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September/October/November Journals
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Starting School
11.09.01
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You know how every day you tell me you're getting big and tall
Well, tomorrow my darling you really will be big because you're starting school
You're 4 years and 8 months old so now it's time
So just for you i've written this rhyme
You look so lovely in your uniform i'm so proud
But Hannah Gigee can't go too he's not allowed
You'll be just fine without him he can stay at home
Keep mummy company, then i'll not be alone
You'll make lots of new friends and have fun
and there's a playground for you to play chase and run
You'll be taught how to read and write
I know you'll try with all your might
I'm just so proud that already you can read
and at home i'll always be there to give you all the help you need
So tomorrow my darling is your big day
just have lots of fun, enjoy youself when learning and at play
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Big School
28.09.01
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Well, Hannah for the first three mornings you where just fine
but then when you had to stay all day you started to whine
You have told me that you are not keen
on staying for lunch, playing in the playground with so many kids, now I feel so mean
We did try coming home for lunch one day
that worked well for us, but your best friend went into one so now you have to stay
I know it must be very hard and daunting for you
to have to play in the playground with 240 kids and you just don't know what to do
You and you friend have both cried a lot
it will get easier and we will look back and ask what all the fuss was about, just what?
I know that you do enjoy yourself when you are there
it's just the first ten minutes or so that you think it's really unfair
I think that it is unfair too
to make such little ones mix with the bigger kids so soon
the other schools keep the younger ones on their own for the first year
I think this would of helped you, so you would not of shed so many tears
It has been hard having to watch you cry
and ask me 'Why can't I go back to little school mummy why?'
Before you went to big school I couldn't wait to get whole days for myself
now I just can't wait until 3 pm and i'm eating everything on the shelf
Yes, 5 lbs i've put on this month so far
watching you getting so upset has been really hard
but I know before long that it will get better for you
and for you best friend too.
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Useless
29.09.01
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Well that's 5 lb on this month so far
because i've been down about Hannah and i've turned to the chocolate bar
I long for 3 pm to come around
so I can go and see if she is OK which she always is i've found
It's just leaving her crying every morning has been very hard to do
even though i've toughened up this last day or two
She doesn't understand that she has to go
it's really hard not being able to let her stay at home, i'm no longer in control
It's only 3 weeks now until Ross's big party
and I have to look smart i'm his Aunty
I have to lose these 5 lbs that i've put back on at least
and stop eating like every meal is a feast
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I'm fed up
9.10.01
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It's less than 2 weeks until the Bar Mitvah
and i've not lost any of the 5 lbs I put on, aargh
I don't really know what's wrong with me
but I have been a bit down lately
My sister and brother-in-law arrived on Saturday from the USA
now they are in Greece and coming back next Wednesday to mine to stay
When we heard the plane had landed safely and they were well
it was such a relief, my mum was quite emotional
I really wanted my sister to see me slim
looking good and trim
but now I just feel fat again and dumpy
and a little frumpy
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I'm back
23.11.01
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It's been a long time since i've written. The Bar Mitvah has been and gone, we all had a great time and I think I looked OK this time round. I even wore a skirt on one day. The food was great on both days and the party was good. Hannah had a great time dancing all night with all the older girls who just loved her.
It was lovely to see my sister and her husband again after a year. I know Hannah loves to see them. Whilst they were here my sister and I just binged on everything in sight. I can't believe she was eating like that. I just can't help myself, i'm out of control. I now weigh 9 stone 9, disgusting.
Tomorrow i'm going to start a fresh, it's back to healthy eating and writing more poems.
Richard and I have parted company my choice, a nice guy but he wasn't for me.
Hannah is doing great a school, she has settled down now and there are no more tears. She is top of the class for reading, she has learnt all her word sheets well ahead of the other kids. Now we are learning to spell the words on the word sheets and write them. I'm very proud of her.
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