Fire!

What a day! One of the tenets on the second floor complained of fungus on their bathroom ceiling. The widow on the third floor made him get her cat out of the tree just outside her window. Life was ruff, and he certainly didn't charge enough to be stuck with these kind of hassles day in and day out. Midnight, late enough. He unplugged the phone and sat himself down on the couch just in front of the TV. The remote was missing. With much complaint form his lower back, he pulled himself out of the incredibly sagged sofa circa 1970, and set out on for the remote, the first all day that he would derive any satisfaction from. The search, which lasted nearly five minutes, tore up the already messy room, while the remote had been within arm's reach of the spot he had originally occupied, under this months Playboy. He sat down again in front his well used TV, if a TV could be used well. When it pushed the power button, the TV immediately jumped to life, other people's lives. The sound came first, then none too soon there after, the picture slowly faded in. It turned on to his favorite channel where his favorite actress was featured almost constantly, but not now.

Click.

"... A man was killed..."

Click.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Click.

Dong.

The happy digital imitation coo-coo clock struck one. He went back to his favorite channel. She was on now. He had apparently missed the beginning of the show. The plots were always easy, however, and he was soon into the swing of things. She was with a man in her small apartment who, having stopped by uninvited, already let himself in by ripping the door chain off the wall. She had always been a very passionate woman, and now as excepted she was making a dash to the kitchen for sharp objects. Luckily, he proved to be the faster of the two, catching her just outside the kitchen door. He gave her a backhanded slap across the face for her lack of hospitality and then proceeded to make her make it up to him.

Back on the sofa the landlord was becoming aroused. The chemicals that made him a human being, a man no less, were mixing as they often did when he watched cheesy low budget pornos like this. His pants bulged.

In the apartment things where just getting interesting. He had her pants down to her knees and he was unzipped and hard, ready for action. His hands where busy holding her down so that she was free to yell. Her shouts of "Rape!" had an odd stereo effect to the landlord.

The next minute or so was hot and heavy, the man, sadistic in his ways. On the couch in front of the TV he felt free to fondle himself along with it. By the time the neighbors in the apartment above her decided that they'd had enough if the noise and started pounding on the ceiling, she was bleed profusely from the back of her head among other places. Both men came at the same time.

Click.

He turned off the TV and decided it was time to go to bed. Sweet dreams tonight.

He was woken early the next morning by a police officer at his door.

"There was a rape/murder in your building last night and I'd like to ask you a few questions."

"Yeah sure."

"Where were you at around midnight last night?"

"Sleeping."