Scarlett's Humour Page

2002

Welcome to my humour page. This page contains favorite humour sent to me throughout the years. It also contains witticisms, inspirational stories, "did ya know pages", quotes and interesting facts. However, most are humorous. Next year I may break up page so it isn't so long. I also add to this page once a year so check back in the future. Note, that I make no promises about the offensiveness of the material. That is an individual preference. This humour is my preference. However, most are fairly clean. Enjoy!

Men Sayings, Translated
Engineer Identification Test
1998 Darwin Awards
Church
Things Dogs Must Try to Remember
Signs You Have Hired a Bad Lawyer
Latest Vocabulary Terms For A 1990's Office Environment
Misscelleneous
Names of New Acquisitions and Mergers
Scientific inquiry into Santa Claus
Don't Tread on Me
One Liners
What If Dr. Suess Wrote Computer Manuals?
Humourous airlines in-flight safety lecture
Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk:
Revised Travel Policy
The Facts of Life:
The Top Reasons Dogs Don't Use Computers
Actual questions asked by lawyers during trials:
Winners of the "worst analogies ever written in high school essays."
Government Paperwork....
A Parable About Schedules and Shaping New Behaviors
Defense School's Humour
A New Proposal For Matching High-Tech People and Professions
What's in a name?
California Driving School Exam Answers
Pilot to Maintenance Compendium
Real-life Ads
This comes from academia, but can be useful in SLAD reports.
Murphy's Laws Of Combat
Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books
The Last 10 Things any Man/Woman Would Ever Say
What to Do With Hotel Soap
Quick Jokes
Is Hell Exothermic?
Stupid-Criminal Hall of Shame
Couch Potato
Drug Dealers vs. Software Developers
Application For Employment
How we really won the Cold War....
Spelling and grammar errors found at a hospital on the east coast.
Real announcements by flight attendants
Why is it ...?
You're a boomer if ...
Halloween Jokes
Three men at the pearly gates
The Pretzel Hold
Engineers vs Scientists
Urine sample
I'm always a bettin' man
Syntax Galore
Prison Vs. Work
Y2K BUG(executable)
Silly Newspaper Headlines
Top 100 Reasons Why Captain Kirk is Better Than Captain Picard
Poorly worded ads
How Muppets might fare in the real world
30 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life:
Giraffe Poll by Journalist
In the beginning was The Plan
Further witticisms
Whale Bits
'Remember to carry small bills when you travel....
What they (we) say. What it means.
Actual answers from students on science tests
Collection of `one-liner' signature files found on the Internet:
Yo Mama
Vaseline-powered car for sale
Little Kids on Love
"Why did it have to happen on *MY* shift?"
Meanwhile, another tale from the frontiers of engineering:
From the folks at Ft Lee, VA...
More witticisms
International Imitation Hemingway Competition
More misscelleneous
Computer Viruses to be looking for:
List of Bart Simpsons' blackboard openings
50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator
MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
Old /etc/fortune on unix machines
Quaylisms
21 Thoughts to Get You Through Almost Any Crisis
Three worst Chinese torture tests
You might be considered a redneck if......
It's better to be P...... off, than P...... on.
Christmas jokes
IN THE BEGINNING
Foreign Language primer
Know You've been on the computer too long when...
New restroom policy
Thought for the day
Top 10 ways Microsoft would Change the auto Business;
lawyers
36 politically correct ways to say someone is stupid:
The New EEC Language
A Modern-Day Psychiatric Office Telephone Service
Actual church misprints
Why I Won't Be Coming to Work Today
Funny Quotes from Famous People
NERDITY TEST
Kids Say The Darndest Things
Southern Speech
You may be an engineer
Real excerpts from Dell Computer Tech Support
Bumper Stickers
The Top 20 Indications You Won't Win Olympic Gold
So you think you had a bad day
Some new words to add to your vocabularies.
Speech Goofs
Excuses, Excuses!
Before I came to college I wish I had known...
What to do on an exam when you know that you are going to fail!
College habits you can bring home
Deep, Deep Thoughts
Complex Statements for the Simple-Minded
The world according to Homer Simpson (our hero)
Puns
How to Keep a Healthy Level of Insanity and Drive Other People Insane...
Southern Talk
Actual quotes from Federal employee performance evaluations"
Psalm 23 for the Cyber-Age
Email Problems
Two Digits for a Date
Bill Gates in Purgatory....
Top 12 Things Not to Say to a Cop
Bumper Stickers Reportedly Seen on Cars Around the DC Area
Misscelleneous Again
Axioms
You know you are in New Mexico when...
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer...
Axioms
A man once asked God how long a million years was...
A couple, both age 67, went to a sex therapist's office...
Signs you are sick of the 90's
The Fisherman
Quotes
The residents of Silicon Valley...
There's a Raiders fan, a 49ers fan and a beautiful woman....
An honest seven-year-old...
A man went to a doctor ...
Always give 100% at work.......
How the boss evolved
First graders completing well known proverbs
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked...
Who says athletes aren't intelligent...
Handy work phrases
Learn chinese in 5 minutes
A Redneck Letter
Did you know?
Top 25 Davie Songs of the Week!
Redneck Birth Control
Holy Support
Yodeling 101
How Dr Suess would sum up 9/11
Chain letter for tired women
Bumber Stickers for the Lord
A bus stops and two Italian men climb on board...
Go British Airways
Alabama Computer Science 101
Top Ten Things Only Women Understand
A glossary of Medical Terms, and alternate meanings.
All I really need to know I learned from Noah's Ark
Special Occasions
Friendship
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Questions and Answers
The Lost Dr. Suess Book
We couldn't make this stuff up!
One day in the great forest a magical frog...
Helpful hints
Kid's little instructions on life
A guy goes to visit his grandmother...
Mid-life is ...
God's First Name
The Farmer & The Cop
The Joys of Womanhood
Farmer Jake had a nagging wife . . .
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit...
God is like
Latest Technology
Laws Women Live By
To Y'all rednecks out there
Food for weekend thought
There is the story of a pastor...
From the mouth's of children
How men and women change the oil
Male/Female Dictionary
Expressions of high stress days.
His name was Fleming, and he was a poor...
Why we love children
How do these people survive???
Golf story
Dear Tech Support
Texan buys a round of drinks...
57 cents (Inspirational)
A kind deed
A guy walks into a post office...
Top signs Bill Clinton is your dad
Martha's way Vs my way
Answers for telemarketers phone calls
Interstate love
More witticisms
The Babtism
Pillsbury Doughboy
A poem for those well over 30
Only money
IRS Story
Final Exam
Irate airline custome
Miscommunication between women and men
Midnight phone call
Life in the 1500's
Mrs. Thompson the teacher (Inspirational)
God created the mule
Kids remarks on God and church
Twas the internet night before Christmas
Classic...
No wonder I am tired
Signs that you live in the year 2002
Church marque signs
Three blond men are stranded...
Three wise women
The senility prayer
Honoring women
Theories, laws, truisms and observations
You know your're ove the hill if...
Black panties
An Actual Letter To A Bank We'd All Like To Send!!!!
Ages of women
Words actually said in court
Did you know (again)
English
People are like potatoes
Great truths aboud life that adults have learned
Snake killing tactics of the US Armed Forces
One day, when I was a freshman (inspirational)
What we learn over the years...
How a kid spend his vacation
Christmas party announcemnt
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly (Inspirational)
Top 50 ways people can tell you are from New Mexico
My mother taught me...
Goreisms
In confession
Bounce sheets
Quotes
Dog romance



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