Leila's Domain - Index and Web Links

My developmental milestones were normal as a baby until I was around 15 months. In January 1961, I was laying peacefully in my crib when, suddenly, a light in my room burned out! Such an experience stifled me, leaving my very frightened, anxious, confused and delayed in language skills. AND SO IT BEGAN....the PERVASIVE DEVELOPMENTAL DISORDER!!! (To this day, I remember in detail the change; and, I have been a fearful individual and a person with a very sensitive sensory nervous system since then).

Between the ages of 15 months and 3 years old, I did not talk. My communication with my parents often involved pointing to things to indicate to my parents that I wanted something. I was withdrawn inward at this time of my life, thinkiing of myself as "the only one that existed" and that everyone and everything around me was just there for me to use. "Just who were the others anyway? What was their purpose?" (As many years passed, with a patient and loving mother, I eventually learned that there were a few people out there who were not "things", and that they were genuine to me).

From the time I was 2-years-old to 3-years old, I was a runner; my parents had to constantly hold onto my hand whenever they would take me anywhere. If they were to ever let go of me, I would take off, running like crazy, as if nothing mattered around me. There was no sense of danger! There were no concerns! There was just the thought of wanting to be free and exist on my own. Whenever I did take off, my parents would run after me calling my name. I was very unresponsive to them when they called me, oftentimes appearing as if I did not hear them. (To this day, I can remember wanting "to be free"; I do not remember why I did not respond to them except that "I must have been in my own little world".

When I was 4-years-old, my verbal language skills did come back, although I was a rather quiet child, often staying to myself. I had much difficulty in understanding what was being said to me; I could not follow verbal directions. And I was unable to verbally express that I was unable to understand what people were saying whether it was conversation with me or conversation between other people. At 4 and 5, I was able to entertain myself with my toys; one of my favorite pasttimes was taking my baby dolls and lining them up. I enjoyed playing with any toy that I could place into a specific order; I often preferred to lining up objects to actually learning the function of the objects. (To this day, as an adult, I still like to line up objects and classify them, although now, I know the function of most objects).

From the time I was in Kindergarten until I was in the Sixth Grade, school was extremely hard for me as I had much trouble learning, concentrating and verbally expressing myself. I had difficulty with following directions, and I often had trouble understanding what was being said to me by the teachers. My grades were poor between the 2nd and into the 5th grade (I came close to flunking out in both the 2nd and the 5th grade). Many people thought that I might have had some type of learning disability as well as an emotional disability. It certainly appeared that way as I was frightened, withdrawn, uncoordinated and often in "another world" daydreaming. I was often called "retarded", "a dummy" and "stupid" by many of my classmates. The teachers were concerned about me as I "was unusually quiet" and did not play or interact much with other children. As I got older, at the age of twelve, I was determined to show the adults and the children who thought I was stupid that "I am a person, and that there is more to me than what I appear to be". With fierce motivation and a strong drive to achieve, through actual compensation for my difficulties, and using my own methods of visual learning and strict rote memorization, I eventually made it to having good grades in Junior High School leading me to high academic achievement in High School and College. Regardless, it was a struggle for me.

(Throughout my life, I have had meltdowns, OCD-like behaviors, Tourette-like Tics whenever I would become upset about something, perseverating when I speak, severe anxiety, mild depression, and an overal lack of friends; all of this varied in duration and intensity from time to time. There were times in my life when it got so bad, I thought I was just going to shut down, and there were times in my life when it was hardly a nuisance for me. In my 30s and 40s, I have learned to control the meltdowns and perseverations).

I have a Bachelor of Science Degree in Psychology from Old Dominion University and a Master of Science Degree in Guidance and Counseling from Old Dominion University. I graduated with honors from college, and I was Valedictorian of my high school class (this is considered to be one of my biggest accomplishments in life, next to getting and maintaining emmployment in a most difficult and stressful field for an autistic person-human services, although, it has been human services which has helped me to learn several social skills).

As an adult in my forties, learning concepts and understanding language is much easier than it was 20 years ago; however, there is always the need to compensate. I am strictly a visual learner, needing a hands-on experience with many tasks. In order to make sense of the world, I have to visualize pictures in my mind. I cannot think in words, I have to think in pictures. Sometimes when people tell me things, I need them to repeat something because of an occasional problem with auditory processing, severe attention deficit and the need to visualize. Jokes and expressions with various meanings/interpretations are the most hardest for me to understand; and, facial expressions, body language and reading the emotions of others is extremely challenging for me.

As a teenager at the age of 14 until I was a young adult at 26 years old, I mowed lawns. I had a paper route when I was 22. I did some work study jobs in college such as working in the Old Dominion University Library, working for a college professor as a clerical person/messenger, and working in the Academic Counseling/Advising Office as a clerical person. I also worked a little in fast food, but that did not work well with me as"I was labelled slow" by my boss and other coworkers. I just did not have the coordination to do fast food.

I have been working in the Human Services Field since 1984. I have worked in a variety of capacities such as a Counselor in a Group Home for adults/children with Developmental Disabilities; the Program Coordinator of an Infant/Toddler Early Intervention Program; a Special Education Coordinator/Teacher of a preschool program whereby I designed the curriculum for that particular program; and, an Administrative Assistant.

All of my life, I knew that there was something different about me. For many years, I wondered why I was so different and why it was so hard to connect with other people to the point of exclusion. I have often felt like an outsider looking in (or maybe feeling like an alien from another planet).

For me, being an adult with autism/asperger's syndrome is much different from when I was a child; yes, I have come a long way. I have improved much in my receptive language skills, social skills (although this is still my weakest area), behaviorally, and that I am an individual with a strong sense of motivation. I believe in challenges, and I take on challenges.

I can thank my mother, Cecilia S. for her enduring patience, her unconditional love and her dreams that I will one day find my niche' in life; with all my mother has been through with me, I can say she qualifies for a very special "Sainthood". And for my dear late friend, Mrs. Jane Morrow, who showed unconditional acceptance of me and who helped raised me during some of the family's most trying times (my parents also lost two other children to cancer as well as have another child who displays signs of Asperger's Syndrome).