YOU MIGHT BE CONSIDERED A REDNECK IF.....................

1. Your front porch collapses and you kill more than six dogs.
2. You've ever used lard in bed.
3. You think potted meat and saltines is an hors d'oeuvre.
4. A stuffed possum is mounted anywhere in your house.
5. You consider a six-pack of beer and a bug zapper quality entertainment.
6. Less than half of the cars you own run.
7. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the highway patrolman to kiss her ass.
8. The primary color of your car is "bondo".
9. You honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
10. Your family tree doesn't fork.
11. Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
12. You've ever hollered, "Rock the house, Bubba!" during a piano recital.
13. Your mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a highschool sports event.
14. You've ever barbequed spam on the grill.
15. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
16. You regularly answer the question, "What have you been doing lately?" with "Partying."
17. Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
18. You refuse to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
19. The rear tires of your car are twice as wide as the front.
20. You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
21. You prominently display a souvenir you bought at Graceland.
22. The diploma hanging in your den includes the words "Trucking Institute."
23. You mother keeps a spit can on the ironing board.
24. You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
25. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
26. The most common phrase heard at your family reunion is, "What the hell are you looking at, shithead?"
27. You think beef jerky and moon pies are two of the major food groups.
28. You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
29. You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
30. Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening at the Lube Rack.
31. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
32. You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
33. You have been too drunk to fish.
34. You have a rag for a gas cap.
35. You have a toothpick in you mouth when your wedding pictures were taken.
36. You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
37. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
38. You prefer to walk off the excess length of you jeans rather than hem them.
39. Your wealthiest uncle calls you up, and ask you to help him take the tires off his new home.