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My Journey Home
From Salt Lake City to Rome
by Cindy Johnston Sorley
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My name is Cindy. I am a 37 year old wife and mother living in Utah. As a fifth generation Mormon I was taught from an early age to believe in the teachings of Joseph Smith and the necessity to embrace all aspects of the Mormon faith, both cultural and spiritual. As an aggressive participant in ward activities, and religious services, I truly believed I had a strong testimony for
the 'restored gospel,’ as proclaimed by my elders and seminary teachers. It wasn't until I was attending an American military high school in Madrid, Spain that I started to question some of what I had been taught as a child regarding the veracity of the prophets’ claims. A teacher had recommended I read Fawn Brodie’s Biography of Joseph Smith; "No Man Knows My History". This book takes a rather brutally honest look at Joseph Smith and the bizarre events that surrounded his rise to power. It was difficult for me to read of the apparent deceptions he engaged in, but the effect it had on me remains to this day. One thing I did not fully realize at the time was the extent to which LDS doctrines differed from orthodox Christianity, especially at the most elemental levels. Mormon concepts of Church, Jesus, and even the very nature of God, I was to learn, were strikingly at odds with what Christians have believed for centuries. Even the Jews of the Old Testament rejected the plurality of Gods. I began to suspect that my Mormon faith was trying to claim the mantle of an already
established Christian tradition without being faithful to the essentials of that tradition.
While attending college in Mississippi I started searching for some type of spiritual fulfillment in a religious setting that had been missing up to this time. I tried out various Protestant denominations including Baptist, Seventh Day Adventist, and even Jehovah Witness, but reluctantly returned to the relative comfort of my LDS heritage.
In 1982, I married my husband, who was a cradle Catholic, but essentially non-practicing. We rarely discussed religion and my efforts to participate in LDS activities were not discouraged by him. After four years of marriage, I became pregnant with our first child and my husband began to return to his faith. He became increasingly devout in his Catholic practices but didn't pressure me to change. All the while, I still went to Mormon functions out of habit and a sense of obligation. I was becoming concerned at the
disparity growing between our beliefs. My husband was attending Mass and seemed to be getting so much out of it while I was left feeling unfulfilled by my weekly attendance at LDS Sacrament Meeting and Sunday School.
In the late 80’s, we moved to Utah with my husbands job. Finding myself back in the center of the LDS universe, I realized something had to happen in my spiritual journey. I had reached a turning point in my quest for answers to certain LDS teachings, and blind faith didn't cut it anymore. My primary doubts centered on the LDS explanation of the Trinity and the exact nature of Jesus and his status in the Godhead. I had always felt that the Father, Son and Holy Spirit were ONE in being; not three separate gods’. I arranged a formal meeting with my ward bishop and presented him with my questions. He failed to satisfy my concerns so I made an appointment with my stake president. He
too could not convince me that this and other Mormon teachings were sound. I began to discuss my concerns with friends, many of who were Catholic acquaintances of my husband along with a newly ordained priest who had grown up in Utah. Gradually it became apparent to me that the Catholic explanation was what I had been after. Though it is still beyond our limited minds to fully understand, there was rationality in the Catholic teaching that
Jesus is the one true God in the flesh. Unlike my Mormon compatriots, Catholics have been worshiping and praying to Jesus since the Apostles. I saw a logical and linear progression of doctrinal development that went back to the earliest bishops of the Christian Church. This was most evident when I was exposed to the writings of these bishops, or Early Church Fathers, whose
constancy of teaching I found amazing as their presence spanned nearly 700 years. Rather than having fallen into apostasy and paganism as I was taught growing up, I saw in their writings a clear distinction being made between error and orthodoxy throughout the early centuries of the church. They were
fighting apostasy, and with great zeal.
It was not until we were playing cards one evening with friends, that I made the decision to begin instruction leading to my baptism in the Catholic Church. (I had to be baptized by the Holy Spirit, as the Catholic Church does not recognize Mormon baptism of John the Baptist) My husband had wisely stayed in the background of this development, as he felt this decision had to truly originate with me. It was not a decision I made lightly. My two LDS brothers lived nearby and my mother was very much against my potential conversion. I knew none would look kindly on my decision if I chose to leave the Mormon Church.
Four years have passed since my entrance into the Roman Catholic Church. My relationship with my mother and brothers has been permanently altered but we are still on speaking terms. I cannot say how satisfying it is to be in a church that appeals to my intellect as well as my heart. The greatest gift I have been given, however, is the opportunity to receive Christ's literal Body and Blood at Mass where I can worship Jesus as He taught us, at the Last Supper. I am home.
There are those who will bristle at some of the statements I make, and call it Mormon bashing,’ but it is reasonable for one to cite obvious inconstancies in their claims, and hold them accountable for their variance to history, Sacred Scripture, as well as logic itself. Rather than engage in fruitless arguments, I wish to give food for thought for those who like me, sensed there was a more rational path that Christ left for us to follow. Sadly, as I read other accounts of people on the Internet who have left Mormonism I see a bitterness in them towards religion in general. They know they have been taken advantage of and reject belief in any organized religion, or that God has even revealed Himself. I pray that those who feel this way will come to realize that Christ founded a continuous and indestructible Church that would never need 'restoring’. In essence, Christ gave the world certitude.
Email me with your comments
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