a comforting hand on Mike's shoulder.

"I guess you do know what I'm going through," he said quietly. Mike turned his head away, hoping that Johnny didn't see the tears that were forming. "Thanks for sharing that with me, Mike. I know how hard that was for you to do."

Mike nodded his head stiffly and cleared his throat. "Uh, I think I'd better get something to drink," he said as he pushed away from the table. He filled a glass with water and drained it before he turned around to face his coworker.

"Well, my offer holds, if you ever want to talk about Shannon," he reiterated softly. Johnny turned in his chair to look at the tall engineer.

"So how did you wind up in LA?"

"After Marla's death, I felt like Sacramento was crowding in on me. I'd always enjoyed the beach and I read in Firehouse Magazine that LA County was hiring. So I applied and the rest...as they say...is history."

"You have any regrets?"

"I wish I had stayed in touch with her. I wish I had made love to her. I dunno. Sometimes, I wish we could turn back time and I'd have gone to the police and had her father's sorry butt thrown in jail. But, we can't change what happened. We just have to do our best and go on with our lives."

"Yeah. But it's not easy. It's not easy at all," Johnny responded and pondered the ring on his hand for a long moment. Mike pushed himself away from the counter.

"I'm going back to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

"Night Mike and Mike?"

Mike stopped and turned to look at him from the door.

"Thanks for sharing."

"No problem. Try to get some sleep yourself."

Johnny chuckled. "Okay. I'll try."

He contemplated for a while the story Mike had told him and he felt a little better. He washed his glass and put the cookies away. When he lay back down on his bunk, he was finally able to fall asleep.

# # # # # # #

Johnny was running and running. In this peripheral vision, he could see the chain link fence topped with barbed wire. So, he ran until he was out of breath. He stopped and placed his hands on his knees while he tried to slow his breathing.

As he gradually regained control on his breathing, the edges of his vision began to blur. He looked out and saw someone approaching. He smiled as he recognized the man.

"Grandfather!" he called out.

"Hello Grandson. You're looking better," he observed.

"I'm feeling better."

"Why are you here?" the old man asked.

"Uh...I think I'm looking for Shannon," he admitted.

"She isn't here. You're not looking in the right place."

"Where do I go? How do I find her?" Johnny wondered.

The old man smiled at his grandson. "Search with your heart. Not your eyes."

"But Grandfather..." he tried to ask but the vision was fading. "Wait. Tell me how?"

"Search with your heart John. Look within your heart."

Johnny sat upright in bed. He was sweating and breathing rapidly. He looked around the darkened dorm to see if he had disturbed the others but he was only met with the snores of the sleeping men. He lay back down and stared at the ceiling and pondered his dream. Finally, he threw his arm over his eyes and tried to sleep again.

He found himself walking down a tree lined street. It was hot but the shade of the trees provided a comfortable respite. Johnny didn't know where he was but he felt compelled to search the houses as he passed but for what he wasn't sure. Suddenly, a house seemed to beckon him and he was drawn inexplicably to it. He rang the bell. After a few minutes the door opened and he found himself looking into the most beautiful dark eyes of a little girl. She appeared to be about ten years old. She had beautiful black hair that hung long and straight to her waist.

"Can I help you?" she asked softly. Her eyes were full of sadness.

"I'm...I'm not sure," Johnny stammered.

"Are you here for the funeral?"

"Funeral?"

"Yes. For Mama Millie. She died you know."

"No. I didn't know. Are...are you Shannon?"

The young girl nodded and Johnny felt confused. Why was he here at this point in time? Shannon stared up at the tall handsome man and suddenly smiled.

"You're Johnny!" she exclaimed and threw her arms around his waist. "You came!"

Johnny squatted down so he was on eye level with the girl.

"You know me?" he asked, bewildered and she nodded.

"Yes! You're going to save me!" she exclaimed happily.

"I...I don't understand," he said awkwardly.

She kissed his cheek. "But you will, Johnny. You will. I've got to go now, Mama Millie is waiting for us."

"What?"

"Bye Johnny. Come again," she called as she receded into the hall and disappeared in the mist.

"Wait! Shannon! Come back!" he yelled.

"Johnny! Johnny! Wake up!" Mike's voice penetrated his mind. Johnny opened his eyes and tried to focus. Mike's firm hand was on his shoulder shaking him awake. The rest of the guys surrounded his bunk in concern.

"Are you all right, Johnny?" Hank inquired.

"Yeah Cap. I'm okay. Just a bad dream, I guess," he admitted, embarrassed at waking everyone. He scrubbed his face with his hand. "I'm sorry guys."

"It's okay, pal. Let's all try to get some more sleep," the captain ordered. The men dispersed to their bunks. Mike stayed a moment.

"Did I open some old wounds tonight?" he asked guiltily. Johnny shook his head.

"No. Don't worry about it, Mike. It was just a dream."

"Okay. Night."

"Night."

Mike made his way back to his bunk and Johnny lay down again. Hoping this time to sleep but not to dream. He'd have a lot to talk to Dr. Shields about at their next session.

# # # # # # #

To be continued in Part 2.